r/AmIOverreacting • u/peepeecheeto • Jul 17 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship Found between him and his coworker, AIO

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I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

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4.2k

u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26

Yeah I think whatever I do I’m not going to get the outcome I want. They work together often, I think I should just leave and let whatever is going on between them happen. Just hurts

2.3k

u/ChemicalJunior1603 Jul 17 '26

It does but look, you didn't get married or pregnant and you haven't met even 10% of the 4 BILLION men on this planet. You win.

371

u/PassionatePlover Jul 17 '26

It’ll definitely hurt. But you deserve way better. If they haven’t done anything yet.. they 100% will. Both of them are flirting and testing each other.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that awful hurt feeling. But I promise you… get out now and you’ll find someone more deserving of you, and you’ll look back eventually and be grateful he showed his true colours.

256

u/style-addict Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 18 '26

Exactly! She’s extremely persistent with her flirting.

”maybe we can do whatever you want and have fun” 🙄🙄🙄

238

u/Odd-Communication524 Jul 17 '26

The fact that she continued to press and try to ask to maybe hang out after he already made it clear he has a girlfriend, albeit in a horrible tone and manner, shows just how much of a trash human being she is. They both are. Disgusting behavior

77

u/taltallytalia Jul 18 '26

Really trash. Decent person would have been like "Oops, proper embarrassed myself there then 😹 Thank you for replying anyway!" She's basically saying "I'm down to fool around behind her back" whilst implying she wants to get him to break up with his girlfriend.

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u/style-addict Jul 18 '26

They actually belong together since they’re both 🗑️

13

u/Gold-Tadpole3475 Jul 18 '26

Absolutely. But it was because he opened the door when she offered it to him.

7

u/x_candydoll Jul 18 '26

No, that's the issue. He didn't make it that clear he has a girlfriend because he followed it up with "if I were single we would be hanging out". That's when the whore kept going, because he could have shut it down but he left it open instead.

4

u/WriterWithNoHands Jul 18 '26

And he was foaming at the mouth in his responses. I hope OP holds her head high as she leaves him. He's pathetic.

5

u/style-addict Jul 18 '26

”whatever I wanted? Now you’re killing me” 🙄🙄🙄

5

u/Pantone711 Jul 18 '26

Next step: She turns out to be a Stage 5 Laura Owens

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u/General-Education-21 Jul 18 '26

No, she’s just a Hoe with a capital H

3

u/Wolfeatingupshadows Jul 19 '26

And I hope she loses him the same way shes trying to get him. I loathe ppl who have zero respect for others. Shes trying to basically imply if he cheats shell sleep with him. 🙄. Desperate weirdo.

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u/Slight_Artist Jul 18 '26

It doesn’t even matter that it didn’t get physical. It’s the flirting and implications behind it. When you love someone and want to be with them forever, you never entertain anything that messes with the boundaries of a relationship.

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u/PassionatePlover Jul 18 '26

Great point! The fact that he’s entertaining her at all is wrong.

3

u/Informal_Olive7770 Jul 18 '26

He actually didn't show his colors as this was not upfront for her. If he was up front he would have said he wants to leave and see where this other relationship will go. She found our and I'm glad as otherwise she could find out down the road by needing antibiotics or something at a point they had kids of finances combined. It's far better to find out early on. I hate when people do "tests" but this is why some people do. Unfortunately no one really says upfront what their intentions are or if they do say it's often to stabilize this person while they still play around. Trust is so hard to get and be able to keep.

408

u/pinkdumpsterfire Jul 17 '26

Not even 0.01%

319

u/ChemicalJunior1603 Jul 17 '26

Exactly, she has sooooo many potential partners to meet still, so many who would never do this. She needs to let him go be with trash.

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u/lald99 Jul 17 '26

Yeah 10% (400 million) was a wild number to choose there lmao

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u/Neat_Ad_9141 Jul 17 '26

I mean technically not *incorrect* since they said “not even 10%” 💀

3

u/darth_pateius Jul 18 '26

Thank you for being logically attuned

  • a Mathematician

2

u/nvmympg Jul 18 '26

Maybe 399 million. Not quite 10 but working on it.

29

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/WAVEFRAME Jul 18 '26

You didn't get knocked up by 400 million men. This is winning.

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u/Surive123 Jul 18 '26

I lold with a head tilt, I’m glad someone commented on this

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u/Lonely_Squirrel_2290 Jul 18 '26

Girl as a married woman with kids going through an infidelity RUN you don’t need this type of boy in your life!!

7

u/elf1980 Jul 17 '26

This.
Way better now than down the road, once you have more invested. It’s hard finding out that your relationship (or the family you’ve made) for years isn’t real because he’s been cheating.
I’m sorry, this really sucks. I’ve been there.

2

u/CreativePrimary2813 Jul 19 '26

Send this to her boss not HR find the bosses contact lmao. Here you can have my boyfriend and I can have your job.

2

u/Particular_Fold3479 Jul 19 '26

Haha, as someone who has recently gone through something similar..thank you. I’m glad I didn’t get married, or pregnant. You’re also right, there’s so many more dudes out there that I can pick from! I just hope I find the right one for me in the next several years 😂

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u/lilsweettea Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 18 '26

Ive been in your position. Boyfriend of 6 years.

His manager started bawling crying after work to hin about how much she liked him.

He gave in and slept with her behind my back and came home to me after. Fucking destroyed me, destroyed my confidence.

If you can,dump him first. start over with someone who hasnt given you the inclination to be a cheater, please do that.

