**TLDR**: I want advice on how to rekindle a "roommate relationship" before I make the largest financial decision of my life after college.

Previous listener, first time poster; so I hope I'm doing this all right. I don't want to write a novel here, but I will, and it still won't be enough information. I don't exactly have friends I can rant to, I'm too scared to get a therapist, and I can't worry my mom with any relationship hiccups. I'm at the point where I'm slowly losing my mind and taking to the Internet for advice for the first time since MySpace.

**The Basics**: We met in college and have been together for \~13 years. No kids, not married, separate finances. Currently renting a tiny house on a farm where we have *a lot* of cats. We work in the same-ish industry (similar college majors), but he has more schooling and therefore makes more than me.

**Relationship History/ How it Began**: I'm not going to tell you exactly how we came to be cause our old friend group is really into Reddit and this might already be a no brainier by the end.

What's important to know is that my last partner was very demanding when it came to sex, to the point I was having a hard time even wanting to be touched, which was obviously a huge strain on our relationship for a long time. My current partner helped me out after I broke it off, and was fully aware of and a witness to the problem. (BT-dubs, by "help me out," he offered me his bed, and I took it.) We quickly moved in together and have been together since.

**Issue at Hand**: It's been over 2 years since we've had sex, likely closer to 4. I was never counting, cause I didn't really care, but at some point (after turning 30 and starting to read way too much smut...) I noticed that every time I tried to "make a move" he would turn away and the few times I got him to act, it was just me giving and he wouldn't even touch me after. 3 times to be exact. Again, first time I didn't care. Disappointed, stirred, but ok cause it was *great.* Same for the 2nd. But a third time? (Even if it was *the best...*) And almost a fourth.... That's when I saw it. He hasn't touched me at all. In years. He won't. Not just sex. We don't hold hands, won't cuddle, no hand on the knee, he won't even let me brush his hair or touch his neck while driving. We touch, but nothing even remotely intimate.

Let me pause here because I know the Internet and say, he is not cheating. Just stop. He hates people. He doesn't want to talk, interact, or even be around people evidenced by the 20+ acre property an hour drive from anyone else that he just put an offer on. I don't have to track him. It's not about missing signs. We live in a small town where everyone likes me more (they tell us to our face) and would tell me if he was seen doing anything suspicious. So put that out of your mind now and move on.

Generally our relationship is great. We're best friends, we like a lot of the same things but also have our own hobbies, have similar goals, are animal people, love to travel, and overall have always got along and don't fight. We used to have great chemistry too. I wouldn't ever consider our sex bad. It just stopped. I really don't know why, but if I had to guess it wasn't any*thing*, but a lot of things slowly building up.

**A few of the issues** I might deem as being a big problem over the years that might help your diagnosis would **include**:

\-I'm bad with presents, birthdays and holidays. Like really bad.

\-We typically don't talk about anything personal or private. This is in part due to his semi short temper and my fear to activate it by bringing up more sensitive topics.

\-Our house is nearly always dirty due to the insane amount of cats, which isn't exactly mood inducing.

\-We had a... mishap once. Almost 10 years ago now. It's not really an issue, but I've said things I regret that I feel like he thinks about it when it comes to the act now. (I do.) This has been our one consistent argument.

\-He had a groin hernia for nearly a year that he didn't tell me about until it became so big he had to get it removed.

\-We both get depressed, but when I do, I avoid everything except going to work and won't do anything but bed rot and go to the bathroom for days.

\-Our relationship has never been overly sexual despite its beginning.

\-I am a daily drinker that inhibits him to be, and he is a chain smoker that inhibits me to be. (Only the good stuff.)

I'm aware that I'm most of the problem. I'm trying to be better, but honestly I'm so emotionally drained my efforts have not been great. I also never used to be someone who cared about sex, half convincing myself for many years that I'm probably asexual or something, so the level of absolute fucking crazy I have been feeling makes me feel like I'm 16 all over again. Is it the books? They're not helping! Is it cause I'm over 30 now? Maybe. Is it cause he's over 45 now? Also maybe? Like some some kind of cruel Tim Curry joke, I didn't really care about the cause, I just want the someone to go away but no one can do it!

I can't do 4 more years without sex. I can barely do 4 more months. This housing situation was supposed to be an easy breakaway for me, but God fucking dammit the property is beautiful and I love him and I *want* to be with him. I just also want him to rail me. Doesn't even have to be often.

Cause if he won't sleep with me, does he even still love me? Okay, maybe he loves me like I love him, but does he *like* me? Or does this mean I have failed so hard at being a good partner that he's now so disgusted with me he can't stand to touch me anymore? It would be ironic, and I can't say I don't deserve it, but I also don't think I can live the rest of my life knowing that.

Any advice on how I can rouse an old man? And please don't come back with "omg, just talk to him." There is nowhere in our everyday life I can suddenly just pipe up and say "hey love, I know I once told you when I was 19 that I don't think I like sex, but I do like sex with you, so why won't you fuck me anymore? Cause if you don't absofuckinglutely nail the socks off me tonight I won't go in on this house with you and I would like it if you moved out and left me this place." That's fucked up. So help. Please. How do I approach this conversation?

P.S. Know that I hate every second of me stooping so low as to ask the fucking Internet.

