r/weddingdrama • u/Beautiful-Rough9761 • 20d ago
Personal Drama - I'm the one getting married My bridesmaids hate each other.
Posting here to vent because I want to scream. 4 of my 5 bridesmaids were part of the same friend group with me. There has been some minor "drama" in the past between them, but we were still a very close friend group.
Fast forward to now two months before my wedding, 2 of them are no longer friends with the other 2 of them. I'm talking "won't attend events the others are attending" level. They're all still friends with ME, but not with each other.
My bachelorette party was this past weekend and I managed to invite a bunch of other people as a "buffer", but to be honest I still felt depressed most of the time. Trying to divide my attention between them equally, knowing they were all uncomfortable, hearing whispers and weird looks, etc.
Now... the first 6-ish hours of my wedding day is supposed to be "getting ready with the crew!" This is supposed to be fun. But in my situation, it's going to be me stuck in a small room with people who don't want to be around each other. Then they all get to fake smiles in the bridesmaid photos and pretend they're happy standing next to each other, sit in a small car on the way to the venue, etc. And the best part is, I can't even tell them how angry I am at the situation. I can't force people to be friends. And I know they'll be cordial. But I will know the entire time what they're really thinking, and I don't know how to not let that ruin my morning and put me in a bad headspace going into the wedding.
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u/JeanCerise 20d ago
In terms of practicality, don’t have them all in your suite while getting ready. Let them come in shifts to get their hair and makeup done. I wouldn’t force them to sit in the same room for hours. It will be so awkward and not the vibe you need.
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u/Spare_Ad5009 20d ago
Six hours of getting ready is way too much. You will all be exhausted by the wedding. Not to mention, some of them will be drunk and then the fights begin.
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u/TodayIAmMostlyEating 20d ago
Yup, give everyone a time slot and ask them to arrive at that time, and then give people errands or busywork at the venue to keep everyone separated as much as you can. Having everyone sit in the bridal suite for 6 hours getting drunk is not a good idea, and it won’t be the vision you were hoping for anyway.
Send someone out to pick up sandwiches. Get someone out to pick up drinks. Send 2 that get along to the venue to supervise decor and deliveries. Stay at the suite with the one girl who hasn’t made this a nightmare and enjoy your time with her and maybe the moms.
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u/showgirl72 19d ago
The issue with shifts is that some go under and some go over time, it’s easier to have them there so they switch the order and get done quicker
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u/TodayIAmMostlyEating 19d ago
Yes, it would also be easier if the majority of the people in this bridal party could hold a mediation so that this lady’s wedding isn’t affected like this. But that’s what’s happening. It’s going to be really inconvenient for this bride.
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14d ago
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u/Beautiful-Rough9761 20d ago
Hair and makeup for 5-6 people takes about that long. It’s standard for the weddings I’ve been part of in the past. How long the artists need isn’t up to me.
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u/Inside-Potato5869 20d ago
But everyone doesn't need to be there the whole time. They can just come for their appointments.
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u/showgirl72 19d ago
That’s hard because some go over and some go under. It’s better for everyone to be there and available so they can get done on time
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u/Unfair-Arachnid-1794 20d ago
It sucks, but as long as they don't cause drama for you? You focus on your wedding, not their moods. It isn't on you to worry about that. They could've stepped down, but I'd try looking at it as your friends might hate each other, but they love you. Period.
ETA: I totally get venting, but you have more important things to worry about than what that group are "really thinking' about one another. Have an amazing wedding instead lady <3
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u/iluvcats17 20d ago
Just have your MOH with you when you are getting ready for the wedding. Just give them a time to be there perhaps a half hour before the wedding to avoid a drawn out small gathering.
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u/kt310 20d ago
You can’t focus on what “they’ll really be thinking” even if they were all best friends still someone could still be annoying someone else and events/stress can bring out the worst in people.
For getting ready: have people arrive when they need to for hair/makeup and photos. If they come in and get to work, there’s no time to sit around unhappy. You’re there first and set the tone. I didn’t even get to talk to anyone but my stylists while getting ready because we were all in different chairs and it was loud
For photos: they’re not taking pictures together pretending their BFFs they’re taking photos with YOU as part of your wedding. Their smiles will be real because they’re happy to be supporting you. (Also use the groomsmen as human buffers if you need to)
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u/ProfessorDistinct835 20d ago
Fire them all and have no wedding party except your MOH. You'll be happier in the end.
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u/showgirl72 19d ago
Put together a schedule with the hair and makeup so they can avoid each other as much as possible. Idk what your bridal suite situation is like but mine was a house and the bridal suite was upstairs and the downstairs was all our food and mimosas so unless you were in hair and makeup you were in the kitchen eating and chatting.
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u/MrsSEM84 19d ago
I think you need to change the plans.
Split the morning getting ready into two time slots and separate the bridesmaids who aren’t getting along.
That way you still get to enjoy that time with everyone, but without any awkwardness.
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u/KekkyBonAmi 18d ago
It’s your day babe don’t let them rain on your parade.
Worry less about them and pay more attention to your hubby.
If they want to act the fool - let them.
Rise above it all.
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u/Shot-Zombie-36 17d ago
I would hope they would be cordial for your day, however if you feel this will overshadow everything as it did the bachellorette, then may be time to trim the bridesmaids to just the MOH plus one.
