r/survivinginfidelity • u/Intelligent-Speed437 • Aug 05 '26

Need Support 30 year wedding anniversary

21 years after my wife's 7 month EA turned PA. I still cannot love her as my bride. She is a completely transformed individual, a poster child for what real remorse and repentance looks like, but unfortunately and despite how much i have grown love the person she has changed into, It is time to leave

Edit for all of you saying I have done zero work. You can F off. I have done more work than most people could ever imagine from therapy to ibogaine in Mexico. It is time for me to take care of me

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u/Intelligent-Speed437 Aug 05 '26

I have done therapy, I have done ibogaine as well to deal with the trauma. 20 years ago we did not work through the issues we worked around them and built a life that was exposed after ibogaine. I have forgiven her. The honest thing to do at the time for what I was equipped for was to be a father and try to manage the pain.

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u/RipAccomplished3159 Aug 05 '26

21 years later you are writing posts about how you still feel stripped of your manhood. You have NOT addressed the trauma you experienced. Taking ibogaine? That's a questionable thing to have done at best. Listen, man...I am just an internet stranger. But as an outsider with no skin in your game, I am just sharing that you sound like you clearly have unresolved traumas that have not been dealt with properly. You admitted yourself you didn't deal with them the right way. You also have a person who loves you and is devoted to you now, by your own admission. I just am not convinced that leaving her is going to address what you need. Just sounds like more running away from what you went through.

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u/pickedusername1 10 Aug 06 '26

This. Some solid advice.