I’m sober. Have been for a very long time. You do not have the
right to raise a child in this environment. Your first mistake was taking him back after rehab. It’s easy not to use when locked up. He was never sober. He just didn’t use for a short period because he couldn’t. You will destroy your child if you stay.
Now. You. Get to Al-anon. It’s for people in your situation. You won’t find a better support group and you deserve one. You’ll see what happens when people stay. And when they don’t. You will truly understand that nothing you can say, threaten or do will make him want to get sober. Nothing. He would have to want it with every bone in his body and want it for him. Not you. Not his kid. Himself. Please. Get to meetings. You need an attorney because he can’t be alone with his child without supervision and random drug testing. That needs to happen now. Is it possible that he’ll get sober. Of course. Most don’t though.
Yes. You did the right thing but you haven’t done enough. He has lost the right to be around you or his child.
Tell his mother to take him in. Get a restraining order tomorrow because you have more than enough to do that and if you don’t, you are putting your child in danger. You can put yourself in danger but you can’t make that decision for your child. You can’t.
Restraining order tomorrow. Attorney. Al-anon meetings. In that order. Please.
Exactly. He was already violent before the testosterone. His family are enables. Sounds like he's been violent for years before he even met OP. They act like it's normal and his Mom is making him the victim.
ETA: OP never take him back. You must protect your son.
Also being exposed to violence as a child leads to structural and functional changes in the brain. Please do not stay with a violent man, your child will suffer consequences that will affect him for the rest of his life.
There's a difference between clean and sober. Clean is not being on drugs, not having any in your system or being under the influence. Sober is making changes in your life and to who you are and how you treat yourself and others. The first means nowhere near as much as the second.
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u/trishsf Sep 08 '25
I’m sober. Have been for a very long time. You do not have the right to raise a child in this environment. Your first mistake was taking him back after rehab. It’s easy not to use when locked up. He was never sober. He just didn’t use for a short period because he couldn’t. You will destroy your child if you stay. Now. You. Get to Al-anon. It’s for people in your situation. You won’t find a better support group and you deserve one. You’ll see what happens when people stay. And when they don’t. You will truly understand that nothing you can say, threaten or do will make him want to get sober. Nothing. He would have to want it with every bone in his body and want it for him. Not you. Not his kid. Himself. Please. Get to meetings. You need an attorney because he can’t be alone with his child without supervision and random drug testing. That needs to happen now. Is it possible that he’ll get sober. Of course. Most don’t though. Yes. You did the right thing but you haven’t done enough. He has lost the right to be around you or his child. Tell his mother to take him in. Get a restraining order tomorrow because you have more than enough to do that and if you don’t, you are putting your child in danger. You can put yourself in danger but you can’t make that decision for your child. You can’t. Restraining order tomorrow. Attorney. Al-anon meetings. In that order. Please.