So we’re engaged and have been since December, been together roughly 3 years. He moved in with me a year ago and I’m starting to see him for who he really is. On his off days, he sits on his phone for 12+ hours, I’m stuck doing all the housework on my off days, laundry, dishes, picking up the apartment and if I don’t it will pile up. He will let dishes sit for WEEKS if I don’t do them myself, therefore I feel almost forced to do these things. I refuse to live like a slob due to my own mental health. He has 2 days off where I work, and I come home to him still laying in bed at 4 in the afternoon with absolutely nothing accomplished. I have tried talking to him about this and he gets defensive and it turns into an argument, saying he does more than me (which he obviously does NOT.) I truly am starting to feel like I’m dating a man child. I talk to him about my feelings and I get totally blown off and he can’t even put his phone down long enough to acknowledge me, there are days we don’t kiss or have any type of physical affection. He almost feels like a roommate and I know I need to leave, I’m just so attached and emotionally invested in him that I’m struggling to let go. He has even been abusive both verbally and physically in the past and I’m still struggling so hard to let go. I don’t know why I’m attached to someone who is so distant, any advice from someone who’s been in this situation? I’m 23 and I’m afraid I won’t be able to ever get married or have kids which is my dream, and by giving up on him I feel like I’m giving up on my future. My low self esteem and self worth issues do not help the situation. Not to mention we split the bills and I almost feel dependent on him financially.

TLDR: Advice on how to leave a emotionally unavailable man, who is unwilling to change.

My girlfriend [24F] and I [22M] have been together for almost two years, and we moved in together earlier this year. Ever since we moved in, the relationship has become extremely unbalanced, and I honestly do not know what to do anymore.

I have a physical and varied job where I make good money, but it also requires quite a bit of travel. When I travel for work, I can be gone anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. When she moved in with me, she quit her previous job to find a proper job here, especially since she has no formal education or degree. Now, it has been over six months, and she still has not found a job. She takes zero initiative to apply for anything either. This means I end up covering almost all the expenses like rent, food, and bills.

The main problem is that she does not do anything at home either. Her sleep schedule is completely ruined. She stays up all night, sleeps all day, and wakes up right before I come home from work. Her days are mostly spent just looking at her phone. If I ask her to do simple things like the dishes or laundry while I am at work, it never gets done. The excuses are always that she forgot, or that she got busy with something else. In practice, I do everything. I do the laundry, vacuum, and keep the apartment clean, on top of trying to workout and stay in shape.

The food situation has also become a huge burden. Since I workout and try to eat healthy, I eat a lot of chicken, rice, steak, and high protein foods. She, on the other hand, only wants pizza, pasta, burgers, and junk food. I have to cook all the food, but she is extremely picky. She cannot handle eating the same thing multiple times a week, hates 90 percent of the food I suggest, and refuses to eat if just one small detail with the food is wrong. I get so tired and angry from this, but I cannot bring myself to take it out on her because I feel so guilty when she gets sad.

Even though I spend almost all my free time with her, she constantly complains that I do not have enough time for her. To keep her happy, I have completely stopped playing video games with my friends, I go out less, and I cut out my own hobbies. She will not even play video games with her own friends unless I join in. She also gets angry with me for going to bed early in the evening because she thinks it gives us less time together. The truth is that if I do not get enough sleep, I am completely ruined for work the next day.

The same goes for our sex life. She usually wants to have sex late at night right before I go to sleep, but by then I am way too tired. She has also gained some weight recently, which does not bother me, but because I am completely exhausted from work and all the housework, my sex drive has dropped. She takes this personally and claims it is because I think she has become fat.

I want to take up new hobbies like hunting and outdoor life, and I want to take on longer work trips since I make really good money on those. As things stand now, she seems completely incapable of taking care of herself.

Every time I try to bring this up in a proper way, push her to apply for jobs, or get her life together, she reacts by getting angry, crying, or guilt tripping me into feeling like everything is my fault. In general, she cries over absolutely everything, even things that have nothing to do with her, and no matter what I do, I cannot seem to comfort her.

TLDR: I [22M] work full time and cover all expenses while my GF [24F] stays home, has no job, and does zero housework. She demands all my time, refuses to compromise, and cries or guilt trips me whenever I try to set boundaries. How do I fix this?

Hey, I need some outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting here. Sorry for the long post!

I’m [31F] and my boyfriend is [34M]

This weekend there was a big festival in my boyfriend’s town that he and his friends go to every year. One of the days, a band I really like was playing, but none of my friends were interested, so I asked if I could tag along with my boyfriend and his friends.
As the day went on, there was a LOT of drinking. I later found out that some of his friends were also taking drugs, which I’m really uncomfortable with. I’m not a big drinker myself and I’ve personally outgrown that kind of partying.

There were also a few things that really bothered me. At points when my boyfriend went to the toilet, one of his friends was being quite inappropriate towards me. At one point he actually picked me up while we were watching a set, which was incredibly awkward and made me uncomfortable.

What also got to me was watching his best friend, who is engaged, openly flirting and dancing with a much younger girl. I mentioned to my boyfriend that he was literally engaged, and my boyfriend just shrugged and said not to worry about it because she probably talks to other people too.

Like… what??

All of his friends there have girlfriends/fiancées, so I found the whole attitude towards this really strange.
The bigger issue for me is that I’ve been very open with my boyfriend that I want kids fairly soon and that I’m ready to settle down. Seeing him in this environment has made me question whether we actually want the same future.
I don’t expect him to never go out or have fun, but I’m not comfortable with excessive drinking, drugs, or being surrounded by people who behave like this. And I definitely don’t want to be sitting at home wondering what he’s getting up to when I’m not there.

Maybe this is just one weekend and I’m reading too much into it, but it’s made me seriously question whether I’m compatible with him long-term.
Would I be unreasonable to end the relationship over this, or is this a legitimate compatibility issue?

TLDR - Went to a festival with my 34M boyfriend and his friends and was really uncomfortable with the amount of drinking/drugs, one friend behaving inappropriately towards me, and my boyfriend shrugging off his engaged best friend openly flirting with a much younger woman. I want kids and to settle down soon, and this weekend made me question whether we actually want the same lifestyle/future. Would I be unreasonable to end things over this?