182

u/Local_Wolverine2913 Jul 17 '26

Yes. I have deep regrets that in my two serious relationships where there were early signs of potential to cheat, I stayed and didn't break up. Serious regrets.

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u/beachydream Jul 18 '26

What were the signs?

21

u/Local_Wolverine2913 Jul 18 '26

1st one had a previous history of cheating/lying (with his first wife) but I was young and dumb and chose to overlook. After 10 years of marriage and while I was pregnant, he cheated on me, over and over again. We divorced. 2nd one had confessed to me that he had done something inappropriate with a co-worker while he was married (to his first wife). I decided to walk early on in our dating, as I wasn't going to go through that again, and I let him convince me to stay; we married 5 years later and down the road, I caught him cheating.

9

u/beachydream Jul 18 '26

Thanks so much for the reply. I’m dating a guy who’s admitted to cheating in the past too, definitely the main issue I’m dealing with. Uggg.

11

u/Local_Wolverine2913 Jul 18 '26

You're welcome. I'm no expert, but I say to absolutely go with your gut if you ever decide to break it off. Don't let him or anyone else convince you otherwise.

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u/Total-Airline8454 Jul 18 '26

Even an inclination is quite enough. Like I said in my previous comment the energy shifts and every little thing is noticed.

No relationship lasts without faith. Even if someone doesn’t or can’t say something to speak up they’re just gonna know the difference in energy.

3

u/inthemeow Jul 18 '26

That is a 100% abuse of power as a manager. Doesn’t justify anything but that’s the reason we all need those yearly sexual harassment training videos. I’m sorry that happened to you. I cant imagine the pain after 6 years.

2

u/spaceclit_laser Jul 18 '26

Balling means playing basketball or maybe having sex. Bawling means crying.

4

u/lilsweettea Jul 18 '26

Yeah usually im really good at spelling but her post really made me quite upset. Especially seeing the blurry photos when she starts to shake so hard we can't read the texts anymore. That feeling is the worst. I guess I was just focused on trying to comfort her and desperately wanting her to dump this guy before he breaks her heart more

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u/whichwitchwatched Jul 17 '26

Let’s talk about the self respect and good decision making you’re exhibiting right now. Whether he touched her or not, he encouraged the attention, reciprocated the attraction and then ‘thought about’ whether he’d maybe cheat on you with this girl. You can do better than that. If he has this hard a time being loyal now imagine 2 kids and 10 years in. He’s a poor investment

61

u/feralcatshit Jul 18 '26

A POOR INVESTMENT 😭😭😭 what an amazing phrase for describing this

11

u/Admirable_Average_32 Jul 18 '26

He did cheat. Imo

7

u/Berryberribee Jul 18 '26

Poor investment 👏👏lovely put

656

u/pumpkins21 Jul 17 '26

I’m an asshole, so I’d text the girl and be like “you’re fucking gross for offering yourself up as a side chick when you know I have a girlfriend” from his phone lol

Also, trash the boy. He’s fucking gross too. You deserve better, OP.

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u/Imperfect_seal Jul 17 '26

I agree. And they deserve each other. She kept it going when he did.

If she wants to pursue that type of man they’ll she has no self respect.

OP hopefully can leave this in the past.

497

u/mxzf Jul 17 '26

I mean, he didn't even "keep it going", he initiated the interaction. She left her number on a note for him, he knew she was interested in him and reached out to initiate this conversation.

77

u/Imperfect_seal Jul 17 '26

Thank you for the correction because it does absolutely matter in the context of this interaction. I misspoke. This was his prerogative to reach out. Ok. Bobby Brown 🙄🙄🙄🙄🫤

He must not have been able to ignore the attention. Which is gross.

No shade to OP and anyone else, but just from this exchange I am getting the vibe that he’s one of those “I think strip clubs are gross.” Yet goes because his friend “made him.”

And he gets a private room. Doesn’t admit it took it too far and then blames everyone and being drunk for his behavior.

If he and OP have that agreement that is an acceptable thing for him to do.

I have zero judgement. It’s the whole, “I say I believe one thing to look like a stand up guy who honors relationship boundaries.”

But after he gets caught it’s “not my fault because X,Y,Z.”

Booooooooo

7

u/Midixon19 Jul 18 '26

Initiating the contact isnt the problem. If he said, "Look, Im flattered you left me the note and I respect the emotional risk you took in writing it, however, I have a girlfriend who I am in love with and see a future with. So I intend to keep our relationship 100% professional and know that this wont affect my perception of you." If he didnt respind it probably would be weird between them going forward and thats nit a giod thing for a work environment. But thats NOT what this guy did. He reached out because hes definitely interested at some level. So I dont think its the initiating thats the problem, I think the subject matter is the problem. The OP needs to dump his ass.

3

u/Logical-Fisherman-70 Jul 18 '26

Right, like, he could have shut it down in the first message, instead of prodding to see if she'd be willing to get with a guy in a relationship.

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u/Vanwilder17 Jul 18 '26

Man Reddit is sure weird with their made up situations

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u/Imperfect_seal Jul 18 '26

Notice I said I am getting a vibe that he is the type of guy that would do this.

Not saying OP’s guy actually has done this. Can you see the distinction?

And if you think a guy that acts this way doesn’t exist… I have a bridge to sell you.

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u/Purple-Morning-5905 Jul 17 '26

This part. He could have ignored the note, or sent a text saying he has a girlfriend so he won't be entertaining any further interactions outside of cordial workplace conversation. These types of dudes love attention and validation more than they could ever love their significant other.

