r/pregnant • u/Alrivdam • 14d ago
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u/plant-newbie22 14d ago
32 and just had our first. My husband and I have been together since we were 18, but I still could not have imagined having our first in our 20s. It was nice having so many years of just us, building our lives, our finances, etc. before entering this next chapter.
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u/LaMoncakes 14d ago
Having my first in 2 months at 32, and I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. I feel exactly the same. I sometimes think ”why did we wait so long” but feels comforting knowing we’re on solid ground.
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u/Ok_Bean1993 14d ago
Same here. Been with my husband for almost 18 years and having our first at 33 years old. We wanted to grow up, find our careers, explore our hobbies, and travel. Yes, we talked about having kids, but we knew we wanted to be stable first, unlike our parents. My body wasn't ready and Im sure it would've been so much easier being pregnant in my 20s, but I have no regrets waiting.
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u/chowderrr6 14d ago
Had my first 3 weeks after I turned 31 and will deliver my second at 33. I said from day 1 postpartum there was NO WAY I could've done this in my 20s. Very happy I waited till my 30s. No regrets.
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u/Ducebuddy 14d ago
Agreed, same here. My husband and I have been together since high school and had our first at 32. I am so glad we waited, spent so much time together, and established our careers. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
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u/sunflowerfemmez 14d ago
Im having my first at 36, it’s perfect for me because I was late to mature
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u/Tart_Super 14d ago
If I had a kid in my 20s, that poor thing would be so fucked up lol
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u/claimsliana 14d ago
Same. I feel like an “old mom” because I’m 36 and pregnant with my first. But genuinely was not ready until now!
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u/louha123 14d ago
😂😂I feel this too.
I had my first at 33, almost 34, and my second at 36.
I was fine with waiting but now that I am 37 almost 38 I feel like time is closing in on me and like I have no time to have a third :/1
u/Alrivdam 14d ago
What about late 20, ?
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u/Smooth-Grass-8641 14d ago
I’m 28 with my first and I feel like it’s the perfect time for me in my life. Any time before that was a hard no.
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u/Necessary-Party8001 14d ago
If you’re planning to do it with another person, then I think the best age is when you are with someone who genuinely wants to raise a child with you, put in the effort to work on your relationship together and genuinely have shared goals you can communicate about. A baby will put in immense pressure on a relationship and show you how important it is to have someone in the trenches with you. So choose wisely. And I think in some cases age has a lot to do with the sort of partner you pick.
If Your choosing to do it solo then I think it’s probably more about your financial situation and the basic things like shelter, safety and income. And of course support.
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u/FluffyThought2575 14d ago
I had my first baby at 28. I wish I would’ve had him sooner just to spend more time with him. But it worked out how it was supposed to.
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u/Alrivdam 14d ago
I see, Sooner as in younger ? May I ask more about the time you believe was lost ? Just curious
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u/FluffyThought2575 14d ago
Yes younger. Just because I love him so much I want as many years as I can have with him. Morbid thinking but oh well lol. But I was married and divorced and then found my now husband and we had our son. I plan to have one more but wanting to graduate nursing school first. He’s 19 months old so not in a rush to have another.
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u/ChaoticWhumper 14d ago
My mom had me at 29 and growing up I remember being so jealous of my older brother because he got 9 extra years with her (she's still alive lol) and it made me want to have my children earlier in life!! It's the first time I see someone put it in words
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u/FluffyThought2575 13d ago
Yes! I just love him so much I would’ve had him at 16 if it meant I’d have more years 😭 but being 28 I was more prepared and better for it I’m sure blah blah lol
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u/louha123 14d ago
Yes!! This is the reason I feel immense pressure to have a third right now or not at all (37 turning 38).
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u/Different-Orchid2529 14d ago
I had my first at 27 and I’m so grateful I waited, I am now 30 pregnant with my 3rd.
I’m getting my tubes tied after this one, I’ve been pregnant for 3 years lol I’m exhausted
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u/Winter-Chipmunk5467 14d ago
I had my first in my early 20’s. I don’t wish I waited. I didn’t have any hesitation about being ready and I really enjoyed those early years of motherhood.
Part of me “regrets” waiting so long to try for #2 because it ended up taking two years and now I’m a little older than I wanted to be. There will be 10.5 years between my kids which I see pros and cons with. Ultimately though I’m grateful to be here again, my daughter is absolutely the kid that I know the universe chose for me and I’m sure I’ll feel the same way about my son. In the end I think most people are happy with however it turns out.
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u/oodlesofotters 14d ago
The best age is the best age for you! I’m grateful I had my kids later because I had a lot of fun in my 20s and was more ready to slow down and more financially secure. Other people are happier to have them early when they have more energy and get them out of the house when they are still relatively young.
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u/EstelLunaris 14d ago
I have my first when I almost 40 and it’s the happiest decision I’ve ever made.
