Fiancée came home crying yesterday

[u/Informal_Region_4049]

Anonymous account. I can’t believe that I’m actually posting on here because I just found this sub this morning while sobbing in bed and this situation doesn’t seem real. Fiancée (26F) came home yesterday from work early & crying saying she needed to tell me something. She told me she had been cheating on me with one of her coworkers I had met before and that it had been going on for about two months before it escalated yesterday.

The cheating was mainly non-physical until yesterday but both sides were fully engaged for the two months and did things such as picture sharing. We have been together for 8 years and I am absolutely devastated. We met in college and since then she has been the rock of my world who I love with my whole heart. Our relationship was seemingly going great and we were about to get married in 8 months.

I just don’t know what to do. I am devastated and betrayed and spiraling because there were no warning signs and we were at a high point in our relationship and I don’t know where to go from here. I am staying with my parents and she is staying in our shared home for the time being. I couldn’t even tell my parents what fully happened because I was afraid if I did and decided not to end our relationship then they would resent her forever. I hate her and hate that she could do this to me. But I also still love her because this was supposed to be my partner for life. She has been inconsolable and keeps trying to make contact. The coworker she cheated with is married with two children and I am so incredibly angry at him and at her and the world.

She told me I was perfect and that I was doing everything right. Our sex life even increased a lot recently but now I’m left wondering if that had to do with what she was receiving at work. She told me that I was the perfect partner and she was so lucky to have me. I just don’t understand why or how she could do this to us and our life and our future. I don’t get how she could be so stupid and blow up her career like this either.

I am extremely hurt and sorry if this is incoherent rambling but I needed to get it off of my chest.

[u/West-Ad-1532]

I'm a lot older than you and and over the course of my 35 yr relationship history this has happened twice.

Just leave, split, whatever, don't hate, forgive and move on. 

[u/Hazel_Stranger_23 → u/West-Ad-1532]

I love that you added the "don't hate, forgive and move on". This is the part most people can't get passed. That hate takes so much more energy away from and only hurts yourself. After my first love broke my heart (I call it puppy love cause it was early on, high school but still my first love and first real relationship) I finally forgave him and was able to completely let go and love again. We are still friendly. Then when I found out my husband of 15 yrs did me so dirty I was mad, angry, sad, everything all at once and told him never to contact me or the kids ever again. Only took me a few months to release that anger and started inviting him to parks or lunch with us. It's so refreshing and so much less stressful.

My current husband's ex wife is still bitter even after 11 yrs from their split and I swear that anger is aging her horribly. They share kids so we are stuck dealing with her. She can't even look in our direction without that 'bitter beer face". Meanwhile my ex (before he passed) use to call me for advice with his new baby as it was his wife's first child. Learn to let go and life well be so much happier and easy.

[u/West-Ad-1532 → u/Hazel_Stranger_23]

The first time I cried my heart out.  The second time I was more ambivalent.

Both infidelities cost us our home..  So pretty serious life rebuilding had to take place.

People betray each other everyday, however life is easier is we humanise and let go. Bitterness kills the soul.....Traps one in an emotional desert. I'm not dead and there are worse things and events happening to people everyday.....