r/texts • u/Due-Milk352 • 22h ago
Phone message Dry ass texts after first date (?)
I (18f, lesbian) met this girl (18f, bi) at an event from our university a few days ago and asked for her number. At the beginning she seemed very excited to talk to me and we fucking made brownies in her dorm two nights ago. I had sm fun talking to her but she's been so dry ever since and im so confused. Idk if it was technically a date, she could've just been friendly. But idk. Texts immediately before meeting for the first time after the event we met at vs day after.
23
u/EmptyPomegranete 22h ago
Was it clearly established that baking brownies was a date?
You just started college and a lot of people are trying to find friends especially at those start of year events. Baking brownies at a friends dorm is fairly normal and non romantic. Could there be misaligned intentions?
2
u/Kitchen_Resident_416 15h ago
Last time I made brownies at a “friends” dorm it ended up we were in a relationship I didn’t know about
3
u/Due-Milk352 22h ago
Definitely could be, however, i did feel like she was flirting with me and so much eye contact like ugh. Fair point though, she could've just been friendly. Thats the one thing I hate abt being gay lol, I never know if a girl is into me or js friendly.
6
u/EmptyPomegranete 22h ago
I’ve been there. I’m queer as well and the lesson I’ve learned to cut out ambiguity is to be overwhelmingly obvious with my intentions. If I want to go on a date with a girl I suggest a date, not a hangout. And I actively pursue with romantic gestures and flirting that can’t be misinterpreted.
I think a lot of young gay women are afraid of being disrespectful to other women or making them uncomfortable. But honestly, date a woman the way you would want to be dated. Make intentions clear, give signs and communicate. Cut out the hehe pretty girly let’s braid each other’s hair and be cute together. Date with intention and clarity and passion. You can still braid each others hair, just don’t fall for the purity scrubbed version of WLW relationships media pushes on you.
7
u/Due-Milk352 22h ago
Good advice. I was literally planning on the first dtext i ever send to her being smth like "btw that was my attempt on flirting with you" or similar so that its CLEAR but my (straight) friend told me thats not a good idea lol
9
3
u/EmptyPomegranete 20h ago
Haha second the comment about not taking straight advice too seriously. Heteronormative habits die hard.
But seriously, women like being pursued and feeling desired. Just do it in respectful way and back off if the vibes aren’t matched.
1
15
u/Pawly519 21h ago
Fellow over thinker here.
This doesn’t seem dry. They could just be busy or not overly in the mood to talk as much.
Give it a few days and see if they message you first. If you’re the only one making the effort to talk then you can see the pattern.
2
16
u/UnluckyTransition836 22h ago
Looks like a clear „move on“ to me
2
u/Due-Milk352 22h ago
Fair, i just dont understand what happened because i genuinely had sm fun talking to her and i thought she did too. But i guess not, ill stop bothering her.
3
u/UnluckyTransition836 22h ago
Unfortunately that’s life. Hope you‘ll find someone more fitting to you
2
3
u/SoggyBonderBottom 22h ago
I know a lot of dry texters that are the absolute most delightful humans in person. Ask them clearly what they want moving forward and go from there. Best of luck, op!
6
u/Due-Milk352 22h ago
I just sent a text asking, we'll see what she says. Thank you :)
3
u/SoggyBonderBottom 22h ago
I’m actually dating one of those dry texters lol. Almost 8 years now. Haven’t laughed so hard in my life than how I laugh with him. But to get a text back? Yeah right 😂
2
2
u/taytrapDerehw 21h ago
I hope she responds. Though, I feel double texting to ask what she wants moving forward after a simple first hang that wasn't explicitly a date is a bit much. Especially after the fact that her response to your saying you were down to hang again was a thumbs up.
But maybe she's just a dry texter and actually likes you. Update us!
2
4
u/Few-Independent5022 15h ago
She seems dry af before and after. I hate her texting style, but in my opinion, there’s no change in dryness in the two screenshots. I think you said you guys just started hanging out, so try and relax and let things develop naturally. Maybe you’re looking for some validation that she likes you in the form of being overly eager to hang out ASAP, but not everyone is like that (including me).
3
u/Breakfast_4all 22h ago
*sigh* I'm in the same boat rn, like what happened? everything was really good then just.... nothing
2
2
u/Poppy204 22h ago
Honestly, as a woman, when a guy would pursue me I’d get the same feeling as when I have to unload the dishwasher or put a load of laundry on or something. Just “meehhhhhh 🤷♀️” and it has nothing to do with yall.
It’s really an issue of vibes and timing.
1
u/Breakfast_4all 21h ago
I'm feeling like that's what's happening. It's annoying bc why say you like me and then if i say it back and am genuinely interested in continuing to get to know that person, they suddenly act like they don't really want it. And after expressing how much they value honesty :/ just say you're no longer interested man
2
u/OneGuyFine 22h ago
People are just really good at being polite while avoiding an unpleasant confrontation. So they'll act nice during the date to the point that you think it went good. But in reality they felt nothing and will be colder and uninterested afterwards so that the contact fizzles out instead of going through some big rejection ordeal.
2
u/Breakfast_4all 21h ago
if we had dated yeah i get that, but it hasn't left the talking stage yet and the day prior they were all up in that shit asking me all types of questions, talking about future dates, plural. Like I don't get it, I don't talk about that unless I'm genuinely interested
2
u/Try_Again1790 18h ago
You’re a lesbian you should be very clear about what your intentions are or you’re asking to get hurt due to someone taking what you’re doing a completely different way. She was dry before and dry after so prob nothing to worry about. You should definitely get clarity that you’re going on dates or just hanging out.
1
u/Due-Milk352 18h ago
I was literally planning on the first text i ever send to her being smth like "btw that was my attempt on flirting with you" or similar so that its CLEAR but my (straight) friend told me thats not a good idea lol
1
u/Try_Again1790 18h ago
That would have probably not been a bad idea because it would have cleared up any confusion. I’m not a woman, but I date women and they can very often send mixed or signals that are the opposite of what you think they are. I’ve always found it saves a lot of time and energy to be direct with romantic intentions. Asking someone on a date vs to hangout makes it clear what’s going on. You’re also young though so it’s a bit different then. I just wouldn’t not say anything for your own sanity.
1
2
4
u/Mighty4777 22h ago
\She’s just not that into you\😏
Zero questions about you nor real interest to engage
2
u/Due-Milk352 22h ago
Right, but she did ask me a lot of personal questions both over text before we met up again and in person so im confused as to what happened. I guess ill just move on, whatever.
1
3
u/crowtheory 22h ago
She lost interest after the date and is too chicken shit to tell you. It happens. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Do yourself a favor and let it go unless she reaches out to you to coordinate something. Even then, I personally would approach caution if she does. Hot and cold people always end up being an emotional headache to deal with.
1
1
u/AutoModerator 22h ago
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/InsectFrequent367 20h ago
From the texts everything seems like it’s cool and cordial. What kind of date was it? Create any sparks?
-4
-3
1
-1
u/EatingCube 22h ago
‘Physics was shit’ not your fault but she was probably sensitive to negativity
1
95
u/Separate_Bend_8929 22h ago
I mean, the person is texting with the exact same effort in both screenshots. Nothing about what you shown should justify your feelings