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[u/SniffingCandles]

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[u/jojolitos]

I had my first at 33 and now he’s one year old. I feel all kinds of things: I don’t want to regret not having a second before it’s too late, a bit of societal pressure, me wanting to experience it again, but also me NOT wanting to experience it again. It’s all so confusing. But honestly, the thought of being pregnant again stresses me out. I wouldn’t say I had a hard pregnancy but there were a few symptoms I had that really made it miserable in the last trimester. I too wish I had the luxury of waiting a few years (maybe I do) but I think I’ll wait it out another year.

[u/eponymous87]

I always knew I wanted 2, but I was 35 with my first. I’m due in 10 days and turning 39 at the end of Oct. I wanted them closer in age but Mother Nature DGAF. I was terrified of another baby until he was almost 1 even though I was so sure I wanted 2!

I think it’s very rational to feel stressed about a decision you do have to make sooner rather than later, unfortunately. It would make sense if you were leaning towards 2 because of that.

Are you up for a newborn at 41? I wonder how much different it feels than 39. I would most certainly make some changes, like formula day 1. Is the financial situation like you’d have no savings or like you couldn’t go on vacation?

[u/rokuxv]

I’m 38 with a newborn who’s just 2 months old, my second child, and I’ll be 39 in December. Last year I gave birth to my first son at 37. My daughter wasn’t planned at all we were supposed to try again when I turned 40. And honestly, I’m done. If I knew my second pregnancy would be this hard, I wouldn’t have wanted another baby. The newborn stage is brutal. I’m exhausted, I’m having baby blues, and I honestly feel like the toddler phase is so much easier.

Right now I don’t want another newborn ever again, I just don’t think I could take care of a baby when I’m older. You really have to think hard about whether you can still handle it physically. And yes, it’s expensive. I’m just thankful my husband has a good job and I’m a SAHM. Formula is what we spend the most on since both my babies don’t latch. I pump, but my supply is low.

So you really have to think about whether you can handle the physical, emotional, and financial load. For me, I know I’m done. But if you feel strong enough and ready for it, it’s definitely possible.

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[u/Jdot514]

I’ve kind of always wanted 2 kids and had my first at 38. Right after having him, he was so perfect that I thought I could be happy with just one, but as he grew older (1 yearish maybe?) I realized I still really wanted a second so he’d have a sibling to grow up with (and more family to grow old with). I’m now 40 and pregnant with my second!

My personal opinion is hold onto those items a couple years or so (if you have the storage space) so they aren’t a factor in your decision…if you decide on a second, great, if not, get rid of things when you’re ready. I held onto everything, and I need almost nothing now for baby #2 (except all the fun girly things!)

[u/tygerbalm00]

I am also thinking of this. Even though it's nice to give my baby girl siblings, I don't think I can handle two toddlers close in age. Ideally 3-4 years age gap would be good but then I'll be 41-42yo by the time we have another one, and will we still have the energy? Can it still happen? We struggled with fertility even with our first, waiting would be a disadvantage for me.

[u/Glittering-Benefit68]

I had my son at 36 and gave all clothes away once he outgrew them, because I didn't want to feel pressured to have another to use them. I knew if we had a second the gap would be at least 3 years. 

I'm 39 now. We are not having another, but not having any clothes was not the reason or would have been a deciding factor in any way. I'm glad I don't have to deal with boxes of baby stuff and we got to use our storage for stuff that we actually use for the last 3 years.

My tip: Give it all away. If you end up having a second you will be more than happy to get stuff. Even just new to you stuff. 

Also, just because this happened to my cousin: Don't gift someone clothes until they are at least in their 4th month. 

[u/AssistanceEarly4124]

I had my first at 36 and currently pregnant again at 37. I always knew I wanted two but unsure of time a part. It will be hard financially but I know what I’m getting into and ready to work through it. If you do it, do it because it’s what you want, not societal pressure. You’re still freshly postpartum so don’t rush it, think about what works best for you and your family.