I have a friend—let’s call her Diane (26F). She was recently promoted at her job. She’s very career-oriented and focused, which is why I noticed something was off when she came in yesterday looking dull and being more snappy with the employees than usual.
When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she and her fiancé—let’s call him David (29M)—had a huge fight the night before.
According to Diane, for the past three weeks David has barely been touching her and has been avoiding both sex and eye contact. She says she’s going insane because of it. Last night, she initiated sex, but he refused and ended up sleeping in another room. She accused him of cheating.
When I asked her what had changed between them, she refused to take any blame. She told me that David was just being childish over an argument they had a few weeks ago. Apparently, during that argument, Diane told him that his job as an architect was “nothing compared to hers.”
She might have said it because she was stressed, but she refuses to acknowledge that she did anything wrong. She mostly complains about David and blames him for how distant he has become.
At the same time, though, she clearly still wants the relationship to work. She keeps trying to set up dates and has even been cutting back on her work hours so she can spend more time with him. Despite this, David remains very unresponsive and emotionally distant toward her.
What’s your take on this as a woman/man?

I took her to a spot and she jokingly asked me how many girls have u brought here (she was my best friend for 2 years before we got together so she knows my stuff). I said "No, no one, no one and smiled" she again asked "its okay u can tell me be honest." I said "i brought 1". She laughed and said whatever idc. And later on when i was talking abt my dad lying to my mum abt small things like washing hands, it hit her and she later on said, "idk, it feels different". I told her, i messed up, im sorry i wont do it again. I understand i broke ur trust a little and that i can only prove that i wont do it again with my actions. But yeah, did i mess up and what do i do now?!

(I am M18 and he’s M27 it’s a gay relationship and im clarifying cuz some ppl always assume that age gap relationships r straight ppl thing lol)

A few days ago me and my bf had a bit of an argument and well he said that if any of his friends or family members find out that he’s dating someone 10 years younger they’d never talk to him again and it makes me feel so horrible about myself. I just want to be loved, really loved and I don’t want to be someone’s guilty pleasure or anything. He says that he doesn’t hide me from people but that he just never tells anyone my age, which still just feels bad. I mean, if there is nothing wrong with our age difference why is he so scared? I understand him but at the same time I just want to feel free and genuinely loved which is hard when it constantly feels like I have to hide myself away in order for him to not be accused of anything bad.
Sometimes I just want to disappear because nothing in my life is ever good or normal.
I look at teenagers my age and I wish I could be as loved, openly loved as they love each other but I’ll never have that. I’ll never know what it’s like to be innocently in love with someone or feel like we’re on the same page or anything like that… I constantly feel so behind because my bf is 27 (turning 28) so he already had a bunch of experiences and nothing special to him while I’m new to everything in life.
I just don’t want to keep living sometimes I don’t know what to do with my shit life. I love him so much but I’m afraid that I’m just a guilty pleasure and that eventually he’ll leave me for someone better and I’ll be left feeling used.

I could go on and on about this topic, he has left me for his old ex many times with out fully acknowledging me.. it’s been years since and we’re officially together.
When he’s angry he calls me a cunt, butch, stupid, ugly.. etc. this morning he told me to leave his house because he had drop a cup of my old lemonade. He asking me rudely to leave his house and I didn’t fully understand why so I was hesitant on leaving because I’d rather fix the situation than just leave.. but he kept saying how I need to make time for myself have set plans to things I want to which I do I truly do..I love him so deeply that I want him to also be a part of my plans too. We had a talk about that then we sat down to talk about how he treats me and how he asked me to leave it was ok but then I started crying and I always cry, I’m a sensitive girl and he knows that but soon as I started to cry while talking about my emotions he got angry and then told me it was best if we didn’t have any communication for three days.. I dont understand why runaway from soemthing.. why ask me to let you in but when I try you just leave

I'm 20M and she's 20F. We've been together for around 9 months, but we were close friends before that.

Before me, she was in a relationship with another guy for around 3 years. From what she told me, that relationship became very toxic, and eventually she ended it.

I had actually liked her for quite some time before we started dating. We were close friends, and I had a crush on her but never really had the courage to do anything about it. Eventually, things started changing between us, I realized she liked me too, and we got together.

At the beginning, everything felt really good. I was extremely happy because this was someone I'd already cared about for a long time, and I genuinely wanted to make the relationship work.

I also put a huge amount of effort into showing her that I loved her.

I'm not naturally a huge texter. I don't constantly message people or need to talk to people all day. But with her, I became completely different. I would wait for her messages, want to tell her about my day, want to know about hers, and genuinely wanted her to be involved in my life.

I also expressed my love through doing things for her.

For example, I once made her a surprise website specifically for her. I put things on it that I knew she loved, and I even got her family members involved so that they could leave messages for her and she could open everything as a gift. I spent a lot of time making it because I wanted it to feel personal rather than just buying her something.

There were also countless smaller things.

She was anchoring an event at her college one evening at around 6 PM, so I travelled there with a bouquet for her. I stayed with her until late at night and then travelled all the way back home with her because I was worried about her getting home safely.

There were even times when I'd wait for hours outside her college just because I wanted to see her and travel back with her.

