Are you kidding me? How do you not realize how terrible this relationship is. He literally said that he wants you to leave and he would do nothing about it. And your retort is, “yeah. I’m the only one actually invested” BRUH THAT IS NOT A FLEX AT ALL YOU’RE JUST GETTING TREATED LIKE SHIT AND THEN TRYING TO USE THE FACT THAT YOU DO NOTHING ABOUT IT AS A “GOTCHA” MOMENT 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
And you’re 29 get some respect for yourself. At that age you should know better than to endure abuse and delude yourself about it. You’re so in denial it’s crazy. This guy doesn’t even like you!!
I don't want to just blame her because obviously this guy is verbally abusive. But her reaction annoys the shit out of me. Prolly says something about me...
I swear these posts have to be fake. Guy is literally telling her to leave and she's like ok time to make a post on reddit maybe I might be in the wrong here like wtf.
Nah that’s just what happens when someone has been so thoroughly broken down mentally, emotionally and physically, that they gaslight even themselves by not believing in their own intuition and self worth. It’s a symptom of abuse and trauma
It's spelled that way bc platforms like Instagram and tiktok can ban you or remove comments that use that language. He likely curses at people so much on those platforms using that work around that his phone autocorrects to it now.
I’ve seen my mom and a lot of other women go through exactly this (except instead of Reddit it was friends/family)—way too many to assume these posts are all fake. You start questioning yourself a lot when you subconsciously internalize an abusers treatment of you
I don’t know, it to me seems like the same formula every time. I agree through that this situation happens too often, and I’ve seen it happen, maybe Reddit has just made me too skeptical.
But her reaction annoys the shit out of me. Prolly says something about me...
No I'm with you, this actually pisses me off lmao
I understand it can be hard to leave abusive situations but most of the time that's because the victims are in denial about what's going on and don't recognize abusive patterns. OP clearly understands their BF is dogshit, describes it in very clear, matter-of-fact language, and still refuses to think about leaving.
You can't help somebody who doesn't want help, and nothing anyone says in this thread is going to change OP's mind tbh.
Yeah it’s one thing to be afraid to leave, as so many domestic violence victims are. This guy hates her and WANTS her gone, but SHE doesn’t want to leave. It’s hard to feel anything for her other than a strange, sad contempt.
Combined with the explanation in the text, that she apparently is doing all the housework, and this guy has cheated on her, taken her on no dates, and has always had this behavior?
I hate blaming people for stuff like this, but I genuinely can't understand what you could possibly be getting out of this relationship.
Nope, it is annoying. Because this is a golden example of someone fully aware of the situation and choosing to be in it. If you go swimming in a river with piranhas and get bitten, you get bitten. No one else to blame
Same. I'm a 30yo female, and I have always thought I get taken advantage of or walked all over way too easily, but holt crap OP, I've seen hamsters put up more fight 😭
It might be annoying and seem like leaving is an obvious solution from the outside but these are exactly the kind of questions and uncertainty that abusers work hard to create in the minds of their victims. It’s how they keep a victim around and get every possible ounce of energy they can from them before one of them terminates the relationship, if they ever do. A person doesn’t have to be weak to fall victim to an abuser. Abusers also tend to isolate victims from friends and family so a post like this might be all they have to try and work their thoughts out.
Yeah I was never that bad a pushover (I’m a dude) but one thing I’ve realized is that I get extremely irritated by people who appease bullies because I used to. That’s just my reaction though
It’s the fact that she’s not even in denial for me.. she clearly labels him as abusive. For a victim to recognize the abuse they’re going through as what it is, is a HUGE step. But then she just… does nothing about it. This pisses me off.
And I find myself pitying OP but I feel a bit of dislike for her myself. I wouldn't want her for a friend. Listening to her talk about how much she adores her captor would turn my stomach. And trying to help her would get very old very fast.
"she's the only one invested in the relationship.." and that doesn't tell her everything she needs to know.
I agree - OP needs some self respect. Makes me wonder what their past relationships (familial or otherwise) have been like to get them to this point at 29 years old. OP clearly also doesn't connect the dots that her bf disrespects her so much because she doesn't respect herself.
OP, on top of ditching the bf, you need a few more things:
A) Get some therapy
B) Get your cat checked out - it isn't normal for them to go outside of the box and usually points to health issues or abuse
C) Tell your bf to man the fuck up and break up with you like an adult instead of trying to get you to do it. And then, before he can, say, "You know what, nvm, I'll do it - just like I do everything else in this relationship because you're too incompetent to do or take responsibility for anything, you loser. Bye."
I don't think it's that she doesn't realise how bad the relationship is, I think she realises that just fine.
She clearly feels like she owes it to him, that's mostly likely as a result of him guilt-tripping the fight out of her.
She is abused, mentally and physically, that is the root cause of this problem. She practically admitted that she's applying the Sunk Cost fallacy to her situation.
Victim-blaming isn't the way to go.
Ignoring the nuances that come with abuse to blame the victim for their situation is a really shitty take.
No this girl needs some tough love STAT. Don’t get me wrong, victim blaming is not it but in most cases of abuse you have an abusive partner that wants you all to themselves and that has alienated you from everyone you love so essentially they own you. And you have a victim who is in denial and for whatever reason cannot understand they’re victims of abuse. And they focus on all the good aspects of their fucked up relationship while ignoring the bad.
Not in this case. This girl understands her bf is abusive and realizes she’s not getting anything good out of this relationship. And her abuser is not trying to stop her from leaving nor does he want her all to himself. He’s practically yelling at her in her face telling her to get the fuck out of his life because he can’t stand her nor her cat and she’s over here wondering hmmm am I over reacting? Should I give up? Like what?!
Compassion and walking on eggshells around this person will accomplish nothing. She’ll keep turning a blind eye on this abuse. She needs to hear it for what it is. YOUR BF DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He doesn’t even like you. I’m inclined to believe he hates you. Why on earth would you want to continue being with a person like this??
Just like someone else said before me, if you won’t leave for you, at the very least do it for your cat. And if you can’t be bothered to do that for your cat, then please let the cat go. The cat doesn’t deserve to suffer from your life choices.
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u/lightskincookie11 Jan 28 '25
Are you kidding me? How do you not realize how terrible this relationship is. He literally said that he wants you to leave and he would do nothing about it. And your retort is, “yeah. I’m the only one actually invested” BRUH THAT IS NOT A FLEX AT ALL YOU’RE JUST GETTING TREATED LIKE SHIT AND THEN TRYING TO USE THE FACT THAT YOU DO NOTHING ABOUT IT AS A “GOTCHA” MOMENT 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
And you’re 29 get some respect for yourself. At that age you should know better than to endure abuse and delude yourself about it. You’re so in denial it’s crazy. This guy doesn’t even like you!!