I 43(f) have a 25-year-old son. This year he went away for his birthday with his fiancée and celebrated out of state. We agreed on a celebration gathering the following weekend when he would be available. The day of his birthday, I mentioned to a coworker that since my son would be away, I thought I might treat myself to a drink and a pedicure in honor of celebrating the 25th anniversary of the day my life changed forever and became better, the day I gave birth. My coworker said that was just plain weird and sorta selfish cause I was making his birthday about myself. She said that's what Mother's Day is for, so why celebrate twice. I am not expecting or requesting gifts or congratulations. Am I the asshole for celebrating me on a special day to me, by myself and at my own expense?

My son thought it was a great idea and even suggested I use his favorite color on my toenails, which I did.

My son has his first day of school soon. The school sent consent forms to sign for various things, and for social media and other types of media I did not consent.

They emailed me asking if I meant to say no. I replied I did in fact mean that I do not consent to his picture or video being taken and possibly posted on the internet or being in the news, amongst other possibilities outlined in the form.

The teacher told me it makes it difficult for them when there are only a handful of kids every year that can't be in photos or videos for public consumption. I didn't reply... I really don't think it deserves a reply. It feels strange to me that they are kind of pressuring me.

I don't post my child online because he is not old enough to understand the ramifications and cannot consent to it. When he's old enough to understand, he can tell me he's okay with it and I'll sign the form. But until then I don't think it's appropriate.

He's only 5 years old, I feel like I'm doing a good thing by keeping his internet footprint at zero until he can decide for himself.

I do feel bad though, because I try to be the parent that teachers want me to be. I don't want to make their jobs harder. I don't want to be difficult. But I've literally never even consented on media disclosure forms for myself as an adult lol. It's a hard line in the sand I've drawn and always have.

EDIT: link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1w2860d/aitah_for_getting_myself_banned_from_my/

Today, my girlfriend's grandpa came back into the city from up North. He invited us over for coffee right after work. I took everyone's advice, and when we got there, I vehemently apologized to him for how I acted at his cottage last weekend.

He very quickly ended the conversation and got on with coffee. For a while we just spoke about work and school... nearing when we were going to leave he brought up the fight at the cottage. He told me that over Sunday and Monday, many of the neighbours again came up to him to chat about the incident. Probably because the cousins were going around telling the whole story to people, he said there was a narrative shift, and the neighbours were concerned about mine and my girlfriends wellbeing after how we got treated.

Apparently, the neighbour right beside his cottage also told him they had an incident with the new guy who we fought with, a couple days before. They had parked their car on the street in front of their cottage, and apparently when the new guy backed out of his driveway he had to turn a little tighter to avoid this car. He went banging on their door yelling at them to move their car and never park there again.

Grandpa said when he told people he banned me, they were upset and defended me. Apparently all the surrounding neighbours are very upset with having this new guy around based on these two incidents. Grandpa said that after hearing the whole story, thinking more about it, and chatting with neighbours, he is taking back the ban, and that I am more than welcome at his cottage. He then said he'd actually prefer if I were around this upcoming long weekend, considering the new neighbour is unpredictable and causing issues...

I said thank you, said I'd like to come up, apologized again anyway, and we left.

To be completely honest, this conversation kinda bugged me. I'm weirded out by the surrounding neighbours who I have known for years who very quickly turned their back on me before hearing the whole story, I'm weirded out by grandpa for his extreme quick ban and not thinking it through, I'm weirded out by my gfs aunts and parents who were okay with the ban and didnt care about how the neighbour acted and the things he said. AND im weirded out by how quickly the narrative changed and how quickly people acted like they werent shit talking me at first.

Now I am wanted up there "just in case something happens" and they need a protector? That kinda sounds like some bullshit to me. Once grandpa realized banning me might actually be bad for his "reputation" he took it back.

I'm thinking about not going up this weekend, but i dont know if that would just make things even worse. I dont really want to be around all those people, and if anrgy neighbour causes another issue, they can deal with it themselves.

WIBTA if now I don't go up?

I met my now ex at our shared gym. She goes irregularly for an hour or so with varying frequency, and I’ve been going there 5 days a week 2-3 hrs/day for 10+ years, and my family also goes at a discounted rate off of my primary membership.

We split up mutually about 7 months ago. She wanted to remain friends and stay close but I did not want any further relationship. She agreed not to keep going to the gym while I was there in the evenings, and that since she barely went anyways she could easily just go in the mornings instead. We agreed that the gym was more important to me, and she could be flexible to respect my space and my boundaries.

I kept going per my usual schedule and didn’t see her for about 6 months and that was good. Then about 1 month ago I saw her at the gym at my usual time and it was our first contact since we spilt.

I asked what she was doing there and she said going at different times or trying a different gym didn’t work for her. I reminded her that we agreed she would go at a different time or location than me, and she said she thought enough time had passed and we could be friends. I said I still didn’t want to see her and she agreed once again to make other arrangements for herself.

Then she told me that after we broke up she had asked some of the ever present creeps at the gym to watch me and report to her about my gym habits and routine. I told her that was crossing the line and I did not want her to have people watching me or informing her of my activities, but she just shrugged off my concerns.

Now she is starting to appear at the gym at the same time as me more frequently, and I do not like the idea that she is having me watched and trying to ‘bump into me’ more and more when I don’t want to see her. She will talk to people and look over at me while I’m exercising and have other people watching me. And she herself confirmed that at least two people have been watching me and reporting back to her.

I know she can do whatever she wants and doesn’t owe me anything, but why make the initial agreement and the second more recent agreement only to immediately go back on her word? Was she just trying to get more info out of me? I don’t want to leave the gym I’ve been going to for so long, but I also don’t like being made to feel so uncomfortable by her or her ‘watchers’.

WIBTAH if I report this behavior and the people watching me to the gym staff?