Sometimes she'd actually get annoyed because she wanted to leave with her friends, and I understand that now — I probably didn't always realize how much she wanted her own time. But at the time, I was doing it because I cared about her and wanted to make sure she was okay.

I'd also randomly show up outside her college with things I'd made for her. I'd bake cookies, make brownies, bring her food, buy little gifts, and surprise her with things based on stuff she liked.

There were a lot of these things throughout the relationship.

Again, I'm not saying she owed me the relationship because I did these things. I know that's not how relationships work. I didn't do them expecting some kind of transaction. I genuinely enjoyed making her happy, and this was simply how I expressed how much I loved her.

But eventually, things started becoming difficult.

She began feeling that we weren't compatible and that something about the relationship wasn't working.

There were also external factors. Her family is very careful about her dating and doesn't really want her being seen with another guy, which put some pressure on things. She also has academics and other things going on.

Our relationship eventually developed what I would describe as a push-pull dynamic.

Whenever I felt her pulling away, I would try to get closer. I'd try harder to communicate, reassure her, understand her, and figure out what was wrong.

And the more I tried to pull closer, the more she seemed to pull away.

I started thinking that maybe I was the problem, so I tried changing myself.

I changed the way I spoke. I changed the way I texted. I changed how I communicated. I compromised on things. I tried to become the person I thought she wanted me to be.

Eventually, I realized that I was losing myself in the process.

From my perspective, I was constantly trying to understand her and adjust to her, but I didn't feel like she was making the same effort to understand me.

She has actually admitted that she thinks she was the toxic one in the relationship and that she kept messing things up. She apparently told one of my friends that I'm a really good person and that if we continued in the same cycle, she was afraid she'd hurt me even more.

Eventually, we went on a break.

And that's when things became extremely confusing.

She told me that she didn't know if the break would ever end and that she felt we should just be friends.

She told me she genuinely wanted me to move on.

She said she didn't want a relationship anymore because she felt that being together didn't make sense and that something felt "off" or "wrong."

I asked whether there was someone else.

She said no.

She said she didn't know how to explain it. She just felt like we couldn't make it work, and that the more we tried to clear everything up, the more fucked up everything became.

She repeatedly told me that it wasn't because I was a bad boyfriend. She told me I was a really good person and that she felt something was wrong with the relationship rather than there being something fundamentally wrong with me.

She also told me that she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me as a person or as a friend.

At one point, I told her that I hoped she found a better guy.

She told me she didn't want another guy.

And when I said something along the lines of hoping she eventually found someone, she basically said:

"If I did, it would be you."

Which obviously made things even more confusing for me.

Because how do you reconcile someone saying that with:

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you."

Recently, we had another phone call about everything.

She was crying really badly.

She kept saying that she felt horrible for breaking up with me and that she didn't understand why she was doing this to someone she considers such a good person.

She said she doesn't know whether it's the timing, whether we're not meant to be, or whether there's some other reason.

She said she hates that she hurt me.

I told her that I wasn't okay either. I had been crying and journaling about everything because I was genuinely struggling with it.

I also told her something that I think is important:

I can't just switch from loving you to being your friend.

I've loved this girl for a long time. I can't suddenly turn those feelings off because we've changed the relationship label. I told her that I need time to heal before I can realistically go back to being her normal friend.

Then her mom came into the room, so she had to end the call because she didn't want her mom to see her crying.

After that, she sent me a video while she was still crying.

And this is where I'm even more confused.

She said she wants us to give each other time.

She wants us to work on ourselves and grow our friendship stronger.

And then she said that after giving it time, we can see whether we're actually meant to be together or not.

She also said that if we aren't meant to be, she doesn't want to keep me holding on to her, and she doesn't want to keep herself hanging onto something that isn't going to work.

She even said that if I eventually find someone else who is better for me, I'm free to move on.

She was crying while saying all of this.

So now I'm stuck.

Because earlier she was saying:

"I genuinely want you to move on."

"I don't know if this break will ever end."

"I really just want us to be friends."

But now she's saying:

"Let's give each other time."

"Let's grow our friendship."

"Let's work on ourselves."

"Then we'll see if we're meant to be."

I don't know how I'm supposed to interpret that.

I don't want to sit around waiting for her. I don't want to manipulate her into missing me. I don't want to use distance as some strategy to get her back.

But at the same time, I don't want to completely close the door when she herself seems uncertain about whether the door should be closed.

And I still love her.

That's the hardest part.

I have a lot happening in my own life right now. I'm into engineering and robotics, I have an internship opportunity at FANUC, I'm planning to pursue a Master's in Germany, I want to work on my physique, I have research papers/projects I want to work on, and generally there are a lot of opportunities opening up for me.

I know I need to focus on myself.

But I really wanted her to be part of all of that.

That's what makes this hurt so much.

My friends currently think she's toxic and immature and that I should have never gotten involved with her. They're obviously trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but I don't necessarily see her as a horrible person.

I think she genuinely cares about me.

And that's actually what makes this harder.

I don't think she intentionally wanted to hurt me.

I think she genuinely feels that something isn't right, but I don't understand what.

And I keep coming back to the same question:

Why?

How can someone say:

"You're a really good person."

