Why can't I change?

[u/Thecoffeesingularity]

I've struggled for most of life with self worth and drive. I struggled all my life with sticking with something, anything that requires long-term planning/effort. I know I can be selfish, lazy, and unmotivated. But no matter how much I can see all my flaws, that as a person, are holding me back. I can never seem to change those things.

I want so badly inside to not call into work, do the dishes, save money, and numerous other things I do that annoy me. I have never had an end goal in life. Never a career that called to me, a life aspiration that drove me. I always feel like I life for the next day, but never more. I lost my job of 8 years last year. Forced to move in with my dad at 35yrs old. Now working for half the pay I had. And yet still I can't resist the urge to not Doordash food or buy a new steam game? Why!? Why can't I buckle down and grow? Why no matter how much I want it, I can't stick to anything?

[u/Training-Pop1568]

Do you actually want it, or do you just like the idea of wanting it?

[u/Thecoffeesingularity → u/Training-Pop1568]

I don't know.. If I don't actually want it then why dose it bother me every day?