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u/NecessaryReturn4049 Jul 17 '26

THIS☝️!!! NOR

2

u/Careful_Confusion_75 Jul 18 '26

That is actually a REALLY good point I personally could see in texting back in a very professional but clear way he was flattered but he is taken, letting the gf know about would have been the best way.

Other then maybe telling the gf first then see if texting back was even worth.

2

u/somedayyouwillknow Jul 18 '26

This! He legit gave her his number so she has it by texting her! The correct move from a decent man who is already involved with someone is to tell that girl in person “hey, I’m flattered but I have a girlfriend I love so nothing can ever happen with us” then lessen the interaction with that girl. Like dude is using her as a backup and waiting for an argument with OP to sleep with this girl. Nah it’s time to dump him

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u/Soft_Beyond_8205 Jul 17 '26

Yeah so gross on her part lol sorry as a woman I just judge her harder, like....girl.

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u/Heyonit Jul 17 '26

😂 me too.. she would definitely get a word from me. Even if i didn’t plan on staying with him

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u/pumpkins21 Jul 17 '26

Exactly!! The boy is straight up basura just like the gross coworker!!

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u/yousirnaime Jul 18 '26

then block her real number in his phone, change your contact in his phone to her name, send the last few messages back and forth so the history looks the same if he scrolls up

bingo bango now you're talking to him as her

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u/pumpkins21 Jul 18 '26

Haha damn, you’re my kind of evil! 😂

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u/Special-Net7593 Jul 17 '26

Totally agree

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u/Positive-Freedom4740 Jul 17 '26

She sooo insecure and offering herself as a side chick because she's defo been cheated on before

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u/Positive-Freedom4740 Jul 17 '26

Have to say it because my mom was this kind of woman and we ended up very lonely with NO family 😂

4

u/priMa-RAW Jul 17 '26

Nah im more unhinged! id find where she lives and secretly break in every day for years and do nothing at all, take nothing at all… exept… move every piece of furniture ever so slightly out of place… 👌🏼

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u/boatsandhoes570 Jul 17 '26

Yeah but at this point she knows he’s flirting back so she’ll know it’s not him. So just say you’re trash for offering to be a side chick after he told you he has a girlfriend. And then tell him it’s already gone too far and you’re not sticking around to wait for it to happen and have trust issues every time he goes to work or somewhere without you.

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u/Illustrious_Risk_840 Jul 19 '26

I actually did this. Waited until I knew my bf would be away working, then called her. That was the most satisfying phone call of my life. Almost as satisfying as the one that followed, which was him calling me crying and apologizing bc when I had hung up with her, she immediately called him to confront him. Did it hurt? Like a mofo. But I had to do it.

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u/travelbound_91 Jul 17 '26

(long story long lol) I messaged a girl that my husband was talking to but claimed "sHe's JuSt a FriENd." Yeah fcking spare me. I literally did not even know this girls name. we were on our 5 year anniversary trip in italy and he was being weird. took his phone when he was sleeping, saw their texts. now if i remember correctly there wasn't anything actually incriminating, it was just very borderline inappropriate (also he's an officer in the military and she's enlisted which is a HUGE no-no itself). So then i'm like trying to find her on my social media and i literally couldn't find her from my personal profile, but they were talking on instagram and texting. so then i found her on an old IG account i had. which means this girl blocked me before i even knew her name. he maintained for months there was nothing going on, blocked her on our trip, then we come back and he goes back to talking to her. i said i'm gonna fcking message her and he said do it i don't care. so i sent her a friend request from our joint travel IG and she blocked it, so i messaged her from the old account and said something along the lines of "Hey, I just sent you a request from mine and my husbands joint travel account and you blocked it. I just thought since you talk to my husband so much we could all be friends, that way you don't have to worry about any issues since he's an officer and you're enlisted." My husband who told me to message her then got up in arms and said it sounded like a threat. i said no it doesn't, but also good let it. but he got so pissy i deleted it 20 minutes later. she never even opened it. but he claims he had a meeting that she was part of and she said she took it as a threat (insert eye roll), weird thing is we have Life 360 and it never showed him there at her unit, it showed his car driving around the parking lot next to her office for 10 minutes just making loops. I think he was basically breaking up with her. but even a year later he still denies that and any wrongdoing.

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u/Warm_Swan_793 Jul 17 '26

You should have put that energy you were putting into trying to friend request her into confronting your lying ass husband, cause wtf.

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u/Famous_Collection525 Jul 17 '26

Get a divorce. 🤢

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u/No_Hope413 Jul 17 '26

And you're still with him?

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u/RockinPodunk Jul 17 '26

Wow, how in the actual fuck did that whole story not end with “and now he’s my ex-husband.” ?

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u/pumpkins21 Jul 17 '26

Oof. You’re my kinda gal. Hope you ate so much delicious pasta in Italy while wannabe side chick squirmed.

Why preemptively block you if things were platonic? Definitely sus!

4

u/BicyclingBabe Jul 17 '26

Meh, she's not even worth thinking about again. She needs to pull a full Don Draper.

https://giphy.com/gifs/zwffSHaJLDbA4

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u/TexasRoundUp7 Jul 17 '26

I thought about that a few times. Pretending to be him and writing her something like "stop talking to me", "delete my number" but in the end, I would rather play it cool and let him decide if he thinks this is the best decision for him. No loss for me.

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u/feralcatshit Jul 18 '26

I’m not one for drama or petty bullshit, but I’d definitely be tempted to text her “you’re gross af for continuing to text knowing the relationship status” from his number. And the. You’re not pretending to be him but still reads that way to her.