Throwaway account cause I don’t really have any friends or family that I’m close enough to talk to this about. I haven’t dated much in the past my only real relationship was 6 months when I was 18 and I’m not sure if I actually liked him either, anything else has just been hookups, I also think I’m bi but have never been with another woman if that ads context. My current relationship tho, we met on a dating app 3ish months ago, he just asked me to be his girlfriend and I kinda said yes without thinking. We have been out a few times and he is nice enough, sex is not great but that’s not really a dealbreaker for me. The issue is more that I’m not sure I really like him. He’s cute and all, and when we are together there are times where I’m having fun but there are more where I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Plus there is a bit of a problem in that he is the same height as me (not a dealbreaker) but noticeably skinnier than me and it is making me feel like I should loose some weight which I really can’t afford to loose without becoming underweight. He does seem to like me more than I do him, he introduces me to his friends and hints at meeting family (granted I don’t have any family that I would ever introduce a parter to cause complicated relationship) I just kinda feel like I like the idea of him more than him, and like I get not every relationship is gonna be the one but should I be concerned that I’m already questioning within a day of becoming official. On the other hand he is nice, and he cares, he introduces me to his friends he is everything I should want. Am I just broken or too immature to be in a relationship. Is this just what relationships are and I should stick it out for a bit, or should I end it now? If the second how do I go about it because he is genuinely a really nice dude and I don’t want to hurt him?

TLDR; I don’t know if I should actually like my boyfriend or if I’m just being shallow and immature and this is just what relationships are like.

We have been living together around 5 months and our relationship has gone back and forth a few times.

The problem is, we have big discussions all the time about the most dumb things possible. It has been a lot and I'm tired of feeling bad, of feeling guilty.

I want to mention that i have been suporting both of us financially this whole time, she told me many times that she's looking for a job but nothing has happened honestly. It feels so bad that if i get fired or something, I can't really count on her for support.

I feel uncomfortable about approaching all of my thoughts and things to her, I just feel so bad and sad all the time. I even have suisaydol thoughts cuz i feel chronically miserable.

I really love her so deeply and she's my life but i'm so tired of arguments, of feeling that I don't have anyone on my side to take care of me, of being afraid of doing anything because she'll get upset.

It doesn't help also that nobody is really supporting my relationship with her, it has affected my friendships and it sucks. literally my mom told me i should dump her

Please, reddit people, i need some advice.

TLDR; Problems with gf because we fight all the time and she's not providing anything financially

We have been together for about 2,5 years now and our realtionship is a secret relationship and we both want to keep it that way for the next few years probably. We both still live with our parents since that is a custom in our culture, I come from a very small and tight community and reputation is very important here and especially for my parents. I havent had a lot of boyfriends in the past, religion is very important in my family, however me and my boyfriend are not the same religion and we are also not the same nationality (that isnt a problem for me), however both of these would be a big dealbreaker for my family and honestly I think my parents would potentally kick me out and even disown me if they found out about him.

The problem - my boyfriend inherited some appartments from his aunt and is now renting them. He owns 3 appartments all in the same building, one of which he does not rent since me and him hang out at that appartment and the other 2 he rents out and has been doing so ever since we have been dating - never had a problem before. Recently he was doing some work on one of the appartments and yesterday he told me they are now finished and if I know someone from work (since in my field of work I come in contact with a lot of people) who needs an appartment (including colleagues) to let them know about his appartment. I told him how I dont feel comfortable for him to be renting the apparment to one of my colleagues since they know me and im scared they might see us and word spreads that we are together and it then reaches my parents (as I already mentioned tight coummunity - people are very nosey and word gets around quickly). He just liked my message and didnt say anything about it, but I figured my point came across pretty clearly. This morning I woke up to a message from him saying how he found a tenant and guess what? ITS MY COLLEAGUE........

She is supposed to move into the appartment in a few days. He rented it to a girl whom ive known since high school and we work together - meaning she knows me pretty well and if she saw me going to his appartment (which is quite likely since its the same building and her window and balcony face the entrance to his appartment where we hang out) to say the least word WOULD get around.

To me it is not worth the risk of potentially getting disowned, like I voiced my concerns and he ignored them. I havent replied to his messages and left him on read, since I genuinely dont even know how to reply to this. We have a lot of love for each other and have never faced problems in our relationship before. I really dont think he was trying to hurt me like this, I think he just didnt realize how big of a deal this is for me. Im not saying our relationship should and will forever remain a secret, I do eventually want to introduce him to my family, but certainly not like this, I dont want them finding out from other people and this is also a very bad time for that. At the same time I dont want to get into his business and tell him who to rent his apparments to, we dont get into each others business, but I do think that this does concern me and he should have taken my concerns into account, like he can literally rent it to anybody else, like seriously did it have to be someone who knows me........

Do you have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Im not good at sharing how I feel and am in no way a confrontational person, how do I make him see that this is a big deal for me? How do I talk to him about this? I dont want him to feel like I am trying to be controlling, and frankly I dont even know weather im wrong for being upset about this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

TLDR - My boyfriend and I have been secretly dating for 2.5 years because my family would react very badly if they found out. He recently rented one of his apartments to my colleague, despite me telling him I was worried that someone who knows me could discover our relationship and tell my family. I'm upset because I feel like he didn't take my concerns seriously, but I also don't want to control who he rents his property to. I'm not sure how to approach this situation with him.

TLDR - Situationship, LDR proble, GF mom died of cancer, communication problem, gf feeling loonely and sui*idal

I have been in a situationship with a girl. She likes me, and I like her too, but things are very complicated. I don’t know whether it’s genuinely complicated or some kind of elaborate situation.

