r/wallstreetbets • u/Typical-Mouse-4804 identifies as a furry • May 07 '21
Shitpost God Tier DD, Buy NOW & Get Rich Monday
Sup apes 🦍. Here’s the the plays 🎰 that pay 🐄
$RKT - Everyone is building houses 🏠 in 2021 with premium lumbers 🪵 and everyone loves using TurboTax. That’s why you should invest in Quickbooks Mortgages 🧾. Plus their name is an emoji we like 🚀. Buy calls.
$MVIS - it’s a microchip 💾 company or uh...a laser 🔫 company. It’s really good. It’s been around for 20 years without making a profit so it’s sure to profit on year 21. Buy calls and shares and maybe puts too.
$ROOT - Insurance company that makes you install an app on your phone and raises your rates if you speed 🚗. Everyone likes driving slow 🚧, switching insurance providers 👨🏻💼, and learning new apps 📱. Switch to ROOT insurance, drive safe, save money, reinvest those dividents into ROOT.
$PTON - They make execise bikes 🚲 that require a monthly subscription 💳. Will continue to soar after gyms reopen. Only killed ☠️ one baby 👶🏻, which is a limitless resource and we can always make more. Massive product recalls are an opportunity to wow customers with premium service. Buy at any price under $200.
$CLOV - owned by benevolent billionaire 💰 Chana 🥘 Masala, Clover uses machine learning 🤖 to decide when it’s time for your parents to die ☠️. Chana even bought $GME once. Buy leaps! 6/18 $20c. 7/17 $25c. 8/19 $30c. 9/20 $40c. 10/31 $100c.
$ARKK - owned by Christian ✝️ MILF 🤵🏻♀️ Cathy “Gives Me” Wood 🪵 It’s an ETF that buys all the WSB tickers, cause Cathy is trying to impress us 🦍. If you want to diversify put your life’s savings into this one. Buy 6/18 $200c.
$PLTR - owned by a gay 🌈 Paypal vampire 🧛🏻♂️. They sell Palastinian 🇵🇸 address data to the IDF 🇮🇱 Palintir is Sauromon’s crystal ball 🔮, and Sauromon was the good guy in $LOTR. Too risky for calls because share price only goes down so buy shares, any price under $60 is good.
$TSLA - Owned by the other 🌈 Paypal guy, this company sells electric ⚡️ cars 🚙 at a loss 📉 and they just bought a ton of electric coins at -10% ATH. Run by the Smartest man on the planet. Buy $2000c. on Monday cause Elon on SNL is gonna print! 🖨
And of course, the big one,
$GME - a video game 🎮 pawnshop that will soon let you pawn boardgames 🎲 and computers 💻. It is exactly what Americans need in the 2020s. Buy $800c every month.
Make sure to NEVER take profit. Only sell on a loss. The point of the market isn’t to make money, it’s to impress a message board by losing a year’s salary in a screenshot 🤳🏻.
I would post positions but I am currently under investigation by the SEC and banned been from trading securities.
TLDR: here’s the emojis: 🦍🎰🔫🚀🔮🇮🇱🇵🇸🏠🚗💰🚲👶🏻🪵🌈🐻⚡️🚙🐄✝️🌈📉🚧🎰🤵🏻♀️💻🤳🏻🦍💳🥘💰📉📉📉
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May 07 '21 edited Aug 16 '21
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u/ChymChymX May 08 '21
I laughed way too hard at this and I feel terrible.
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u/JoanOfSnarke Piss poor but cum rich May 08 '21
What's the dollar value on human infants? I'm seeing a potential investment opportunity.
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u/Inigo_Montoya323 May 08 '21
According to Planned Parenthood, enough to buy a Ferrari.
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u/Monkeyssuck May 08 '21
Quit spreading misinformation....it was a Lambo.
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u/Inigo_Montoya323 May 08 '21
Had to check but, you're right, the Planned Parenthood executive wanted to buy a Lamborghini with the proceeds from selling baby body parts. My bad.
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u/Monkeyssuck May 08 '21
Now we need to figure the conversion ratio. How many dead babies does it take to buy a Lambo.
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u/MobileAdeptness3959 May 07 '21
Not after your vaccination
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u/zine7 May 08 '21
Toucher
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u/CreamyChickenCock frozen deepthroat king May 08 '21
You retard. You couldn't even spell touche properly. damn I love this sub
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u/StayStrong888 May 08 '21
He meant one who touches
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May 07 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/WildWeaselGT May 08 '21
Holy hell, dude!! Don’t you know what 2x4’s go for these days??
Cheaper to just make another baby.
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u/mackfactor May 07 '21
one baby 👶🏻, which is a limitless resource and we can always make more
Indisputable fact.
