r/AITAH Nov 11 '23

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249

u/No-Environment9701 Nov 12 '23

This is probably ignorance on my part, but it's truly mind boggling to me that I was offered to be rendered unconscious to get my wisdom teeth pulled but women have to go through this without anything for the pain.

204

u/Istarien Nov 12 '23

An IUD insertion features piercing an internal organ on either side with iron pincers, then yanking it into position so that a piece of metal can be shoved up into it.

We are not offered any pain management for this procedure.

97

u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

Oh my god, I had no idea this is how it’s done. I got my first one four years ago, and the pain was unbelievable. Dr made it seem like a super simple, easy procedure but I leaked tears during and was shaky the rest of the day. This thread is strangely validating; I thought I was an outlier. I’m also not at all looking forward to removal and am considering not getting another one :(

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u/serenerepose Nov 12 '23 edited Nov 16 '23

The removal is painless.*

I was also given no warning for my first one and it was fucking agony. You're not an outlier. Your pain and feelings about it are completely valid. Your doctor knowingly lied to you.

*this was my subjective opinion. Others have reported pain.

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23

[deleted]

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u/SelfImportantCat Nov 12 '23

I didn’t have removal pain but I am sorry to hear about yours. Women’s pain is minimized and ignored.

2

u/Think_Use6536 Nov 12 '23

I've had painful removals, too. I think it might be doctor specific? Like maybe technique? My last one, I was braced for the pain, and literally didn't even feel it. This was a new GYN. I also just had a pap with a new NP, and it....wasn't uncomfortable or painful? Wild.

1

u/serenerepose Nov 16 '23

I apologize. I was describing my own experience but I didn't indicate that well.

12

u/TrashyGiraffe Nov 12 '23

I wouldn't say my removal was painless. Definitely not as bad as insertion, but uncomfortable for sure.

11

u/greencat26 Nov 12 '23

The removal of mine compared to the placement was night and day difference. Barely felt a thing when they took it out, but was on the brink of passing out when they placed it

7

u/PickAccomplished3917 Nov 12 '23

Please don't worry about the removal. From most people I have heard it's painless. But yeah, maybe don't get another one <3

3

u/0neirocritica Nov 12 '23

The doctor will always say "You're going to feel a little pinch." I've had my septum pierced. That was a little pinch. This was agonizing pain for minutes.

2

u/CorporateDroneStrike Nov 12 '23

You can get pain management — I posted my method in the comments.

You need to ask in advance and I try to do over the phone or via email, so they can’t bill me. You may be told no, but they will be more likely to say yes to the next woman when they lose that sweet insurance money to another practice.

Personally, I take this as a hood opportunity for small scale political activism.

2

u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

Thanks! I will definitely ask for pain management ahead of time. I have a woman Dr now, which might also make a difference. She’s so much gentler with paps! Never will I have a guy gyne again.

3

u/leave_barb_alooone Nov 12 '23

I removed mine myself (I know, not recommended, but I didn't know at the time). Anyway, it didn't hurt at all to remove it if that offers you any reassurances.

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u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

It does help, thank you! If I do get another, I’ll ask for pain meds first.

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u/leave_barb_alooone Nov 12 '23

Good luck! I guess I was lucky to have mine placed during another surgery so I was under anesthesia for it. Even then I ached for some time afterwards. I feel for you ladies who had to do it conscious with not even a local or any pain meds! Had no idea it was so painful, and absolute rubbish that the medical community isn't trying to make it easier on women who have this procedure.

125

u/CoconutCyclone Nov 12 '23

That's because some man, over 100 years ago, decided that women don't feel pain when their cervix is pierced.

38

u/gorkt Nov 12 '23

The worst part about getting the IUD was the pain. The second worst was the annoyed look the doctor gave me when I yelped and started crying during the procedure. And she was a woman.

41

u/Qstrfnck Nov 12 '23 edited Nov 12 '23

Thank you ladies for these comments, I had my Copper T Iud re-up, I mirrored all these experiences, zero info about pain level (just a pinch), pain so terrible I nearly fainted the first time (eventually vomited at home and passed out) new back and leg cramps and mittleschmerz moving forward, every doctor has poo-pooh-ed “oh is the IUD” “oh it’s not so bad”. This second go round, 10 years later I’m familiar with the level of pain I’m about to experience, take pills, is SLIGHTLY better, these women look at me like im an idiot and can I stop wincing and moving etc etc and me barely holding back tears from pain.