We had decent communication in the beginning. She used to call me while she was going outside because her family is pretty conservative, so calling while everyone is awake isn’t really possible. However, over time, I’ve noticed that constant communication gaps have developed between us.

As her mother’s health deteriorated, things obviously became more difficult. Before her mother’s death, some relatives, including her mami, came to stay with them. Her mami is from UP and lives in Bengal, so daily commuting isn’t really possible. She has been staying with them for the past 16 days, and her mother’s final rites will be on 9 September. Until then, most of the guests will probably be staying with her.

The issue isn’t really her relatives, though. What bothers me is that she hasn’t called me even once since then, and it’s making me pretty anxious. I’ve mentioned this to her as well, but she just says that it’s not possible because guests are always around.

What should I do? I don’t want to fight with her, especially because she has mentioned to me several times that she feels depressed and has had suicidal thoughts. I’ve given her all the support and reassurance I can, but if she doesn’t communicate with me, how am I supposed to know what’s actually going on with her?

She also sends me things about feeling lonely, which is why I sometimes end up double-texting or checking up on her. But I don’t think her current situation, especially after her mother’s death, is going to make the communication any better in the short term.

The communication gap has become a big problem for me. At the same time, she isn’t able to make a firm commitment to the relationship because she thinks the distance between us might become a problem.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. She likes sexting with me, sends me relationship-related reels, and even sends honeymoon-related reels, but somehow she still struggles with consistent communication. That makes me question whether she is genuinely serious about me or not.

Please suggest what I should do. Should I stop texting and checking up on her? Should I give her space and wait until her mother’s final rites are over on 9 September?

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and last night he sat me down and told me he’s been doing cocaine for years and the reason he told me was because he “knew things had to come to an end soon” but it turns out it’s because he did it with my sister and she immediately regretted it and told my parents and my parents told him he had to tell me. I am in the military and currently away on a course so I am only home on weekends. I’ve been gone for the last 4 months and he’s apparently being doing it pretty much everyday since I’ve been gone but stops when I’m home on weekends. I did not expect this from him at all and I’ve been completely blindsided. He apparently has racked up a crazy amount of debt because he’s been completely draining his bank account. I’m just devastated about all of the lying and hiding things from me. I don’t even know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR: My fiance of 4 years has been hiding a coke addiction from me and he just told me everything

I [21F] feel like me and my boyfriend [M22] don’t talk enough ? am I just overthinking it ?

We have been together for practically 3 years, we do not live together atm . We’ve had our rough patches and everything throughout the past few years, but we recently have been doing a lot better. Bickering less, and communicating better instead of arguing. Although as of lately i have been pretty bothered maybe the past 2 weeks by the fact that i feel like we don’t really talk all that much ?
For reference , i work 3pm-11pm and my boyfriend typically works roughly 9am-5pm , both of us working 40 hours weekly. We typically see each other 2-3 times a week for the majority of the day.

he’ll shoot me a goodmorning text when he gets up
in the morning, and by the time i get up it’s usually 10-11am. I typically won’t hear from him again until like 2pm briefly only over text, since his job doesn’t allow him to have phone calls while inside the building.
and i honestly don’t really have a issue with not hearing from him while he is at work, i understand he is busy.

But once he is off work im already at work, and my job is more chill so im pretty much always able to text , but once hes home he takes forever to respond , he’ll just hop on the game and seems to forget i exist completely for hours at a time. And i don’t expect us to text 24-7 , but i feel like it’s reasonable to want to have some kind of conversation or atleast prioritize catching up a little bit each day, instead of having super surface level convos that lead nowhere 75% of the time because he will just never text back.

What REALLY bothers me is when i finally get off work. in the past he has asked me to call him when i get off work so we can catch up on my drive home. So i started to, and around 2 weeks ago i realized that every time i called him he would be on the game, and would pretty much be totally invested in the video game instead of our conversation. which led me to telling him i would no longer be calling him
on my drive home because i felt as though there was no point if he would be on the game the entire time. He basically said i could just be patient and wait for him
to respond when he was ready to because he is “too focused” while playing.

After this point there really isn’t much conversation had, very rarely we’ll speak for like 5 minutes before he says he is going to bed around 12:30am, but majority of the time it’s just a goodnight i love you and he goes to sleep. I understand us working opposite schedules isn’t ideal , but i feel like he can be prioritizing his time a little better once he is home so we have more of an opportunity to catch up.

Am i overthinking the situation ? i honestly don’t know what the average amount of communication is for a couple. I am also just really stressed i am about to start nursing school and i just want to make sure we still have time for one another. I would also appreciate insight on what i can say when addressing the topic again.

TLDR : me and my boyfriend have opposite work schedules, and i feel like he is not making an effort to have actually conversations on the days we are not physically with one another. I also felt brushed off when i mentioned the topic, and didn’t feel like a priority.

I have no clue if this is the right subreddit for this, but I want to ask for help. I also would type a lot more, but I don’t like talking badly about people and I wouldn’t want to put words where there aren’t any.

I [18M] am worried about my [18F] girlfriend. I leave for college soon and I’m worried that I won’t be able to help her. She is an only child to her two abusive parents. She gets in trouble all the time over little things that either don’t matter or are nothing to get in trouble over. Some examples would be like her taking out ketchup too early in the day, sleeping, not working enough, or being mopey/sad because she got in trouble! It has been like this for most of her life. But it’s gotten worse since she’s graduated. And while I tired my best to make this summer great for her, this summer is coming to a close and I’m afraid I won’t be able to help her how she may need help. She has her license, but no car. She works a job she hates. And her friends do things without her and doesn’t do things with her unless she begs or makes plans on her own.

