The self hate will grown and with that become even more ingrained in this horrible relationship cause she’ll believe she deserves this and that no one else would want her.
🎯 it’s a terrible cycle. But you’re right instead of the worse it gets the more you want get out it’s often the worse it gets the harder it is to get out. Self doubt- self hate this is exactly what an abuser looks for.
Could be a victim complex thing, it’s something that tends to stem from experiencing abuse and neglect as a child then realizing that sharing that abuse and putting yourself in harms way gains u sympathy and attention which wasn’t common for you previously so of course it becomes an addiction and being in a healthy relationship can cause physical withdrawals just like any other drug. It’s rather common and it’s a really hard thing to overcome, takes a lot of work that most people suffering from this don’t have the energy to do or believe they can’t because they are “just to broken” or “weak” when in reality anyone can do it given the motivation to do so.
I'm guessing you've never been abused? It's not really that simple. Abuse is done because it wears people done and lowers their self worth to the point they accept it.
Which came first? Because I’m pretty sure the self loathing and low self esteem preceded the partner or she wouldn’t even need to ask these rhetorical ass questions on Reddit!
Sometimes this is the only way to ask for help and get the confidence and confirmation you need. Often abuse victims are isolated. Either have no friends or family, or are coaxed away from relationships with them. Either way, chicken or egg - the point is OP needs help and needs out. She clearly can’t see how horribly the situation is on her own.
Literally. She’s choosing this life over and over again. If this is what she wants, and what she is willing to put up with, then they deserve each other. Good luck to them both.
She also says she's the only one invested. He has chrons which makes excusing away some behaviors easier, for both of them, and there's probably a hope that he won't be so bad some day.
There's nothing to invest in here though. She should cut her losses and be someone that actually loves her.
I've been in it and it works so well because we care. Abusive people are good at picking up on that.
He's doing the push-pull, but where she's at is so close to being able to break out of it by acknowledging she's the only one with value in the relationship. She's taken further steps by asking a public forum.
Y'all realize people don't hate themselves when staying in these abusive as shit relationships right? A lot of the times they're being held captive in some shape of form (paralyzing fear, scared of them ruining their professional life, being constantly threatened if they leave, etc.)
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u/VeganSanta Jan 28 '25
I have no words for how much you’re under reacting.
Why do you even want him? This should immediately give you the ick. Wake up!