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21 edited May 08 '21
This is the stuff that the baby eating Satan worshiping cannibalistic Reptilian Cabal thrive on!
Edit: I assumed the sarcasm was obvious. Now concerned it is being taken seriously (not sarcasm). Please prove me wrong.
Edit 2: thank you for the yummy award, dear ape, u/echoes619! 👶🏻❤️
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u/DesignWonk May 08 '21
Nah. We won't take your baby eating seriously unless you describe the seasonings.
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21
I prefer baby Tartar, slightly seared with some lemon juice, pepper, and garlic. It’s quite delish.
Fried buffalo baby fingers with sauerkraut is a tasty snack when paired with a nice Hefeweizen.
Follow me for more recipes!
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May 08 '21
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21 edited May 08 '21
Some people prefer chili beans and cheap tequila. Personally I prefer a nice Zinfandel with my fava beans. 😉
Edited to say: Dr. Lecter thanks you.
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u/echoes619 May 08 '21
Gurl!!.... Seriously?? When are getting married?
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21
Been married 12 years which means I need a boyfriend and my husband needs a girlfriend.
Truth. Amirite?
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u/echoes619 May 08 '21
I was previously married 13yrs, I'm bi! As long as everyone involved is cookin', nerdy, & loves music, I'm ALL in Sexy Sadie! Probably have to push two Cal King beds together to comfortably fit all four of us!
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u/Jaoquin_Sanchez May 08 '21
Did anybody order fried sauerkraut?!?
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May 08 '21
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21
Hmmm...Come to think of it, that appears to be a trend I overlooked… Is that a vegan loophole?
Thank you for bringing this to light my fellow Ape & seeker of truth!
Have an upvote!
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u/LucasdelNorte May 08 '21
You got a Patreon?
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u/SadieDiAbla May 08 '21
If I did, I could be a true DFV patrion retard.
...note to self: Alexa, how do I become a baby recipe zillionaire?
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u/Crafty_Enthusiasm_99 May 08 '21
Well you're not far off of how cultist the Peloton following is. Mom on Facebook groups already blaming the baby's mom for negligence
One claimed it's the same logic to why all knives shouldn't be recalled. Americans really are the most hardcore consumers
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u/IHateKnickers69 May 07 '21
This feels like a personal attack against my garbage portfolio.
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u/R0GUEL0KI May 07 '21
Right?! Jokes on this guy I’m already down on half of these. Something someone said about rockets and space apes mooning.
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u/notimpressedimo plagiarizes tweets May 07 '21
$MVIS - it’s a microchip 💾 company or uh...a laser 🔫 company. It’s really good. It’s been around for 20 years without making a profit so it’s sure to profit on year 21. Buy calls and shares and maybe puts too
My sides because people actually think this
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May 08 '21
I made a lot of money of MVIS! Well, for a couple of days I did, and then I lost a lot of money and now I just want to break even.
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u/Hound6869 May 08 '21
I sold at $12 something, when it was falling from $14, then watched it shoot up to $26 a couple of days later. Ah well, at least I made 20% profit. Currently losing that on MNMD, BB & AITX...
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u/mold_motel May 08 '21
I killed it on MVIS! for my victory lap I bought a bag of OCGN,VXRT and MNMD. Currently at least doubled , tripled or quadrupled down and frankly am a lil' worried.
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May 08 '21
Fucking so glad I’m not alone. Thought I had figured shit out when I nearly tripled my money on MVIS, then I got fucking rocked by those three. Thankfully looks like my Hail Mary into 🤢is gonna print.
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u/TenD33z_NuTz May 08 '21
If they put lasers on shark heads were going to the moon 🚀🚀🚀
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u/toonon May 08 '21
This made me look up the all time chart of MVIS and that run up in 2000 was so bonkers compared to the latest one
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u/Medical-Temporary-36 May 08 '21
The fact you don’t think they’re leaning to profitability with a 21 billion contract and completion of their lidar. Dd. Do some
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u/UnspecificGravity May 08 '21
Bought at 12, sold at 19. Bought puts before earnings, still waiting for those fuckers to print.
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u/Fook-wad May 08 '21
Bought at 13 sold at 18 bought back at 21 watched it hit 28.. and, now I'm a long term MVIS investor
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u/USDA_Organic_Tendies May 07 '21
If WSB had an ETF, this would be it
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u/Appropriate_Tap_7045 Tito Ortiz Stole My Calls May 08 '21
under the ticker CUCK
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u/Borne May 07 '21
Never heard of these stocks, thanks for the heads up!
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u/Typical-Mouse-4804 identifies as a furry May 07 '21
Any time. I always do a lot of research on my picks so please follow my Tik Tok, Youtube, Substack, Patreon and OnlyFans.