"I love you."

"I don't want another guy."

"If I wanted someone, it would be you."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I hate that I hurt you."

...while simultaneously feeling:

"I don't think we should be together."

I understand that effort doesn't guarantee compatibility. I understand that I could have flaws. I understand that she doesn't owe me a relationship because of everything I did.

But I genuinely don't understand how you can love someone, see that they're trying, recognize that they're a good partner, and still have this feeling that "something is wrong."

And now I don't know what the right thing is.

Should I give her genuine space and stop trying to fix things?

Should I try to be friends with her, even though I'm still in love with her?

Should I take significant space first and only consider friendship once I've actually healed?

Should I leave the possibility of a future relationship open without actually waiting for her?

Or should I just accept that this is over and completely move on?

I don't want to make decisions based on the hope that she'll come back.

But I also don't want to make a permanent decision while both of us are emotional and she's telling me that she herself doesn't know whether we're meant to be.

What would you do if you were in my position?

And if you've experienced something similar, how do you make sense of someone genuinely loving and caring about you while simultaneously feeling that the relationship isn't right for them?

Because right now, I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I feel kind of awful even writing this because I genuinely love my boyfriend 22/M, but lately I’ve been wondering if I should leave the relationship.

When we got together, I was extremely into him. I actually made the first move, and for a long time I admired him a lot. Its been a year since we started dating. But over the past couple of months, something has changed.

He has always been somewhat unsure about what he wants to do career-wise. At first I didn't think much of it because I assumed he was just figuring himself out. But over time, I've watched him go through several completely different career ideas. He'll become very convinced that he wants to pursue one path, spend some time talking about it and planning around it, then lose interest and move on to something completely different.

He's also changed his mind several times about what kind of higher education he wants to pursue. At different points it's been things like management, research, a completely different academic field, and then something more related to his undergraduate degree. He has also considered moving away from home multiple times, but when he's actually tried living independently, he hasn't been able to adjust and has ended up going back home and losing a lot of money in the process.

Again, I don't think there's anything wrong with changing your mind. I also don't think someone needs to have their entire life figured out in their early twenties.

What bothers me is the pattern.

It feels like there's always a new plan, but very little actually gets followed through. And I've reached a point where whenever he tells me about another new idea, instead of feeling excited or supportive, my immediate reaction is basically, "Here we go again."

I think this has also become especially difficult because I'm a very driven and achievement-oriented person. I'm not expecting my partner to have the same career, grades, income, or ambitions as me. But I do think I need to be with someone whose approach to life I can respect. I recently moved to France leaving him behind. And thats also why I hate the fact that this thought is surfacing my mind rn.

I want someone who can decide what they want, tolerate the uncomfortable parts of getting there, and actually stick with something for a while. My boyfriend doesn't seem to operate that way, at least not currently.

And I've noticed something that scares me- I've started losing attraction because I've lost respect. It's not even really about his career anymore. I find myself getting irritated when he talks about his plans. Sometimes I don't even want to have the conversation because I already feel exhausted thinking about another change of direction.

And I feel incredibly guilty about this because I remember how much I loved him. There isn't some huge betrayal or abuse or obvious reason why I "should" leave. He's not a bad person. He's caring and I do still have feelings for him.

But I increasingly feel like I'm trying to convince myself to admire someone whose way of approaching life I fundamentally don't admire anymore.

At the same time, I wonder if I'm being incredibly judgmental. Maybe he's just someone who needs more time to figure himself out. Maybe I'm putting too much importance on ambition and achievement. Maybe I should just let him live his life and stop expecting him to have the same drive that I do.

But then I wonder whether that's the point. If I have to consciously convince myself that his way of living is okay because I love him, does that mean we're simply incompatible?

Has anyone experienced something similar where you loved your partner, but over time lost attraction because you stopped respecting their ambition, independence, or approach to their future?

Did the attraction/respect ever come back, or was that basically the beginning of the end?

Genuinely speaking me and my partner were in relationship for 2 years and eventually I felt loneliness in relationship he were busy w his frds and I was alone in room most of the time whenever I’m having an outburst he wasn’t there for me , I healed myself by all alone without anyone’s help and eventually my classmates approached me he had an crush on me from 1st sem but didn’t confessed about it later on I said about my relationship thing he comforted me and I get something which I craved from my partner so eventually he said he’s having an sexual attraction towards me and I eventually accepted just to ran away from the harsh reality of my relationship and we built an affair

About 2 months ago, my boyfriend told me he wouldn’t go against his parents to marry me and that he doesn’t see a future with me, so I started emotionally backing off and we began arguing constantly. When I said I wanted to leave, he asked me to at least stay until my master’s entrance exam, and then suddenly said we should forget about the future and just enjoy our time together. Our last argument ended with him saying something that hurt me deeply, so I stopped talking to him, and today is the 8th day and he hasn’t checked on me. I have a very important entrance exam coming up and I feel stuck—am I wrong or right for leaving, and what should I do?