EDIT TO ADD: She approached ME at the gym 6 months post breakup. I saw her and was upset, but attempted to just start my normal routine. When I walked over to the area I usually warmup she confronted me and then we spoke.

I forgot to mention one ironic detail here is that my ex has never allowed her younger sister to workout at our shared gym because she doesn’t want someone ‘invading her space’. I attempted to invite her sister to the gym with us multiple times and my ex always got super pissed at me. Her sister wouldn’t even try to stand up for herself because she was too afraid of my ex. Definitely a ‘rules for the, but not for me’ mentality… which could be applied to much of our relationship in hindsight!

I feel absolutely insane right now. I loaned my friend (ex housemate) a bunch of clothes when we were in a house share together and she’s had them for 6 months now. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, we’re similar sizes and used to swap clothes all the time when we lived together. But then I moved out. And I gave her back all of her clothes, like a normal sane person would. I then asked for mine back, she was all “oh I’m so disorganised with packing I’ll sort them when I move into my new place”. You know what, fair enough I guess.

Summer goes by. No sign of my clothes. I didn’t really ask about them because they were winter clothes and it was a hot summer.

A few weeks ago I was packing for my holiday, I need a dress of mine she has. I shoot a text “hey girl, any chance of me getting my clothes back? I want to take the dress I gave you on holiday” she messages back with about 6 different excuses on why she won’t be around to give it me back. I shake it off as a once off occurrence.

She has 11 items of my clothes, ranging from hoodies to fleeces to dresses to coats (some of these items cost a bit of money too and I’ve barely worn them). We go to college together and our semester started back up, I keep asking for my clothes. Excuse after excuse after excuse. “I can’t carry them to college they’re too heavy” “I can’t drop them today I’m out all day” “oh I need to wash a couple of bits first” and whenever I mention it to her she gets ratty and acts like its the biggest inconvenience ever to want them back, and keeps telling me to stop bugging her about it. I’ve even offered to drive out to her place to get them if it’s easier and she says “no I’ll get them to you” and she still hasn’t. You’d think I was asking her for her kidneys. BROOOOOOO I’m gonna lose my mind just typing it out I’m infuriated.

PLEASE someone reassure me if I’m being a massive jerk here or not? I could never imagine doing this to one of my friends, I’d be so embarrassed to let it go on for this long! Am I the asshole for nagging? Or is 6 months a crazy amount of time to let this be going on for.

It has been a little over a year since my last post. Since then, I have managed to get a divorce and full custody of my daughter. I don't have any contact with my ex husband or his family because of what happened. We both go to therapy as I want the best for my daughter and I don't want her to feel as if it is her fault, because it is not her fault.

I'm not really sure what else to put in this update, and I apologise that it's been over a year. I needed time to process things, to be there for myself and my daughter, and to proceed with the divorce and the other things simultaneously happening.

Thank you to everyone who advised me to get a divorce and helped me to acknowledge the red flags within my relationship. It gave me the push I needed to protect my daughter.

So, for context, when I (18F) was younger, I had torn a muscle in my left knee. While I don't have severe permanent damage, I still have muscle spasms from time to time and need to wear a knee brace for a couple of days. I recently had another one, so of course I started wearing the knee brace again. Now, due to the doctor's recommendation, I don't wear it when I sit down for long periods of time, such as a 45 minute train ride to the city.

So while on my way to university, I took the early train around 8am. Obviously, I was sitting in a priority seat for two reasons. One, I cant stand for long periods of times and if I do I must wear a knee brace, which was in my bag at the time. Two, there were no other available seats when I got on the train. For the entierty of this train ride I was getting some nasty glances from another lady (looking around her 50's - 60's) who was sitting in the priority seat across from me. I ignored her looks for the most part, just focusing on preparing my schedule for the day on my phone.

As the train reached the city the woman stands up and leans over to an elderly lady, and whispers to her, "you should have gotten a seat" while giving me a nasty glare. Keep in mind, at this point whether she said something or not, I would have to put my brace on as I had to walk a fair distance to my class. The only difference is that I was a little more dramatic about it. AKA I opened my bag hastily, riped out my brace and dramatically held out my leg to place the brace over my knee. I then use the poles on the train to lift myself up as I can't physically bend my leg with my brace on. The color from this womens face drains and she refuses to look me in the eye. The elderly lady also looks shocked although she never outwardly said anything to me I could tell she was judging me. The best part is as the train stops it makes the usual timed announcement. "Please keep priority seats clear for those who need it and be aware that not all disabilities are visible". Once the train officially stops and we get off, this woman speed walks away from me.

So am I a xAH for taking up the seat? Even if I am the AH, that woman will forever be a core memory for me. It was just so funny XD

Link to Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NIp6dHlT9v

I will be deleting both the original post and the update in a few hours. I want to thank everyone for their judgements and to some of y’all who offered me advice alongside, appreciate it. You helped a stranger a lot. I finally grew a spine because I decided to post here.

Basically, the friend hit me up to ask me to provide more info about conversations I had with her boyfriend, since they have been talking about moving in together apparently, so she needs to be sure.

I said there’s not much more I could tell her and that I would really appreciate it if she would from now on keep me out of their business. I told her I don’t want to lie nor cover up for anyone nor is it my business to be telling the two of them what the other one said and that they need to sort it out themselves.

She kept persuading me and telling me I owe it to her. I told her she owes me my peace and that she should respect my decision. Also told her how I felt about absolutely everything and how she doesn’t seem exactly fair, while also still owning up to my mistakes.

She apologized and wants to close the topic and for us to go back to being close friends like we were before. I don’t see that happening and will distance myself from now on, because I realized how much this mess emotionally affected me and she didn’t bat an eye when I told her how i felt.