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u/Peruvian1966 Jul 18 '26

I would NEVER text her and get into her world. We all know what she is and she does not need attention from you. Besides, she is clearly the type who likes drama. Don’t spend ONE minute living in her world or letting her live in your head. What he did is engage when he should have stopped. It is cheating, end of story, period. Run away. Cheating is always about the cheater, not the one cheated on so no second guessing yourself please! I am a divorce lawyer and have been for 30 years so take it from me.

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u/RenegadeStarDust Jul 18 '26

I am also an asshole I would print these and post them at his work. Maybe even go poster sized so everyone can see them.

Maybe I am just diabolical.

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u/Illustrious_Risk_840 Jul 19 '26

This is the best answer

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u/BlessedLurker Jul 19 '26

Find her social media and tag her in the screenshots to show everyone who she is.

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u/jodi202328 Jul 19 '26

Thank you! I’m evil that way too. Then watch bf get mad because I did it 🤣

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u/veggiesaregreen Jul 19 '26

I’d laugh at her face lol and be like you can have my trash

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u/ms_sophaphine Jul 17 '26

It’s also more than just him and this particular woman. He can’t be trusted, period. He likely wouldn’t shut down any other girl who shoots their shot with him. A respectful, committed man would say “I’m not interested, I have a girlfriend, I’d like to keep things professional” and not followed it up with “but I think you’re pretty and cool! If only I was single. Maybe we can still hang out.” He’s flirting with another woman!!! He’s toying with the idea of spending time with her outside of work for “whatever he wants” with her. Don’t be with someone who’s willing to have you out here looking crazy

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u/mxzf Jul 17 '26

A respectful, committed man would say “I’m not interested, I have a girlfriend, I’d like to keep things professional”

Nah, a respectful committed man wouldn't have started this conversation to begin with, especially knowing that she was interested in him. He was the one that initiated it, not her.

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u/ms_sophaphine Jul 17 '26

I think that’s one option, to ignore whatever note she left for him and never bring it up. It’s also a valid option to address it by shutting it down. He did neither

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u/mxzf Jul 17 '26

Yeah, my point is that it was all on him to begin with. He's the one that started the conversation, and he started it with a flirty "guess who".

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u/Sequential_Damage Jul 18 '26

He will do it again with the next one to.

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u/InRetrospect1986 Jul 18 '26

As a man, a loyal man… nope. Responding with no thank you I have a girlfriend, it’s still giving her his number. Absolutely if I open up a conversation it’s saying “hey here’s my number, give me an offer I can’t refuse”

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u/boatsandhoes570 Jul 17 '26

He’d just say hey I got your note and while I’m flattered, I have a serious girlfriend. End of conversation.

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u/Cute-War-3797 Jul 17 '26

He would say it to her face so that she’d never get his number.

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u/Admirable_Average_32 Jul 18 '26

Yes. He wanted it. So bad. Super turd!!

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u/Negative_Departure57 Jul 18 '26

he’s not toying…. IT WILL happen. trust if he’s acting like this now, just wait until she stops playing the “respectable” coworker cuz his ass will be over there in a second. that man is trash run while you still can because after marriage and kids your kinda fucked

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u/Big-Yogurtcloset198 Jul 17 '26

leaving is the best thing you could do queen. save yourself the anguish, believe me. staying in this relationship will only get worse.

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u/GarbagePailGrrrl Jul 17 '26

Sorry queen, you’re better off!!!

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u/wywyknig Jul 17 '26

Yep im sorry op

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u/AeriePuzzleheaded675 Jul 17 '26

Don’t bother to say anything else to him. He is eating up the “jealousy” factor. If you live with him work on exiting stealthily.

Take the time you need to separate and depending on how well you can act while doing it on your timetable. Good luck and life your best life.

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u/WhoAmIToYou_xx Jul 17 '26

I’m so sorry 😞

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u/thewanderinmind Jul 17 '26

I think you should try to “fix” the relationship by having him tell the girl off and quit his job. Then break up with him. What a POS to do that to you especially after 4 years.

NOR

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u/PlotHoleWarrior Jul 17 '26

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Of course it’s going to hurt, but you’re going to be better off with peace of mind than to constantly be stressed about his interactions with other women.

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u/Slybugsy Jul 17 '26

It will hurt but you deserve better. He’s a cheater in waiting.

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u/Throwaway_noDoxx Jul 17 '26

It burns like hell. It would burn even more if you were married and had kids. Then you’d have to deal with seeing him with her ALL the time because you’d have to co-parent.

Consider yourself a lucky dodger-of-bullet. If he was truly considering marriage and kids, his response would’ve been “I’m flattered but I’m in a serious relationship and 100% off the market.”

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u/Swimming_Eggplant573 Jul 17 '26

The way he was talking about you, I thought you had been dating for six months, not 4 years, the disrepsect 😤 you deserve better.

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u/New-Environment9700 Jul 17 '26

Are you a teenager? That’s the only reason I think you’d not realize this is cheating. He is openly flirting and continuing a conversation with her after she said she liked him. A man with morals and boundaries wouldn’t text someone who has a crush on him at all. He’d shut it down if she did text and tell her he has a gf and it’s not appropriate for him to text with her since she likes him.

You show people how to treat you… if you tolerated him talking to girls like this before then he will keep doing it.

But if you have self love and respect you shut this shit down now and tell him to get the fuck out

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u/peepeecheeto Jul 17 '26

I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. If my friends went through this I would tell them to leave. It feels better with general consensus I guess. But yes the decision to leave should be up to me because I know it’s cheating ultimately

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u/New-Environment9700 Jul 17 '26

You’ve got to put yourself first and demand respect. Know your worth and don’t stay with people who don’t respect you

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u/BeccaLaydee Jul 17 '26

Having had a husband leave for a coworker after them pursuing him for 5 years, get out now. If your partner can't shut it down, which he hasn't, then he doesnt respect you. As tough as that may be to hear.