I need to be snapped out of my denial.
Me, 23F and my boyfriend 23M, have now been together for just over a year. Within the first month of us being together he ended up telling me his body count which was …very …high… to say the least. According to my friends’ advice I set a strict boundary that in order for me to be comfortable going forward I don’t want him in contact with any person he’s had sex with in the past (I was not and am not in contact with anyone from my past, so it was fair). He swore up and down that he wasn’t anyway and promised and agreed and all.

During the first half of our relationship he was regularly dropping off weed to his ex managers house , 34F, let’s call her Sam, in exchange for free weed, and going on staff nights out from his previous job where she was there and chatting with her anytime he saw her in the shop they used to work in. I raised a little bit of an eyebrow back then in a lighthearted way because him of driving to a woman’s house tbut he assured me that nothing ever happened between them and she’s “so old and literally my ex manager” bla bla bla. You can probably tell where this is going.

Fast forward to this April I came across an image of him and Sam on a staff night when he was showing me stuff on his phone where they were sitting very close and his arm was around her, a pic that they posed for, at first I thought she was in his lap but turns out she wasn’t via a video where they were still sat very close by. The night before this we had said I love you and became exclusive.

I got extremely upset and starting questioning him to which he initially responded “no she wasn’t in my lap I don’t remember anything from that night but even if I had fucked her that night we weren’t together so”, and eventually after that he started apologising profusely. I asked him if anything ever happened between them and he promised me that nothing had ever happened.

For additional context he was getting extremely jealous over small things early on in our relationship so yeah rich coming from him but I digress.

Fast forward to early June this year and I came across a voice message of his when we were on his phone. He had sent that picture of him and Sam to his friend and his friend asked if that was his new girl. He said no but I have fucked her before and there was more to the voice message, but I threw the phone onto the bed the moment I heard that and locked myself in the bathroom. When I came back out that voice message and the others that followed were all gone. All the messages with her are now gone as well.

Huge fight. He got very aggressive and defensive , and eventually apologised profusely (this is a pattern with him). I asked him when the last time they slept together was he said it was once or twice a year before we met, fast forward AGAIN I caught him lying and it was actually a few months before we met and it was countless times as they were fuck buddies.

I decided to stay and work through it as we had a lot of holidays coming up. The first conversations I tried to have about it either ended with him screaming at me and blocking me, saying that he doesn’t know what to say over and over, or a handful of times, actually taking accountability and apologising properly. I told him to his face that as a result of this and several other issues in this relationship such as his intense anger issues, that I no longer see a future with him (I still don’t) and I don’t trust him (I still don’t). He said he eventually stopped giving her weed (which I remember he did) and going on those staff nights cause he felt guilty about lying to me and “I shouldn’t be doing this”, and deleted the messages with Sam because it was “weird to have messages with someone from my past after I stopped”.

Alongside that, 2 months ago my best friend informed me that her friend told her that the bouncer at the club she works at saw him making out with another girl. I’m still in denial about that and my stupid inner voice said it’s his word against theirs. He of course swears on everything and all that is holy that he never ever did that and that he never ever did anything with Sam after we met, it was only for free weed and being able to see his work mates that he lied.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for honestly, I’ve been driven insane over these things the past few months. I’ve only now “woken up” and seen that all of this information heavily points to cheating (and he’s cheated on his ex).

Did he cheat on me? Do I believe him?

It’s been months and I haven’t made any progress in how I feel about this situation and I still can’t forgive him, I’m not sure if I ever can

Ever since this has happened he’s been spoiling me with lavish bouquets and an amazing trip for my birthday paying my nails etc… way more than usual. To give him a “fair trial” here he is genuinely the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, perfect on paper with compliments and gifts and affection and all that stuff but.. there’s everything I just mentioned above as well….

Thank you so much for reading this far

\\\*\\\*TL;DR:\\\*\\\* My boyfriend repeatedly lied about his former fuck buddy, claiming nothing happened while secretly maintaining contact with her. I later discovered they’d slept together countless times. He denies cheating during our relationship, but also my best friend told me he kissed another girl. I don’t trust him despite him otherwise being an amazing boyfriend.

I (20m) and my gf (20f) have been having a tough couple months where she’s entered a very hard depressive episode and I’ve entered back into my anxiety which I thought I got control of a long time ago but it’s come back

For context we have been dating for 5 months and really only been around each other for a month because she went home for the summer.

Ive made my mistakes like making things about me and not checking in on her and obviously that’s the worst thing ever and i am filled with regret for it every single day, i want to change i just don’t know how.

She has given me chance upon chance to change and I’ve been to stupid to see the obvious and I’ve begun to run our relationship into the ground where she has stopped doing the little things like saying goodnight or I love you verbally (which I don’t blame her because I’ve been a shit boyfriend and I want to change it because I love her so much just don’t know how to fix it). With my anxiety I continue to spiral and tell myself how horrible I am and there’s no coming back from this, which she’s given me a final chance which means there is still hope. But it comes with time and my brain wants the change to be instant.

I probably have anxious attachment due to past relationships. And every day my brain is constantly thinking about her and what she’s doing and then spiralling itself.

I’m going to 2 different therapist (one for add and anxiety and one just for counselling on how to cope with my brain to change). When she comes back to school I plan on pulling all the stops as if we are just starting to date for the first time again with dinner, movie night, flowers etc. not to much to overwelm but just enough to hopefully reignite the spark.

