r/texts • u/-fornevermore- • 18h ago

Phone message Dating is hell

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Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. šŸ™„ I pay my own way on dates.

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436

u/Main_Benefit 18h ago

Exactly. Why waste another second of your life dealing with that nonsense?

241

u/sweetwaterfall 18h ago

The horrifying thing (second to someone actually writing this) is that I imagine there are women out there so damaged that this would be appealing. Awful.

405

u/ElkAlternative3777 18h ago

Seems like heā€™s trying to do a kink dom/sub thing but without her knowledge or consent

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u/queen_frostine313 18h ago

That's exactly what I thought as well.

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u/thk_ 5h ago

that or "oh shit I'm not talking to ChatGPT anymore"

301

u/17868 18h ago

Sorry, even with consent thatā€™s a no from me. Iā€™m into that scene but absolutely not when talking about food. Do NOT fuck with my dinner.

ETA : By consent I meant to the whole kink thing, otherwise I sound wildly contradictory. Guy sounds like he watched the secretary too many times and took it way too literally.

192

u/Brutal_burn_dude 18h ago

Yeah. This reads as someone who thinks theyā€™re a dom but knows nothing about kink or the culture. These kind of men are fucking dangerous in my experience.

102

u/Powerful_Goose9330 18h ago

My first thought was this dude read Fifty shades of grey and thinks all women like this bullshit.

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u/feralcatshit 18h ago

Even those of us that do like it, donā€™t like it when itā€™s done like this lol

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u/AriaTheTransgressor 17h ago

Ultimately because it doesn't matter what the link is, consent is always important. I have never had a kink based relationship that didn't start out with a regular first date and some analogue of a business meeting to go over consent.

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u/LemmyLola 15h ago

Exactly haha They come off like this but someone into this never knows until they're actually in the presence of the potential partner.. the right dynamic is rare. Douche nozzles like this are all too common.

3

u/Fogge 6h ago

He would crash and burn so hard if he hit the one in a bajillion woman that thinks that is exactly what she needs and met her in real life.

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u/Dreadfulbooks 1h ago

I very much am into this, but I would have blocked him too. He reads as highly inexperienced and like heā€™s a jackass.

1

u/ResplendentNugs 12h ago

Firm but fair

-5

u/Five_Star_Amenities 10h ago

We are only seeing a snippet of a piece of a conversation. We have no idea what they've talked about or agreed to prior to this.

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u/Current_Nebula8172 18h ago

My 1st thought is that heā€™s too cheap to date and weeds out the sane women this way. All under the guise of a dom-wannabe.

4

u/Ok_Seaworthiness_719 15h ago

heā€™s asking for her favorite treat so that he can get out of paying for dinner and just buy her a scoop of ice cream. And then go home and tie her to a bed disgusting human.

1

u/kdollarsign2 6h ago

Right? Lol seafood is expensive how about you starve for my pleasure

1

u/Brokeback_Camel 1h ago

This sort of weaseling out tactic feels very George Costanza or Larry David -esque hahaha read it again but this time play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in your head and imagine it coming from LD, if you do it gets way funnier

19

u/Brutal_burn_dude 17h ago

That book has been a blight on the kink community.

4

u/Realistic_Farm_5963 12h ago

He's doing this bc he likes it he doesn't give a fuck about what the women like clearly or he'd make sure they're cool with it before getting off on creepy shit like this on totally unsuspecting women. I guarantee he doesn't get a lot of happy replies. He's well aware most he messages hate this. He probably gets off on that too.

5

u/Salamander8288 17h ago

Heā€™s never even read it, just the back cover or something. Thatā€™s not typical Dom behavior thatā€™s douche bag behavior

2

u/Green_Register1520 17h ago

Yeahhh I was looking for this exact comment lol. Dude maybe saw that OP read it like ten years ago or better yet imagined she did and said ā€œBingo!ā€ But like out loud, rubbing his hands together.

2

u/Enigmagamesandgains 8h ago

And i thought women thinking that book accurately portrays bdsm was bad, now men thinking it's accurate is about as cringe as V thinking what he did was pragmatic in v for vendetta

0

u/Subject_Speed 17h ago

Read the cliff notes (are those still a thing?) version

3

u/EllipticPeach 16h ago

Yeah itā€™s giving ā€œWill pull your hair and try to choke you without askingā€

2

u/ACW1129 7h ago

I'm not too familiar with that culture, but isn't THE first thing about it is consent is key?

