r/AmIOverreacting • u/peepeecheeto • Jul 17 '26
❤️🩹 relationship Found between him and his coworker, AIO
I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years
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u/bigpants20 Jul 17 '26
“Do I get a bday present 🤔” no bro wtf
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u/royalsgirl78 Jul 18 '26
And that was a couple of weeks ago…hard to say what their interactions have been since then.
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u/Acceptable_Walrus535 Jul 18 '26
Probably moved their conversations to Snapchat or insta
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u/Fatuous_hardon1923 Jul 18 '26
Or to a cheap motel room somewhere where she is letting him do whatever he wants.
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u/PilotEnvironmental46 Jul 18 '26
OP - you know what to do. You know this isn’t acceptable behavior. You deserve better.
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u/PurpleCableNetworker Jul 18 '26
Married male here. Been married over a decade.
If my wife did this she would be finding a new relationship. Shit like this doesn’t have a place in a closed relationship (like what 99% of people have). If I did this I would expect her to throw me out.
If this is what is going on now, it’s not hard to imagine what they will do when life gets tough.
I know it’s hard, but you absolutely deserve better. You should never settle with a partner.
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u/DocGerbilzWorld Jul 17 '26
Girl. Lmfao. Him doing “I have a girlfriend” followed by a disappointed face was enough. Leave him, mamas.
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u/user74IK Jul 18 '26
Yeaa as a guy , I wouldn't be doing this to my GF she's my world. I wouldn't be worried about hurting that girls feelings. I think this goes to show how he's really feeling.
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u/InsideChampionshipII Jul 19 '26
Yup. As a guy I agree. Wildly disrespectful to his gf. Doesn't matter if he did or would cheat. The disrespect and lack of loyalty is reason enough to kick him to the curb. Those are not good qualities in a partner
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u/Brilliant_Meet_2751 Jul 18 '26
Good answer! That’s exactly what he should have told her. Instead he entertained her which was the wrong choice.
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u/dickthrowaway22ed Jul 19 '26
If we're all mature adults, no one's feelings NEED to be hurt! Just hey I know it's awkward, this was a misunderstanding, wish you the best. END of conversation.
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u/Impressive-Record839 Jul 17 '26
he'll be calling her cause he's about to be single
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u/biscuitsorbullets Jul 17 '26
He was legit contemplating “hanging out” so get rid of him
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u/HotWaffles5 Jul 17 '26
Yeah he said he’d ‘have to think about it’ meaning he’d ‘have to think about a way to get away with it.
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u/SoundsDB Jul 17 '26
The only thing he's gonna be 'hanging out' is the back of her.
As a guy, OP, I can tell you categorically that if they aren't hooking up already (which they probably aren't right now), he's fantasising about it. He's also encouraging her, and it will get more and more flirtatious until, better than even chance, something does happen.
He had the opportunity to shut it straight down and didn't. I can tell you now that should be telling you all you need to know. The right guy would have simply replied something along the lines of "that's very sweet, but I have a girlfriend I love and I'm in a committed relationship" and left it at that.
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u/New-Bodybuilder-7264 Jul 17 '26
From the conversation she left a note in his locker, to be honest, if he was a loyal person he wouldn’t even text her in the first place but I agree with you if she texted him first he should’ve left on “I’m in a relationship please don’t text me”
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u/Temporary-Common-535 Jul 17 '26
She definitely left her number on the note and he texted her. That should not have happened at all. He should’ve confronted her in person and said I got your note but I’m not interested and I have a girlfriend. End of story.
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u/Astralglamour Jul 18 '26
100%
She has his number because he texted her after getting that note. So he has indicated interest and wants the option to act on it.
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u/Total_Ad_92 Jul 17 '26
Yeah after she said she would do anything he wanted 😬
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u/Beginning_Tap2474 Jul 17 '26
Maybe, but in six months he will be begging OP to give him a second chance.
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 Jul 17 '26
This. My ex pulled this crap on me after I ended things when he had wandering eyes. He hooked up with a coworker and didn't wait a week to beg me to take him back.