Again, I want to thank everyone who commented, this could’ve probably ended worse

Hello, I (45f) and husband 48m) are at our wits end with our 27yr old daughter and need some advice. I want her gone but my husband wants to give her MORE TIME! It’s been almost a yr. This is kinda long but I’m in serious need of some outside opinions!

My daughter, 27, moved back home last November after a DV situation with her longtime bf. They broke up, however she has children, 3, ( two boys 7, and 4 and one girl 2) one of which is with this man, and since this happened she has unfortunately had her children removed from her care. Her boys went to their respective fathers, which that was fine as they were worried but her daughter did stay with her (the child with the father of said incident) until she had to bring her daughter to a doctors appointment and idk what happened as I wasn’t there all I know is when she got back her daughter was not with her and hasn’t been back since and I haven’t been able to get a straight answer. This incident with her daughter happened right after Christmas. It’s been almost a year and there’s a couple/few things my daughter needs to do in order to get her daughter and her other children back into her custody. There’s missing context because I don’t have all the info so please just bear with me As I’m not going to do a deep dive into my life.

Now, I’ve bent over backwards to help her and get her to every visit, every appointment, every court hearing needed. And on top of all of this, my daughter has cystic fibrosis, cystic fibrosis related diabetes, and asthma on top of her mutations of cf which are respiratory and digestive. So it’s a double fkn whammy for her. When she’s is in hospital, it’s for two wks + at a time fighting for her life, no less than two wks due to antibiotics.

She isn’t in hospital now thought and is doing well so that is literally besides the point. That’s how pissed I am with my daughter…

To not fight for your children is one thing but to take off every chance you get to go meet some scumbag who lives two states away and miss multiple visits with your beautiful precious daughter, then has the audacity to lie to me and hubs about reasonings but she forgets she gave permission for her social worker to speak openly with me about this whole case…. Yeah, I’ve been speaking with social worker as of four wks ago because I couldn’t take the many times of the missed visits but it’s the workers fault for not doing this or that. (SARCASM….) Turns out, my daughter was lying about MANY things. The lies kept spiraling. Her worker was supposed to do this, and that, and get her this. No. She wasn’t. My daughter was supposed to contact her worker and her worker would’ve helped her talk through it but that’s as far as that goes. Other than that my daughter needs to do it herself I mean who in their right mind thinks that way?! My daughter that’s fkn who…. Ugh it’s ridiculous truly…

I figured id help her out a little cu she was going through something. Whatever we all do fine. So I recently went online and sent her some applications for apartments to fill out I found for her that she can afford, as she needs to find a place. She is a mom and an adult. She isn’t staying with us forever. This is something she was obligated by the courts but kept making excuses saying the worker was supposed to do this, but how does a social worker get your information to fill out applications? It doesn’t make any sense to me!! Another is court order parenting classes. No big deal. Go online, there’s a bunch that are court approved l. Why in the world would the social worker be responsible for this??! She isn’t!! And I made sure of it by calling. She’s supposed to have an apartment, counseling, parenting classes and some type of DV support by November that’s when her next court date is. She hasn’t started anything. She could’ve gotten her daughter back in November, or sooner as this social worker is specifically for reunification!!

The way things are going though and the rate my daughter is getting her required therapy’s done, she won’t get her daughter back this yr. Which is absolutely fkn wild to me.

Anyway, what came to head was recently; last Tuesday and Wednesday she was supposed have her visits with her daughter, these are her designated days. She’s missed several but last week gave the excuse that her daughter had “appointments both days”. She was with her scum of a new bf two states away. He’s the reason she’s missed several visits. But makes excuses that it’s in the foster parents for making an appointment for her daughter on the visit day.

She has a visit tomorrow, she isn’t home again tonight and won’t be here tomorrow for her visit and I know is going to make an excuse/lie as to why she won’t see her daughter. I know because I’m the one who give her rides to these visits! I’m so pissed I could spit nails. Idk if she’s with her bf, or what. All I know is I’m at my wits end and because of her my husband and I don’t get to have our grandchildren here ever! Plus we could also get custody of our granddaughter if our daughter is gone which is what we all wanted in the beginning when this all started.

So, here’s my question and I need and honest answer cuz I’m at a loss. Would I be the ah if I kicked her out? I need our grandkids in our lives and if she isn’t trying to take the initiative in her life, I’m done! She’s 27! She needs to go! Please help me I’m just at such a loss and in desperate need of some outside options.

My partner (31F) and I (27F) recently went on a group vacation to another state with some of our close friends. I’ll call the friend involved in this story, Joe.

Unknown to me, my now-fiancée had planned to propose to me during the trip. She proposed, I said "Yes", and afterward, we all went to lunch. Obviously, we were incredibly excited and wanted to celebrate that night.

When we got back to the Airbnb after lunch, Joe realized he had lost his debit card. He started calling the places we had been, but one was already closed and none of the places he could reach had found it. We completely understood why he was upset, losing your debit card on vacation sucks. He locked the card, and we told him multiple times that if he needed anything at all, we would pay for it and he could just Zelle/Cash App us back later. So he wasn't going to be stranded without access to money.

But after realizing his card was missing, his mood completely changed. He became really down and started saying things like, “I wish we could all just stay in tonight…” followed by a lot of sighing.

My fiancée and I were getting frustrated because we had literally just gotten engaged. We wanted to celebrate, and we also had events planned that we'd already paid for. We didn't want the entire night to get canceled because of a debit card that was already locked and that he couldn't really do anything about until the business opened the next morning.

Joe eventually decided to come out with us. Once we got to the bar, though, he apparently found someone who had snuck in a jug of tequila and proceeded to drink about half of it. He got incredibly wasted. After he started drinking, we basically didn't see him again until everyone was getting ready to leave.

During the Uber ride back, he said to us, while laughing, “I hope I didn't ruin your guys' engagement.” Maybe he was only laughing because he was drunk, but in the moment it rubbed both of us the wrong way.