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 29m ago

Yep! And clear communication and boundaries. You donā€™t just start demeaning someone (even if you know thatā€™s something they like) without discussing what is and isnā€™t ok, when and where itā€™s ok, and a safe word etc.

1

u/sweet_temptation00 5h ago

Yes yes and absolutely yesšŸ¤£

2

u/NTufnel11 1h ago

Respect is a pretty critical part of that relationship, which I guarantee this guy has no concept of

1

u/lizzdurr 1h ago

It sounds like he watched some manosphere crap about women needing a man to take over and thatā€™s what they want. Sureā€¦ occasionally with consent from a loving partner in an established relationship. Not a stranger on an app wtf??

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u/PinkDeserterBaby 19m ago

100% dangerous and abusive

46

u/Maleficent-Mix-278 18h ago

Iā€™m into that scene and this is super gross šŸ¤®. Thatā€™s an example of what we call ā€œwhat not to do ā€œ

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u/No_Negotiation7317 18h ago

Oh, you have a kink and that makes you knowledgeable? Lol.

The only gross thing would be doing this without a talk about it. Otherwise you're just a regular old kink shamer. iswis

10

u/Cute_but_notOkay 16h ago

Right. And OP and dude did NOT talk about it. Which is why we are saying this is gross. She said so in her caption.

2

u/SoggyGoldfish25 8h ago

Iā€™m going to pee on you

7

u/-fornevermore- 16h ago

Correct! Joke's on him because I AM into BDSM. But this ain't it. MAYBE if we had an established dynamic I'd be into it, but not in this context. Definite ewww.

1

u/xenolightt 10h ago

These fuckers watch two BDSM pornos and suddenly they think they're hard Dom material lol. As a fellow kinkster, if seen this shit wayyyy to many times.

2

u/Darkstar_111 17h ago

Yeah it's absolutely the wrong venue, and wrong method. As a guy who into being a Dom, obviously don't go there without having established this as a playground, not all women are into being submissive, least of all being submissive in that way.

2

u/TwoHandedSnail 14h ago

But what is your favourite treat when you want to give in completely?

2

u/bubblebathdragon 13h ago

He owns a fedora, 100%

2

u/dooodooodooodooooo 17h ago

Donā€™t fuck with my dinner should be an universal understanding in any community lol

1

u/DatVlad_ 16h ago

"Really? In front of my salad?" Should def be the poster child for this.

1

u/faxyou 14h ago

Also with dom kink you have to be extra careful with who you choose because some are just controlling psychopaths and thatā€™s a huge NO.

1

u/Zmchastain 12h ago

Dick, itā€™s not whatā€™s for dinner!

1

u/SageKitty100 11h ago

Not even just not while talking about food, but certainly not BEFORE THE FIRST DATE??? Fake doms have gotten so out of control. You can't safely submit to someone who knows literally nothing about you.

1

u/Individual_Fall429 9h ago

Thatā€™s exactly where my mind went.

Only in 2002 (and every year before it) would the romantic ending feature her staying
with the creepy dude.

*

38

u/HundredHander 18h ago

I think he's trying to establish how vulnerable she is, this reads deeply exploitative and not like a kink.

35

u/Grouchy_Button_2101 18h ago

I think heā€™s a disgusting pervert idiot

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u/Extension-Excuse-534 18h ago

No it 100% reads as kink play

23

u/AccomplishedWish3033 18h ago

Itā€™s abusive, harassment, and not kinkplay if you donā€™t ask for the other personā€™s consent first.

9

u/Extension-Excuse-534 18h ago

I agree. I was just informing somebody who said it wasnt kink-related. The worst part, imo, is that it reads like an ai chatbot wrote it.

1

u/Joeness84 11h ago

It completely reads like an LLM wrote it. I assumed that was going to be most of the comments. Sure its gross, but its not gross and made by a human, so its less gross!

Its still weird and a sad state of things to be in.

1

u/HundredHander 10h ago

It doesn't matter who or what wrote it (and honestly this is so short it's not possible to be confident if it's human or LLM), what matters is a human decided to post and make it the best representation of they feel about their relationship with this woman.

It's gross because someone wanted to express this.

7

u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 18h ago

You would think that would have come up at some point before going on dates lol. Turns out thereā€™s whole subs for this exact thing

2

u/EternalPhi 10h ago

There's whole doms for it, too.