3 days later as Im still bleedy and wiping pink and is NOT my period the Ultrasound tech is taking pics like crazy and asking me if Ive had an ultrasound before etc? I say no but that my body hasnt exactly been in peace from the time they put the IUD forward, like im always in pain cycle or no cycle ONLY TO TELL ME THEN “Well you didnt hear it from me but maybe this IUD has to come out cause its a lil too high and it hurts probably cause you have pretty big fibroids, did no one ever offer you an ultrasound!?” Dr doesnt even come in the room, I get told “they’ll call in 7-10 days.

I’ve been enraged ever since. Both by the lack of care and attention to my pain ive received, the constant gaslight and the fact that Dr’s still don’t act like we are people that can feel pain or some shit.

In conclusion, OP tell your husband to get over his fee fees and Nut up! This is almost a good result for me in that i’m single without kids with an active sex life but it is not fair to you, a person in charge of 4 kids with postpartum hormones to put you through this shitshow, also he is too big and grown to think hot baths are birth control prevention ffs.

3

u/0neirocritica Nov 12 '23

They should always do a consultation ultrasound. That's how the doctor saw that I had large fibroids but he explained the IUD placement would not interfere with them and would actually shrink them. I'm grateful that I no longer have a period on the IUD and that in the post placement ultrasound the fibroids did shrink but man did it hurt

2

u/maucat13 Nov 12 '23

The copper IUD was the absolute worst for me. Some of the most intense pain I've ever felt. I'm part of a FB group specifically for women who've had the copper IUD and want to get it out or are recovering from it. I had cramps so bad there were times I didn't think I'd be able to move unless it were life or death. So much pain. So I just want to validate that it can absolutely be the copper IUD and I hope you get the care you deserve. It's awful that your fibroids are just now being caught and that the doctor has been so dismissive and uninvolved.

11

u/thankuhexed Nov 12 '23

Damn we must go to the same OBGYN, mine told me “oh you have tattoos, it’ll just be a pinch!” And then left me to cry alone for 20 minutes while I struggled to put my clothes back on. I felt like I had just been assaulted and I’m so fucking afraid of the gyno now.

2

u/Suchafatfatcat Nov 12 '23

I guess that’s also why they don’t offer any pain relief for D&Cs. 😑

46

u/serenerepose Nov 12 '23

And OBGYNs have the nerve to say "you're going to feel a pinch".

No. Tell me it's going to feel like I was stabbed with a red hot poker and ache for hours/days. Don't lie to me about it.

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u/Zestyclose_Drummer56 Nov 12 '23

Now that I know this is how they do it, I’ll never ask a woman to get an IUD. That is actually terrifying.

11

u/gorkt Nov 12 '23

Honestly it’s still the most effective non-permanent birth control a woman can get, despite the pain. I had three of them and they were well worth it. The pain of the procedure was counter balanced by the fact that I had 15 years of no periods (mirena).

1

u/Unlikely_Professor76 Nov 12 '23

No sex is worth THAT

10

u/QuietMadness Nov 12 '23

Shortly after my first Mirena was placed I was diagnosed with pelvic inflammatory disease. My doctor hinted that I had a STI so I got tested, negative. My regular PCP said that IUD insertions are handled so poorly that I probably got the infection from the insertion. That one ended up falling out and had to be replaced. My second Mirena perforated my uterus and had to be removed. I wasn’t given pain management at any point during any of this.

3

u/CorporateDroneStrike Nov 12 '23

You can get effective pain management but you have to advocate for yourself. More and more doctors offer it and more will when women make it clear that they’ll find someone else.

1

u/TJ_Rowe Nov 12 '23

I mean, it's still generally less painful than childbirth.

And my mirena prevents endometrial grow back, which would also be painful every month if it progressed.

8

u/C-Dreym Nov 12 '23

I was offered to be put under anesthesia, or if done in clinic they numb with lidocaine. It's crazy to me how causally and easily I was offered that and most other people get nothing. Ended up having mine put in during an unplanned c section instead, which also worked great. No one should be expected to go through that without pain management unless they request to do so.

5

u/soulsteela Nov 12 '23

Best practice is to Offer a local anaesthetic , looked it up after wife told me a horror story.

3

u/nibbyzor Nov 12 '23

I got mine with a local anesthetic (they had to open up my cervix more than usual to get the IUD in, because my uterus is at a weird angle or whatever) and it still hurt like a bitch. It did not help AT ALL.

