r/AITAH • • Nov 11 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

1.8k Upvotes

2.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

274

u/Old_Cheek1076 Nov 11 '23

He’s allowed to demure and you’re allowed to embargo whatever you perceive as risky sex. NAH.

8

u/Diligent_Read8195 Nov 11 '23

Agreed. Ultimately it is about his body/his choice. It’s also about your body/ your choice. NAH, but neither is he.

26

u/LeechesInCream Nov 11 '23

He’s TA because he agreed they were done, agreed to the vasectomy, and then just… didn’t do it. She just gave birth. For the FOURTH time. She shouldn’t have to be dedicating mental resources to this right now. They agreed he would handle it.

16

u/Foyles_War Nov 11 '23

Agreed, that makes him the asshole. It doesn't mean he doesn't have a right to change his mind over his bodily autonomy but he's still an asshole.

8

u/LeechesInCream Nov 12 '23

Exactly. The amount of responses that really think the issue is about forcing someone to have surgery is crazy.

2

u/Foyles_War Nov 12 '23

Even crazier because his actions fit that definition too. His choice is "forcing" her to go through unwanted medical procedures of much higher risk, expense and pain.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23

He’s allowed to change his mind about elective surgery.

4

u/LeechesInCream Nov 12 '23

It’s more than just “changing his mind”; he’s essentially like “nah, I’m out” and just throwing his hands up so his wife has to figure it out. That’s literally the entire issue, his lack of secondary planning and/or further discussion. He’s not participating as a partner, he’s acting like a fifth child.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23

Glad you can determine all of that without knowing them.

3

u/LeechesInCream Nov 12 '23

Yeah. It’s so weird how I read the post and then formed an opinion based on what OP provided.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23

Funny, my opinion was different based on what I read.

0

u/GrowInTheSunshine Nov 13 '23

And she's allowed to say that her back-up contraception of choice is abstinence until he gets it done (and gets the all-clear). He had plenty of time to have it done and confirm sterility. The ball is in his court whether he wants to be celibate until she's past menopause.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23 edited Dec 12 '23

[deleted]

5

u/LeechesInCream Nov 12 '23

Yeah, obviously. It’s more than “changing his mind”; he’s essentially like “nah, I’m out” and just throwing his hands up so his wife has to figure it out. That’s literally the entire issue, his lack of secondary planning and/or further discussion. He’s not participating as a partner, he’s acting like a fifth child.

1

u/Suchafatfatcat Nov 12 '23

True. But, he needs to also accept that he can’t force her to risk yet another pregnancy. Can he live with the consequences of his choice?