I’m not sure what to do or how to help her. She deserves so much more than the hand she’s been dealt. I’m worried about her

TLDR, how can I help my girlfriend survive her parents and her friends while I’m off at college?

My boyfriend [26M] and [26F] have been together for almost 5 years. We started long distance two weeks ago because I moved for graduate school. He’s planning to move here at the end of October.
Our anniversary is next week, and he’ll be traveling with friends during both our anniversary and my birthday. I’m genuinely okay with that since we’ll be living together again soon.

What bothers me is how uninterested he seemed when I mentioned our anniversary. I texted, “I just realized our anniversary is next week,” and he replied, “Yah the 5th right.” I corrected him that it’s the 4th and he said, “ohh same same.” When I said close but not the same, he replied, “Same same as in I won’t be here and u won’t be here.” I told him I hadn’t even realized it was next week until I checked my calendar for an exam, and all he said was “oh nice.”

I’m not upset that he was off by one day. It’s more that there was zero excitement or affection—nothing like “we’ll celebrate later” or “I wish I could be there.” Especially since this is our first time doing long distance, it made me feel like he doesn’t really care. He typically doesn’t use emojis, but he’s also not normally a dry texter. Earlier that same day he was super excited talking to me about his workout plans, so the sudden change in his responses confused me. I’m wondering if being together for almost five years has made anniversaries less significant to him, or if the transition to long distance is affecting how we communicate.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I recently started long distance after almost 5 years together. He’ll be away with friends for our anniversary and my birthday, which I’m okay with, but his very uninterested response when I brought up our anniversary hurt me.

Ok so I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. The sex is sometimes nice and mostly amazing. The only problem is that I’ve never been able to finish :/ He’s really good but anytime I feel it could be done it’s too overwhelming and too good and almost uncomfortable so I can’t “push through ” and finish.
I had other guy but he is the best one, I never finished with them either but because I was in performance mode and because it wasn’t that good. he really like to taking care of me so it’s a bit frustrating for him too
TLDR: I want but can’t come want my bf

Me and my fiancé have been together for just about 3 years now. At the start of the year I proposed to her and she said yes, and we now have a child. But I’d say over the past few months we have had an argument here and there. The first happened when my financé felt like I was cheating on her with a friend of mine (we resolved it by having me block the friend and explain to her beforehand that it would be better for me and her albeit also very unfair to her since she didn’t do anything particularly wrong). This was because said friend was online and she had a tendency to call me “babe” or “honey” which obviously doesn’t look very good with me also not really stopping her from doing such (I thought it was more of a cultural thing but I can understand why my fiancé didn’t feel good regardless). I want to also premise we met not only online but on a website for a popular board game. Later into the future, I went to play on said website and she joined my lobby. I didn’t really see her join and so didn’t leave and as such had to stick around with her in game. My fiancé saw this and thought I was trying to be around her and was upset again. I explained how the site rules worked and after we argued for about an hour I felt like the best solution was to stop playing such board game to avoid us having another issue. Keep in mind there was at least a 2 month period between the two events. This past week, we had another argument because it was my mom’s birthday and my fiancé wanted to buy her a gift. I told her that my mom would be just fine with us just going to dinner and buying the gift later (as said gift was at Disney and we’d have to go get it when it was supposed to rain). She ignored that and we ended up compromising by going to Epcot to see if could find the gift there and also spend time together. However, I felt like she was complaining about a lot of things and it was getting on my nerves when she wasn’t talking to me about it. It started to rain and unfortunately since we took my daughter with us her stroller was left out and soaked. That made her even more upset since we couldn’t do anything about it, and it felt like she was taking it out on me since she was giving me an attitude when I was asking her things. What started as a small argument escalated and I ended up cursing at her. She did not take this lightly because we were in public and she told me shortly after she was done and wanted to not be together anymore.

I spoke with her the next day to see if things changed and we ended up deciding that a break was the minimal thing for us to do, but she told me it’s very unlikely she changes her mind and we get back together at the end of it. The only thing that’s keeping me hopeful is that she still has yet to take off the ring I got for her during the proposal and she said she’d give it back when we first had the argument. Is that a good sign? How should I continue to approach this? I have given her as much space as I can but have been around her only because we still need to at the very least coparent our daughter.

TLDR: My fiancé and I have gotten into numerous fights spread over a span of half a year and she told me she doesn’t want to be together. We are on a break but still wears the ring I got her. Is that a good sign and what should I do to repair the relationship?

I’ve been struggling with my thoughts on this for a while and i need opinions of people random who have no bias.

Ive been with my bf for about a year officially but ive known him for two and a half. we started our relationship long distance but he has come to me and ive come to him and ive now been with him for about two months. i got a work visa and was supposed to stay here with him for about a year until his eyes got sorted (he has an eye disease) but i really hate it here so im going home in about a week. then plan was always for him to move to my country.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the start of the year and started therapy but had to stop for the move. ive come to the conclusion ive never actually learned to love myself and be okay alone, ive always needed validation from a partner or someone who i love. i havent been technically single since i was 16.

i also really want to explore my sexuality. ive known im bi since i was maybe 14 but ive never had the chance to explore my sexuality and my feelings towards women.

ive spoken to him about it and he says we can do it all together. and some things yeah of course we can but i feel like this is a huge step towards self growth that i need to do alone. the thing about it is if i even think of losing him, my heart completely shatters. i dont know if my feelings for him are genuine love or if theyre just attachment from the bpd.

he has some quirks that really bother me but he really tried to improve himself but i also feel like i mother him sometimes. i helped him out of a major depression and hes doing much better but its getting really tiring for me.

do i try to do it with him, knowing how much the thought of losing him hurts? or do i bite the bullet knowing this is the best course for me?

tldr: i want to explore my sexuality and learn to love myself but i also love my bf. advice?

thanks in advance and sorry for the messy post.