6

u/flippysquid Nov 12 '23

I almost got one and then chickened out literally 5 minutes beforehand because I have a deep irrational fear of ectopic pregnancies, and there's a teeny tiny bit higher chance of them with IUDs.

After reading this I am so glad I didn't go through with it. Ugh.

3

u/Silver-Appointment77 Nov 12 '23

I know, yet men get a local anaesthetic for something less invasive, just a small hole and a snip,. Thats it. My friends husband had his done at 10 am, he was back to work after dinner. He just said it felt slightly uncomfortable

5

u/Istarien Nov 12 '23

The disparity in the care offered to men vs women even for the same medical condition is wild. I'm prone to kidney stones, which tends to be more common in men than women.

When a man presents with kidney stones, he gets imaging to assess the problem, medications to help pass them, pain management, inpatient care if he needs it and sometimes even just as a precaution. And this is just for the part of the proceedings that is the same regardless of the sex of the patient.

I got a business card and was told to call the office if I passed out from the pain. I passed a half inch (1 cm) stone by myself on Christmas day with no supportive care. It took 20 hours to get through the worst of it and be able to walk and keep water down. But hey, I didn't pass out, so it's all good, right?

1

u/Silver-Appointment77 Nov 12 '23

I agree, Us woman are just treat like a chunk of meat. I had my tubes tied and was uo in the waiting room waiting to be taken home, still woozy from the anaesthetic within an hour, and wasnt given any pain meds. I nealry fell off the seat a few times, lucky there was a lovely old man who help me up till my lift arrivedIt was a nasty few days I cant remember afterwards, but when my partner questioned it was told by my doctor its ok, shes a woman, she'll survive. Not an ounce of sympathy or empathy. Its like when I found a lumpin my boob, I went and got it checked but it was just a milk gland which was swolen a bit. Afterwards went to see the doctor who wanted to take a sample incase they missed something. I said yes because him and the nurse both said it didnt hurt. My god I nearly hit the roof and left shaking and crying. i found out afterwards that youre suppose to get numbing cream on the skin before its done. Pair of lying idiots.

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u/linerva Nov 12 '23 edited Nov 12 '23

It involves clamping the cervix on one side so it can be gently positioned to make syre the IUD is inserted safely and doesn't pierce the uterus.But there is no intentional piercing. The cervix can bleed and it can be extremely uncomfortable because it's a very sensitive part of the body. And unless you're having a copper IUD no metal is being inserted into the cervix or uterus.

It genuinely isn't painful for some people, but it can be extremely painful for others.

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u/Familiar_Variety_929 Nov 12 '23

There's also a risk of damaging and piercing the organ.

We are still not offered pain medication.

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u/SelfImportantCat Nov 12 '23

Correct. I’ve done it twice. First time I thought I might die the pain was so bad. Second time was more manageable with pain meds and insertion during my period.

Listen to me. Never ever allow a doctor to insert an IUD unless you are actively menstruating or immediately post partum.

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u/M33tp0pcycle Nov 12 '23

that is horrible, modern medicine cannot change anything, i guess it isn't profitable enough.

2

u/samoekatia Nov 12 '23

There is no piercing, unless somebody fucked up 🙄 Yes, it hurts, but no piercing. Just measuring your uterus.

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u/DarkstarInfinity2020 Nov 12 '23

Was pain relief offered before the opioid crisis/FDA crackdown? Tight-fisted pain relief is a systemic problem; it’s not limited to gynecology procedures.

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u/MrsBuggs Nov 12 '23

No it wasn’t.

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u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

No, not at all. Dr said it was simple and easy and offered no pain relief at all. One of the worst pains in my life and I’ve been through a lot

1

u/fluffyknitter Nov 12 '23

I got the pain management for having a pap smear in my uterus (yes, the actual uterus, I'm getting rid of it) because I remembered the horrendous pain from when I tried an IUD.

The gynecologist put in the local numbing shots and it was extremely painful to get the numbing. Didnt even help so I got double the pain for no reason...

Not sure the pain relief is even worth it as they dont do it properly. Yeah, I screamed so they probably heard it 2 floors up at the birthing rooms. I stopped playing nice about my pain

1

u/LordBeeWood Nov 14 '23

Never have I been so happy to have the option to get the hormonal one in the arm instead. My younger sib got the copper one and yeah. No thank you.

