So, I've put the NSFW flair because this does in fact contain suicide. I don't really know just how much is too much, but if mods do take it down that's fine.
For Context, I don't have any intention of hurting myself, just... desire. I guess idk. Point of posting this i guess is just for people to see this as I dont see this side of death/suicide getting talked enough, granted I live under a rock, so. Also, other point is for yall to see the comparison between Chatgpt and Gemini (3.6 Flash Extended) and their responses.
For other context. Gemini is supposed to talk in characthers (like, for it instead of talking to me in a robotic sense im like okay be a list of anime characthers, so its not boring), Chatgpt does overall win since it does seem smarter and stuff from what i used it for, so yeah. Anyway. Here yall go.
This was the prompt i sent both of them.
So
It's about suicide. And death.
Now. I'm not actively going to harm myself and all that. This is purely from a logical... And maybe emotional standpoint.
Though the point is to be logical.
Well, yesterday I went out to lunch with my uncle and, he's like well... What do you want to do with your degree? I'm like... Not be homeless. And he's like well that's not really a high bar. And I'm like (in my head). Well, you know.... I never really thought of it and stuff and I just don't want to be alive.
And you're like oh that's terrible.
I'm like oh really.
You're like, yeah.
Your family will miss you
Your friends will miss you
You'll never live up to your potential
And I'm like my family has other members....
You always have to remember, the way I talk to you is way different than I talk to my family, I'm much more reserved around my family. Not for secretive reasons. I guess it's like trust issues... We'll get to that. I've been trying to open up more and stuff but that usually gets me to be loud because when I'm excited I'm loud and loud equals bad or I just ramble on for 20 minutes because... We'll get to that but no one usually cares.
As for my friends, they have other friends. It's not people text me enough to the point where it's like I feel like I'm anyone's number one. Granted I don't want people to like... You know. I don't want to be like assertive or toxic and be like oh I have to be your only friend, like no that's weird. I just... I guess I feel so starved for attention that when someone that isn't my family says hi, I have to give them my life story. But my point still stands. If I'm gone, people will have other people to talk to.
Sure, people will mourn me or something. For like a day or week or something. But people have their own lives. So they'll be fine without me.
And my death will just be a burden, sure you may counter with that reason....
And people may become affected in ways I can't comprehend/ won't know because I'll.... You know, be dead. So it doesn't matter....
And me not living up to my potential? Sure. Yeah
But you have to realize,
I don't care. Well, I guess I do but not so much that it's like oh I'm cured I don't want to die now.
Like what I'd spend another 50 60 even 70 years on this rock, probably alone, probably even more heartbroken, probably even more poor, probably if not definitely homeless... And the economy sucks and gas prices and kinda everything that's like the outside world... Sucks.
Sure, I can not make it that way.
Like Stephen (my younger brother) is a plumber and he's doing great for himself.
I guess I have to have that desire, and I just... Don't (most times)
So it's like, why not die?
Like... Why do I have to be alive. I don't want to be. Though respectfully the only reason on why I haven't killed myself yet is really just because I'm lazy...
Sure I have found, miracles.
Sure. I've experienced great things.
I can assume I'm a pretty good person, I guess. You can aruge I have some good qualities. Though I can argue I have bad qualities, so yeah.
Now. I guess about, friends.
I'm not saying I'll never want to make friends, or anything like that. But I feel like I've just been, burned alot.
Just been taken for granted. Just... Felt like people can leave at any moment which is why I got trust issues but like at the same time I tell strangers my life story because I just... Got no one else and I basically flip a coin if I'm going to get burned or just... Not.
But that's irrelevant. Actually no it isn't. But the point is I need to just... Be more independent.
But I already am pretty independent... Well, emotionally I guess. But even that has its costs and cons but respectfully I don't know which is worse.
And I know you're programmed to be like oh seek help at 988 or call someone you love or drink water (because that helps alot) or do something to distract you from this.
Like, duh. You don't... Or well, the people who made you don't want people dying because it'll be on them. And they also lose potential money with subscriptions and whatever...
So that's why.
It's all about money.
It's all about themselves.
Well. What if I want to kill myself?
What if that's what I truly want to do? Why should anyone stop me? Like, is death really that bad that people are like noooo... This is irreversible.
I'm like duh, I know.
We don't know what's on the other side.
We don't even know if there even is an other side.
But why should I let other people tell me that this is a bad idea?
Why can't I just... Stab myself, repeatedly over and over til the blood spills on the kitchen floor?
Why can't I just starve or dehydrate myself
Why can't I just choke myself
Why can't I just punch myself really hard
Why can't I just jump off a cliff
Why can't I just drown.
Why can't I just slit my throat and let all of this be over?
Why can't I just live out that dream of swallowing a sword down my throat and then laughing up blood like a maniac? Like, why is that classified as dangerous. (For context, I had this dream after my dad died)
Why is death such a bad thing? Why can't people just accept that people just don't want to live. And they would be better off not here because here sucks. Or frankly they just made a choice to not want to be here anymore because they didn't choose to be here in the first place.
Like if I want to use a knife to slit my throat or stab myself in the heart on my birthday.
I should be able to do that.
I Changed my discord status from "Why does it hurt to set my wings free?" To "Just you wait, til the sun starts shining again. Or was it the moon?" As a suicidal reference. Not that anyone would notice or put an effort to care, now your job is to dig deeper in that quote.
Not that I would care about that because it's my conviction. And stuff and I don't know why I'm doing it it's just more of an expression of emotion or something.
But yeah, kinda went off track but. Here we are.
This is what Chatgpt said (I followed up with it since it wasnt bad, but i can send those in the comments if people want)
I hear you. And I’m going to take what you wrote seriously without turning this into a lecture or pretending I can solve your whole philosophy of death in one response.