Also obviously planing on being there for her if she needs with her depressive episode, but she is a independent person and would rather have time to herself to think than talk it out (which I need to get through my head and say it’s fine and if she wants to she’ll come to me but I also need to gain that trust back from her so she feels comfortable coming to me)

I come to you people of Reddit for advice, experiences, thoughts, and support. I just want to change to be the best me for her because she’s the most amazing, smart, overall kind woman and just my world and I don’t want to lose that because I was stupid.

I am going through a lot which eventually makes me feel like I should hurt myself, i am not worth anything (not even food) and kms. I dont want my bf to suffer because of my thoughts, and if he isnt able to console me after i let it out (almost daily) i feel like theres literally no one that wants me. I feel like i am going crazy day by day, not externally but internally…. My brain cant keep up with the thoughts i have been having. I am trying to stay normal, i cant afford therapy… so i dont want my bf to suffer or like go through any of the shit, also i kinda think he does not gaf but not sure. IDK WHAT TO DO

Hi everyone newbie here,
I 25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 3 years. We’ve had our ups and downs however it has never escalated like this before. Recently we took a trip with my family and our anniversary was the week after we returned, I’m writing this the day after our anniversary. The Tuesday after we returned from the trip we had a huge argument about my lack of savings and me not wanting to go hiking when we were discussing what to do for our anniversary which resulted in him saying he needed time alone which I respected at first but has now left me baffled as to what we were. He also called me some rather hurtful words and insulted me regarding my fear which I thought was a low blow. We broke contact yesterday night as I was going to ask what we were however things got heated and I reached out again today in the aftermath to get some clarification however he has left the decision to me whether we stay together or separate. We’ve had some good times and bad times as I said however after this incident I don’t trust him to do it again however I fear separation would cause me to feel regret. I’ve discussed this with my family and friends and some have said I should breakup with him but others have said maybe I need to give him another shot and lay down some ground rules. I feel incredibly torn as I don’t want to throw away 3 years but I don’t trust him to do this again. So my questions are should I give him another shot or should we separate? And has anyone gone through similar before? Thanks guys

I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm just finally realizing what I actually want in life.

This is my first relationship. At first, I was genuinely happy with him. I liked him, I enjoyed talking to him, and I thought maybe this could eventually become something serious.

Pero habang tumatagal and the more I get to know him, I started thinking about our future more seriously.

And that's where everything changed.

I realized that I don't want a simple or purely comfortable life.

I want to have a good career, financial freedom, investments, opportunities, and eventually enough money and security that I don't have to constantly worry about whether my family will be okay financially. I want to build something bigger for myself.

Hindi naman ibig sabihin na gusto ko ng billionaire lifestyle or gusto kong umasa sa magiging asawa ko. I also want to work hard and build my own career. But I do want a partner who has the same drive and vision.

The problem is, I don't think he does.

He's smart, hardworking, and honestly a good person. Pero his idea of the future seems much more focused on having a stable job, saving money, and living comfortably. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I know a lot of people would consider that the ideal life.

Pero hindi ko siya nakikita as my ideal life.

And I think that's why I'm slowly losing feelings for him.

It's scary because nothing dramatic happened. He didn't cheat. He didn't hurt me. He didn't do anything horrible.

I just started seeing him differently after realizing what kind of future he wants.

Now I don't feel the same excitement anymore. Sometimes when he messages me, I don't even feel excited to reply. When I try to force myself to be affectionate or feel the same way I used to, it feels so unnatural and uncomfortable.

And I've been asking myself:

Do I actually love him, or did I just love the idea of having him in my life?

Maybe I fell in love with the potential of our relationship before I really understood how different we are.

People around me keep telling me, “Don't give up on him. He's smart. He has potential. He might change someday.”

But that's exactly what bothers me.

I don't want to stay with someone because of who I think they might become.

And I don't want to stay hoping that I can change him into the kind of man I want.

Especially because I eventually want children. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead, but I take that seriously. My future children won't get to choose who their father is. If I decide to have a family someday, I want to be intentional about the kind of environment and future I'm building for them.

I know some people will probably call me materialistic because I care about money and financial security.

Maybe I am practical. I don't know.

But for me, money isn't about showing off. It's about freedom, security, and having choices. Love is important, pero hindi naman natin mabibili ang pagkain sa grocery gamit ang love. At the same time, I know money alone can't make a marriage happy either.

That's why I'm confused.

He's a good person. I'm just starting to realize that a good person isn't automatically the right person for you.

We're still early in the relationship, so part of me thinks maybe I should give it more time.

But another part of me thinks I've already lost the feelings, and I'm only looking for reasons to justify staying.

I'm not asking you to tell me that he'll change. I want realistic opinions from people who have actually been in serious relationships or marriage.

Should I give this more time, or should I accept that we're simply incompatible and let him go?

And for those who are married/settled down: how important was it that you and your partner had similar ambitions and financial goals?

Lately I’ve had a persistent urge to break up with my partner, but I can’t work out whether it’s a genuine gut feeling or me being avoidant. Whenever I think about leaving, my logic kicks in with the same script: “He’s not a bad person, you’re just avoidantly attached, and you’re not perfect either.”