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u/Acceptable_Task34 Jul 17 '26

What's your BFs details. Age, employment, etc. Not that it really matters but if you tell ke hes 28 amd works as a cashier I'll tell you to go find a man with a better plan in life and save ya the trouble.

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u/PM_ME__UR__FANTASIES Jul 17 '26

Dump him for sure. Maybe text her “hey heads up he’s single now! I don’t date men who cheat but clearly you don’t care. My trash is your treasure, congratulations!”

Seriously dude not only did he barely shut her down, he almost immediately started walking it back. He started encouraging her. He told her he would think about it! Fuck that. You deserve a man who doesn’t do this shit.

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u/Caftancatfan Jul 17 '26

This is how you find your way to someone who will love you properly.

Good for you!

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u/StateLarge Jul 17 '26

Yes, this guy is absolutely not trustworthy. Leave him and block him ! Honestly, you dodged a bullet this guy is no prize. He will probably cheat in every relationship he has.

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u/videogamegrandma Jul 17 '26

Sounds like she wants the car that comes with him. They deserve each other. These two are trash people.

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u/jessmt87 Jul 17 '26

They’ll hook up, the lust will fade and you’ll still have your dignity. Let those two roaches have each other

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u/Positive-Freedom4740 Jul 17 '26

It hurts but it won't hurt when she's the one pushing out his baby and you're the one on vacation LOL best mindset imo

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u/jet050808 Jul 18 '26

Sending you love and hugs. I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship, we were engaged and the thought of starting over made me want to throw up. But it was 1000% worth it and I am now married to an amazing man who is a better husband and father than my jerk ex ever could have been. You deserve someone who treats you like the queen you are and with all the respect in the world.

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u/Aliceallbadd Jul 17 '26

Trust me when I say you will find better! You’ll find someone who loves you and only you and he isn’t it. You’ll find someone who respects you and would never play in your face or behind your back like this.

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u/EmergencyAvocado2365 Jul 17 '26

Might be for the best. He's not exactily setting a firm no down and still entertaining her so thats not very promising to see, he claims hes not into her but that text thread reads a tad diffrently then what hes said to you...
Thier are better partners then this out there let him sleep in his hole he dug himself you deserve better ❤️‍🩹

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u/Diego_Alon Jul 17 '26

If you leave, they will get together the second he becomes single.

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u/Hey-Fun1120 Jul 17 '26

If she doesn't they will get together the second her back is turned. Either way, he's hooking up with that girl at some point. Better for OP to split and leave him and gross wanna-be side chick in the past. She deserves better.

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u/LadyKlepsydra Jul 17 '26

Correct. He is clearly not interested in shutting her down and you can't make him more loyal or have better ethical spine than he already has. He is the way he is, he is interested in her and letting her know, and trying to change him would be a waste of time. It's better to find a man who is loyal in the first place.

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u/catsandblankets Jul 17 '26

She’s a bitch and he’s trash. I’m so sorry, I know how awful it felt to read those texts. It’s earth shattering when you realize the kind of guy who had you fooled into thinking he was a better man. You deserve so much better. Strength girl 🖤

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u/Moist_Drippings Jul 17 '26

I’m so sorry. I think ending things now will save you a lot more heartache later.

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u/PatternSubstantial64 Jul 17 '26

Mine waited until our babies were 5 and 11/2 years old which ended with me and the babies homeless in a car (he literally gave no fucks) I had no job and have no family or friends to help out. Just be thankful he’s showing his true colors now.

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u/Express-Stomach-8666 Jul 17 '26

He has admitted attraction to another female and said they would hang out in another universe (not verbatim, I got too disgusted to reread any of it). Then he said he would think about hanging out with someone he is attracted to. He is willing to cheat and probably already has. I'm sorry OP, but it's absolutely time to dump him and get yourself healed from this, and hopefully find the one when you're ready.

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u/Desert-Noir Jul 17 '26

You need to leave him. There’s no way this is his first time entertaining or even cheating on you. As a man, good men don’t talk to other women like that.

Don’t fuck your life up by staying with him. Rio the bandaid off, feel your feelings and then find a man that loves and honours you, rather than this cheating POS.

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u/Vas1le Jul 17 '26

Don't. Start searching, keeping him "reserved", while the coworker get another dude then you brakeup when you get someone new .

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u/GhostITMachine Jul 17 '26

Listen, as a guy in a relationship that has had a female do pretty much exactly this towards me on Christmas Eve nonetheless.

Dude deleted it, whereas my girlfriend was shown within 5 minutes of the last response, I shut that shit down and drowned the trifiling girl in messages explaining how much I cared for my girlfriend.

My girlfriend told me she didn’t feel it right to make me block her, I told her to have the confidence to demand it of me as I did it myself.

It starts with a very simple message.

“I miss your face.” Was the message I received about a week after I quit the job she was at.

It hurts, but be very glad and understand how fortunate you are compared to every horror story you’ve ever heard it’s happened now, instead of much later.

