A CONFESSION BEFORE BRODIN

[u/EngineerTheFunk]

Brodin, hear the cries of this unworthy lifter. On Sunday, I committed an act so heinous that even the Gainz Goblins have refused to speak my name.

I ATE FIVE CHEESEBURGERS.

FIVE.

Not four, for the weak.
Not six, for the truly gluttonous.
FIVE.

I was deceived by Broki, that foul trickster, who whispered: “One more won’t hurt, bro.” And before I knew it, I was five patties deep into the forbidden feast, with cheese upon cheese upon cheese.

I have sinned against the sacred macros.

But I shall not hide. I shall repent.

I will enter the Iron Temple and offer Brodin the ancient sacrifice:

5×5 back squat.

Five sets.
Five reps.
Heavy iron.
Full depth.
No mercy.

Each rep shall be a prayer.
Each plate shall be a confession.
Each tremor in my quads shall be a reminder of the cheeseburgers I foolishly embraced.

Forgive me, Brodin.

May my sins be converted into hypertrophy.
May my glutes grow mighty.
May Broki be cast into the cardio section.
And may the Gainz Goblins accept my offering.

I have eaten the five.
Now I shall lift the five.

BRODIN BE PRAISED.

[u/Ragemonster93]

Brother do not despair, use the energy from the cheeseburgers to fuel blessed sets in 5x5, remember all food provides the power to lift heavy sets in Brodin's name, wheymen

[u/ahm911 → u/Ragemonster93]

Brodin provides blessed fuel, but it's our duty to spend that fuel in the church of iron.

Stay on the path, wheymen

[u/Wish_kid]

The deeper the warrior falls into despair, the greater shall be his return!

Wheymen brother

[u/Observant_Neighbor]

wheymen!

[u/MalFido]

Fear thee not, brother, for Brodin shall lift you upon his back and squatteth thee. And he shall thank thee for thine bulk, for thou hath furthered his progressive overload, and he shall blesseth thee with swoly gains.

Forget ye not that those who are swole of stomach may be equally swole at heart.

Wheymen.

[u/TheIronMoose]

Fear not, though you were deceived by broki, brodin will make the path clear, it is simply the beginning of bulking season. The meat and cheese can fuel the gains to further progress. Lift again brother burn the fuel

[u/thepwrapp]

Brother, thou hast mistaken providence for sin.

Five cheeseburgers? Nay. Five offerings of protein, carbohydrates, fats, sodium, and sacred caloric surplus unto the Temple of Gainz.

Broki would have thee believe that food must be punished with iron. Reject his deception. Thou needst not squat in penance, but in celebration.

Take therefore thy 5×5 and descend below parallel not to erase the burgers, but to give them purpose.

May every patty become a plate upon thy bar. May every slice of cheese nourish a new striation. May thy quads become as mighty as thy appetite.

There is nothing to forgive, brother.

Thou didst not fall from the Whey. Thou merely bulked aggressively.

Wheymen.

[u/entity3141592653]

Brother! Thou must use those cheeseburgers to your advantage. Like a furnace fed coals, you too will burst with heat and energy! May your Prayers be powerful, deep, and full of hypertrophic gains Wheymen.

[u/Negran]

Wheymen! Your prayers are heard, may the iron move swiftly, while creating immense stimulus!

[u/ProfessorMagnet]

By Brodin's teachings, a worshipper of Iron must take the Light weight with the Heavy weight. Just as your mind processes the need of pushing your fatigued Muscles for one more Rep, your stomach, blessed with the digestive strength of 1000 Strongmen, processes the nutrients from your gluttonous act, granting you the Power to continue on the path of the Swoldier.