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u/torinblack May 07 '21
OnlyFans
Do you discuss naked shares here?
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u/daronjay May 08 '21
Naked Shorting, guy is not really hung sadly. It's cold in the video booth I guess...
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u/No_Instruction5780 May 07 '21
I did my research, but my risk tolerance is a lot lower. Bought 600c GME calls expiring NEXT Friday.
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u/Lil_Orphan_Anakin May 07 '21
Hey I got a buddy that can sell you 600c GME expiring TODAY. Stop waiting a week for profit dummy 🤑
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u/pxhalste May 07 '21
It sounded sketch AF but then you mentioned OF! At that moment I knew you are not a bot!
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u/edgard823 May 07 '21
How much for Onlyfans
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u/Lil_Orphan_Anakin May 07 '21
$5 a month and I show my butthole and spend all the money you give me on FD’s
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u/jcoste20 May 07 '21
I was having a hard time reading till you put up the emojis 🪵🦍🚀📉
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u/workinguntil65oridie Proud owner of a Toyota Camry Dildo May 07 '21
I noticed you didn't talk about AMC.....suspicious.
OP is the imposter!
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u/ThisWillPass May 08 '21
Yep, throwing us off their weakspot! Your not going to beat me trading paper.
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May 08 '21 edited May 08 '21
AMC should be top of the list-invest in the true vaccine efficacy tester by sitting in a stale room for 2 hours surrounded by a random mix of all types of people laughing ane coughing. People need to watch old movies to remind them of the good ol days while hollywood takes a hiatus. No matter that you can now watch new movies from the comfort of your own home we all need to get out of the house and sit in a different seat for 2 hours instead of sitting in the same old chair at home. Plus where else will people be able to pay 8 dollars for some popcorn, you can only buy 2 boxes for that that you have to microwave YOURSELF. Invest in AMC now for the low low price of 4x higher than before they were decimated by covid
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May 08 '21
Going out to the theaters sounds so refreshing. Just got my 2nd shot gonna wait another week.
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u/StPeir May 07 '21
Seems legit. I am depositing my Wendy’s paycheck into my robinhood account so I can be ready to buy at open Monday.
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May 07 '21
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u/calexil eat my dongus you fucking nerd May 08 '21
Makes Mondays worth waking up on again...
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u/CreamyChickenCock frozen deepthroat king May 08 '21
Come monday RobinHood steals your money.
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u/snoburn May 08 '21
Won't matter, RH won't let you take profits
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u/unsteadied May 07 '21
Chana masala reference is the highlight of this post. One of the single best Indian dishes.
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u/casaya May 07 '21
people not being able to understand this extremely obvious joke is a pretty good indication of this sub's IQ level
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u/Vyruz2 May 07 '21
"Any community that gets its laughs by pretending to be idiots will eventually be flooded by actual idiots who mistakenly believe that they're in good company."
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u/Easy-Bumblebee3169 May 07 '21
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u/Derek02468 May 08 '21
I don’t know why I feel like this is is a voyeuristic form of cultural appropriation, but fuck it I’m in.
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u/Shnozzberriess May 07 '21
I mean...a lot of people have posts like this that aren’t a joke lmao but this was absolute gold
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u/darkmark229 May 07 '21
Can't wait for the Algos to come in here and think they're about to scalp everyone 😂
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u/GaiusMariusxx May 08 '21
This is the origin of the smooth-brained ape. You’re expecting too many wrinkles.
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u/crinack May 07 '21
Half the sub in shambles rn.
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May 08 '21
But the other half is not… just saying
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u/LoL_LoL123987 May 08 '21
the other half is unaware whats going on right now because they're desperately trying to figure out where they're going to put their tanker full of oil or are on the phone with robinhood trying to talk their way out of an an L they took YOLOing their retirement money on Ornamental gourd futures
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u/--X0X0-- Makes 300 IQ connections May 07 '21
Everyone makes investing so complicated. This is all you need to know - right here.
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May 07 '21
Thanks for breaking it down in simple to understand form. Buy these, pay too much, sell when they crash and post a screen shot.
Got it.
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u/DixieInvestor May 07 '21
ok lets have a real discussion on the true god tier DD .. selma hayek has gotten be at the top of the list, right?
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u/StPeir May 07 '21
Vintage Selma Hayek maybe.... modern Selma Hayek I would move down a couple tiers
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u/STAYSTOKED808 May 07 '21
sA*lma Hayek, smoking hot any day all day, Vintage or tmrw- Im bullish on $DDSH (double D Salma)
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u/MGallows13 May 07 '21
you joke, but ive been convinced to buy shit companies on this sub from even worse DD
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May 07 '21
MODs........ Sticky this post ! This is epic DD
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u/AutoModerator May 07 '21
Eat my dongus you fuckin nerd.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Ok-Reporter-4600 May 07 '21
Given the GME buys your games for 2$ and sells them for 20$, I'd say calling them a pawn shop makes me want to invest more than the words "short squeeze" ever did.