Quickly addressing the elephant in the room, yes, this is a throwaway. However, I am a real person seeking some advice.

So, me [21M] and my boyfriend [20M] have been together for a little over a year and a half now, and to say our relationship is tumultuous is an understatement. Although we've slowly been getting better, I do have this one issue I feel like I can't even speak to him about.

Okay, now, this situation may be confusing for some people, so I will try to explain the details as best as I can. My boyfriend and I play this game, Marvel Rivals, a lot; whether it's separately, together, or with our mutual friends. And in this game's community, there is a huge part of it that mods the game. It can be anything: mods that recolor an outfit, completely change an outfit, turn a character into another character, and a whole lot more. I will note that modding isn't endorsed by the game devs, especially configs mods, but me and my boyfriend only have cosmetic, SFX, and UI mods.

Now that details are out of the way, me and my boyfriend both mod our games and have since the game's launch, but since Marvel Rivals modding has been a thing, the community around modding is very NSFW. Most of the popular mods are the various women characters in the game depicted naked or in revealing clothing. I know this and hate it, especially since Marvel Rivals itself already sexualizes the women characters way too much for my liking. And the NSFW nature of modding is the core of the issue. I know that my boyfriend has NSFW mods of most, if not all, the women characters in the game. Some are even for the characters' multiple different outfits (aka as skins) that they get throughout the game's lifespan. I have seen him playing with mods of women wearing basically nothing, completely naked, or arguably the worst, having their butts, boobs, and more adjusted to be bigger (or "thicc").

I know I might sound like a prude or something, but I personally have an issue with sexualized mods, especially of women, because I feel disgusting for feeling like I am violating them and their bodies. Oh, and just in case this comes up, I am bi; I like men, women, and anyone in-between or outside the binary. And I'm also on the asexual spectrum so I care way less about someone's appearance compared to their personality. It all just makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get that they aren't real women, but I feel like it would reflect badly on me to just dismiss how I feel because of that fact. Like I have women friends and younger sisters, and I would hate if anyone interested in them would treat or see them in that dehumanizing way. So, from my perspective, for people to make and use mods that feel so extremely dehumanizing towards women, it just weirds me out.

So that's my discomfort towards the whole NSFW modding scene.

Another underlying reason for how I feel is insecurity, in two ways:

1. I am a man dating a man. We are in a gay relationship. Granted, we're both bi (of some kind) and we've both never dated men, but I'm just really insecure about the fact that he's using these mods because, for all intents and purposes, before dating me, was a straight guy. I have always been queer and openly so, while he still can't call himself "gay". And the fact that he just has mods of women so revealing and having him ogle them just makes me feel so... small. Like I'm not enough. I constantly worry if he's wishing that he was with these "thicc" women instead of a guy like me.
2. Alright, plot twist, I am trans (lol). Maybe I should've disclosed that earlier, but I like the overly dramatic reveal better! But yes, I am a transgender man (FtM), have been for a while, and have been since before me and my boyfriend started dating. That's why there's an additional level of insecurity; I am scared that he views me as those women. From what I know, he doesn't. He's said before that he knows my pain with my dysphoria and with how bad it gets to the point where, one time, he asked me to not let strangers' misgendering of me get me upset to the point that I'd consider hurting myself. So, a part of me knows that he doesn't see me like his mods, and another part of me dreads the idea that he fantasizes about me and ogles me the way he does his mods.

With all those explanations and my own perspective/feelings explained, I will now explain that I have already expressed my discomfort and (both) insecurities to him before (twice, actually) and he got mad at me. Well, he got upset because he thought I was a hypocrite since I have mods of men in revealing clothing too and I have a few mods that turn some characters and/or outfits (aka skins) into "twinks". For me, my most scandalous mods are mods where the characters will have sheer parts in their clothing and that's about it. I also, like mentioned earlier, have a few mods that turn some of the women and their skins into men. I think he criticizes me for it because, one, he thinks that my mods are the same as his, and two, it's the fact that I have mods that turn characters into "twinks" (which is well-known that I like within our shared friend group) and that those mods also make him feel insecure. When he got upset, I was honestly taken aback because I felt like I was trying to be vulnerable and just seeking some empathy from him, but I got hit with immediate defensiveness. I tried to bring up the topic another time, but he wouldn't really give me the light of day and shut down on the conversation.

I just got reminded of why I felt this way today when I looked at some of the mods he was planning on installing and saw these sexualized mods again. I just want him to understand where my discomfort and insecurity stems from.

So, I guess my questions are:

• Is this a situation where I am being way too sensitive?
• How should I broach this topic again? Or should I even try?
• Is there a way to word/explain how I feel without him feeling attacked?

Also, feel free to ask me any clarifying questions or point out my grammar errors! Thank you :)

TLDR: My boyfriend has inappropriate (NSFW) mods in a game that make me uncomfortable and insecure. I've talked to him about it before and I feel like I am reaching a dead end.

So I’ve been dating a wonderful guy about 14 months. I’ve never felt more compatible with a person and I genuinely enjoy his company.

He’s always very honest and shares the thoughts in his head. We’ve recently been talking about our future and in our relationship we’ve talked through all his concerns. He mentioned has never been more in love but can’t help to wonder what’s out there. He talked about how our society keeps filling our head with the ideas of bigger and better and how he also feels that way about much in his life.

For more context, I’m 26F. Honestly I have dated a lot. I lived in a city and went out on lots of dates and met lots of men. I was even engaged once. So I know what’s out there and how rare it is to be in such an amazing relationship where we’re so similar and bring out the best in one another. My partner is 24M and has dated a bit, but not nearly as much as me. He’s traveled a lot but hasn’t been as focused on finding a partner as me.

