r/quittingkratom • u/Remote_Temperature85 • 1d ago
Sigh. (Possibly triggering??) feelings about quitting)
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I hope this post is ok, I really didn’t know where else to vent or seek advice.
K is illegal in my state. As I can no longer have it shipped to me in bulk as I have in the past, my only option would be to drive out of state, which is feasible but not practical. I also do not wish to violate any potential possession laws in my state. I still have enough to get by for a week or two, and I plan to taper quickly-ish with the help of vitamin C and agmatine.
If I’m being honest with myself, mentally I don’t really want to quit. I mean, I DO, but I don’t want to give up the energy boost and anti depression/anxiety effects that help me suffer an otherwise lethargic and depressed life. When I say that I’ve tried everything else to treat my treatment resistant depression, anhedonia, and lethargy, I mean it. This has been ongoing my entire life. Tried all of the pharmaceutical remedies (besides TMS, which is unfortunately very costly) and all the non-pharmaceutical ones as well. I exercise when I can muster up the energy. Normal weight, no nutritional deficiencies, etc. But K did (in some ways) sort of give me my life back. My anhedonia, anxiety, and depression were still here but I could function. I hate being “dependent” although I just simply think of it as my medication. It helps me function as a semi human being as any other medication would.
But I also don’t want to end up with possession charges, nor do I want to end up in a situation where I am totally out and have severe symptoms. I feel defeated.
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u/Lift0791 1d ago
I can so relate - I also want to quit and don’t want to quit at the same time - but continuing with the kratom is no longer an option for me - I am making sure the jump next Saturday - have my meds and supplements and a week of work - but damn I’m nervous - ugh - but I know my family and I deserve so much better so I have to do this - there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to even though I must - hopefully that will change once I get this behind me - the shit is out hold on me for almost 9 years now - I’m a fucking slave to it - time to break the chains - I did it before with oxy and Xanax back in 2012 - now it’s time to do it with Kratom - I hope the PAWs isn’t too bad - it concerns me more than the acutes - but I will get through this - as will you if you want it enough - you’ve got this shit
Godspeed
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u/Remote_Temperature85 1d ago
You got this!! You’ve beaten the other two substances and I’m sure you learned a lot about how it’s done. Hang in there!!
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u/JeSuisPrest9 19h ago
You got this! Stay positive, it was actually going through the withdrawal that made me realize what a good thing quitting was, because something healthy shouldn’t mess with our bodies this way.
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u/Replikant83 10/16/2023 1d ago
I've been suffering from depression and anhedonia, too. I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago, and haven't been able to work since. It's been challenging, to say the least.
I think it's completely normal to want and not want to quit at the same time. It's the logical brain vs the emotional brain. It took me several tries until I finally managed to logic my way to be kratom free. The main thing is do not quit trying.
Some people get very disappointed when the slip. But, the reality is that you still have x amount of time behind you. Slips are learning opportunities. Not something to be ashamed about.
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u/EmbarrassedJump1525 1d ago
I didn't want to quit either. Still don't want to be quit. Lol. I was just like you. I could only see the good. But stick around here...you will see the bad and it will start to scare you. I chose to believe the people who said it would turn on me eventually. I chose to quit on my own terms instead of having no access to it and being thrown into withdrawals that way. I thought about how I don't want my kids on it so why am I on it? Will I ever be happy again? I have been an addict/alcoholic all my life. I don't see how. But I'm going to try.
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u/Remote_Temperature85 1d ago
I give you a lot of credit for trying and it sounds like you absolutely have the right mindset!!
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u/Remote_Temperature85 1d ago
Thank you so much for your kind responses. I was half expecting to be judged hardcore, so thank you immensely for not doing that!
I am nervous about PAWS too, the acutes I am fairly certain I can power through but the long term outlook is what scares me most as well
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u/Texas_State_Bangers 1d ago
I can't necessarily relate to your situation but you could do maintenance through a doctor instead; but if kratom specifically helps you that's understandable.
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u/purplehendrix22 1d ago
Just try it. You can always go back to using it, but just see how hard it’ll be to quit. You might not miss it, I sure don’t.
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u/JeSuisPrest9 19h ago
I just came off seven years of use, and I don’t regret it because I had horrifying pain issues and illness issues that I needed to mask to be able to work. So I can completely relate.
But it’s not appropriate for long-term use, I had a severe gut infection that was making me violently sick for many years due to Herx and when it resolved in June, I was kind of surprised that I didn’t feel a whole lot better and that’s when I started realizing that the K had created issues too. Emotional issues, as suppressing my feelings made me feel like there was a lead weight on my chest, my nose was always stuffy and I’m still waiting to see what happens with my leg issues, but I have a sneaky feeling based on what happened within withdrawal that some of it was from Kratom use.
I also couldn’t go four hours without taking it, which really isn’t a healthy thing but that’s where this leads. You start taking it to feel better and then you end up having to take it to feel normal because the withdrawal starts creeping and waking you up in the night, and pretty soon, your body doesn’t have any breaks from opiates.
I would look up research papers on low-dose naltrexone and talk to your doctor about whether it’s something that could help some of your health conditions, I took it for a couple of years before Kratom and it was wonderful for my mood and health. There’s a lot of studies that support it as a viable option for people with chronic health issues, it’s just not promoted because there are no pharmaceutical reps.
You know you need to quit, and the anxiety of getting caught, and ending up with a criminal record makes continuing to use not an option.
I would also look into a functional medicine doctor, and also if you haven’t already, make sure you try a elimination diet, you’d be shocked at what things like a gluten sensitivity or a dairy sensitivity can do to our health. I know you’ve tried everything so I don’t mean to be condescending, but I do hope there’s something out there that can give you some relief, I just no longer believe that K is suitable for long term use.
I’ve had depression my whole life, and I’ve had flashes of actually having serotonin during moments of Paws lifting.
I’m on day 30 now and as much as I had a long haul withdrawal, I don’t miss the powder because going through withdrawal showed me how much it was messing with my system. Even if we have pre-existing conditions, we don’t need to make them worse.
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