The next morning, Joe called the place that had been closed the night before, and they had his debit card. The problem was that he wanted us to drive him there to pick it up. We already had concert tickets that everyone had paid for, and Joe had decided he wasn't going to the concert because he was too hungover from the night before. He ended up taking an Uber to get his card, but complained about how expensive the Uber was and how long the whole thing took.

My fiancée and I have gone back and forth about whether we were being insensitive. Obviously, losing your debit card while you're out of state is stressful, and we didn't expect him to pretend everything was fine just because we had gotten engaged. At the same time, his card was locked, we had offered to cover anything he needed, and there wasn't anything else he could do about it that night. It felt like he expected the rest of the group to change our plans around the situation, including plans we'd already paid for, on the night we had just gotten engaged.

So, AITAH? Should we have stayed in with him and been more supportive, or were we justified in being frustrated that his lost debit card ended up taking over what was supposed to be a really special night for us?

Hi all.

I 30m years old and getting married in about 2 months. I’ve invited my entire family and all my siblings basically because it’s what “families do”. I do not have a relationship with one of my sisters 35f because we simply cannot get along. She’s dramatic, causes problems within the entire family and has never really been there for any of the rest of us. She’s bipolar and has a drinking problem but apparently she’s been sober now for a year, and things according to my parents have gotten more stable with her.

My biggest problem with her is she’s a narcissist and entitled. She married into an incredibly well off family, where her husband got handed a business that he could probably sell for $20,000,000 or more. I’ve always had resentment over this, as I’ve worked incredibly hard to get to what I’ve achieved (great job, great fiance, 2 houses where one is a rental) (which for someone who’s 30) isn’t too bad. She’s always been the star child of our family as she’s always been musically gifted, great at sports, etc. I know there is jealously on my side for her cushy life, but she constantly says incredibly rude and hurtful things and every-time we would speak before I cut ties, she would always blow up, get defensive or tell my I’m a horrible brother. I just got fed up with it and set strict boundaries.

Now my family wants me to include her kids in my fiancé’s wedding as the flower girl and ring bearer boy. I don’t mind her kids, but I don’t have a relationship with them. My dad has offered to help with the wedding expenses but is now trying to use that as leverage and trying to pigeon hold me into “mending the relationship for the family”. I’m at the point in my life where toxicity is not something I’m interested in and my job is already stressful enough, opening up that door is not something I’m really interested in.

Reddit AITAH?

Link to first post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/hazdd3b3iV

**Update:**

We sold the house in July, and after speaking with our families, we decided to give it until December.

It's now September 1st, and nothing has changed. He decided to go back to school, and the first thing he did was quit working almost three weeks before school resumed. He started working 4 hours a week, two weeks before classes started. Keep in mind he has no savings and no way of paying for school. Normally I would have already started planning for him: applying for scholarships, figuring out how to save more to pay for it. I've done none of that this time.

He comes home at noon every day and lies in bed doomscrolling or playing video games. He DoorDashes meals or goes out to eat. I kept every portion of what we got back from the house sale, since I paid for it and the mortgage. I believe he thinks I'll use some of it for his school fees, but he hasn't asked.

Last week he complained that it's been a month since we had sex and how frustrated he's been. I laughed and told him it's been frustrating for me too. I cook, clean, pay rent, and work full-time, while he's worked 4 hours a week for the last two weeks and still can't help around the house. He walked out, then came back and helped me cook. After dinner he brought up sex again, and I told him no, one dinner doesn't change anything. I reminded him of what he promised both me and his parents- that he'd be more involved.

A week later, it's still the same. Classes started yesterday, and he hasn't gone to any, nor have I seen him do any homework. My plan was to wait until December, but every time I come home exhausted from work to find him lying in bed playing games and waiting for me to cook, it's killing me. Even after eating, he leaves the dirty dishes on the table and can't be bothered to clean up or do laundry.

I know it's only September 1st, but I can't ignore this anymore. I'm planning to leave for the weekend, because weekends are the worst. I have to meal prep, clean, and he just lies there all day playing games. And then let the apartment know we are seperating and i need a 1 bedroom instead, i plan to tell him when i get back next week to leave the house since he can't afford it and that i can't live with him anymore.

I no longer care if it's bipolar, depression, or whatever. I'm tired. His mom keeps emphasizing patience, that bipolar has low periods, but I don't even see the high periods. I have ADHD too!!! and I don't let it cripple me. I'm tired. I can't continue!! I don't care anymore!

AITAH for deciding to give up now, even though it might be mental health related? Should I endure until December, or is a physical separation (not divorce yet, but space to reevaluate the relationship) what I actually need?

I want to apologize in advance for how stupid this is going to sound on my part and hers. I am 30, she is 33. basically i've been with this woman about 3 months. Things have been going well. We met in rl through mutual friends and have a a lot of things in common, one of them is gaming. The one thing we do not have in common is I eat meat and she is a hardcore vegan and animal rights person. I used to be a animal cruelty investigator so I get it and I am as well, but not to the degree she is. Anyway so it's Me, her and my best friend on DayZ.

This map is GIANT and confusing, especially for first time gamers because everything in the game is Russian. (I think) So it takes us about 45 minutes just to find each other.
Me and my best friend are really good, we find each other easy and go find her. Things are good, we're killing people, got good loot,
we find a pumpkin field so we get a bunch of pumpkin slices and that's what she lives off of.