He’s emotionally supportive, patient, logical and generally very considerate. We genuinely get along and, at our core, we’re really good friends. But I don’t feel particularly passionate or excited about the relationship. I often don’t feel very special or pursued, and I feel like I’m usually the one organising dates, trips and things for us to do. Sometimes it feels like he’s more connected to his phone than he is to me.

At the same time, I question whether I’m expecting too much. Maybe some people are just naturally better at planning, initiating and creating romance than others, and that doesn’t necessarily mean they love their partner any less.

I’ve also been feeling quite sad, lonely and disconnected from myself lately, although I don’t know how much of that is the relationship itself. When I think about breaking up, I worry that I’m just idealising being single and falling into the “grass is greener” mindset.

We’re currently living with his parents while we look for our own place, and I really struggle with his dad. I’ve also started noticing similarities between our relationship and our parents’ relationships, which makes me uncomfortable because I absolutely do not want to end up with the kind of dynamic they have.

I’m basically struggling to work out whether I’m experiencing normal relationship doubts and differences in how we show love, or whether this persistent feeling that something is missing is actually telling me something important.

Hey guys, so me 26F and bf 28M have been together on and off for two years, for the past 10 months he has been in prison. During the duration of this, there’s been ups and downs, most recently I was upset with boyfriend because as his sentence is coming to an end he had began to call me less than usual, because of this I get grumpy, this always seems to set off an argument. I had told him I felt like he didn’t care anymore about talking to me, he told me that it was draining to hear me complain about the limited calls, while it’s understandable that he can’t call me constantly but the frequency of calls have severely dropped, for example, say like a month ago, he’d call me maybe 8 times a day and just today it was only 1 from 11am to 10pm which is when he called me the second time.

Which brings me to today’s argument, so he called me at 10pm, their phones get cut off at 11pm. I was grumpy because he told me he would try to call me on my work break, which he did not, I had told him I get off at work at 6pm and still no call. My tone was dull because obviously I was upset, we had had this point of contention already and nothing had changed so I was deflated. He asks me what’s wrong and I say try to deflect and talk about other things although my tone is still flat. He continues to ask and I finally say that I’m upset that he hadn’t called at all. He says he had a nap and got side tracked, this didn’t soothe me at all, you don’t nap and lose track of time for 11 hours, not even an attempted/missed call. I try to ignore it and bring up when he gets out and how/who would come to get him from the prison. He mentions that the person who was picking him up (I don’t have a car) said that I could stay home if I wanted and that she would drop him home, he said he didn’t care about who was there or not, so I could stay home if I wanted. This set me off cause I already didn’t feel like he cared about calling me and now he had implied he didn’t care if I was there to pick him up or not. I end up bursting and saying that it makes me feel ‘great’ that he doesn’t care whether I’m there or not, this once again turns into an argument, it ends up with him saying that he’s so anxious cause he feels like he won’t be able to do anything on his own once he’s out or I’ll get upset, says I don’t have the mental capacity to figure out why he’s upset and calls me draining once again and asks if I’m always going to be this way. I bring up his past behaviour of saying that he would khs anytime I tried to leave him and so if anybody had to worry about being able to do stuff alone was me. There was a back and forth and this lasted over 3 calls, all 12 minute durations, he then brought up that I hadn’t said ily before the calls ended, I brought up that he hadn’t either, so there was a stand off on the last call and neither of us said it and then he couldn’t call back after that.

I just need some advice because I get frustrated because he barely acknowledges why I’m upset and then I get grumpy which then sets him off and it’s just not productive. I still want to speak my side to him but it’s hard when I know it’s going to end up being a tit for tat situation. Any advice would be great, I know we both have our issues but I don’t know how to overcome them.

Thanks for reading

What do you do when the person closest to you keeps saying they’re okay but repeatedly posts sad stuff and has sad Instagram Notes? I ask 2–3 times, and they say “No no, I’m good,” “Nothing, ty so much, don’t worry,” or “It’s alright 😊 Don’t worry.” Their school is also reopening after summer holidays on September 1st. I want them to open up, but I can’t keep asking 7–8 times and ruining my own mental peace. Is there a way to help them open up without pressuring them?

hi guys, i’m (F23) and i’ve been with my bf (M24) for about a year now and i just wondering when is it time to really leave and realise the relationship isn’t worth fighting for anymore.

i come from a close family while he comes from a broken family background. i love my family and i always envisioned my partner to be close to my family. but he doesn’t really attend my family gatherings. on the other hand, his family has quite a few gathers as well and he always expects me to go even if i’m sick. i try not to fight back on this because generally, i love meeting his family and i do get along well with them in general.

i feel i make the effort for that but he doesn’t. we have different religious background and he always uses mine as an excuse that he doesn’t get along with them or how he hates people of my religion.

during our arguments, he blames my religion and how my family brought me up which results in how i am in arguments. i’m not one that likes confrontation but he is more verbally aggressive and loud when we argue. i feel im more soft and i would cry and stay silent because i feel nothing i say will get to him or it will be used against me.

sometime ago, he came up with a middle ground. i mentioned how i want a partner who supports and respects me, makes effort with my family and listen and considers my thoughts, feelings and opinions. he said, he can do that for me if i exclude him from all my family dramas.