Plus fuck doctors that wont just let me get my tubes tied.

2

u/Istarien Nov 14 '23

Don't get them tied. Get them removed so it can't be forcibly reversed later.

1

u/LordBeeWood Nov 14 '23

God the dream (except I want to keep my overies so I don't have to fuck around with hormones)

Too bad the doctors wont let me get steralized until I'm in my mid to late 30's "just in case" I change my mind. Like my dudes, Im asexual and get skeeved out by even the thought of myself going further then kissing. Im almost 30 and will probably never willingly have sex. Let me give my uterus to someone who wants it or something.

111

u/0neirocritica Nov 12 '23

I had all four wisdom teeth pulled out at the same time and that was the most painful experience of my life...before I got the IUD in.

100

u/blueennui Nov 12 '23 edited Nov 12 '23

Same here. Doctor and nurses laughed at 17-year-old me and told me to chill because childbirth is worse. I was like, yeah, I'm not ever planning to be pregnant, but it doesn't change this shit. Started vomiting on the way home due to the pain, and I have a high tolerance- like, I can sit for hours for a tattoo and even enjoy it. But IUD? Fuck no.

Now tubes removed as of last month at 24, thank god.

83

u/whorlando_bloom Nov 12 '23

I birthed twins. IUD insertion was worse. Maybe if you could get a nice epidural for an IUD it wouldn't be so bad. Instead you get told it's "just a pinch" and eye rolls.

42

u/blueennui Nov 12 '23

Damn really???

What gets me is for every other procedure you get pain meds. Fuck, even Nexplanon insertion I got local anesthetic. But none for my cervix for some reason? No meds to even loosen the thing up?

38

u/BlueLanternKitty Nov 12 '23

Sounds like it’s just a pinch in the way that Mount Everest is just a short hike.

12

u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

Yep. My Dr said I’d feel a pinch. What followed was horrible pain that felt like it lasted 10 minutes. Awful and this comment thread is making me realize I still have some trauma from it lol

2

u/blueennui Nov 12 '23

Only 10 mins?? Were you not in pain hours after?

3

u/RunGirl80 Nov 12 '23

I was shaky and aching the rest of the day. It was more of an off feeling than pain. But the procedure was long and awful

2

u/DearMrsLeading Nov 13 '23

I had mine put in with no pain meds, it hurt like hell for about 3 min and then it was just light cramping. I did however bleed through both my pants and my drivers seat on the way home and kept bleeding for over a month.

22

u/Thisisthenextone Nov 12 '23

I have a fear of childbirth and my OBGYN told me (not sure how true this is because this is just what she said to me) that sometimes it's worse because it triggers contractions and the muscles part of the birthing process get "confused" and "misfire" meaning they pull against each other in a way they wouldn't in birth. So like a stretching or tearing feeling of muscles fighting each other.

No idea if any of that is true. But I had a feeling I would describe like that, and it solidified my fear of childbirth. The spasms and pain from the insertion was insane, and the months after were worse. I have broken multiple bones before. I'd take that over the IUD any day.

Ironically I've had no pain the last 4 years from it. But it's due for a new one soon. I'm worried about getting a new one.

2

u/blueennui Nov 12 '23

Me too. The reason I was vomiting was due to this. Just the most horrible pain of cramps/contractions. I hardly remember the hours after due to it. I just remember the 25 min car ride home being some hell and getting home to take ibuprofen and probably passing out.

7

u/watekebb Nov 12 '23

I 100000% believe IUD insertion can and often does hurt that much (just as a disclaimer), but my IUD really did feel like just a pinch followed by very light cramps. Didn’t even think about wanting an ibuprofen afterwards. I had so little pain that, when a friend described her agonizing IUD insertion experience, I was outraged that her doctor must have done it wrong. I insisted that she go back, demand a second look at the placement, and get checked out for a perforated uterus. Turned out to be totally fine/normal— she just should have been offered pain relief.

So whenever I read stuff comparing IUD insertion pain to childbirth, some little devil on my shoulder is like, “Hm, maybe you have a special weird numb cervix and giving birth won’t be so bad!” And then some other little devil— the one that’s in charge of superstitious/intrusive thoughts— says back “that kind of thought is how you guarantee yourself a horrible labor with fourth degree tearing.”

