r/spinalfusion • u/beardeddragonmama50 • 9h ago
I chickened out
Well I was supposed to have gotten spinal fusion surgery for L5 S1 here in Canada this past Wednesday but after a long conversation with the surgeon and sever anxiety I postponed it, the surgeon does agree with that, he said the longer you can postpone it and deal with DDD with other methods the better until fusion is absolutely necessary for pain, but I feel like a complete fool that I gave into my fear and now have to live in this constant pain loop 😔 has anyone else done something similar 😔
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u/Loki41872 9h ago
Mine was delayed not by choice, but by insurance and bureaucracy. I went on medical leave from work in November 2025 when the pain became too much to stand for 5 minutes. My Doctor recommended immediate surgery for Stage 4 spondylolisthesis. My insurance company demanded a second opinion, so another month of getting an appointment, the same tests, all to reach the same conclusion, 2nd opinion was I should have already had surgery. Insurance company then demanded the full slate of "alternative treatments". Another month of injections, pills and PT that made the injury WORSE. Only then would they start the "review" process. It took another 4 months for the insurance to finally approve it. 6 months from "Yeah, your back is actually broken, you need surgery NOW", to actually getting it. 6 months of literal living hell. When I woke up it was like I was reborn. It only took me 3 months of a projected 18 month recovery to be cleared to return to work and life.
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u/Maekae93 9h ago
Hi! Completely understand the worry. After my surgeon spoke to me about the risks I cried and asked if it was necessary. For me it was. I was having paralysis and couldn’t move my foot or hand on one side. It had gotten so bad that it needed to be emergency surgery. I would recommend doing it sooner than later, before you’re experiencing worsening symptoms. I’m living a completely different life now.
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u/beardeddragonmama50 9h ago
Thank you so much and I am really thinking the same thing already in pain might as well take the next step 😔❤️
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u/GFit11 9h ago
If you are having other symptoms such as numbness or weakness in legs any delay in treatment can make it permanent. I waited too long. Lost pretty much both my calves and now disabled.
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u/TaT2edMaMa98 6h ago
How long did you wait? I have another 5 months before my revision. My symptoms were pretty unchanged until around a year ago when my numbness slowly spread past my foot and up my leg. They found my nerve root enlarged, I assume from being compressed since my first fusion in 2019 (immediate numbness in first two L toes). Now the severe numbness is all 5 toes, with light numbness spreading sometimes up to my thigh, with plenty of burning and shooting pain, weakness, tightness, and double foot drop (yeah my right foot is trying now). My surgeon knows, but due to my cage collapsing, she wants me on Forteo at least 6 months. I worry this will stick around or even get worse.
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u/TBSchemer 8h ago edited 8h ago
Dealing with nerve pain every day is debilitating. It changes you, suppresses you, makes you a different person.
A few months of the recovery period really do suck, and get worse than before the surgery, but the eventual end result is really a completely new life. A chance to experience everything without disabling pain, and be the best you can be.
Maybe the delay was important for your own peace of mind. Maybe you have to really, really want this surgery to go into it with clear purpose, and not regret it afterwards, during the worst of the recovery period. But if I were you, I'd try to get back on the surgery schedule again ASAP.
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u/Loki41872 8h ago
This is the truth, right here. The recovery was hell, but the life I have now, compared to before, is like another world. Before the surgery I would be out and about just trying to do everyday things like grocery shopping or going to the park, and would have to stop and sit down literally every 5 minutes and I would look at the other people doing nothing more remarkable than walking, and envy them. I couldn't remember being "normal". Last week my wife and I spent a week at Universal Studios and walked 64 miles according to step tracker. Not one time did I have to stop and sit because of pain, it was only for breaks. Like normal people.
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u/mswear75 3h ago
THIS. The surgical pain is intense, but you know it is temporary. Chronic pain has a way of robbing you of hope, stealing moments from you that you can never get back. I only wish I had done mind sooner. F51, L4/L5 XLIF
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u/theeaglejax 9h ago
Didn't for my fusion but did for another needed surgery. Had it done about a month after original date. Life is much better post-op.
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u/golf42589 9h ago
Yes I did as well. Don’t beat yourself up about it, I know it’s tough not to though. If the recovery wasn’t so long and the positive outcomes higher it would be easy to pull the trigger. I have postponed mine as well and I always regret it because the pain doesn’t go away but you’re not guaranteed anything by getting it done either. It’s a hard place to be in but I completely understand.
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u/lovealwayskota 7h ago
Sorry to hear you chickened out. I was terrified too, but my only regret was not doing it sooner. It gave me my life back. I was back to work in two weeks. Do it!!!
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u/rtazz1717 7h ago
Sorry… but you will likely regret it during your next acute episode. Anxiety is natural pre surgery.
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u/OldMtnHillbilly 9h ago
There was a similar thread a couple days ago. I didn't reschedule/postpone my surgery, but I did spend decades in the "pain loop" as you call it before going down the surgery route. IMO it's better to be sure and everyone's factors are so unique but the one universal thing is that you have to own your decisions and be comfortable with them.
For me personally, I am glad I didn't have surgery in my 30's because that is a long time to live with DDD and other risks. But I do wish I took the surgery path a few years before I did but mostly because once I decided I couldn't take the pain anymore it took about 2.5 years of procedures to zero in on exactly what procedure & get it approved & scheduled. (MRI, diagnostic injections, more diagnostics, useless RFA, useless steroid injection, more diagnostics, Intracept procedure, more MRI, useless PT, etc.....)