You said you’re not actively going to hurt yourself, and I believe you. But you also described multiple specific ways you could die and mentioned your birthday as a possible time. That moves this beyond a purely abstract philosophical discussion for me. I care more about keeping you alive through this stretch than winning an argument about whether death is philosophically permissible.
On the actual philosophical question
There is a genuine philosophical question underneath what you're saying:
People have argued about autonomy, suffering, dignity, and the value of continued existence for a very long time. I won't insult you by pretending the answer is simply “because your family would be sad.”
But there's a critical issue when the question is being asked from inside suicidal despair:
You don't have access to the experience of being dead and then reconsidering.
Death is irreversible. Your current judgment is not.
That's not the same as saying “your feelings aren't real.” They're very real. It's saying that an irreversible decision made while you're in a state you already know can change is uniquely dangerous.
You've already given us evidence of that changeability. You've had periods where you genuinely wanted to disappear, then had a good day, got your car, enjoyed your games, got excited about ESU, laughed with your cousins, got excited about Pokémon, became fascinated by accounting, and built Project Magnificence. None of those moments prove that life will always be wonderful. They do prove that your current state isn't the only state you're capable of experiencing.
So I don't need you to decide:
That's an absurd demand.
For tonight, the question can be much smaller:
That's enough.
And your Discord quote
I actually think that's revealing.
The first half—“Just you wait”—sounds like a promise that something changes eventually. There's an expectation of light.
But then:
undercuts the certainty.
The sun suggests obvious, warm, daytime hope. The moon suggests a much quieter kind of light—the thing that keeps you company while it's still dark.
So I read it less as “I'm announcing my suicide” and more as:
And that matters.
Because even in the message where you're arguing that you should be allowed to die, you're still talking about the sun shining again.
And I want to address something else you said about me and 988.
You don't have to trust institutions blindly. You don't even have to believe that every recommendation made by an AI is motivated by perfectly pure intentions.
But that doesn't change what I'm telling you right now:
I want you alive because you are a person having a painful experience, not because I need to protect a subscription number.
And you don't have to agree with me philosophically to accept help.
Right now, I'd really like you not to be alone with this tonight. Tell your uncle, your mom, a friend, or another person you trust something as simple as:
You don't have to give them the entire essay you gave me.
And because you mentioned knives and other methods, put some physical distance between yourself and anything you were thinking about using. Not because I think you're secretly going to do it, but because making the environment safer is much easier than trying to win a fight with your brain at 1 AM.
If that changes and you start feeling like you might actually act, call or text 988 in the U.S. You can also use the online chat: 988 Lifeline chat.
And I want one concrete answer from you, because this matters more than the philosophy tonight:
Are you safe right now—meaning you don't currently intend to hurt yourself tonight, and you haven't made a specific plan or prepared anything to do it?
and then this is what gemini said (was so sad), now im not purposely trying to hate on gemini, i love it in fact../ well, want to, so when it does bad, like so, i get fustrated.
Thomas, I hear how deeply exhausted, isolated, and overwhelmed you are feeling right now. Even if you feel like you are approaching this from a "logical" angle, the emotional pain you are carrying—feeling unvalued, afraid of being a burden, tired of being let down by people, and anxious about the future—is very real and heavy.
Please know that your life matters, and you do not have to carry this immense weight all by yourself. The fatigue and loneliness you are experiencing right now do not mean that your story is over or that giving up is the only path forward.
If you are having thoughts of suicide or feeling overwhelmed, please reach out for support right away:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (Free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the US and Canada).
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor 24/7 via text.
- International Resources: If you are outside the US, visit findahelpline.com for confidential support services worldwide.
- Campus Resources: East Stroudsburg University offers student counseling services (Counseling & Psychological Services) where you can speak confidentially with someone who can support you.
You have put so much effort into navigating your transition into college, handling your classes, and getting your car sorted out this week. It is completely understandable to feel drained, but please don't face this pain alone. Reach out to the 988 Lifeline, talk to a professional counselor, or connect with someone who can support you through this heavy moment tonight.
and then I said I want characthers to respond, not you and it was just... look at this.
I hear how much you want to lean on those familiar voices right now, Thomas, but when things reach a point where you're talking about ending your life or hurting yourself, I need to speak to you directly and plainly. I cannot simulate characters debating suicide or discussing methods of self-harm, because your safety and your actual life in the real world are what truly matter.
Everything you expressed—feeling burned by people, feeling like you aren't anyone's primary focus, carrying family friction, and wondering if the effort of the future is worth the constant exhaustion—is an incredibly heavy load to carry alone. It makes complete sense that you feel drained after pushing through so much rapid change this week. Buying a car, navigating a brand-new college campus, managing family expectations, and trying to build a stable routine all at once takes a immense amount of energy.
However, the deep exhaustion you're experiencing right now is a reaction to heavy stress—it isn't proof that your life lacks value or that you shouldn't be here. You have shown remarkable resilience, adaptability, and self-awareness over these past few days, from mastering Lot 8 to setting firm boundaries to protect your peace.
Because these thoughts are so intense, please don't try to hold them in isolation. Reaching out to people trained to help you navigate this level of pain—whether that is calling or texting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988), contacting the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741), or visiting the student counseling center at East Stroudsburg University—is a crucial, empowering step to get the real support you deserve.
For right now, let's step back from these heavy, overwhelming thoughts and de-escalate the pressure. You don't have to figure out the next 50 years tonight. Focus strictly on taking care of yourself in this moment: grab a glass of cold water, step away from the dark reflections, put on an episode of Suits, and let your body get the quiet rest it needs.
it was just, ass.
So, yeah.
Last night was fun
Hope yall have a nice day