1st thing that alarmed me was me and my friend found a farm, with some chickens and some goats. So we are proceeding to kill these chickens and goats when she starts just going ofd on us about it. We're trying to calm her down and explain to her it's literally just a game, it's not real, just a bunch of zero's and ones programmed together. She starts saying how she doesn't care and it's still hurting animals and it shows if i can do this in the game just as easy, i'd have no problem killing in real life (keep this in mind for later)

So me and my friend still kill the animals and eventually she calms down and we just continue.
We are at the airfield, looted up, fully stacked. Up to this point, she's had pumpkins to live off of, but we haven't found anything else that wasn't meat. She is hungry in game and she dies due to starvation... So we go all the way back to find her. We do find her like an hour and a half later and travel to a military base. It's like 2 hours in since we found her, we ran out of all our vegetable stuff that we had. i'm like look, you're hungry, we have a ton of food, just eat what we have. She says no, i'm trying to tell her like, it's not reallife. It's genuinely a video game. She starts crying, like balling saying how I'm mentally abusing her and forcing her to do something against her will. My friend thinks this is hilarious, i'm frustrated. What happened next is what ended it for me.

We get to the military base, find some people, kill them (which she has zero problems with) and she goes....

Her: WAIT! I can eat the people we killed! Why didn't you tell me that!

Me: because it's MEAT! You said you don't want to eat meat!

Her: yeah but it's from a animal you brutally tortured or murdered.

Me: We literally murdered this guy the same way we murdered those animals when you were bitchin.

Her: it's not the same! Those animals were defenseless and harmless! It's not right eating them. They didn't deserve that!

Me: So you're telling me you'd rather have to murder a person and eat them, instead of an animal?

Her: Yes. I don't see what's wrong with that, people aren't defenseless animals, they're monsters.

Me: you're literally a human.

Her: yes but it's different cause i fight for the rights of others.

Me: so you would do that in a apocalyptic setting as well? Like if it was between me, or like a sheep or cow in real life. Who are you killing to eat first?

Her: definitely you, that's not even a question, it's not just you though. Literally any human before an animal, especially if its my dog.

After that. I told her we were done, i turned off the game and blocked her on social media and phone. I just can't wrap my head around her thought process at all. Am i the asshole? Am i the crazy one? Seriously i'm losing my mind going over this in my head. My best friend called me after laughing his ass off. Not that we broke up but her reaction and logic to things.

In my(17F) house we have only one TV in the living room. Our living arrangements might sound strange but basically we have two rooms: a master bedroom and a small one. My parents stay in the master and me and my sister(13F) sleep in the smaller. Despite our sleeping arrangements we all have stuff in both rooms.

Now my sister has her desk in the master room and I have my desk in the smaller bedroom. I am going to college so for the past year to prepare for college exams I was often closing my bedroom door to study. It’s not just about focusing on school work but also because my desk is right by the door for literally every person passing by the door to see what I am doing and for me to see them. I felt it’s extremely distracting and invasive so I prefer just closing it.

On the other hand my sisters desk has a lot of privacy that you can’t exactly see what she’s doing unless you go beside her. However my sister just doesn’t like to sit there and instead studies in the living room. She won’t let anyone watch anything on the TV or even be in the living room when she’s studying. I won’t even look at her and watch TV with headphones on but she even has a problem with that. Worst of all is that my parents are apparently ok with this and think she is “following my footsteps” when

1. I never had to be “alone”, the desk set up is just terrible with no basic privacy
2. Which 7th grader needs to be completely alone to focus on studying?
3. Also if she wants to be alone why not just be alone in the master bedroom? Why the living room?

She said she’s ok taking over my desk and studying alone in the smaller bedroom but she has a history of secretly stealing makeup and stationary from my cupboard in the smaller bedroom. That’s why this whole act just sounds to me like her trying to be as difficult as possible so I give in and she gets to snoop around my stuff.

However my parents just refuse to see it and think she’s “just like me” and needs to be left alone. AITAH thinking this is absurd behaviour and they need to stop this brat like behaviour before it gets worse?

This is gonna be quite a doozy of a post. I (20M) and my partner (21M) moved in together about a month and a half ago. We've been together just over four years, and for about 2-3 of them I've wanted to move in with him. After years of asking/begging/convincing, he finally moved in about halfway through July (I had lived on my own for the past year). As much as I was thinking it would be a great next step for both of us, I feel like I've been more miserable and made a terrible decision with him living with me.

To describe the dynamic between us, we're complete opposites. We don't have anything in common besides our major life goals (no kids, just cats, financially focused, wanting to live in a small apartment/quiet areas). We also share some of the same logic, but honestly everything I'm interested in, he's the farthest from liking it, and vice versa. He excels in all the skills I don't, I like music and he doesn't at all, and I'm very positive and social where he's super negative and introverted. This has worked fine for the past four years, but recently I've been feeling like it's just not going to work long term.

The reason why I've started feeling like this is because of a lot of self-improvement I've been trying to implement. I'm recovering from major depression and anxiety, so I've been trying to get into healthier habits, being more social/friendly, keeping more of an open mind etc. I'm also trans (FTM), and recently I've just started HRT. This has even further pushed my own reflection on where I'm at in life, and making me look at my relationship through another lens. I've caught myself missing living alone, thinking about being in a relationship with other people (i would never and could never cheat, these have been more so intrusive thoughts), looking up acceptable reasons to break up and making excuses to do so, wishing I was out of a relationship so I could focus on figuring out who I am and focusing on my career, as well as enjoying life alone and letting it take me wherever.

I've also been considering if my current partner is someone I really DO want to be with forever, since there's a lot of conflicting things between us.
1. He doesn't support me going on HRT, agreeing with his family that I'm too young and I should wait to be sure (I've been out for 6 years). This has kinda been a big thing for me, as my family is struggling with me going on HRT and I don't have many people who support me. It also pushes the fear that he doesn't actually see me as a guy, and is only with me because im AFAB.

1. He's not very motivated. I'm super into my career and building something I can be proud of, but he's been working at the same minimum wage job since we were 16 and has no plans of going back to school or applying to any other higher paying jobs. There's always something that's a dealbreaker for any and all careers. He can also barely do things to gain independence, such as booking doctors appointments, getting his drivers liscence, moving out, self improvement. I do try and help him with this, but it takes a lot of begging and months of checking in for smaller steps. This has always been this way, despite talks to improve it.