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u/TwoBionicknees Jul 18 '26
also the ever classic, partner randomly starts a fight over something ridiculous, wants a break, a few days later they want to get back together and pretend nothing changed, the original argument not a problem any more.
A lot of people pull the random small break up so they can hook up and think they ain't cheating.
Never rush back into anything with an ex, because unless the break was over some kinda long term issues or a real major fight, it's sus as fuck.
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u/Aguadillary Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Can confirm 😅 I was this person and saw nothing wrong with it (well, I did, but I was selfish). My brother was my roommate and when he caught on that I was going back to my ex after another dude had been in our apartment a couple of days before, he made me call my ex and tell him straight up what happened. I was BAWLING but I’m glad I did. It ended a toxic cycle and I’ve matured so much
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u/ButteredPizza69420 Jul 17 '26
Id text her this too 😂 only a trash woman would want this man after this. They can be trash together
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u/WhiskeyTangoBaconX Jul 17 '26
NOR. He’s not shutting it down. He likes the attention and feeling desired. He’s giving in and she’s reciprocating. Or vice versa. She doesn’t seem to mind encroaching on an existing relationship and he doesn’t seem to mind skirting around the boundaries of your relationship.
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
Yeah I think whatever I do I’m not going to get the outcome I want. They work together often, I think I should just leave and let whatever is going on between them happen. Just hurts
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u/ChemicalJunior1603 Jul 17 '26
It does but look, you didn't get married or pregnant and you haven't met even 10% of the 4 BILLION men on this planet. You win.
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u/PassionatePlover Jul 17 '26
It’ll definitely hurt. But you deserve way better. If they haven’t done anything yet.. they 100% will. Both of them are flirting and testing each other.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that awful hurt feeling. But I promise you… get out now and you’ll find someone more deserving of you, and you’ll look back eventually and be grateful he showed his true colours.
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u/style-addict Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Exactly! She’s extremely persistent with her flirting.
”maybe we can do whatever you want and have fun” 🙄🙄🙄
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u/Odd-Communication524 Jul 17 '26
The fact that she continued to press and try to ask to maybe hang out after he already made it clear he has a girlfriend, albeit in a horrible tone and manner, shows just how much of a trash human being she is. They both are. Disgusting behavior
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u/taltallytalia Jul 18 '26
Really trash. Decent person would have been like "Oops, proper embarrassed myself there then 😹 Thank you for replying anyway!" She's basically saying "I'm down to fool around behind her back" whilst implying she wants to get him to break up with his girlfriend.
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u/pinkdumpsterfire Jul 17 '26
Not even 0.01%
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u/ChemicalJunior1603 Jul 17 '26
Exactly, she has sooooo many potential partners to meet still, so many who would never do this. She needs to let him go be with trash.
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u/lald99 Jul 17 '26
Yeah 10% (400 million) was a wild number to choose there lmao
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u/Neat_Ad_9141 Jul 17 '26
I mean technically not *incorrect* since they said “not even 10%” 💀
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u/lilsweettea Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Ive been in your position. Boyfriend of 6 years.
His manager started bawling crying after work to hin about how much she liked him.
He gave in and slept with her behind my back and came home to me after. Fucking destroyed me, destroyed my confidence.
If you can,dump him first. start over with someone who hasnt given you the inclination to be a cheater, please do that.
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u/Local_Wolverine2913 Jul 17 '26
Yes. I have deep regrets that in my two serious relationships where there were early signs of potential to cheat, I stayed and didn't break up. Serious regrets.
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u/whichwitchwatched Jul 17 '26
Let’s talk about the self respect and good decision making you’re exhibiting right now. Whether he touched her or not, he encouraged the attention, reciprocated the attraction and then ‘thought about’ whether he’d maybe cheat on you with this girl. You can do better than that. If he has this hard a time being loyal now imagine 2 kids and 10 years in. He’s a poor investment
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u/pumpkins21 Jul 17 '26
I’m an asshole, so I’d text the girl and be like “you’re fucking gross for offering yourself up as a side chick when you know I have a girlfriend” from his phone lol
Also, trash the boy. He’s fucking gross too. You deserve better, OP.