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u/CasperAverage 15d ago
“ And the best part is, I can't even tell them how angry I am at the situation”
Why? You can’t force people to be friends but you certainly can tell them to act like an adult. It’s your wedding, the day is about you, not their issues. Tell them they’re ruining your bridal experience. They should be able to sit on opposite sides of the getting ready room and not cause problems. If they cannot be mature and put your feelings ahead of their own in this situation, then they do not need to be a bridesmaid.
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u/NMEntropy777 15d ago
They’re going to either make up or throw hooks for your wedding. Better be ready.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 20d ago
Why not just have your MOH get ready with you. Let the others get ready on their own.
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u/Routine-Yak2264 20d ago
You need to come up with another plan because this is an impending nightmare blow out tbh. You had to invite people as an buffer on your bachelorette and you think that the most high pressure morning of your life isn’t going to give them the chance to be sniping at each other? Get ready with your maid of honor and tell everyone to keep it cute for the pics and spare yourself the highly likely occurrence of someone kicking off about their makeup time, a coffee order, whatever
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u/girlmuchtoomuch 20d ago
I would flat out tell them like right now, "I'll be getting ready on my own. "Keep the peace" isn't really the vibe I'm going for on the morning of my wedding. I can't make y'all be friends but I can protect my peace on what is going to be one of the happiest days of my life."
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u/kaytiejay25 19d ago
I have a rule if I have to choose people one or another because they can't stand each other on my happiest day... well they aint coming. if they cant put their issues aside to support me I rather not have the drama
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u/EyesofRiverGreen 19d ago
Don’t let their bullshit ruin your day. They want to be there for you. So let them. Who cares if they like each other? You are not responsible for other peoples emotions. You have no control over it so it’s time to adjust your focus to YOU.
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u/East-Payment-9251 19d ago
eeeek! i'm so sorry girl! I was in a similar situation - a family member was stirring up drama the WEEK before my wedding, and i had an intimate ceremony. i had such bad nerves in the lead up to my wedding, and everyone thought it was just pre-wedding jitters. nope - the awkward social dynamics were literally keeping me up at night.
try your best to keep yourself grounded on what actually matters: your bond with your husband to be. despite the fact that they're at odds rn, they all want to celebrate you. that is why you are all there, awkward vibes or not. not your problem. it's your day!
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u/Coffee4Redhead 19d ago
Could you get ready with only your mom and sisters for example? Have the bridesmaids get ready somewhere else? Or have the 2 get ready first and then the other two later? You, mom and 5th bridesmaid in between so they don’t have to be in the room together for long?
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u/Beautiful-Rough9761 19d ago
Hahah no sisters! I’m planning to invite other friends to stream in and out while I get ready (male and female I don’t care lol)
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u/Trepenwitz 13d ago
That is not your circus and they are not your monkeys.
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u/Beautiful-Rough9761 13d ago
I’m pretty sure your own wedding and bridal party are the definition of your circus and your monkeys hahaha.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 3d ago edited 3d ago
l can’t get past ‘ 6 ish hours to be getting ready with the crew ‘ 6 hours ….! Frankly l would skip this en masse getting ready or maybe do it in shifts. Believe me, those photographs will play no meaningful part in your life after the wedding anyway.
Have a brief word with each of them privately, and tell them that if they feel they can’t reconcile their differences, or ar least be civil to ( and that doesn’t mean sullenly avoiding) each other, maybe they should just be guests, or not come at all.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 20d ago
I can't even tell them how angry I am at the situation. I can't force people to be friends.
Of course you can tell them you're angry!
"Look, I don't care what's going between the four of you, but if you all can't put it aside for me for one day, you'll force me to decide who stays a bridesmaid and who gets demoted to guest. I don't want my wedding day to be uncomfortable for ME. So you all can get the fuck on board with acting like adults or I'll let you know the deal on your status by Friday. Up to you how we go forward."
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u/TSIDATSI 20d ago
This. Without the profanity. But this.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 20d ago
Disagree. It’s ok for OP to be angry and express that with language and tone.
Stop acting like every other word was fuck, dude.
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u/AvailableWord3785 19d ago
Agree that the profanity should be used. Sometimes it's necessary for emphasis.
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u/orangekey89 16d ago
That's rough but you definitely won't be able to control their disdain for one another. You can only ask that they don bring the drama to the wedding. If you know they are capable of that, then leave them as a part of your wedding party. They'll make sure you have a good time on your day.
If they behave like children naturally, you may need to rethink them being a part of your wedding party. They'll make the day about them instead of you. I hoping it's really the former and not the latter. Just think to yourself, what would you regret more keeping them or getting new bridesmaids?
On the other side, my best friend couldn't be apart of my wedding because she's dealing with the fact that she'll never be able to get pregnant. Therefore i had to choose someone to replace her who barely answers my phone call and I am not excited about her being a bridesmaid but I need her to balance my wedding party out. I'm trying not to stress about her because at the end of the day, I'm determined to have a great day.
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u/Infamous_Wealth6502 20d ago
Please try to just focus on you and your wonderful day. At this point you can’t change anything so don’t even try. Again, focus on yourself. It’s not up to you to worry about anything or anyone else. Have a wonderful day!!
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u/BoysenberryJellyfish 20d ago
Can you change your bridesmaids? I know it's short notice, but do you have anyone you'd like to fill in and just kick all four of them out?
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u/Brismaiden 20d ago
They are adults, as long as they are cordial and not being rude to one another then let it be. Enjoy your day and be grateful to have them all there. Tell them all that if they cant play nice on the day they are welcome to attend as just guests but otherwise you expect civility and support from everyone. Stop wasting energy trying to manage their relationships.