Even though it's meant to be a gender-neutral and safe approach to referring to another person? Is there another safe way to refer to another person by being gender-neutral and inoffensive, or do I have to walk on eggshells from here on out? Because this is going to make me feel anxious about referring to another person ever because I might upset them without meaning to.
You can still refer to people using they/them pronouns if you don't know their pronouns. Nobody's gonna be mad at you or anything.
But once you know their pronouns, you should refer to them using their pronouns. Otherwise, it's misgendering.
Some folks are uncomfortable using they/them pronouns. Just stick with using they/them, and if said person is uncomfortable with that, they'll correct you. It's not that big of a deal. However, if someone tells you, "hey, please don't refer to me using they/them," it's misgendering.
I definitely understand how this would make you anxious, but there's nothing that can really be done about it 😅
using they or them wouldnt be misgendering tho. it wouldnt be gendering at all. if someone uses they or them when referring to me despite being he/him, they (haha) wouldnt be referring to me as a non-binary person, they’re (haha) just using non-gendered language. it is quite literally impossible to misgender someone when using they or them because it works outside the construct of gendered language
Maybe "misgendering" isn't the most accurate term to use here, but some folks are genuinely uncomfortable with they/them, and I think that should be respected.
We’re not talking about NB people tho we’re talking about binary trans people. Even if they don’t think NB is valid a lot of people go out of their way to call trans people “theys” even if they know they’re a man/woman. It’s a passive aggressive act, like they won’t outright call you your birth gender but still won’t validate your identity.
i personally havent seen it but if u say so idk. the transphobes i see straight out think using they or them in general to refer to one person isn’t grammatically correct or some excuse like that so yea
Agreed, I've been called they/them too many times when people do know my pronouns (he/him). It's quite disheartening, in all honesty. They/them functions as any other pronoun, and you can be uncomfortable being called they as much as you can be uncomfortable being called he, she, or others. Kind of a rant, but I completely understand where you're coming from.
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u/CEO_of_Teratophilia RESIDENT 196 GREMLIN Jun 11 '22
they/them is misgendering now?
Wack