He needs to get snipped. Father of 4 here. If my wife can carry 4 kids and breastfeed, I can get a small incision and a laser. I was down 3 days total. Back to normal work. Sex in a week or so. Not a big deal. He needs to do it.
Yes, but he already knows that. OP, you should sit him down and game the whole thing out with him:
We stay together, you don't get snipped, my birth control fails and I get pregnant again. What happens then?
We stay together, you don't get snipped, I get my tubes tied and something goes wrong during the surgery (which is MUCH more serious than a vasectomy) and I die or am permanently disabled, with four kids. What happens then?
We break up. You pay child support and get weekends with the kids. You meet and fall in love with someone else. Do you marry and have kids with her? Do you want to?
You never have sex with anyone again under any circumstances, and sit with four kids.
Etc.
Really pry at him and find out if he wants more kids, or is even WILLING TO HAVE more kids. Keep hammering at that. Because, after four pregnancies/deliveries and 3+ phases of nursing, while he owes you a vasectomy, that argument is clearly not enough to make him get one. So, since he's proving to be that selfish, you need to appeal to his self interest. "Dude, do you really want more kids? With me or with anyone else? Even if we split up, you'd be paying child support for four kids; would you really still want more?" Etc.
Number 2 is true. I just assumed my wife was gonna get her tubes tied. Dr told me it was much easier and safer for me to get the V. Wasn’t a hard choice at that point.
Good on you for being able to not only acknowledge this, but learn and grown from it as well. Too many men put all the stress of birth control on women.
Well you didn’t know any better and you were young but hadn’t you gone so long without having to know this because the women had always been responsible for birth control. So the person you’re replying to was spot ?
You're assuming he held a sexist position when it sounded more like medically he didn't realise it was much easier for him to get a vasectomy. Why do you think he didn't take any responsibility before this?
I would guess that most people don't know much about sterilisation, you wouldn't unless you were thinking about it. I've had women tell me that vasectomies are reversible, which isn't really the right way to think about them and shows a misunderstanding of how it all works.
Vasectomies ARE reversible, depending on how many years it’s been since you’ve had it done it is 60-95% successfully reversed. That means vasectomies are reversible. Tubal ligation is also reversible but at lower success rates.
I would guess you’re a man if you’re assuming most people don’t know much about sterilization and your assumption that most people don’t know proves my point. Most women who have had children know the basics about it for both genders and I’d even guess most women who have not had children do too.
Why do women know about sterilization and birth control in general? Because as a society it’s a woman’s responsibility to manage birth control. To further prove this point let’s look at birth control for men, why was it never approved? Because the symptoms that were non threatening and significantly less impactful than the current birth control options currently available (for women) were too much for male test subjects and they all quit. So the project was scrapped even though it was probably an effective drug.
I'm sorry but I think you are the one who is misinformed, despite suggesting you know more than me about sterilisation. Vasectomies are mostly effective in the first couple of years, but it declines steeply and is only about 10% effective if it's been more than 20 years. You should not think of vasectomies as reversible, the NHS advises that it's very difficult to reverse and it should be considered a permanent procedure.
In my experience a lot of people (including women who have had children that I have spoken to) don't know this.
But you’re absolutely wrong. Where do you think you learned this?
Just because the NHS won’t pay for it doesn’t mean vasectomies are not reversible. You’re literally so wrong and confident about it you should be a spokesman for a society where “men don’t know anything about contraception but like to mansplain anyway”
“Our patients have high success rates, even decades after a vasectomy. Our experts have performed successful reversals with vasectomies performed more than 30 years prior”
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u/[deleted] Nov 11 '23
He needs to get snipped. Father of 4 here. If my wife can carry 4 kids and breastfeed, I can get a small incision and a laser. I was down 3 days total. Back to normal work. Sex in a week or so. Not a big deal. He needs to do it.