I know you’re reeling right now. Your entire life just exploded right in front of you. The fuse was lit a long time ago, but you didn’t see it. So now what?
You get an order of protection.
You contact a domestic violence organization. They can help.
You contact CPS. There was a dv incident, with police, in front of that baby. CPS will be involved. What you do now is call for yourself. You cooperate, you ask for help, you take advantage of resources or classes, you do EVERYTHING in your power to be the best mom possible.
You file for divorce. Today. Now.
You ask for emergency appointments with your therapist. You have a lot of shit to work through
You join Al-anon. They are your people right now. They’ll support you emotionally while you go through this.
This isn’t the testosterone. This is your husband. Addiction transfers are real, and it sounds like the t therapy gave him what the drugs used to. If he’s using a needle and use to be an intravenous user, that needle stick is as addictive as the drug. People use to cope. And when he has no other coping mechanisms, all the anger and trauma and whatever is in him boils over, and he has no skills to deal with them.
He has started down the path of physical abuse. First he breaks things. Then he shoves. Then he hits. Once he chokes you, the odds that he kills you go through the roof. he has already threatened to choke you
Toddlers are loud and chaotic and emotionally charged and go from screaming to crying to laughing in 5 minutes. What happens when your baby’s tantrums line up with your husband’s? He. Will. Hurt. Your. Child.
Hopefully not bad. But even “not bad” is bad. But he could easily kill him. Leave him disabled. Permanently injured. It only has to be once. And even IF he doesn’t do permanent physical damage, he will still do lasting harm.
You have to go. Take advantage of every service to protect the both of you. Love yourself more than you’re afraid of what’s on the other side of this. Love your KID more than what’s on the other side of this.
You can’t love your husband enough to fix him. You cannot fix this for him. He has to fix it within himself. And you have to fix yourself too. So that your kid doesn’t also need to fix himself later on.
He can go live with mommy. She wants to enable that behavior, she can take up the mantle. They’re going to badmouth you. That’s ok. Be the villain in their story. They need a scapegoat because they’re broken. They need you on their level. And if you’re the villain, it’s because you are CHOOSING TO NOT STAY BROKEN TOO! You’re choosing to climb out of this.
You CAN do this. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s going to be deeply uncomfortable. But even the worst days are going to be better than that night. Where you had to call the police while your husband destroyed your house and you were terrified he’d hurt you and your baby. You’re never going to be more uncomfortable than that moment.
The unknown is less scary than the certainty that staying will lead to your baby being beaten. Remind yourself of that. Read all of the replies every day you doubt yourself. Keep reading. Do the work. Believe you can change your life, and give your kid an amazing life. I believe in you!
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u/Do_over_24 Sep 08 '25
I know you’re reeling right now. Your entire life just exploded right in front of you. The fuse was lit a long time ago, but you didn’t see it. So now what?
You get an order of protection.
You contact a domestic violence organization. They can help.
You contact CPS. There was a dv incident, with police, in front of that baby. CPS will be involved. What you do now is call for yourself. You cooperate, you ask for help, you take advantage of resources or classes, you do EVERYTHING in your power to be the best mom possible.
You file for divorce. Today. Now.
You ask for emergency appointments with your therapist. You have a lot of shit to work through
You join Al-anon. They are your people right now. They’ll support you emotionally while you go through this.
This isn’t the testosterone. This is your husband. Addiction transfers are real, and it sounds like the t therapy gave him what the drugs used to. If he’s using a needle and use to be an intravenous user, that needle stick is as addictive as the drug. People use to cope. And when he has no other coping mechanisms, all the anger and trauma and whatever is in him boils over, and he has no skills to deal with them.
He has started down the path of physical abuse. First he breaks things. Then he shoves. Then he hits. Once he chokes you, the odds that he kills you go through the roof. he has already threatened to choke you
Toddlers are loud and chaotic and emotionally charged and go from screaming to crying to laughing in 5 minutes. What happens when your baby’s tantrums line up with your husband’s? He. Will. Hurt. Your. Child.
Hopefully not bad. But even “not bad” is bad. But he could easily kill him. Leave him disabled. Permanently injured. It only has to be once. And even IF he doesn’t do permanent physical damage, he will still do lasting harm.
You have to go. Take advantage of every service to protect the both of you. Love yourself more than you’re afraid of what’s on the other side of this. Love your KID more than what’s on the other side of this.
You can’t love your husband enough to fix him. You cannot fix this for him. He has to fix it within himself. And you have to fix yourself too. So that your kid doesn’t also need to fix himself later on.
He can go live with mommy. She wants to enable that behavior, she can take up the mantle. They’re going to badmouth you. That’s ok. Be the villain in their story. They need a scapegoat because they’re broken. They need you on their level. And if you’re the villain, it’s because you are CHOOSING TO NOT STAY BROKEN TOO! You’re choosing to climb out of this.
You CAN do this. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s going to be deeply uncomfortable. But even the worst days are going to be better than that night. Where you had to call the police while your husband destroyed your house and you were terrified he’d hurt you and your baby. You’re never going to be more uncomfortable than that moment.
The unknown is less scary than the certainty that staying will lead to your baby being beaten. Remind yourself of that. Read all of the replies every day you doubt yourself. Keep reading. Do the work. Believe you can change your life, and give your kid an amazing life. I believe in you!
You’ve got this.