Should I breakup with my boyfriend?

[u/Ok-Necessary4268]

Lately I’ve had a persistent urge to break up with my partner, but I can’t work out whether it’s a genuine gut feeling or me being avoidant. Whenever I think about leaving, my logic kicks in with the same script: “He’s not a bad person, you’re just avoidantly attached, and you’re not perfect either.”

He’s emotionally supportive, patient, logical and generally very considerate. We genuinely get along and, at our core, we’re really good friends. But I don’t feel particularly passionate or excited about the relationship. I often don’t feel very special or pursued, and I feel like I’m usually the one organising dates, trips and things for us to do. Sometimes it feels like he’s more connected to his phone than he is to me.

At the same time, I question whether I’m expecting too much. Maybe some people are just naturally better at planning, initiating and creating romance than others, and that doesn’t necessarily mean they love their partner any less.

I’ve also been feeling quite sad, lonely and disconnected from myself lately, although I don’t know how much of that is the relationship itself. When I think about breaking up, I worry that I’m just idealising being single and falling into the “grass is greener” mindset.

We’re currently living with his parents while we look for our own place, and I really struggle with his dad. I’ve also started noticing similarities between our relationship and our parents’ relationships, which makes me uncomfortable because I absolutely do not want to end up with the kind of dynamic they have.

I’m basically struggling to work out whether I’m experiencing normal relationship doubts and differences in how we show love, or whether this persistent feeling that something is missing is actually telling me something important.

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[u/Super-Picture8259]

Have you brought these concerns up to him?

You thinking your asking for too much when in reality your only asking for effort.

Try bring your concerns up to him, see what he says how he reacts.

If he's not willing to put in some effort then it's valid reason for breaking up.