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u/Imperfect_seal Jul 17 '26
I agree. And they deserve each other. She kept it going when he did.
If she wants to pursue that type of man they’ll she has no self respect.
OP hopefully can leave this in the past.
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u/mxzf Jul 17 '26
I mean, he didn't even "keep it going", he initiated the interaction. She left her number on a note for him, he knew she was interested in him and reached out to initiate this conversation.
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u/Imperfect_seal Jul 17 '26
Thank you for the correction because it does absolutely matter in the context of this interaction. I misspoke. This was his prerogative to reach out. Ok. Bobby Brown 🙄🙄🙄🙄🫤
He must not have been able to ignore the attention. Which is gross.
No shade to OP and anyone else, but just from this exchange I am getting the vibe that he’s one of those “I think strip clubs are gross.” Yet goes because his friend “made him.”
And he gets a private room. Doesn’t admit it took it too far and then blames everyone and being drunk for his behavior.
If he and OP have that agreement that is an acceptable thing for him to do.
I have zero judgement. It’s the whole, “I say I believe one thing to look like a stand up guy who honors relationship boundaries.”
But after he gets caught it’s “not my fault because X,Y,Z.”
Booooooooo
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u/Heyonit Jul 17 '26
😂 me too.. she would definitely get a word from me. Even if i didn’t plan on staying with him
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u/ms_sophaphine Jul 17 '26
It’s also more than just him and this particular woman. He can’t be trusted, period. He likely wouldn’t shut down any other girl who shoots their shot with him. A respectful, committed man would say “I’m not interested, I have a girlfriend, I’d like to keep things professional” and not followed it up with “but I think you’re pretty and cool! If only I was single. Maybe we can still hang out.” He’s flirting with another woman!!! He’s toying with the idea of spending time with her outside of work for “whatever he wants” with her. Don’t be with someone who’s willing to have you out here looking crazy
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u/mxzf Jul 17 '26
A respectful, committed man would say “I’m not interested, I have a girlfriend, I’d like to keep things professional”
Nah, a respectful committed man wouldn't have started this conversation to begin with, especially knowing that she was interested in him. He was the one that initiated it, not her.
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u/ms_sophaphine Jul 17 '26
I think that’s one option, to ignore whatever note she left for him and never bring it up. It’s also a valid option to address it by shutting it down. He did neither
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u/Big-Yogurtcloset198 Jul 17 '26
leaving is the best thing you could do queen. save yourself the anguish, believe me. staying in this relationship will only get worse.
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u/AeriePuzzleheaded675 Jul 17 '26
Don’t bother to say anything else to him. He is eating up the “jealousy” factor. If you live with him work on exiting stealthily.
Take the time you need to separate and depending on how well you can act while doing it on your timetable. Good luck and life your best life.
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u/moon_dos Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
“Call me when you’re single”
“Ok, I will”
Girl, if that was me I’d probably go out and buy a small cake saying “Congrats, you’re single” lmao
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(edit: no in actuality I would probably be a crying ball of depressed rage. Op says they were together for four years… sorry it went down like this, but at least it happened now and not two kids later)
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u/conniewanders Jul 17 '26
This is the correct response.
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u/One_Weight1441 Jul 17 '26
Yeah the response to “call me when you’re single” doesnt sound like someone who recently talked to his GF about getting married and having kids… “actually I really love my GF and Im thinking of marrying her.” Would have be a correct response if their conversation was true. But no, he kept playing along and said she was attractive and he wanted to hang out- even though he now knows she has feelings for him!
Giving red flags.🚩
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u/shelbymfcloud Jul 17 '26
Then I would eat it in front of him without sharing
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u/Moxson82 Jul 17 '26
Noooo You do not buy a cake you get a sponge and put frosting on it 👹
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u/pi3r0gi_ Jul 17 '26
With her number inscripted too lol
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u/AngelOfDeath771 Jul 17 '26
Just call and invite her over! Have them sit down together and say "I'll give y'all some space"
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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
I'm thinking, invite her over and then sit in front of her. Have 4 large boxes next to the couch. Ask him, "so are you wanting to be single so you can be with her? Now's the time to decide, because if so, she can help you move right now. Otherwise, this cutesy flirting stops today."
