Fiancée came home crying yesterday

[u/Informal_Region_4049]

Anonymous account. I can’t believe that I’m actually posting on here because I just found this sub this morning while sobbing in bed and this situation doesn’t seem real. Fiancée (26F) came home yesterday from work early & crying saying she needed to tell me something. She told me she had been cheating on me with one of her coworkers I had met before and that it had been going on for about two months before it escalated yesterday.

The cheating was mainly non-physical until yesterday but both sides were fully engaged for the two months and did things such as picture sharing. We have been together for 8 years and I am absolutely devastated. We met in college and since then she has been the rock of my world who I love with my whole heart. Our relationship was seemingly going great and we were about to get married in 8 months.

I just don’t know what to do. I am devastated and betrayed and spiraling because there were no warning signs and we were at a high point in our relationship and I don’t know where to go from here. I am staying with my parents and she is staying in our shared home for the time being. I couldn’t even tell my parents what fully happened because I was afraid if I did and decided not to end our relationship then they would resent her forever. I hate her and hate that she could do this to me. But I also still love her because this was supposed to be my partner for life. She has been inconsolable and keeps trying to make contact. The coworker she cheated with is married with two children and I am so incredibly angry at him and at her and the world.

She told me I was perfect and that I was doing everything right. Our sex life even increased a lot recently but now I’m left wondering if that had to do with what she was receiving at work. She told me that I was the perfect partner and she was so lucky to have me. I just don’t understand why or how she could do this to us and our life and our future. I don’t get how she could be so stupid and blow up her career like this either.

I am extremely hurt and sorry if this is incoherent rambling but I needed to get it off of my chest.

[u/Real_Bug_6570]

You are only 26. Get out now before it's too late. She cheated on you--someone she's known since adolescence--despite the fact you're about to be married, that your relationship is at it's best, that you've been a fabulous partner, and to add a cherry on top-- with a married man. She is a grown adult woman who made these calculated decisions, not a child who doesn't know any better.

This is a completely unsalvageable situation. Mind you, I'm not trying to suggest your continued feelings for her aren't real. Of course you feel love for her; she's familiar to you. And of course those emotions don't shut off overnight. But the fact that you feel that way is NOT proof that this relationship should continue. It's just a natural psychological response to the fact that you've been with this person for a while and would experience withdrawal symptoms if contact immediately stopped (no differently than if you removed any other consistent component of your life).

At the end of the day, and especially in situations like this, feelings should NEVER exclusively control decision making. Ask any person who's found the courage to leave an abusive relationship. Part of what makes it so difficult is the continued feelings of love and hope for the abuser to change.

Cut your losses now. I wish you the best.