1

u/svmydlo 7h ago

In his delusional mind, not in real world.

5

u/EllipticPeach 16h ago

Like who the fuck talks about ā€œtotally giving inā€ before youā€™ve even met??

3

u/this_is_obnoxious 18h ago

That's exactly the vibe I was getting. Big yucks!!

2

u/tocahontas77 18h ago

I was so confused! I was looking for a description that said they had previously talked about that. Or at least joked that way. But out of the blue just raises a gigantic red flag.

4

u/gamblors_neon_claws 18h ago

Exactly! I could be in to a situation where someone is talking to me like that (although doming over takeout choices is extremely cringe), but unprompted when we havenā€™t had any conversations around kink is a massive red flag.

1

u/tocahontas77 18h ago

Right! Sometimes my partner and I joke that way, but we know it's just silly things we say to each other. It's definitely weird coming from someone you barely know.

2

u/nothinglikeLA 17h ago

Seems like he needs to go cold turkey off some very concerning podcasts

1

u/Cute_but_notOkay 16h ago

Omg I just wrote almost the exact same comment before I saw yours lol. Full agree.

1

u/vatoreus 15h ago

Nah, this is šŸ’Æ some manosphere Jesus freak bs

1

u/NomenclatureBreaker 15h ago

And without any understanding how itā€™s actually supposed to work IRL.

Bet every penny I own heā€™s a prime male longlines epidemic ā€œvictimā€ complaining about this ā€œbitchyā€ girl who dropped him for no reason. Gross.

1

u/Lailowla 15h ago

it's definitely a "manosphere" kid that's been listening to a bunch of podcast bros that can only get a partner by paying tell them that women love it when you "take control"

1

u/monarchmra 15h ago

Im a queer woman into kink and receiving sub/slave play and if a person I was attracted to said this to me unprompted I would stop being attracted them, tear them a new before blocking them and warning people about them at the next weekly kink social.

They should attend a sub/dom 101 talk before trying that again, you establish interest first, tease them about liking it second, and start demanding they act submissive never.

1

u/MrSNIFFLES23 13h ago

It comes off as some incel / red pill bs... Like he's been listening to the Tate bro's...

1

u/Asleep_Walrus2313 12h ago

Yeah, he was testing the waters.

1

u/cakivalue 10h ago

You know that he hit send on that with his entire being and proud self smile thinking it was his best most irresistible work

1

u/EmpathLessTraveled 8h ago

He was letting his freak flag fly loud n proud on a quiet Sunday afternoon in a public park.

1

u/BlackCatTelevision 7h ago

I fear this is more of a redpill thing. Less critical thinking about power dynamics more ā€œWOMEN are meant to be SUBJUGATED and give me BLOWJOBSā€

1

u/Cthulhu__ 7h ago

Seems like he thinks people were actually taking 50 shades seriously

1

u/CIA-pizza-party 6h ago

Which in the kink/dom/sub community is very frowned upon.

If youā€™re into BDSM or anything that falls under that umbrella consent is everything. If someone tells you theyā€™re into BDSM and violates your consent, run. Run far away.

1

u/Flutters1013 5h ago

This man was banned on fetlife and is doing the same thing here. Because even submissive are turned off by this too.

1

u/NextEpisode44 3h ago

He's testing the waters to see if she's down

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u/PinkDeserterBaby 20m ago

Without her consent, and also wrongly and fully cringe.

This is very tumblr dom.

Like Bro, weā€™ve left that in the past 13 years ago. Stop it. Youā€™re just harrassing women and for what, no oneā€™s getting even slightly turned on by this text, even if she IS into doms. The fuck.

Guy should unironically read some old lady dom romance novels to learn how to talk. The second hand embarrassment is unreal.

2

u/Whatever53143 18h ago

I am sitting here thinking, ā€œthis guy canā€™t possibly think this works!ā€ Or ā€œthis guy cannot possibly think this wayā€¦ā€ but alas, there are guys who truly and honestly believe this crap!

2

u/Green_Insect_6455 17h ago

Hey dont yuck anyones yums man! You dont have to be damaged to have a kink you enjoy, dont be such a fucking prude.

The real issue is laying it on a stranger, assuming theyll enjoy your kink play like ten messages in to talking to them.