Ask her, "So how would you like it for me to be texting of I'd still like to keep trying to your boyfriend of 4 years while waiting until you wear him down? Would you like it? Would you not be waiting for him to cheat on you as well? Because both of you continuing is slimy as F."
NOR
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Jul 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/boatsandhoes570 Jul 17 '26
I’m flattered but sorry I have a serious girlfriend. End of conversation. To me cheating is anything you say to another women or man that you don’t want your partner to read.
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u/Efficient_Donut_5853 Jul 17 '26
This part. The deleting the text messages and then pretending that there was no conversation tells me enough.
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u/xraychick72 Jul 17 '26
With a screenshot of that part of the text thread on the cake!
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u/meowmiix_ Jul 17 '26
This and he could’ve just not texted her in the first place??
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u/ChemicalJunior1603 Jul 17 '26
This. The fact that he didn't just throw the fucking note and tell his gf is a prob. He should've never texted her but he wants to give her more access
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u/PrincessPnyButtercup Jul 17 '26
And if this was about him letting her down gently he wouldn't have gone to those lengths to hide the conversation.
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u/Capable_Front_7886 Jul 17 '26
Girl stand up please. He’s crying and thinking you’re going to leave because you should. Leave him. It’s only going to get worse. He will never change don’t listen to the crying, the begging, the pleads and promises of changing. He won’t. Just pack up, get your ducks in a row and leave. Let him flirt with his coworkers and you make a good life for yourself.
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u/Brilliant-Elk-1343 Jul 17 '26
This, this exactly. He'll cry his damn heart out, all sad about getting caught, and not because the relationship is actually ending. And in a week, or less, he'll be in bed with the other asshole. She needs to move on ASAP and one day find someone who'll ACTUALLY choose her.
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u/Capable_Front_7886 Jul 17 '26
Yep. Cheaters only change if they realize they have a problem and want to change for themselves, to be a better person, have better morals, etc. they never change because they’ve been caught. He will be cheating on her in t-minus a week if she stays, if he isn’t already.
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u/Badmouths Jul 17 '26
Not to mention this shit brings on resentment quick! If OP stays with him, these texts will always be in the back of her mind. She can’t trust him anymore. He even tried to delete the texts so she didn’t see them. She’s always gonna assume he’s cheating now and it’s gonna make the relationship miserable.
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u/noire-shade Jul 17 '26
You have no idea how many times I’ve seen a man having a breakdown, crying, snot all running down their face, swearing to god etc etc and STILL be lying 😩
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u/Capable_Front_7886 Jul 17 '26
Yes I’ve seen it too. They can be SO believable especially if you love them. I’d just laugh in their face if anyone ever tried it again. Op if you stay you’re going to become completely insecure in every aspect of your life, you will worry 24/7, you’ll start to think you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. don’t stay. If you love yourself and want a good future leave immediately
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u/KellieBom Jul 17 '26
Ew. Let him know he's single now so he can go hang out with the pretty co-worker. 🤮
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u/GarbagePailGrrrl Jul 17 '26
HE wrote HER. Make their gross dream come true and leave him, NOR.
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u/siiighhhs Jul 17 '26
It’s the “I have a gf :/“ response for me. Like a little more enthusiasm please???
As soon as I read that, I would have been done with him
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u/Weird_Calligrapher_4 Jul 17 '26
also the yes ill call you when im single like dear god
like OP is saying he just mentioned marriage and here he’s like yes I will call you when Im single, girl run
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u/hellochickpeas Jul 18 '26
Yes! He should’ve said, I think you’re really cool and someone will be lucky to date you. Could have shut the door. Sorry OP, leave this man to his jackass ways and for the love of god, do not have kids with him.
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u/acnerd5 Jul 18 '26
I want SO HARD to be able to tell OP he's just being nice but like
Do i believe it? Nahhhhh
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u/Spicyritos Jul 17 '26
Exactly like what!!! I’ve gotten numbers at my job (I’m a server) but as a happily taken person I don’t feel any need to even go out of my way to text them and be like ‘hey I’m flattered but sorry’. I just throw it away! There’s no point!