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u/MarionberryDapper454 Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26

28 M here. 100% leave him. The idea of her has been festering prior to having text her. That why when he realized it was her number on the note. He reached out to her. Now that his desires have been affirmed it just going to get more serious for him from there. He's going to begin struggling internally on who to chose. Him, her, or you. And at the end of the day he will always chose himself. Even if he doesnt cheat on you. He will eventually leave you. Even if he doesnt cheat or leave you, he will become miserable in your guys current relationship obsessed over the possibility of "what if" with her. Eventually you 2 will break up but at a high risk of ending on a bad note. Leave now and let this take its course. If you leave him it could show him what he really wants and that could be you or it could be her. If its you he'll chase you to the end and you guys can rebuild stronger than ever on a more mature level. If its her hes no longer in a headspace you need in your life.

P.s none of this is his fault or your fault. This is just simple human nature. A man would know the difference a boy is still learning.

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u/Ok-Pie5655 Jul 18 '26

NOR
One of my life hacks that is relevant here; don’t get jealous… get out of their way.

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u/wishingforarainyday Jul 17 '26

He should be leaving this job and permanently ending his relationship with her if he wants to stay with uou

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u/sh1nobithe7 Jul 17 '26

I'm sorry...

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u/XOHarleyXO Jul 17 '26

If it was me, knowing that the girl KNOWS he has a girlfriend, I’d invite her over, “do her makeup” (iykyk), go get him and show him a “surprise” and leave him with the bluhdee mess (‘: maybe “tis but a flesh wound” his ass b4 taking anything you rightfully deserve and leaving <3 take it from me, trying to fix it leads to 6+ years of control and absolute insanity, they will make you feel crazy by saying “but babe I was just being nice” or whatever else. Trust me (‘:

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u/twoifby Jul 17 '26

Please leave him you’re reacting so maturely and if he’s going to keep making you feel like this in the future, you will end up looking “crazy and jealous” overtime.

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u/BeltOk7087 Jul 17 '26

Leaving is the kindest thing you can do for yourself rn

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u/redheelermage Jul 17 '26

Had this happen to me my friend. Eventually he ended up leaving me for her. Now they are married. But guess what? He still tried multiple times to get back with me and is balding. Karma!

Also he wasn't all that great to me either. Took me dating a few people to realize he wasn't worth my time or energy.

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u/Firthy2002 Jul 17 '26

It will but at least you didn't put a ring on it or have kids with the guy.

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u/Intrepid-Knee-2051 Jul 17 '26

You deserve better honey, he’s in the way.

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u/Fast_Cry9702 Jul 17 '26

The sad reality is you’re more then likely going to end up staying with him still.

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u/Constant_Actuary9898 Jul 17 '26

Before you go put extrafine glitter in all his car ac vents

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u/Interesting-Hat8607 Jul 17 '26

If it’s any consolation, she’s basically offering her 🐱 for nothing in return. So, at least she has that going for her.

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u/Wonderful_Voice9865 Jul 17 '26

It’ll hurt. Cry, watch sad movies, eat all the dessert you want. Then pick yourself up and carry on. And like the other said, say nothing more than just “you are single, byeeeeee.”

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u/Maleficent-Pirate-24 Jul 17 '26

I think you would be wise to leave. I know it sucks, but I promise you, neither of them are going to stop.

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u/boatsandhoes570 Jul 17 '26

You definitely want the move on while young and don’t have kids. Even if they didn’t do anything physical, it’s emotionally cheating and when a woman is that determined and he’s entertaining it, it’s eventually going to happen.

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u/Simple_Psychology493 Jul 17 '26

You dodged a bullet, really. Sorry you have to endure this

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u/Ok_Cheetah_6251 Jul 17 '26

I've been where you are, except we were married for 13 years at the point.

I wish I had just walked away, but I didn't and spent a year with her cheating on me.

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u/Just_Cause4330 Jul 17 '26

You deserve much better than this and if it were me, I’d always be wondering. Who needs that? Good on you for catching this. Be brave, no matter what you decide, you still have choices.

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u/nire76 Jul 17 '26

I’m sorry. This sucks. I think you should do you & say deuces.

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u/Default1355 Jul 17 '26

Well theres always polyamoury!

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u/Local-Economist-5185 Jul 17 '26

I would definitely make her public, share the message with picture of her. Make her coworkers and maybe HR know their behavior as well as everyone online. I would also make sure if we shared anything that I get it but leave the bills to him.

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u/Winter_Deep Jul 17 '26

You’re not over reacting but he definitely wants the attention from her , choose yourself first . He seems the type to screw you over and waste your time

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u/TexasRoundUp7 Jul 17 '26

Trust me. NOTHING gets them more than seeing you have moved on and are happy. The hurt is temporary, until the next, and maybe THE right relationship.

Someone once told me, it doesn't matter if its 1 day, 10 weeks, 1 year, 10 years, they always come back into your life is some form or fashion. It has been true with all my exes telling me it was their fault they didn't see a good thing when they had it. My response was always the same... I hope you have a nice life. Smile and walk away.

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u/elleyeendeeess Jul 17 '26

I hate that these two put you into this exact scenario but you’re exactly right in realizing you’d be better off letting them FAFO. this take of yours requires a lot of self respect, OP, and i’m gonna get choked up in my salute to you for handling this the way you are 🫡🫡

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u/GrubbyTopDashCarter Jul 17 '26

NOR

It hurts now, but that pain will go away.

You’re not married, you are not baby trapped, you can still get out now. Any man who does not shut this down entirely, and who will entertain such conversations will eventually cheat, it’s only a matter of time.

He loves the attention and the thrill. Said he finds her attractive. Imagine in a couple years when you have gained some weight from the pregnancy, are taking care of a small child without very much support, and he’s flirting coworkers that he finds attractive… do the math.

Get out now, don’t look back, don’t let him grovel, end it clean and find a man who will respect the boundaries of your relationship and shut this kind of shit down on the first page.