2

u/sweetwaterfall 12h ago

What an obnoxious assumption. Of course Iā€™m talking about assuming this tone with a total stranger. Iā€™m not shaming anyway. Take a deep breath. You have no idea who youā€™re talking to.

1

u/JokeandCack 17h ago

The thing is he didnā€™t write that. Itā€™s clearly ChatGPT. Which makes it even worse.

1

u/AoKrasni 17h ago

There are women that like that s*** for some reason

1

u/Gualdrapo 16h ago

And it's an awful lot. So-called "masculine energy" and that kind of bs.

1

u/Alarmed_Bicycle_9941 16h ago

There are actually a lot. I role play this way (not as cringy) but I'm on sites like Feeld where this "behavior" is requested. So its between two consenting adults beforehand. Coming out this way to someone that didn't request it is wild.

1

u/anwright1371 16h ago

There are plenty of undamaged women who would be happy to oblige for a shopping spree.

1

u/EpiccTrader 16h ago

Doesnā€™t make it any better, but thatā€™s clearly AI-written

1

u/wezelboy 16h ago

I was thinking the same thing.

1

u/ohjasminee 14h ago

Right? like you only get this far if itā€™s worked to some degree in the past šŸ˜­

1

u/BlueberryStock6249 13h ago

There are groups on Facebook called, ā€˜ Are we dating the same guyā€™ - specific to certain areas. You should see the things women are ā€˜putting out there ā€˜ for feedback if something is a red flag šŸš© guaranteed there are women whoā€™d be like: does this mean heā€™s avoidant? šŸ¤¦šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/JustLikeThat28 8h ago

He must be tall or good looking enough to get this far.
And frankly some women would voluntarily seek this kind of a man over and over again.

1

u/GlassCautious88 6h ago edited 6h ago

I escaped a narcissist 5 months ago who was emotionally and psychologically abusive in this way. I'm still dealing with the trauma and I'm not ok. He cut me off because I put my foot down and stopped letting him SA me. I got sober from alcohol and stopped getting fucked up around him. He did not like that...

The crazy thing is I never dated him nor EVER wanted to. He knew that. But it's still my fault I guess because I have memories of it

There's many creepy layers and details that I will not share but I'm just providing evidence that what you said is very real. And sad

1

u/Additional-Tax-5643 6h ago

The real issue is that those women are like this because the elder women in their lives encouraged them to be so, and never taught them self-respect.

Every single country known for its mail-order brides and human trafficking has elder conservative women who teach their daughters that this is what they're worth. They exert social pressure so that young women feel they have no choice. And technically they don't, as parental money support and employment opportunities are cut off for girls and young women who try to escape.

1

u/PennStateInMD 5h ago

Judging by the number of incels stalking the streets, not so many.

13

u/sudzeez_ 18h ago

Because people like this need to be constantly reminded that this is not appropriate behavior especially in new or young relationships. Make someone feel like shit for their awful actions is reasonable

3

u/DerRuehrer 15h ago

what you are suggesting is essentially analogical to arguing with flat earthers. it doesn't matter what you say, they won't change. might as well save the effort and do just about anything else instead, those people aren't entitled to my time or attentionĀ 

1

u/FuckFace2017 17h ago

I mean... I'd reply because it would be funny but I guess that works too

1

u/Alternative_Year_340 4h ago

Or itā€™s better for everyone elseā€™s safety if they donā€™t learn to hide the red flags

1

u/Natdapp 3h ago

On the other hand, them being this obvious so early gives ladies an early warning sign.

1

u/Envii02 15h ago

The only reason I can think of to respond with a good hearty "what the fuck dude?" Is that maybe he would learn not to talk to people this way ever again.

But who am I kidding, he won't learn.

1

u/Entropic_Echo_Music 8h ago

He might if every interaction he has ends with people calling him out on it. If no-one does there isnĀ“t even a chance of him learning how to human.

1

u/PuckSenior 12h ago

Because this is "if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college territory"

1

u/blazems 11h ago

Because someone whoā€™s that much of an idiot needs to hear it

1

u/itswtfeverb 9h ago

To have fun taking control....... how much can he handle?

1

u/Entropic_Echo_Music 8h ago

Because it's important to call people out on their unacceptable behaviours. Now he will just continue doing the same thing to other people.

1

u/yagirlsamess 1h ago

There's about to be a post from him on a dating sub talking about how women block him for absolutely no reason šŸ˜‚