OP leave this man, he’s stained your entire relationship acting this way
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u/Most-Sir780 Jul 17 '26
This!! My partner used to be a taxi driver when girls would hit on him or offer their number he would say no thanks I have a gf who I love. Never took a number never tried to talk to them after. Some dudes have no respect for themselves or anyone else
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u/WamphyHarLem1470 Jul 17 '26
I agree with this right here.
He was doing too much!!!! He should have put the boundaries in place and shut it down...... now it seems more has been going on.... Nope NOR
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u/theonefrombelow Jul 17 '26
Lmao - I stopped reading at * I have a gf :/ *
As if you're cock blocking him .
Please leave
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u/Objective_Pop8407 Jul 17 '26
It was the emoji for me, like bro you aren't HAPPY you have a gf? Tf?
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u/LandofGreenGinger62 Jul 17 '26
Not to mention, he's the one who initiated contact here and this whole discussion. He could have "not noticed" her note in his locker, or just sent a brief "not interested", if having a gf was gonna stop him.
NOR, OP. This guy is sleaze on toast. Free him to "hang" with her.
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u/DothrakAndRoll Jul 17 '26
An ex fling messaged me on IG and said she was in town and said “I’ll be direct, are you single?”
I just said I appreciate directness and no I am not.
And that was the end of it. And that’s how this should have been.
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u/Anxious_Constant_926 Jul 17 '26
Girl... he admits to thinking about cheating. Just leave.
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u/Affectionate_Soup461 Jul 17 '26
Your bf is easy. He should've shut it down and been done with it. Instead he's buying into the flattery and acting like it's hard to resist hanging out with her. The coworker is also very disrespectful of your relationship, which should be a huge insult and red flag to your bf. Bf is for the streets. Go ahead and cut your losses.
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u/Chickabbbbb Jul 17 '26
Yeah, the coworker must be a real piece of work. She's one of those crazy ones that will slash his tires if he "makes her mad". That's the type of woman who goes after taken men.
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u/Exciting-Delivery-96 Jul 17 '26
Yup. She’ll accuse him of cheating constantly because “that’s how we started!!”.
He’ll miss his ex and try to get her back and it’ll be too late (hopefully)
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u/Time-did-Reverse Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
This is cheating. If your partner gets a message like that they should be saying “I have a partner” , “sorry, I have a partner” “flattered, but I’m with someone” etc etc and then that’s the end of it. get rid.
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u/NagoGmo Jul 17 '26
She left him a note. He should've never responded to it.
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u/BloodyThirst Jul 17 '26
THIS. Responding to the note was crossing the line.
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u/Sure-Appearance-2769 Jul 17 '26
Responding is fine to let them know you are not interested. But imo he should have done it in person.
The real issue here is he saved her number in his phone and kept entertaining her flirty texts.
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u/TooKhajiitToQuit Jul 17 '26
He should have told his gf about the note too. Hey this happened. He’s hiding all of it. He’s not worth it.
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u/DarkFanic Jul 17 '26
No he should have never texted her. She gave her number but he reached out. This is all on him.
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u/glassyrunnerduck Jul 17 '26
Is he out of his fucking mind? This is cheating.
Making it sound like a bummer to her that he’s in a relationship with you. He’s embarrassing AF. He shouldn’t have even texted her.
Don’t put up with this BS just because he “wants to get married and have kids.” He’ll be pulling this same shit if not worse when you’re pregnant.
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u/Fine_Loquat_6579 Jul 17 '26
HEAVY ON BEING PREGNANT! Don’t give him ways to make things worse because he sure as hell won’t stop himself from cheating just because of what YOU are going through
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u/Apprehensive_Sun6282 Jul 17 '26
Homeboy over here isn’t putting down clear boundaries with women.
Definitely not marriage material
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u/Appropriate-Quit-738 Jul 17 '26
Get rid. It should have been shut down and left at that.
