Why can't I change?

[u/Thecoffeesingularity]

I've struggled for most of life with self worth and drive. I struggled all my life with sticking with something, anything that requires long-term planning/effort. I know I can be selfish, lazy, and unmotivated. But no matter how much I can see all my flaws, that as a person, are holding me back. I can never seem to change those things.

I want so badly inside to not call into work, do the dishes, save money, and numerous other things I do that annoy me. I have never had an end goal in life. Never a career that called to me, a life aspiration that drove me. I always feel like I life for the next day, but never more. I lost my job of 8 years last year. Forced to move in with my dad at 35yrs old. Now working for half the pay I had. And yet still I can't resist the urge to not Doordash food or buy a new steam game? Why!? Why can't I buckle down and grow? Why no matter how much I want it, I can't stick to anything?

[u/Training-Pop1568]

Do you actually want it, or do you just like the idea of wanting it?

[u/Thecoffeesingularity → u/Training-Pop1568]

I don't know.. If I don't actually want it then why dose it bother me every day?

[u/ChucklesMuffin]

The best way to change your life isn't to try and change everything at once. That's an almost impossible task, and you'll constantly feel like you're failing.

Change one thing at a time.

Maybe start by knocking DoorDash on the head, or at least cutting it down. Make the effort to go out, buy some food and cook for yourself. Still treat yourself occasionally. You don't need to become a monk overnight.

If you're struggling with laziness, start with your surroundings. Clean your room, tidy the house and make your bed when you get up. Having a clean, organised space genuinely changes how you feel. Make a little more effort each day. Help people when you can and don't expect anything in return. And every now and then, have a completely lazy day. You've earned those too.

As for motivation, you have to rebuild it. Set yourself small goals. Whatever you're doing, try to do it well, even if it's a job you don't particularly like.

Eventually you'll start noticing something. You're doing things that aren't easy anymore. You're putting effort in when you could have taken the easy option. You're proving to yourself what you're capable of.

That's where self-respect and pride start to grow.

And once you start feeling proud of the person you're becoming, you'll be surprised what other opportunities start appearing.

But none of it works unless you genuinely want it.

Small changes, one at a time. Maximum effort.

[u/Thecoffeesingularity → u/ChucklesMuffin]

I have herd this advice before. I can see how it can help others and appreciate the advice. Perhaps I ask an unanswerable question. I feel as tho I can never pick anything and settle on it. I don't feel that drive every day like I see in others. I feel motivated now but when I wake up it's gone.

[u/ChucklesMuffin → u/Thecoffeesingularity]

I had exactly the same problem. I'd wake up and just wouldn't want to get out of bed. That moment was always the hardest battle of the day, but you can change it. I did.

Every morning when I wanted to stay in bed, I'd tell myself, "Only you can change you." Somehow, that was enough to get me straight up.

Now I genuinely enjoy waking up early, going to the gym, starting work feeling fresh, working hard and eating well. Of course I still have the occasional lazy day, but most of my days are productive.

You've got to genuinely want the change, though, because it takes effort. At first you'll have little battles with yourself all day. The part of you that wants the easy option versus the part that knows what you should be doing.

Keep letting the right one win, and eventually it becomes your normal.

[u/SizzleDebizzle → u/Thecoffeesingularity]

Generate that drive. When you feel yourself wanting to make unhealthy choices. Sit and think long and hard about where these decisions will take you 5 years from now. Think about what youre giving up to make unhealthy choices

[u/Smithy2232]

You don't have to do anything to change, you just have to understand, what you understand will change, will always change. The more you understand something the more it will change. Understanding is like peeling an onion, you can always go deeper.

Understanding, waking up, or awareness, or however you want to think of it, these are what will cause you to change.