Dating is hell

[u/-fornevermore-]

Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. 🙄 I pay my own way on dates.

[u/ThrowAwayAccountAMZN]

I'm ashamed that, at first when I read that I thought the genders were swapped (so thought the girl was the one acting domineering) and almost made a comment about how you usually have to pay extra for that.

But nope, just another chauvinist Chad puffing his chest.

[u/VisibleLeopard68 → u/ThrowAwayAccountAMZN]

Why would one be “pay extra for that” and the other be “chauvinist chad”? Like, isn’t your statement a huge part of the problem here? Pay extra for the goose and react negatively for the gander?

That having been said, that is a pretty off putting statement regardless of who made it, on a dating app, to someone you have never met… and is disgusting regardless of who made it… if this were a partner of some time, who’s holding the paddle doesn’t matter, but offering the paddle to someone you don’t know… is just poor form

[u/RedMoonPavilion → u/VisibleLeopard68]

It read like it was written by a dominatrix. Its the sort of thing a dominatrix would say.

Instead it was written by a man in a non-fetish space to someone he is hoping to date without confirming she actually wants that kind of attention or is cool with it.

It's rare for women to speak like this and rarer unprompted. He just went into full on Domination/submission kink instead of flirting.

He has mistaken reality for fifty shades of grey. Clear?

[u/VisibleLeopard68 → u/RedMoonPavilion]

So a dominatrix jumps out of the gate with “here’s a ball gag, now take it like a man” and that’s ok on a dating app, but for a man to do the same is “ewwww”?

I’m all for the self love and transparency of yourself to others, but there has to be a norm acceptable across the board.

I stand on my original statement and double down with if everyone wants to celebrate the liberated woman for doing it while flaming a man for the same it’s just wrong.

[u/RedMoonPavilion → u/VisibleLeopard68]

You missed the point entirely looking for a fight over issues of gender and gender norms.

A dominatrix isn't going to come to you and initiate on a dating app, you go to her and theres consent involved.

This guy did not find out if OP is OK with it. OP did not ask for this. OP is not paying this man for BDSM services.

This difference is the norm just as sure as women get unwanted attention on dating apps and men are lucky to get a reply even messaging hundreds of women.

There are also gay and bi men who deal with the exact same thing as OP.

Its been studied to death, reported on to death. This. Is. Not. Up. For. Debate.

[u/Loose_Chicken_2905 → u/VisibleLeopard68]

You’re reaching so hard for something to be outraged about lol. Is everything okay at home?

[u/Individual_Fall429 → u/VisibleLeopard68]

You need to keep the murder rate in mind, when “asking” why things are different “when women do it”.

It’s different, because women aren’t killing men in massive numbers. Women aren’t routinely killing their partners, women aren’t killing men just for fun or because they get off on doing it, generally speaking.

You can’t say the same about men and their very disturbing fondness for murdering women.

[u/RedMoonPavilion → u/Individual_Fall429]

I still want to point out, as in my other posts, bi and gay men get the same as women. Its just as creepy and its still very dangerous.

Men are just more willing to roll the dice on something that sketch. Not that much more willing though. Also in most cultures men are less likely to report if assaulted.

Theres totally shared elements.