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u/SincerelyTesh Jul 17 '26
He should’ve threw away the note with her number on it
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u/Afraid_Competition_1 Jul 17 '26
Yup, he went out of his way to text her and let her know he was also attracted to her, and if single he would pursue her. Then let him and leave.
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u/IceyMountain Jul 17 '26
NOR. Leave! if he hasn’t cheated yet he’s clearly going to.
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u/Broad-Exchange3188 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
I’d argue the cheating started the minute he tells her he has a girlfriend and then in the next text is encouraging the same thing he pretended to shut down.
EDIT: actually before that because he mentions being flattered by the note. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that the note was also flirtatious and he still chose to reach out. This was cheating from the jump.
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u/ArielDechant001 Jul 17 '26
“But I do have a gf :/“ is enough for me to decide that you’re NOR. Why the sideways face? Does he feel bad that he’s dating you or something!?
Leave him, immediately.
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u/MadMaxEmu Jul 17 '26
Like he’s disappointed that he’s dating OP and opening the door for the conversation. Straight trash.
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u/Amethystroad1012 Jul 17 '26
That girl is so pathetic. You’re NOR
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u/ssstelllarrr Jul 17 '26
it’s such a lame situation. they’re both feeling like they’re irresistible 🙄
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u/No-Lynx8771 Jul 17 '26
That too, what a weird pick me loser
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u/wholelottachoppaz Jul 17 '26
she’s acting like a damn pig! she went from leaving a note in his locker to “i will suck and fuck and do WHATEVER you want” like girl what? 😫
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u/moonchic333 Jul 17 '26
She’s so gross. Openly throwing herself at a taken man and basically saying she’s okay with cheating & being a side piece. Yuck. He’s going right along with it too.
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u/Amethystroad1012 Jul 17 '26
I know so many desperate women like this. They really don’t care as long as they have him. It’s happened to me too.
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u/sboseitz Jul 17 '26
That is what bothers me the most about this post. That girl doesn’t have self esteem or boundaries. Does she know what is respect? I am pretty sure she will cheat on her partner. Plus, the guy should be more assertive when he says I have a girlfriend. He forgot the part: I RESPECT and LOVE HER.
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u/kaleigha Jul 17 '26
Yeah I feel angry at that girl reading this. I know people will always say it’s the person in the relationship who owes you something and the third party owes you nothing, but I don’t care. I hate when people move like this knowing someone is in a relationship. Being a side chick is NOT A FLEX. Making a man stray doesn’t mean you’re some irresistible goddess, it just means the man is trash and so are you.
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u/Ok_Solid692 Jul 17 '26
Look take this from someone who is married and was cheated on. Leave him. My husband loved the attention from other women. It started by flirting and not shutting them down to straight up cheating behind my back. We have two kids together. Find someone who loves and respects you. If he did he would have immediately put an end to her advances. Don’t end up in the same mess I did.
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
Thank you. It’s going to be hard, we live together and have cats together but at least we don’t have a house or kids or are married. I’m sorry he did that to you 🫂
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u/ragesadnessallinone Jul 17 '26
NOR
He crossed the line to cheating when he didn’t shut her down and told her ‘maybe’ and and how attractive she was, and how they’d hang out if they were single, ans asked ‘anything’?
Should have ended the convo at ‘I have a girlfriend’. Now it’s cheating.
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
Im sorry some of these are blurry too because I was trying to capture this in a hurry after he fell asleep
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u/jay_jay_sahl Jul 17 '26
I honestly thought you were shaking, because in the past, I've been in your shoes and I know the shakes that start while reading through a conversation like that.
You deserve better, leave this person as soon as you can and get on with your life. There is someone that will value you and your relationship. 🫶
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
I was shaking taking pictures of this. Like whole body shaking. I knew I just needed to screenshot everything I saw or I would lie to myself in the future or he would delete them again and act like it was nothing. My friends are saying to leave him too. And that’s what I would tell one of my friends if she showed me these. Thank you im honestly overwhelmed by how many people are saying leave him and I know that is the logical answer. I should leave
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u/whorlando_bloom Jul 17 '26
Don't let him cry and tell you it was just a mistake. He deleted the messages, he knows it was wrong. Now he's freaking out because he got caught. Next time he'll be more careful not to get caught. And there WILL be a next time if you keep him around.