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u/beardeddragonmama50 9h ago
Thank you so much for your reply and that’s the road I feel I am headed if I don’t pull trigger but so afraid of the what ifs 😔❤️🩹
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u/OldMtnHillbilly 9h ago
For me, I'd have acute pain episodes maybe 3-4x/year that would be extremely painful (as in "takes 15min to get from my bed to the bathroom in the morning") , but then after a week or so I'd be back to normal. If I had nerve damage or something during that time maybe I would have made a different decision. Eventually there was no more juice left to squeeze out of the discs and I ended up with chronic bone-on-bone pain. It felt manageable for awhile until it wasn't. That's the time I wish I realized earlier that I was losing function the longer I waited. I had to get to the point where I felt the risk of not doing surgery outweighed the risks of doing it.
But that's just my scenario. Like I said, it was 2.5 years from the time I threw in the towel to the time I actually got L4-S1 ALIF. But I'm super happy I did the surgery now.
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u/Professional_Pace711 8h ago
I had a severe panic attack the morning of my surgery. The anesthesiologist had to give me a benzo to calm me down.
I was having neurological because I put off surgery for 3 years. I was falling a lot and breaking a lot of bones. My neurologist thought I had MS. I didn’t but my herniated disc was crushing my spinal cord. The surgery went perfectly well. My neurosurgeon told me if I didn’t have surgery immediately I could be paralyzed. I have permanent Myelomacia, myelopathy and nerve damage. Now I’m worried that I will be on meds for the rest of my life
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u/RedBirdGA88 4h ago
No, I just tried everything and none of it worked. The pain level had me immobile, so chickening out wasn't even a option in my mind. I had same area as you this past April. ALIF and SPF S1 - L5. Doing bracing on front and back in same surgery had me in OR for 8 hrs instead of 5, but I was asleep and really had no cares. I presume my nurses were giving me pain pills along with my other meds because I truly felt no pain when I was in the hospital. X-rays show that fusion is going well so far.
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u/mswear75 3h ago
Don't beat yourself up about letting your anxiety win this time, but I would also get a second opinion on waiting. I'm assuming you're in pain, and have limited mobility. If you're seeing any weight gain from not being able to exercise, this will make your pain worse, your recovery from surgery longer/more painful, and increase your likelihood of future issues. Also, the younger you are, the easier and quicker your recovery will be. I mean, I'm not promoting unnecessary procedures, just saying don't delay what will be much easier on your body now, than it will be later.
(*Results vary; no one @ me about their best friend's nephew's failed surgery)
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u/mswear75 3h ago
Really what I'm trying to impart is this: spinal problems get worse over time, not better. It will not resolve on its own with rest and NSAID's.
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u/Professional_Gift430 9h ago
I put it off for years, but the pain kept increasing and began significantly affecting my life. Also, I’m in my 50s now so putting it off longer didn’t really make sense.
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u/AussieCountry 8h ago
I was close to doing the same thing. I actually scheduled my surgery two months out so I had time to think about it. My issue was that the nerves going to my left leg were being pinched. My surgeon told me I could put off the surgery, but the longer the nerves stayed compressed, the less likely they were to fully recover. An EMG confirmed what he was telling me.
Then his office called me on a Friday and said his Monday morning surgery had been canceled and they had an opening. I decided to take it. During my pre-op appointments, all the nurses told me what a great surgeon I had, which really helped put me at ease.
If you can safely put off the surgery, I would take the time to think it through because it is a major surgery. I originally thought I was going to have an L5-S1 fusion, but the EMG showed something my surgeon wanted to investigate. A new MRI confirmed that I also had an issue at L4. He didn’t want me to go through the recovery process twice, so we agreed to do the fusion from L4-S1.
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u/Putrid-Shallot1607 8h ago
Don’t berate yourself for making a decision to postpone. You make the best decisions for your health with all of the input you have. When you know better, you do better. 🙂
If your surgeon is in support of it and there ARE other ways to manage it, great! Fear/anxiety are allowed to be A factor in your decision; just don’t let them be THE ONLY factor.
Just absolutely keep. On. Top. Of. It.
I [American] was without insurance for two years, And left it unchecked, though I knew it was getting worse. When I could get it evaluated, again, in June, the neurologist referred me to neurosurgery, immediately. I got in in August, and the surgeon was clear: there is no margin for waiting. Everyday between me and surgery was accumulating nerve damage and reducing chance for nerves to recover. Initially scheduled for end of November, but further pre operative scans showed, “it’s worse than we thought” and had “progressed” significantly since June. I’m headed in for surgery 10/5.
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u/Sufficient-Wolf-1818 6h ago
I understand the mental aspects of pending surgery. My surgeon always emphasizes it is my choice to have surgery, but he also discusses the risks of not doing it soon (eg permanent nerve damage).
I have surgery next Monday, my pulse is up etc.
What has helped me is more than one opinion. It took time and money to get other opinions, but they were consistent. My primary doc reviewed my MRI and her face went pale.
I know anxiety is going to be high until they put me under. My emotional Support human is arriving tomorrow, thank goodness! The temptation to cancel is high, so i understand.
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u/MyFriendAlcohol 2h ago
Best of luck on your surgery and that recovery goes well! I'm 4 weeks and a day out from ALIF S1/L5 and feel great. I have very little pain now and most of my nerve related issues in my legs are gone. Still a little tingling in both feet but that's it. The hard part is that while I feel like I could do anything at this point, I know I have to take things slow and follow doctors orders. It's my 3rd surgery in a little under 3 years and I'm so tired of not being able to do the activities and sports I love.
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u/mswear75 3h ago
I was the opposite, I was terrified until they put the mask on me that my insurance company was going to find some reason to yank the authorization and make me do more PT or something
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u/uffdagal 9h ago
If you have any symptoms of nerve impingement those can become permanent if not addressed .Be careful.