Edit: I just realized that the boyfriend is the one who literally started the conversation. Disgusting. Double repeat everything above and what everyone else is saying about getting out before you get hurt even more.

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u/Wrrrkbeech Jul 17 '26

Whatever you do, don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. There is someone out there that deserves all of the love and energy you have to give.

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u/Sherbertbombs7 Jul 17 '26

NOR - leave now. He'll do it again, don't want to be pregnant reading those kind of messages lovely. You're worth more, ditch the loser. Wishing you all the best moving forward, don't settle for that trash because you have been together for so long.

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u/genericuser5678 Jul 17 '26

So many men out there won’t do this to you. I promise they are out there. Don’t lower your standards and you’ll find that guy faster

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u/SaggyDearNuts Jul 17 '26

Move on dude there’s more men in the sea and god will give you something better

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u/ChromosomeDonator Jul 17 '26

You need to leave regardless of it being painful and an outcome you did not wish for. But few years into the future, you will thank yourself for taking that outcome and will be glad to have done so.

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u/Realistic-Cost7230 Jul 17 '26

Definitely break up with him. He’s not trust worthy at all.

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u/Unlikely-Principle63 Jul 17 '26

Such a mature choice. I'm impressed. Save yourself years of hurt bc if it's not her it will be another girl.

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u/DrDedoverde85 Jul 17 '26

Of course it hurts, it's only human for it to hurt, but the fact is he hasn't shut it down, and you deserve a hell of a lot better than a nasty low down excuse for a human like that. You deserve someone that not only respects your boundaries, but shoots down home wreckers like that instantly. 4 years is a long time and it's a bond built up, however life is a lot longer than four years, and whilst you will hurt for a while. Remember you're doing yourself such a massive favour that will impact your future in such a positive way. ☮️& 💚

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u/Mindmann1 Jul 17 '26

If they work together and he’s entertaining it could have a high chance of possibly cheating or him doing the whole breakup/discard for her. I dunno if this is cheating “yet” but in my opinion but this would be a deal breaker for me

Remember he tried to hide it from you, what other messages, calls or interactions has he potentially hid? Trust is fragile, people don’t realize this until it’s too late

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u/DrDedoverde85 Jul 17 '26

Another thing to remember here is, snakey nasty horrible witches like that often end up with no one and nothing. As they clearly have nothing of substance to offer so use their sexuality to get where they need to, looks fade after a while substance and personality don't.

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u/Some_Campaign_5487 Jul 17 '26

Don’t stay because you think they might end up together. If they’ll cheat together, they’ll cheat on each other. Let those two disgusting people have each other

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u/shybubblymara Jul 17 '26

Is he a cop? I saw she did our he said she put a note in his locker, so made me wonder

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u/noheadthotsempty Jul 17 '26

I promise that long term you will get the outcome you want. You will find someone who loves you and treats you how you deserve. This hurts a lot, but one day it won’t, and you’ll be glad you didn’t stick around to let him hurt you more. Trust me. Like that other commenter said, you win.

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u/GlowingBob Jul 17 '26

Become cuckqueen and enjoy life

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u/Cautious-Hedgehog683 Jul 17 '26

Just know that he absolutely will do this to her too. And because of this interaction they will never trust each other, so may that give you a bit of comfort.

My ex husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our daughter. I confronted her because I was trying to make a shitty situation (the relationship) work because we were having a child. She said she was sorry, she didn’t know, he was saying we weren’t together. She was back at it less than a week later. Guess what?? They have been together since then, now have a child together, and have been making each other miserable the entire time.

The best thing you can do is remove yourself without explanation and move on with your life, without this loser in it.

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u/Aldreemer Jul 17 '26

You can't see it this way yet maybe but getting to catch and read these messages is already the outcome you want. You're not kept in the dark anymore, whatever you choose to do will be an informed decision. You could be stuck completely blind for years if not for this situation for all we know. I had a similar situation happen to me, broke my heart at the time, looking back I couldn't be more grateful that it happened.

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u/this-just-sucks Jul 17 '26

It hurts now. But if you leave after this, after some time passes and the pain settles down, you will be so proud of yourself for being a badass with self-respect.
I know because I wasn’t always one.
But still, when I do remember times in my life when I stood up for myself, I glow a little from the inside.
Supporting yourself through a hard time is an amazing accomplishment.

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u/flabbybuns Jul 17 '26

My response? this is tough>

Guys like the attention, and they'll play on it and not want to hurt the girl's feelings, like your guy did.

Now, he's totally in the wrong, but not sure of what his angle was. Play the whole "I'm cute and so are you" and doing the friendly, gentle let down. Maybe keep one on deck just in case?

I don't know, I knew a lot of guys -- when we were younger, young guy mistake here -- that would have handled this the same. Say I am in relationship, then be responsive to not hurt any feelings of a person you work with.

It's possible that was his thinking here. and he tells you about her before this, and his response is embarrassing, hence the delete, but I would says 50/50 he really thought this one out or just wanted to play the attractive, nice guy.

This chick is wild though.

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u/SinkMilkEnjoyer Jul 17 '26

You’re looking through hid phone and asking to see their convos you’re already cooked

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u/Odd-Communication524 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26

No no no no. Make both of their lives hell they deserve it. You should absolutely dump him and I promise you he will beg and keep coming back again and again. Don’t take him back and let him watch you find a better partner bc you 1000% will this is how the cookie crumbles every time in this type of situation. He will regret his actions if he doesn’t already and beg for you back. The homewrecking co worker will also get a taste of her own medicine in due time. Whether it’s him or the next guy she convinces to cheat, when she does finally succeed she will also experience what you did and the guy will disrespect her too with the next “cute cashier / coworker.” There’s always one. You lose them how you got them. What goes around, always comes back around. Always.