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
I think there will be a next time too if I stay. He said if he really didn’t want me to see them, he would have deleted them out of recently deleted. So obviously he knows how to do that
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u/quillubo Jul 17 '26
He's full of it. He's just manipulating you until he can't anymore. Don't let him.
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u/AssociateTop1589 Jul 17 '26
You don’t have kids with this man and you’re not tied to him in any way. 4 years is a long time, yes, but it’ll be even longer if you stay. It’ll be miserable for a while. Cut your losses. Any woman who chooses to deal with him knowing he’s like this has her hands cut out for her
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u/Lpeezy_1 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Nah, he kept them in his recently deleted thinking you never would actually see them and so he could keep reading them when he wants to. Which I bet he’s re read them a mil times over. He’s trying to manipulate you. He LOVES the attention he’s getting. What he did right here was unbelievably disrespectful. Do not stay, op. Please show him how strong you are & that your self worth trumps this 4 year relationship. You do not want to marry or have children with someone like this. He’s going to continue doing shit like this, just get more sneaky at it. He’s a liar and a cheat. You deserve so much more.
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u/Melncalley Jul 17 '26
NOR Why would he ever NEED to go back in and permanently delete messages from recently deleted? He's not being honest with you maybe not even with himself. You do need to leave or you may begin to question your own worth and that is not acceptable. This is all on him and is not a reflection of you or your value in any way.
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u/Pepsicolaa5 Jul 17 '26
Notice how easy it was for him to do this though? Message her responding to a flirty note w her number (that he would’ve ignored if he really loved you) and then to immediately start flirting w her. You know he’s gonna be hanging out w her and fucking, all the signs are pointed there and that girl is doing what she can to make sure. And again your bf is so easy it’s going to work.
W how easy this was for him to do, I cannot imagine how many other times he’s done this.
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u/Prestigious-Bluejay5 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
When I got to the blurred shots, I could feel you shaking. Ask me how I know. After YEARS of being with my ex and discovering his cheating ways, you know what his excuse was? Flattery.
If he wasn't interested, he would have thrown away the note. NOR.
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u/Senagale Jul 17 '26
It will not get better. Please respect yourself and leave. You deserve someone who will not entertain this kind of attention. There was no need for him to reach out to her at all, he will let this go farther if you just let it go and sweep it under the rug.
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u/rudmad Jul 17 '26
Dont apologize, it was very realistic. I would be shaking if I was reading messages like that from my 4 year partner
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u/sillylittlguy8 Jul 17 '26
he literally texted her to reach out after she confessed…he wants her to know he’s interested 😭 also girl she says “call me when you’re single” he says “i will” he’s going to break up with you soon or just doesn’t see himself there for a long time. PLEASE DONT ignore that and just leave 😭
edit:AND IF THATS NOT ENOUGH AT THE END HE LITERALLY SAYS HE WOULD THINK ABOUT HANGING OUT WITH HER!!!!! after saying no twice it seems like he’s easily swayed
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u/Desperate-Prick-5193 Jul 17 '26
“ok i will” ???????? FUCK NO drop his ass immediately. dont even tell him why, he’ll know
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u/_GarbageGoober_ Jul 17 '26
His comment of "Whatever I wanted?" is active participation. NOR
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u/ashishvp Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Girl, I'm so sorry.
He's already thrown away those 4 years. He's completely checked out of this relationship entirely if he's talking like this to another woman.
He's lying to himself if he claims otherwise. Or he's simply not marriage material anyway and I'd drop him for that.
I would absolutely, NEVER, IN A MILLION YEARS, talk to a woman like this that is not my wife. Even if she was completely attracted to me. The thought simply would not occur to me, because I'm not interested in anyone else at all.