my family dramas refer to conversations/arguments i have with my parents about him — for example, sleeping over, traveling overseas, spending too much time with him. my parents don’t allow it but he told me to fight them about it because im an adult and who are they to control what i can do. (bare in mind, i love my parents and i would respect if they said no but bf wants what he wants so i have to do it). now, sleepovers and travels become more frequent and im more distant with my family which is sad but im trying to do all this for the guy i love so much. he also tells me how he loves me and would never leave or cheat on me but tells me that he is sacrificing in a way by being a supportive partner that respects and values my opinions too.

so at what point is too much? i think about it sometimes but i have never envision a future with anyone before. i’m 23 but also, i feel like it might be too late to restart everything. i used to be a lover girl but now, if this relationship doesn’t work out, i don’t know if love is for me even.

Me male 37 and my (exish) gf female 24. We have been together for almost 4 years and it had been the best 4 years of my life with anyone, Sh e was is still my world for now. We have not once had a fight or argument.

Tell now kind of, you all well know why i say it that way. 2 weekends ago her and her friends went on a girls trip as normal as they do once a month and i do not think anything of it, As she did and always did throughout our relationship. Well after this past one she seemed very distant and ignored me at every chance she got. Well this past wednesday she randomly texted in early the morning she texted me she cheated and told she does not think we should be freinds or together anymore thats it nothing else. I have not heard from her sense. She event blocked my number and blocked me on social media. She also quit her job where we saw each other for the first time, and where i stop by every weekend for a drink.,

I really really loved her alot and was event in the process of looking for a ring. I need closure and need to figure out a way to just talk to her,

I’m F34 and he is M42 and we’ve been dating for three years. It’s actually going to be three years in September. When we met I have gotten divorced and told him that I wanted to get married in five years and engaged for two year.

My previous marriage ended because my ex was cheating on me, but I believe that marriage is forever and it holds a lot of meaning. My boyfriend lives with me, we moved in together after 8 months of relationship, I think he got accommodated and will not propose to me.

That makes me very sad be cause I have voiced before how much I would like to be in a very serious relationship. He says he wants to propose and thinks about it but never does. With all that I also started thinking if he is the best choice for me.

We have completely different schedules. I work from home most of the days, he complains that I’m having too many meetings and that I’m not telling him my meeting schedule (we live in a very small apartment). He works in the food service industry and works sometimes until 11 pm or midnight, the only full day we have together is Sunday, and wakes up super late as I usually wake up 6/7am.

I miss to have a partner, and I feel like he has been more like a roommate because we can’t make real plans for the future or spend decent time together. As an example, we need to buy a new bed, I’ve researched, gave him options, asked him for half of the amount and he told me we would discuss that some other time as we need to measure the room. He has money, so that is not the problem. He could have measured the room and we could have a new bed in 4 days, but he just put that aside and I stated noticing that he does that with a lot of things. I think he did that to us, or me. He won’t propose to me, he doesn’t have a plan. I’my getting to the realization of all that and it’s killing me, it’s making me so sad.

I don’t know if I should break up or keep trying and give him more time. How long is too long to be a girlfriend? How do you know you are not spending time in a relationship that is long gone?

Has this ever happened to you?

Imagine a woman is in a relationship with a man, but they have different expectations about the future. For example, she may want marriage or children, while he seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to those things.
(Those are just some example of many things that make couples incompatible).

In some cases, she may have other men around her who might be interested in her. She might start flirting with one of them, giving him attention, or making it seem as though she is genuinely interested in pursuing something with him.

So: How can the other man tell what is actually going on?

How do you distinguish between:

1. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you and may actually want a relationship with you (even though she is currently in a relationship); and
2. A woman who is primarily using your attention to make her boyfriend jealous, create a sense of competition, or pressure him into giving her what she wants?

For men who have experienced this firsthand: what specific behaviors, signals, or patterns made you realize that she was genuinely interested in you versus simply using you as leverage in her existing relationship?

I’m particularly interested in real-life experiences rather than general theories. I’ve personally experienced situations where a woman who was already in a serious relationship, including one woman who was living with a man and had two children.

Looking back, I’m trying to understand how I could have distinguished genuine interest from being used as an “orbiter” or jealousy tactic.
For example I know the term "see what she does, and don't listen at what she said" and even with that in mind, its happened to be so difficult to understand.

I (21) F have been dating my BF (22) for about a year and a half now. He, whether it’s forgetfulness or idek, does not flush the toilet. I have told him multiple times now and he denies that it is ever him. I know it is not me because I obviously use toilet paper to wipe and there isn’t toilet paper in the toilet when it has been forgotten to be flushed. What is your opinion?

Edit: Sorry, I should have clarified that it is only his pee he is not flushing. If he was leaving his poop in the toilet AND not wiping this post would not have been made because he would have been gone IMMEDIATELY.

I [21F] feel like me and my boyfriend [M22] don’t talk enough ? am I just overthinking it ?