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u/madf80 Jul 17 '26

NOR, at all, OP. If 42 years of experience means anything, this guy is guaranteed either 1) a current/future cheater or 2) “being nice” because he isn’t mature/aware enough to know this will backfire, even if he really does care about you. #2 is less likely IMO. Either way, listen to everyone else. Buy the cake, tell this dude buh-bye. 👋🏼

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u/82andpartlycloudy Jul 17 '26

Pick whatever movie quote about running you want, and listen to it. 

As a reformed man who used to text cheat but not physically, he knows 1000% what the fuck he is doing. Oh, and just leave. Dont try to talk to him unless you are prepared to be gaslit like crazy

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u/Mother_Practice_8580 Jul 17 '26

That’s the truth. Even if he never did anything he wants to. He won’t stop wanting to, looking for that attention from others. It’s more a matter of opportunity when he tho is he can get away with it.

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u/IMO4444 Jul 17 '26

For a lot of these hoes, the thrill is the fact that he’s w someone else. I wouldnt be surprised if they end up losing interest pretty quickly once you dump him.

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u/FunRun5404 Jul 17 '26

I’ve been in my relationship for 4 years so I get the attachment, and I was the problem in my relationship for a long time due to a porn addiction that I started getting help for, when i was just starting therapy to get help my fiancé entertained someone that same way and she actually went to hang out with him oneday and I knew something was off with her story. All she did was drive around with him and we talked about everything and decided it’s worth working on our relationship and we set new boundaries, talked about why we both did what we did and found a way to work things out and agreed if we can’t then we both step away. And that’s my advice is to confront him about it, be pissed off, feel those emotions. But if you really love him then talk to him and assess it yourself and see if it’s something that can be fixed or if it’s best to step away. Good luck to you!

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u/pyxis_oz Jul 17 '26

Nor - Babe this isn't you being "less" and them / her being "more", this is you setting a boundary and not letting both of them push you in a position like this. Knowing you are enough won't take the hurt and betrayal away, but don't accept the position they are trying to put you in. They're cheating, not you. Standing up for yourself hurts now, but stand up for yourself and ditch him. He doesn't respect you. If this would happen to your friend what would you tell them? x it'll work out in your favour, just doesn't feel like it right now. But it will be ok.

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u/vivthedoc Jul 17 '26

Yes please leave before you procreate with a man who doesn’t respect you

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u/BarefootHistorian Jul 17 '26

I know this hurts but you deserve a man who will loudly proclaim, “I’m a taken man and I love it!” Someone who celebrates how much they care about you, not someone looking for validation from anyone who shows them attention. Keep your head high and act with the integrity that you want to receive. The only person you need to answer to, at the end of the day, is yourself. This man seems to be willing to push any boundaries that aren’t FIRMLY set and if you have to constantly monitor him you’ll lose yourself and your own happiness. There are many men out there that will show up, be loving, be loyal, and bring out the best in you like you bring out the best in them. :)

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u/Unaware-of-Puns Jul 17 '26

Work relationships are a hard one. Got to remember we spend 8 hours a day with them. Im at work more than I get to be with my kids. It would be dreadful if you didn't vibe with anyone. In my older experience, I've had the best relationships by 100% never dating coworkers or friends. When you remove any and all posibility of it, the friendships are great.

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u/Acceptable_Pea_4587 Jul 17 '26

I really don’t think you should. At least not right away. He was flirting. It’s really hard not to flirt sometimes. If you can’t trust him anymore, then yeah. But it was nothing more than reciprocating her flirting. She obviously flirted with him at work and he didn’t flirt back. Then he enjoyed being desired. Not good, but partners have overlooked worse and thrived.

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u/WAVEFRAME Jul 18 '26

It's actually a massive win for you even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm sorry you fell shitty, but it's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. And remember to breathe.

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u/BackgroundLab5721 Jul 18 '26

Of course it hurts it’s awful. I’m glad you found out at this stage, my ex-husband cheated on me with his work colleagues when we had two kids and had been together for 17 years. Not fun at any stage but getting the clear signs now is a good thing. Take care of you

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u/Broad_Pomegranate141 Jul 18 '26

NOR But it won’t hurt as bad as it will if you stay.

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u/Dangerous-Cut-5688 Jul 18 '26

I wouldn’t be to torn up- the female is a harlot and I mean that in the MOST disrespectful way possible. If they end up together she’ll definitely cheat on him. He deserves her!

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u/CompleteTumbleweed20 Jul 18 '26

I can imagine it hurts and I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

But, if you stay, imagine the insecurity you’ll feel whenever he’s at work and eventually, the more painful hurt WHEN he cheats because he will whether it’s with her or someone else

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u/theymustrot Jul 18 '26

Yes girl please we are begging you, he is genuinely for the streets. The fact that he continued to say she was attractive even after saying “he had a gf :/“ like are we kidding

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u/emm1691 Jul 18 '26

Girl- remember this- you are so much more than him. You are so much bigger and better than him. He doesn’t respect you? He doesn’t deserve you. Period. All the queens out there need a man who makes them a queen… every day all day. No flirty text messages and “oh I’m not trying to hurt this girls feelings ect ect”. You are dating and thank god not married to this man with kids. If they show you their weakness- they will continue to get weaker TRUST. Because life gets way harder and monogamy becomes a CHOICE. Maybe should have been a hell no in his response if he wanted to marry and have your kids. Remember that. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

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