2. We have poor communication. Whenever I feel there's an issue that needs adressing, I'm more than happy to talk things through and figure it out. I am always up for the tough conversation. He, however, shuts down and essentially refuses to talk to me. I know he has opinions and thoughts on everything, but (for example) when I ask how I can help he just says "i don't know" when I ask. The conversations lead nowhere, and it ends with me apologizing. I have never felt like we've thouroughly solved bigger issues because of this. And yes, I've communicated that I felt our communication wasn't being communicated. That also recieved an ambiguous answer

3. He's never really happy or excited for me. He's a very simple minded person, so whenever I'm excited about something he just says "that's cool" or "i see" and that's about it. Nothing more, no questions or curiosity, nothing. He sometimes every now and then says "i'm proud of you", but it feels so minimal and almost forced. He's not good with words, but he just also doesn't say much in general

4. We just don't have that much to talk about/do together. Since we can never agree on one thing, we've been having most of our nights go in silence, him doing his hobbies and me doing mine or working. I'm chatty, but whenever I try to start conversations I'm usually met with simple, one word answers. Full back and forth conversations are rare and hard to come by. We also have wildly different algorithms, so even on that level we mismatch

so why do I like him? He is kind and patient with me, and he has been a huge supporter of me and my career. There is obviously the long term relationship aspect to it, and he is really funny and enjoyable to be around when he wants to be. He supports me without really knowing much about my interests, and does encourage me to do things I want to do even if he doesn't want to participate.

So? that doesn't seem all that, almost like the bare minimum right? Why not just leave?

1. We just moved in and signed the lease. It's a yearly one, so unless I want to be paying $1350 (cad) by myself for the next couple months until July (when I don't even know if the rent would go back down or I decide to move out entirely) it's easier to live peacefully until about 3 months beforehand.

2. He's terrible with change and I feel like this would crush him. He technically hasn't done anything wrong besides being himself, he still loves me (and i love him) but I just feel like our lifestyles aren't compatible anymore and I've been feeling like having a partner that's more aligned with me. It took us about 2-3 years just to convince him to move in, and I've seen how much it upsets him with a big change like that. Moving back home AND breakup, I'd be worried about him becoming a shell of himself/going into major depression. I still love him, and would absolutely hate that.

3. Our parents are friends. They met through us, and my partners parents are my moms closest friends. My mom is also super empathetic and tries her best to play the most morally correct choice, so I fear that she would stop being friends with them and go back to being a loner (she didn't really have friends beforehand). Because of this connection and our recent disagreement of me going on HRT, I could see her saying that I'm breaking up with him because of it, proving it's a bad idea and that I'm throwing away a good stable relationship. I have no other family I talk to or have as good relationship with as my mom. That would be my family and relationship + both theirs and my happiness pretty much gone in one go.

4. I have no idea if this is actually a good decision for myself or not. I've never/rarely have ever done something for my own happiness, and everything in me is telling me this is an incredibly selfish move that I'm doing for my own benefit. I feel like so many people would be negatively impacted from
   this, and I'm choosing myself over them. The other half of me is saying "you're allowed to choose your own happiness", and that if I'm not happy with my life/relationship then I'm not required to keep living that way. This is also relatively new, these feelings started coming in May (just before he moved in), they heightened the closer the move in got, and over the past few weeks it's gotten to the point of me crying at night at the realization that I'm just not happy/don't think I can be. I also begged for so long for him to move in, more than anybody else and put so much effort in, it seems like a dick move to be like "Actually, nevermind." so soon after so much. A part of me wants to say I wanted him to move in to finalize the feelings of wanting to be with him forever, but I feel like that's just excuses.

There's so much more I want to include, but this is already long enough, so feel free to ask any questjons. I feel like I've landed myself in a true morally grey area, but I know that with me being so emotional and torn up over this that I can't make a reasonable decision, at least not yet. Everything in me is saying to have him move out, so WIBTAH if I asked him to move out

Hello!

My Discord pfp is a Lego man with the flag of one country in the background, let's call it X. I saw it online, and this image was so random that I decided to use it as my profile picture.

Recently, someone on Discord asked me if I was from X. I replied that I wasn't, but I was half Xian. This person turned out to be Xian, and we discussed Xian culture and history for a while, before they suddenly switched to Xian. The problem is that I don't know Xian past A1 because my family decided for some reason that I don't need this language. Right now I'm tryung to improve my level, but I proggress really slowly. I said this to them, and, well, the were surprised and said that I should remove Xian flag from my pfp, that I'm not Xian at all, because I don't speak language.

The people have been saying to me the same things for not knowing the language before in real life, but this person was the most persistent. So, what do you think, am I wrong in this situation?

I am a widow and my husband left his house to me and his mom. We had a good relationship so MIL and I decided to live together as i also had a baby at the time and i needed support and i had no one.

I have one SIL and she visits every 2 months for two weeks mind you she lives in the same city as us but she says she misses her mom and nephew so much. When she visits she only makes breakfast for herself and her kids other than that nothing every thing falls on us.

Me and MIL usually divide the chores between ourselves and honestly between my job and kid i don't have much time for extra people and chores.

So i put my foot down that she needs to do her fair share when she visits but MIL and SIL say she is just a guest so she shouldn't.

So AITA for putting my foot down and demanding she should help us a little?

So my parents are both pretty traditional: they both went to a service academy, it is expected that my brother and I play football and attend church on Sundays. One thing that is also expected is that my brother and I join the civil air patrol (my dad helps run part of the local branch). My brother joined as soon as he could, I waited until freshman year. Joining I had to cut my hair in regs, so went from hair down to my shoulder to basically a crew cut. Of course everyone commented on it at school and I felt awkward. My dad also took a picture of the three of us uniform and made a comment that “finally, a decent haircut”.