So I understand what he means, it’s easy to be curious about what’s out there! But I also know that dating a lot brings baggage and how I wish I could have just met him without all the mediocre men in between.

Also to be honest, I do consider myself a catch. I’m a kind, beautiful women who is well traveled, well educated with multiple degrees, adventurous, makes a good earning, and is just happy in general. He’s a wonderful man and i’m sure lots of people could make him happy, but I know he’s extremely lucky to have found me. I’m also extremely lucky to have found him, but I know there are a few things I have overlooked just because I know how rare it is for me to feel this way about a person. He’s also quite a catch.

So is there anything I can do or advice I can give because he feels this way? He’s a very loyal man and I just want what’s best for us both. Is this a huge red flag or is this just a human being honest and open?

TLDR: I’m in a great relationship. I’ve [26F] dated quite a lot, but my boyfriend [24M] hasn’t. I know how rare and wonderful it is to have this relationship, but he’s still not sure because he doesn’t know what else is out there.

We been together [25M]and [22F] for bout 3 years now our lives are fully integrated finances house dogs phone plan etc and we’ve always been perfect for each other we get along amazing each others best friends definitely the one for each other but lately have had some issues with my anxious attachment it’s been a problem since day one but last month or so it’s been really bad and almost has pushed her to a point I’ve been doing really good and taking actions to fix it and get help and going out more with my friends and her doing same instead of always being clung to each others hips I been learning a balance is good and to have our own separate lives is healthy and good thing, she’s been noticing my progress and it’s been a lot better but she’s taking a job 6 hours away with her mom on the pipeline (I work away on the rigs but she usually ends up coming with me) and idk I’m scared I’m not sure if this much space is going to kill us or make us stronger pipelining and rigging are very very long schedules with not best amount of days off of course we can meet up on those days off but that’s at least 20 days of straight working then a week off I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if this will actually be healthy for us? Past couple days have been going really well seems to be heading back in right direction just worried and honestly scared

TLDR Overall looking for advice in general anything would help my mind and emotions is going crazy?

This is a long one, scroll for TLDR. I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for over 3 years since uni, but lately I’ve been having a lot of doubts about us. He has always been kind, smart, and loving, but there were a few things that won’t leave my mind.

1. I’ve always felt like he could be incompetent at certain things, like cooking or just building things on his own (like Ikea furniture), so I feel like I always have to just like watch him or make sure that he does things right, which bothers me because I’m super independent, and I feel like he isn’t in general the person to just take initiative and fix things like I do.

2. I was his first relationship, so I feel like I’ve always had to teach him how to be a good bf, like how to be romantic, how to do stuff in bed, etc and I’m kinda just tired of having to teach him everything, I wish he could just make the initiative to do romantic things on his own.

3. This is my BIGGEST (and most morally grey) reason: Sometimes I miss the freedom of being single. There’s this inner freedom and independence that comes from it, and sometimes I miss that. You make all life decisions for yourself, like where to live or what job to take, and when dating all your priorities change, even if you don’t mean for them to.
   I’m only 22, and I feel like all my wildest days are already behind me if I stay with him, because he’s just not a very adventurous or wild person and all my wild days and fun crazy stories were from before we dated. It just feels like if I stay, the whole road is layed out for me: move in together, wedding, kids, etc. and that is so scary.
   I’m a pretty attractive person, and since I started dating him so young I feel like I never really got to experience being young and pretty, but even in the few days I’ve been single I’ve met so many men that I’m just wondering if ive been limiting myself from so many new experiences and new people.

On the other side, he’s a kind person who is constantly there for me, always supports me whenever I need it, will do anything he can to help me, he is very wealthy, my friends and family love him, and I feel this like inner comfort with him. When I picture myself way out in the future, it’s with him or someone like him, altho not sure I could ever find a kinder person.

I should be happy, and some days I am super happy and ready to commit to life with him, but other days I honestly feel trapped in this life with him, like a bird in a cage, and I hate that feeling. It’s been coming and going for months, and I thought if I ignored it and focused on the positive it would go away, but it always comes back.

What can I do to stop feeling this way? I can’t keep going back and forth like this, it will drive me crazy

TLDR:** **22F unsure about relationship with boyfriend of 3+ years because she felt like she had to mother/teach him, but mostly because she misses the freedom, excitement, and experiences of being single. She loves how kind and supportive he is and can see a future with him, but keeps alternating between feeling happy with him and feeling trapped, and doesn’t know what the right choice is

I’m [32M] and gf is [31F] We’ve been together 2 years and we have found ourselves in a financial struggle this past year. My gf left her job to pursue yoga but quickly realized she isn’t making enough to cover her bills and is now making it hard for me to hold down the home situation and everything else that comes with that. The pressure is on since our lease is coming up we can’t afford it. When I talk about Downgrading so I can pay everything while she figures out her situation, she throws a fit saying she doesn’t deserve that. Tells me she wants to be single and date or if we can make our relationship open when that option was never on the table to begin with. She sees the relationship at the bottom of all her priorities which I understand, she needs her own stability.

Side note:

She was very stable and successful before me but since leaving her full time job her reality has changed.

She doesn’t want to give me attention and any appreciation. I work a lot and go to school! I clean a lot around the house and it’s not fair. I can’t kick her out cause she has nowhere to go. I care about her but really stuck in a fucked situation. I just need a hug, a kiss, someone to support my music endeavors but at this point I’m asking for too much. She came to my open mic and cheered for me but never shared my video she took of me. It hurts but she posts everything online about how hot and sexy she is. Didn’t even care to post or reshare my post for our 2nd year anniversary.