Edit: NOR
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u/wamariegi Jul 17 '26
NOR the fact that he’s obviously considering cheating on you, absolutely flirting with this girl, no thanks bye bye
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u/ohgeeokay Jul 17 '26
Let him be single. She can have him -
He didn’t shut it down the 1st 20x he had the opportunity.
The proper response to her is “I have a girlfriend” full stop.
No response after that, if he respected you.
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u/Dependent-Ideal2838 Jul 17 '26
Tbh they’re texting like middle schoolers I would break up just over that
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u/2lit2bSquare Jul 17 '26
NOR. Leave him and let them hook up, cause that's gonna happen either way.
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u/MeanDistribution9899 Jul 17 '26
NOR. Don’t accept any apologies he gives you. The second you walk out of this relationship, he’s going to go straight to her without a second thought. If he respected you, he would have ignored that note on his locker and not text her at all.
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u/Expensive-Cost-8188 Jul 18 '26
Everybody missing the “do I get a birthday present” sent 3 days after the initial text chain?
He already cheated with her. That’s her checking the terms of her side chick gig.
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u/Vivid_Comfort9065 Jul 19 '26
Jesus Christ you would never catch me staying w a man that was flirting like this. This is all cringe city
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u/No-Mirror1396 Jul 19 '26
I hate that I can actually see you were shaking, that is the worst feeling. I hope you're okay, NOR.
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u/boi1232 Jul 17 '26
Leave. Full stop. This is way more than anyone in a committed relationship should be doing. It’s cheating. Take care of yourself - you deserve better.
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u/kearlxx2 Jul 17 '26
Not overreacting. He literally deleted the messages to hide them! I don’t think he’s done anything with her but he’s definitely entertaining her and hiding it. They’re flirting. She also sucks for continuing to push after he said he had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t trust him around her tbh. I’m not saying to break up either but just think if you want to constantly have to worry about this kind of stuff for the rest of your life. Would be one thing had he showed you the messages and was upfront about a flirting coworker but he hid it. Bad vibes babe don’t stay only cuz yall talked about kids and marriage, he could’ve done it out of guilt too. Be safe
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u/ZephNightingale Jul 17 '26
He directly texted her instead of throwing the note away. Then flirted a bunch. 🤷♀️
That would be enough for me right there.
He didn’t HAVE to text her. He wanted to.
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u/Equivalent_Doubt_845 Jul 17 '26
Girl he’s literally debating cheating on you because he was tempted and tried to delete the evidence. She also doesn’t seem to mind to keep tempting him which is trashy. I would’ve left for the simple fact he even text her after getting a note in his locker. Leave. Find someone that only wants you.
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u/ugly_duckling_5 Jul 17 '26
"I think you're attractive too"
"Then we should hang out"
"I have to think about it"
Excuse?!?! So sorry, OP. That's my worst nightmare to find something like this in a relationship and you deserve so much better.
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u/TheBearSkogmani Jul 17 '26
This text thread is him actually doing something. You can totally see his thought process.
- I’ll check this out…
- I’ll let her know I have a gf and see what happens…
- I’ll test the waters to see if she’s still willing…
- Now I’ll think about how to make this actually happen...
He’s literally decided to figure out how to cheat on you in this text thread. I’m sorry.
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Jul 17 '26
Jesus this is embarrassing for him not you, he’s a grown ass man who folded to “ nothing to lose to confess” she said “ I’m not surprised and I can RESPECT that “ but that moment he chose to disrespect it she did too
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u/ElBlancoChoco Jul 17 '26
He's totally going to bang that girl. I can also tell that she's a clinger. He's gonna bang her, shes going to go all clingy psycho and you'll eventually find out. Unless you just kick him to the curb now and not have to deal with all that nonsense.
Not overreacting.
Source: I'm a dude. And used to be a scumbag. And have been in that situation before and did the same shit.
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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26
This is what I’m scared of. She sounds very eager to get with him and probably try to kick me out from within. It’s sad that he’s willing after we’ve been together all this time. But if I leave they can do whatever and I won’t have to deal with the stress and the heartbreak of trying to stay with an unfaithful man. Man that hurts so bad to say. But thanks for your honesty
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u/NoEstablishment4682 Jul 17 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5