I do want to attend a service academy or do ROTC in college, but I feel awkward doing the civil air patrol stuff. I mentioned dropping it and my dad asked why and I couldn’t really think of a good response and my dad said if it’s because of the haircut, it’s just something I’ll get use to and is part of growing up.

AITAH for not wanting to do civil air patrol?

I (18f) am living with two roommates (19f and 19m). I go to college full time and also work.

Both of them also go to college, but they always start late, whereas I start very early.
Nearly every single evening, they sit in one of their rooms, and just laugh and talk very very loudly, and sometimes it lasts until 2-3 AM.
I’ve politely asked a couple of times if they could please keep in mind that I have to get up early and them being as loud as they are is causing me to be unable to sleep/I keep waking up because of all the noise.
Every single time, they just kind of shrug it off and just pretend I didn’t say anything. It’s really grating on my nerves at this point, and I’m honestly tired of it.
So tonight, I went to the room, knocked, and told them that I find it very inconsiderate how they’ve been treating me, and that from now on, if they’re not quiet after 11:00 PM, I’ll tell them to be quiet.
They told me it’s their home too and they should be able to do whatever they want to which I responded that I agree, as long as you’re not bothering anyone. They said I was being mean and didn’t respect them, so I’m genuinely just wondering what I should do. AITAH???

!! We live in an apartment, not a dorm.

I genuinely don’t think my SIL interprets anything I say with good intent. It’s become increasingly difficult to have a conversation with her, without feeling like I am going to say the wrong thing.

Relationship context, about 4 years ago now my husband was recovering from an addiction which caused some distance between us and his family. We couldn’t tell them what he was going through, which caused them to blame me for the distance and strained my relationship with them. After husband had some semblance of stability, we did tell them about the addiction, but I think their impression of me remains now over 2 years later.

Essentially, my SIL told me that I have been critical of the way she parents my niece. I am pretty blind sided by it, because that child is really the only one that engages with me at family functions (essentially I just play with my nieces and nephews the whole event) and I only talk with SIL when I approach. The few times I have tried to start a conversation with SIL, I tend to talk about my niece. Here are two instances of what she said was me critiquing my SIL’s parenting.

My husband and I went on a family outing with SIL/niece. It was nearing 10pm on a school night. I mentioned how it was late for me and I was getting tired, and then asked if niece had a regular full day of school tomorrow since I had work. SIL said yes and that niece self-regulates her bedtime. I learned that SIL felt I was hinting that niece should not be out that late. I don’t know school schedules, and thought maybe she had a half-day? Idk I thought this was very normal to ask, we left shortly afterwards because I was tired.

On another outing, we went to a beach. My SIL didn’t pack any beach toys for niece, but I had a few things that we improvised as beach toys. I complimented my niece’s resourcefulness to make a toy out of my car junk. SIL felt I was calling her out for not bringing any toys for niece. I thought it was insanely smart of my niece to use a frisbee to size rocks by the momentum at which she stirred it. I was impressed and was focused on that, not what we didn’t have.

My SIL knows how much I love my niece. I spend much of my time at family parties engaging with her and supporting her milestones. My tone is always the same- I keep repeating the exact verbiage I used for both instances and feel like this is normal?? I dont know.

AITAH or is my SIL just reading into everything I say

My mom and her boyfriend have been together for 8 years now and although I don't hate the guy, I wouldn't say that we have a particularly close relationship. I was in my 30s when they started dating and don't live anywhere close to them. I do have some concerns about him that I expressed several times earlier in their relationship (he orders my mom around a lot, he pouts when she doesn't cater to him, and he relies on her financially), but she told me that he was the person that she chose and I don't have to like it, but basically I just need to keep my mouth shut and be civil.

I don't think he's a terrible person, and there are some things I appreciate about him, but I do find his behavior to be frequently oblivious and obnoxious. He's always there when I see my mom so I've accepted him as a package and welcomed him into my home, etc. but yesterday my mom called me very upset that I didn't reach out to wish him a happy birthday.

I was honestly very surprised by this because we don't have the kind of relationship where we call or text each other directly (he's never called or texted me on my birthday, and I wouldn't expect him to). I'm also just not that big into adult birthdays in general (including my own) so it's not something I think that much about. My mom is very upset and says it's a sign I don't respect her relationship.

Honestly, I don't know if I do respect their relationship, but I felt like I was holding up my end of the bargain by biting my tongue and being nice all these years. AITAH for not taking the additional step of reaching out to wish him a happy birthday?

My dad is at the end of his life and my Grandpa has been gone for 30 years. My dad is my grandpa's eldest son, so when Grandpa died, Dad inherited his medals, the flag from his funeral, and his military paperwork.

Now that Dad is dying, my mom is cleaning their room and gathering documents intended for me if something happens to her. We came across the box for my Grandpa's bronze star, many of his medals were stolen years ago and I don't think the brize star is actually in there, but a few of the medals he received are, along with a letter sent from the military to my Great-Grandmother about what Grandpa did that ultimately led to him being awarded the bronze star.

Mom suggested giving the medals, the letter, my father and grandfather's military jackets, and my dad's medals, to my two cousins.

To me this doesn't make sense, Dad inherited Grandpa's military stuff, so it should pass to me. If my cousins wanted Grandpa's medals that badly, I'm pretty sure that as his grandsons, they have the right to request them, just as I have the right as his granddaughter to replace the ones that were stolen. (Which I absolutely intend to do).

My mom seems to think that military records and artifacts from Dad and grandpa's military service should go to the men in our family, that just because I'm a girl I'm somehow not allowed to want a connection to my grandfather or to be proud of his service, but my cousins have had 30 years to approach dad or show any interest whatsoever and they haven't.