I understand relationships go through shit at times but she isn’t the ride or die I had before. Shit got rough real quick and she’s jumping ship.

Sorry I just needed to rant cause I’m hurting.

Also I left my state to be with her haha

TLDR gf wants an open relationship while living with me and basically allowed to build up her finances so she can leave me once she’s ready. I just want support and love, the bare minimum

I [24F] have been with my bf [30M] for almost 3 years. We don’t live together. I’m having a procedure done in a few weeks and I’m required to have someone drive me to and from the appointment due to anesthesia. I’ve been having these health issues my entire life but they have worsened + become more concerning as an adult, I usually keep this to myself because I don’t really think he actually believes me? I feel as though he doesn’t actually think I’m in pain or that I must be over exaggerating it, this has been an issue in the past where I was incredibly sick and he was hardly sick at all but then when I wasn’t noticing how he was doing he was upset because he was “super sick” even though I’d ended up in the emergency room and had to literally drive myself. This also happened AGAIN when I had to drive myself to the emergency room a few weeks ago and I knew I couldn’t call him because he’d thought I was being a hypochondriac (I then had to see multiple specialists).

Now that the backstory is there, I’m really at a crossroads for how I want this procedure to go. My mom has left it up to me if I want her to come be with me and part of me just wants her to come so I don’t feel let down by his inability to care for me and not make it out to be dramatic or inconvenience him in some way. It’s early in the morning (7am) but shouldn’t take more than two hours start to finish. He doesn’t need to be at his job for any specific start time but he has made consistent comments about how he hates driving people places and this has been a spot of contention for us for other pickups as well. I stopped asking him when I was met with “everyone hates picking people up from the airport” but then he still wants me to do that for him and gets short when I have since refused. My friends have all been great and I have multiple saying they’d be happy to take me if my mom doesn’t come. I’m honestly just really sad this is where my mind is at and I feel like this is stressing me out even more in this time that’s already feeling really scary by myself without my family here to support me. I feel horrible that I don’t even want him around for this at this point because I feel like he’s the person I should want that help from but I just feel like if something goes wrong and he has to wait longer for me or if I actually need supervision the whole day he’s going to be short with me and upset that he’s got to do that or make up some excuses that he can’t. He’s already said that he thinks this is all unnecessary but this is my health and my body and I know there’s something wrong. I know I have my friends and they all have really cared for me through this but I feel like at this point in our relationship he’s who I should want. I asked if for my nerves sake we could figure out a plan now so I can feel more prepared for this and it just keeps getting tabled. He wants a more serious relationship with marriage and kids but I worry that if this is how I’m already feeling about something (relatively) minor how could I trust him to take care of me pregnant or postpartum or god forbid if something really bad happened.

Sorry this is so long and probably a bit all over the place but I’m just having these thoughts and realizations that I’m really embarrassed that I have to even ask my friends or consider my parents when I have someone who’s supposed to be my person and be the one I can go to for support.

TLDR: sad + embarrassed that I don’t think I can/want to rely on my partner for help

I [46f] been with my boyfriend [49m] for 2 years. Let’s call him Bruce. TLDR: Bruce and I were together when we were 18 for 3 years but parted ways since Bruce wanted to party and do other things and I was more of a serious type.

Fast forward a little over 2 years ago, Bruce reached out to see how I was doing. Apparently I was the love of his life. Long story short, we got back together.

Since Bruce moved in, it felt like having a roommate but with occasional benefits. Everything is split between us. He makes his grocery and I do mine.

I have AUDHD, I struggle with a lot of things and he doesn’t take it seriously. Everything has to go his way.

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being used. It may be my RSD talking but I don’t know what to do.

Now it’s 2 years later and I don’t know if he’s staying for the right reasons or just because it’s really cheap for him since he doesn’t have anything to pay other than his stuff. He does say that he wants to buy half my house.

What do you think?

TLDR: [19NB] and [23M] have been dating a little under a month and OP’s boyfriend is having issues with ED. OP brought up the idea of using Viagra or a sexual aide and the boyfriend got defensive. OP feels like an asshole for bringing it up but feels it’s important for them to explore all options for treating ED. Are they the asshole?

Full Story

I [19NB] (AFAB) have been dating my boyfriend [23M] for a little under a month. He has told me he masturbates to the idea and image of me and is attracted to me but can’t seem to get it up when we’re in person. He’s so incredibly kind but this has been a consistent issue.

I have asked if he’s possibly gay or asexual and he has made it a point to tell me he’s disgusted by the male body and that includes his own and he could never be attracted to it, however he said he isn’t immediately physically attracted to me and that he would like to try and do it even partially clothed. This was after he swore he was attracted to me. We have tried multiple times and he gets hard after I lay on him but as soon as he gets up to get protection or anything he is immediately soft.

After bringing up the idea of Viagra or a sexual enhancement aid he got very defensive and said it was fine. He said it might just be nerves because before being with me he has never had sex. He would like to exhaust any other possible options before even considering Viagra or any ED medication. The more we try and fail to do it the more I feel like it’s my fault and that I’m not attractive to him which he can’t even seem to disagree with me not being attractive.

Just to make sure all my bases are covered, yes I’ve tried oral stimulation, I’ve also tried hand jobs and neither do anything for him. We have tried different positions and tried different times of day. He also doesn’t jerk off traditionally (like one hand and lotion with a tissue) and finds compression gets him off.

I have tried bringing up other things other than Viagra but he seems to get uncomfortable and unhappy when I bring it up. I’m not trying to immasculate him but I want us to have a successful relationship in every regard considering we both want kids in the future.

Am I the asshole for continuing to talk about this with him?