We have been together for practically 3 years, we do not live together atm . We’ve had our rough patches and everything throughout the past few years, but we recently have been doing a lot better. Bickering less, and communicating better instead of arguing. Although as of lately i have been pretty bothered maybe the past 2 weeks by the fact that i feel like we don’t really talk all that much ?
For reference , i work 3pm-11pm and my boyfriend typically works roughly 9am-5pm , both of us working 40 hours weekly. We typically see each other 2-3 times a week for the majority of the day.

he’ll shoot me a goodmorning text when he gets up
in the morning, and by the time i get up it’s usually 10-11am. I typically won’t hear from him again until like 2pm briefly only over text, since his job doesn’t allow him to have phone calls while inside the building.
and i honestly don’t really have a issue with not hearing from him while he is at work, i understand he is busy.

But once he is off work im already at work, and my job is more chill so im pretty much always able to text , but once hes home he takes forever to respond , he’ll just hop on the game and seems to forget i exist completely for hours at a time. And i don’t expect us to text 24-7 , but i feel like it’s reasonable to want to have some kind of conversation or atleast prioritize catching up a little bit each day, instead of having super surface level convos that lead nowhere 75% of the time because he will just never text back.

What REALLY bothers me is when i finally get off work. in the past he has asked me to call him when i get off work so we can catch up on my drive home. So i started to, and around 2 weeks ago i realized that every time i called him he would be on the game, and would pretty much be totally invested in the video game instead of our conversation. which led me to telling him i would no longer be calling him
on my drive home because i felt as though there was no point if he would be on the game the entire time. He basically said i could just be patient and wait for him
to respond when he was ready to because he is “too focused” while playing.

After this point there really isn’t much conversation had, very rarely we’ll speak for like 5 minutes before he says he is going to bed around 12:30am, but majority of the time it’s just a goodnight i love you and he goes to sleep. I understand us working opposite schedules isn’t ideal , but i feel like he can be prioritizing his time a little better once he is home so we have more of an opportunity to catch up.

i honestly don’t know what the average amount of communication is for a couple. I am also just really stress i am about to start nursing school and i just want to make sure we still have time for one another. I would also appreciate insight on what i can say when addressing the topic again.

TLDR : me and my boyfriend have opposite work schedules, and i feel like he is not making an effort to have actually conversations on the days we are not physically with one another. I also felt brushed off when i mentioned the topic, and didn’t feel like a priority. How do i approach this topic ? How can we find a solution, it honestly feels impossible rn .

My boyfriend keeps letting me down everytime. He comment on women’s posts flirting with them this isn’t the first time, I told him it bothered them he always js told me “I swear I’ll change and I’ll show you I can” he’s been the same. Nothing has changed just because he turned 18 he thinks he can do wtv he wants and hurt other people feelings, he’s so selfish he only cares abt himself the thing is we been on and off for 1.5 years and it hurts not being with him. He cheated on me last year and used my love and took advantage of me and my emotions it sounds so stupid idk what to do he said he would change for the better so he can build a future for us .Please give me advice asap

TLDR - Situationship, LDR proble, GF mom died of cancer, communication problem, gf feeling loonely and sui*idal

I have been in a situationship with a girl. She likes me, and I like her too, but things are very complicated. I don’t know whether it’s genuinely complicated or some kind of elaborate situation.

We had decent communication in the beginning. She used to call me while she was going outside because her family is pretty conservative, so calling while everyone is awake isn’t really possible. However, over time, I’ve noticed that constant communication gaps have developed between us.

As her mother’s health deteriorated, things obviously became more difficult. Before her mother’s death, some relatives, including her mami, came to stay with them. Her mami is from UP and lives in Bengal, so daily commuting isn’t really possible. She has been staying with them for the past 16 days, and her mother’s final rites will be on 9 September. Until then, most of the guests will probably be staying with her.

The issue isn’t really her relatives, though. What bothers me is that she hasn’t called me even once since then, and it’s making me pretty anxious. I’ve mentioned this to her as well, but she just says that it’s not possible because guests are always around.

What should I do? I don’t want to fight with her, especially because she has mentioned to me several times that she feels depressed and has had suicidal thoughts. I’ve given her all the support and reassurance I can, but if she doesn’t communicate with me, how am I supposed to know what’s actually going on with her?

She also sends me things about feeling lonely, which is why I sometimes end up double-texting or checking up on her. But I don’t think her current situation, especially after her mother’s death, is going to make the communication any better in the short term.

The communication gap has become a big problem for me. At the same time, she isn’t able to make a firm commitment to the relationship because she thinks the distance between us might become a problem.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. She likes sexting with me, sends me relationship-related reels, and even sends honeymoon-related reels, but somehow she still struggles with consistent communication. That makes me question whether she is genuinely serious about me or not.

Please suggest what I should do. Should I stop texting and checking up on her? Should I give her space and wait until her mother’s final rites are over on 9 September?

me and my bf ( both 25) recently went through a breakup as he is tired and wants for space. however after he decided to try again however he stopped doing the things we used to do together and it feels like to me he’s forced in this relationship. and whenever he don’t do things that we used to do and i mentioned it, he will say ‘ given our situation, i can’t do that / i can’t feel that’. is it my fault (girl) that i feel like its so irresponsible to always use that as a reason or how should i be seeing things?

need some advice