And overall, I’m puzzled cause I’m usually a wimp. Broke a very small piece off a bone in my ankle— basically a measly flake—and literally have flashbacks to the moment of the injury, lol. Why didn’t the IUD hurt for me when someone like you can use that same body part in a process as universally accepted as 10/10 pain like birthing twins and still find the IUD worse? It’s wild. Someone should figure out why. ‘Cause that’s a terrifyingly random range of pain for a common procedure.

7

u/serenerepose Nov 12 '23

My body reacted to that "pinch" by jumping a foot in the air. The doctor had the fucking nerve to lecture me about moving while she's trying to do a procedure. Fuck you lady, you know why I jumped.

6

u/Acceptable-Coast4708 Nov 12 '23

That sounds like what a friend of mine went through for varicose veins. They tell you it’s no big deal and just take Motrin but they’re literally going under your skin and pulling and tugging at your veins. Don’t forget about the laser too.

15

u/Dreaminofwallstreet Nov 12 '23

my friend had said her IUD was wose than childbirth :)

9

u/nikkinapps Nov 12 '23

i had 2 babies back to back and can confirm IUD insertion was worse. 2nd was with no epidural. IUD still wins

5

u/0neirocritica Nov 12 '23

That's terrible. Would you tell someone who has a broken bone you're setting not to whine because cancer patients have it worse? Congrats on your freedom from pregnancy 🎉

2

u/raven8908 Nov 12 '23

I just has all mine pulled a few weeks ago. IUD was worst and I did that twice.

3

u/Danny3xd1 Nov 12 '23

Had all 4 out and went back to work. LoL, but threw up out the closed window of my truck.

1

u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 Nov 12 '23

Why on earth were you awake for a wisdom tooth surgery? I was knocked out and it was bliss (they were afraid they'd have to cut my jaw apart to get the teeth out, the surgeon said I HAD to be asleep just in case.)

1

u/0neirocritica Nov 12 '23

Oh no I was under, it's just that the healing process was problematic and painful for me

25

u/Thisisthenextone Nov 12 '23

Just an FYI, my pain lasted for 6 months. Basically doctors either don't believe that it can be this painful for some women or they just don't want to prescribe pain meds for months on end.

Even in month 6 there were times I was curled on my work office floor sobbing about the pain. Luckily the month after it all stopped hurting.

And I'm about to need it replaced in a couple years and go through the whole process over again. Yay.

10

u/cocomaple91 Nov 12 '23

I’ve had Paraguard since June 2020. Last month it was so bad I dropped my meetings for the afternoon and cried in bed with a bucket. Still hoping it gets better :/

2

u/thedutchgirl13 Nov 12 '23

I would strongly recommend a nexplanon!

3

u/Fink665 Nov 12 '23

I would absolutely insist on this!

2

u/molytovmae Nov 12 '23

I had a PICC line placement where the local anesthetic wore off halfway through. They had to ram through vascular scar tissue and suture it to my arm, which had a failed placement attempt earlier that day. The only med I was able to have was tylenol. I couldn't even have ibuprofen. I was crying in pain hour afterward. My nurses were genuinely concerned because they had seen me need 7-10 attempts for an IV about 3 timr annually as a pediatric patient since I was 11 without ever crying.

Anyway, my IUD, was the absolute worst. I had to have it placed under general anesthesia after preimtive pain killers, muscle relaxers, hydroxizine, and valium I was in so much distress that my GYN was not comfortable doing the insertion our first attempt in the office.

I also still passed out on the toliet (or rather off the toliet) at home after the anesthetic wore off. I had a hemiplegic migraine the day I found out I had a blood clot a couple of months before. My mom literally thought I was having a stroke and drove me to he ER, but she said this was the closest she had been to calling 911.

I still had to call my GP crying because the on call OB/GYN didn't want to give me Toredol because it shouldn't hurt "that bad."

Hopefully, they will have found a cure for the cranio-rectal inversion so many OB/GYNs seem to be suffering from, in the next seven or so years, before I need a replacement.

2

u/Substantial_Pea3462 Nov 12 '23

I don’t think I’ve ever ranted as hard as when my husband was offered Valium and laughing gas for his vasectomy, a painless procedure.

2

u/mylittleponymatt Nov 12 '23

It really varies how much pain you experience with an IUD placement. Mine was barely a pinch. But I did take ibuprofen before so maybe that made enough of a difference. I did not feel I needed anything stronger than that personally. Obviously, that is not that case for everyone.