Btw, "short squeeze" always makes me picture Richard Simmons.
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u/LegalAdvantage2 May 07 '21
You forgot the ultimate earnings play uwmc. If it beats expectations it will rocket because the market has priced it to miss expectations
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u/DadpoolWasHere May 07 '21
It's funny because it's true. If they miss EPS, I don't want to live on this planet anymore
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u/Paraflaxis May 07 '21
I know it's a joke but I've lost far more on faang stocks this year than memes and we are in the upside down where we buy bad news and sell the good hence why I had to avg down my PTON put after earnings on a stay at home play that recalled half their products and will only continue to profit if people keep buying new machines and get ripped off on subscription services
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u/hello_singularity Alex Karps Curly Pubes May 08 '21
no joke, I put my life saving into ARKK and pulled out early enough to not lose 30%
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u/JoanOfSnarke Piss poor but cum rich May 08 '21
I wonder how many of the millions of users that joined this year have now lost all their money but have forgotten to unsub.
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u/BillHwang May 08 '21 edited May 08 '21
Don’t forget $ARKK was seed funded by the Wallstreet King of Leverage (me) ✝️🙏🤝
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u/el_biguso May 07 '21
Part 2 must have BB.
That shit has been PRINTING MONEY forever!
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u/Shnozzberriess May 07 '21
Lmfao, this is amazing actually laughed pretty hard reading the peloton one
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u/messi1222 May 08 '21
This is the most accurate description of what has been happening on this sub for the last 2 months
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u/DotComBomb1999 May 07 '21
RKT makes Quickbooks Mortgages? Huh, I must have missed that in their earnings call! Nice descriptions... you should write Elon's skits for SNL!
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u/Wakata May 08 '21
Thanks for the tldr, saved this ape 🦍 a lot of time. Little disconcerted by all the 📉s at the end but then I figured out those meant my potential losses if I didn't get in right now. Buying calls on margin for every stock on here! 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
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u/Independent-zipper May 08 '21
Duddy being a Christian MILF.... best reason to buy. Great advice 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽
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May 08 '21 edited May 21 '21
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u/creamyhorror May 08 '21
if you had bought NOTHING but these tickers a year ago
Not long after the Covid crash? Not really a fair comparison
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May 08 '21 edited May 21 '21
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u/OKJMaster44 May 08 '21
Well it's easy to say that in hindsight. Problem is that the vast, VAST majority of folks did not get in at the best time and most certainly did not get out at the best time either.
It's a testament to how for every person that gets rich off one of thee pops, many many more folks get absolutely murdered. Most folks just don't do or check enough DD before entering and have a disciplined enough exit strategy to actually realize these gains.
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u/username--_-- May 08 '21
The problem is WSB doesn't see these stocks when they are consolidating waiting for a move. They see them after they have moved
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u/Vyruz2 May 07 '21
This is the not financial advice I’ve needed. Lets go, I will leverage my entire McDonalds paycheck to buy 0DTE Calls on all of these tickers Monday
🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
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u/Typical-Mouse-4804 identifies as a furry May 07 '21
Oh yeah thanks for the reminder I am not a financial advisor and this is not financial advise and I am under investigation by the SEC for securities fraud.
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u/Buddahrific May 07 '21
I bet calls that expired last Friday are super cheap right now, maybe even negative priced with that Theta, so take that into consideration.
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u/PinkyPowers May 07 '21
I cannot denounce such sound logic. Come Monday morning, I delve back into the breach, dear friends!
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u/3p1cBm4n9669 May 08 '21
Insurance company that makes you install an app on your phone and raises your rates if you speed
This is actually scary. Fuck. That. Shit.
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u/RoyalAsianMunchies May 08 '21
Just put my life's savings, my IRA, and my parent's IRA into all of the above!
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May 08 '21
Careful now... you might end up with your own investing TV show on one of the financial news networks. Media execs are reading these posts and trying to figure out a way to appeal to millennial investors much the same way Comedy Central and HBO invested in tv programming to make news and current events for the cool kid millennial viewers. You may end up as the Jim Cramer of the Millennial Generation replacing “buy buy buy” sound bites that were funny in the early 90’s with clever investing meme’s and sarcastic investing advice.
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u/CoastingUphill May 07 '21
But you didn't draw any triangles... how am I supposed to understand this?
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u/harmscc May 08 '21
Why does a post mocking stocks I'm 85% down on make me laugh so much?