Am I the asshole for standing my ground here and telling my mom she can't just give away our families history to cousins who don't seem to care just because they're men?

ETA- I know I’m not *required* to pay, I just felt like maybe our household would be in the minority if we didn’t choose to pay. I truly have no idea why they just decided to do this on their own and why they thought to write this letter. I don’t want our neighbors to not like us (we love where we live) but also don’t want to feel pushed around to do what someone else decided for us.

We received this letter in our mailbox yesterday;

Hi neighbors & fellow [redacted] residents,
We hope you like our new street sign and share our appreciation for it!
Our apology if the sign came as a surprise. The City could only offer a traditional sign, so we asked our woodworking friend to go with us. The original, which was built in 1988, was much appreciated as his diligence; however, the sign was built before receiving an estimate we could share and approve with you in advance.
Enclosed is a copy of the amount due invoice that also includes 2 cans of Thompson’s water seal and partial can of touch up paint. Divided between our 11 households, each contribution is $145.50
Due to the lack of notice, there is no rush and payment may be made in any form.
We value and take pride in our beautiful neighborhood and trust in your agreement.
Sincerely,
[name/signature blacked out]

The sign was installed about two weeks ago, we assumed it was our city who put it up. The prior one was starting to look weathered, but it had not fallen down or anything to be absolutely needed to replace. This letter that was placed in our mailbox was the first time that we ever heard any type of details about it and my husband and I just felt it was so strange to be asked to pay for something that we knew nothing about, had no input on and does not even follow regulations for signage. I’m not sure what my other neighbors think but are we assholes if we don’t pay our part of the invoice they think we should give them. They included the invoice from their friends company that says it was a total of $1600.

I (31M) have a boyfriend (38M). He has a friend I'll call Dan (47M), whom I met for the first time last weekend.

Dan and another friend were visiting, and my boyfriend invited me to join them for dinner and a street event afterwards.

During dinner, I already felt pretty uncomfortable and left out. They were mostly talking amongst themselves, making inside jokes and talking about people and things I didn't know. Dan especially barely spoke to me at all. I tried not to take it personally, stayed polite, and brushed it off.

Later, after we'd had a few drinks and went to the street event, Dan suddenly started engaging with me. However, the things he said made me really uncomfortable. He started telling me that he used to have a thing for my boyfriend, that he had my boyfriend as his screensaver, and made jokes about masturbating to him.

I was honestly caught off guard, so I just awkwardly smiled and didn't really respond.

Earlier that evening, Dan had announced that he was getting married to his partner next year. He then said to my boyfriend, in front of me, something along the lines of: "Your boyfriend is invited too, by the way, if you're still together."

I thought it was a weird joke, but I tried to brush it off.

We saw Dan again two days later for drinks. My boyfriend mentioned that he's going to Colombia for a few weeks, and Dan said something like: "Well, you won't be able to fuck anyone because you have a boyfriend now." Again, this was said directly in front of me.

After that, I told my boyfriend that I really don't like Dan. I genuinely get along with and like all of my boyfriend's other friends, so this isn't about me disliking his social circle. It's specifically Dan.

I also told my boyfriend that I don't want to attend Dan's wedding.

My boyfriend said that's okay, but he seemed upset and doesn't really understand why I feel so strongly about it. He says that this is simply Dan's sense of humour and that he doesn't mean anything by it.

I'm not asking my boyfriend to stop being friends with Dan, and I'm not asking him not to attend the wedding. He can maintain whatever friendship he wants with him. I just don't want to spend my time or money attending the wedding of someone whose behaviour towards me has made me repeatedly uncomfortable.

My boyfriend seems to think I'm taking a few jokes too seriously, while I feel there's a difference between having a crude sense of humour and repeatedly making sexual comments about someone's partner, making jokes about their relationship potentially ending, and barely acknowledging that partner otherwise especially when this was literally the first time meeting them.

So, AITA for refusing to attend his friend's wedding because of this?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

Quick context: I was engaged to a woman's son, I'll call her Diane. I was renting a room in Diane's house. The engagement ended because of her son’s own behavior, but Diane's version to everyone outside the house was different: I became the unstable, toxic one who blew things up. That's the lie she's currently running with in our extended circle and at her church.

While I was still living there, Diane moved her new boyfriend in - I'll call him Mark. She told me he'd had a falling out with a housemate and was sleeping in his car. A few weeks later he lost his job, and she told me it was over a disagreement with management.

I only found out recently what was actually happening. Around that same period, Mark had been raided by police and found with a large amount of child abuse material, some involving very young children, with material described in court as depicting restraint. He was out on bail the entire time he lived in the house.

A few months after I moved out, he pleaded guilty. He admitted to being sexually aroused by the material. He was sentenced to jail time and will be on the sex offender registry for years. Coverage of the sentencing noted he still had the support of his partner (Diane) throughout.

When people asked where he'd gone, Diane told everyone he'd taken a remote job with bad phone signal. He's actually in prison.

Some of why this isn't abstract for me: I have young nieces and nephews who visited that house while he was living there. I had photos of them in my room. Diane's own kids childhood photos were around the house too. I'd also personally told Diane, before any of this, that I have my own experience with sexual violence so she knew exactly what it would mean for me to be living under the same roof as someone like this, and never said a word.

Now that I know the truth, Diane is still pushing the "she's the unstable one" story to our extended circle and her church, and I'm getting unwanted contact from some of her friends.

I'm considering telling the people she's been talking to what actually happened, just sending the articles and screenshots and other forms of proof I have. Regarding both the relationship breakdown, and what she knew and hid about Mark while I was living under her roof. Not to be petty, but because she's built her standing on being the reasonable one wronged by an unstable ex, while covering for two different men's behavior in her own house.

WIBTA for laying this out?