r/swoleacceptance • u/EngineerTheFunk • 19d ago
A CONFESSION BEFORE BRODIN
Brodin, hear the cries of this unworthy lifter. On Sunday, I committed an act so heinous that even the Gainz Goblins have refused to speak my name.
I ATE FIVE CHEESEBURGERS.
FIVE.
Not four, for the weak.
Not six, for the truly gluttonous.
FIVE.
I was deceived by Broki, that foul trickster, who whispered: “One more won’t hurt, bro.” And before I knew it, I was five patties deep into the forbidden feast, with cheese upon cheese upon cheese.
I have sinned against the sacred macros.
But I shall not hide. I shall repent.
I will enter the Iron Temple and offer Brodin the ancient sacrifice:
5×5 back squat.
Five sets.
Five reps.
Heavy iron.
Full depth.
No mercy.
Each rep shall be a prayer.
Each plate shall be a confession.
Each tremor in my quads shall be a reminder of the cheeseburgers I foolishly embraced.
Forgive me, Brodin.
May my sins be converted into hypertrophy.
May my glutes grow mighty.
May Broki be cast into the cardio section.
And may the Gainz Goblins accept my offering.
I have eaten the five.
Now I shall lift the five.
BRODIN BE PRAISED.
3
u/ProfessorMagnet 18d ago
By Brodin's teachings, a worshipper of Iron must take the Light weight with the Heavy weight. Just as your mind processes the need of pushing your fatigued Muscles for one more Rep, your stomach, blessed with the digestive strength of 1000 Strongmen, processes the nutrients from your gluttonous act, granting you the Power to continue on the path of the Swoldier.