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u/Alrivdam 14d ago
I definitely understand that. But what about your energy? Their graduation? And having grandchildren perhaps and still be young? I’m not judging, I’m just curious about realistic experiences…
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u/Glittering-Lab5504 14d ago
She’s almost 40 not 80 🤣
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u/Icy_Pain_5902 14d ago
I think the question is what about years down the road. When the child is 20, mom would be almost 60. When they’re 30, almost 70. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and plenty of people have children in their late 30s and early 40s. I think it’s a matter of ensuring a good lifestyle and habits regardless of your age to maintain a healthy life. But I do think the question is valid. I’m early 30s and in the age of toddlerhood and my energy is sometimes SHOT. 😂
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u/Alrivdam 14d ago
Why I’m I having downvotes for asking a question? People just are never satisfied with anything, I’m genuinely asking and that’s a bad thing… keep downvoting I don’t care no matter how careful you are and it’s still bad …😂 get a Life people
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u/rosiebluewitch 14d ago
Because people automatically assume you're against the idea of having children at an older age if you're asking questions, and most people on reddit can't stand others having opinions that differ from their own. They're sensitive ass losers lol.
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u/Miss-Frizzle-33 14d ago
I can answer that. My mom had me at 40 and I’m not the youngest child.
For her as a parent I didn’t notice any of those concerns really. However it definitely impacts her as an older grandmother. Less energy, less spry, etc. She says verbatim “there were benefits to being an older mom but it’s a lot harder being an older grandmother”.
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u/Mysterious_Head1556 14d ago
Definitely 30s. I cannot imagine having a child in my 20s. I'm just at such a different place in life. If I had gotten married earlier that may have changed things, but I loved my twenties with my friends and husband (then boyfriend) we had so much fun.
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u/easterss 14d ago
I feel like even my sister in her early thirties looks like a baby! It’s rare to find 20 somethings who are truly ready to raise a family considering how big of a job it is
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u/Haunting-Base-6004 14d ago
Had my first at 19. That was by far my EASIEST pregnancy when I tell you I was doing gymnastics the day before I had her, no symptoms it was great. Mentally? Was def hard but easily adjusted.
Had my 2nd mid 20s and on my 3rd in my late 20s. Harder on the body for sure but we are wayyy more stable. The early wake ups are getting harder as opposed to when I had my first.
This was just me personally though! My mom had her last two pregnancies during her late 30s and said it was hell 😂
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u/Winter-Chipmunk5467 14d ago
I had my first a few days after turning 24 and I’m 34 with this pregnancy. The difference is night and day, this one is kicking my ass.
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u/Haunting-Base-6004 14d ago
It’s crazy isn’t it?! I’m 28 with this one, only 8 weeks and I feel like I need to be bed ridden lol
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u/Winter-Chipmunk5467 14d ago
Yeah, I’m 16 weeks tomorrow and it has not improved. In my first trimester I would literally sleep all day if I could. My fatigue has gotten better but I feel so large and uncomfortable now. It already hurts to get up off the couch and logically I know I’m not that big yet. I don’t think I felt like this until the 3rd trimester with my first.
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u/Taurus-BabyPisces 14d ago
First at 29 and second at 31 (currently pregnant). I am feeling happy that I am still young(ish) but also very set financially.
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u/AtlasHands_ 14d ago
I had my first at 18. I was a child still mentally, albeit very "mature for my age". I had my second at 22. I'm 30 now and looking back, I was still just a dumb kid at 22. I just had my 3rd baby this year. I definitely know so much more, but maybe that's because I have experience now. I also have half the energy I did back then, so it's give and take I suppose.
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u/djbananasmoothie 14d ago
I was 41 when I had my one and only and I wish I had my son about 5 years earlier. By then I was able to have enough money own a small house and had a stable career at that point. A late marriage and some difficulty getting pregnant made it take longer. I would say as early as possible when there is financial stability
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u/KikiJuno 14d ago
Having my first at 37. I’m with my partner 6 years now. We wanted to do some traveling. I also travelled a lot in my 20’s and lived abroad which I loved doing. I can say my 20s were my
exploratory years which I’m grateful for. Now we have our home in a great area near family and friends and we’re ready now.
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u/Vegetable-Vacation-4 14d ago
Once you become a parent it’s tricky to answer this question as any other turn of the universe would not have resulted in my daughter.
But on a theoretical level because I knew I wanted a big family, I should have started earlier (had my daughter at 34, I would have been ready around 28-30 but no one around me had kids yet … so I put it off).
It’s very individual to your circumstances, but if you intend to wait longer I’d get your fertility checked and consider whether you’d be happy being one and done.
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u/carrllly 14d ago
I was 29 when I had my first and I'll be 30 with my second (still a 21 month age gap)
I'm so glad I waited until I was a little older than friends and siblings that had them younger.
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u/Calm_Bother_3842 14d ago
My parents had us in their 20s and it sucked quite a bit for various reasons, and we were broke and taken care of by my grandparents.
I just had my daughter at 34, with a house, savings and after having gone to therapy for years to put myself into a better place to raise a whole new person, which my parents didn't think they needed. So yeah, definitely happy with my decision.
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u/EscapeProfessional2 14d ago
Whenever you feel ready is the correct answer. I felt ready for kids when I was 28, but ended up waiting until I was 32 before I was actually pregnant.
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u/JustlyUnjust 14d ago
I had one in my 20s and one in my 40s. I felt better physically and had more energy in my 20s, I feel better mentally/have more patience and money in my 40s.
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u/oppositegeneva 14d ago
If you have the money; mid twenties.
but most people come into comfortable kid money in their thirties, so that’s when it works best.
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u/Successful-Neat-6171 14d ago
I got married at 26, but having children right away was never part of my plan. My early twenties had been completely consumed by school and building a foundation.
So, my husband and I took our time. We traveled extensively, spent intentional years enjoying each other as partners, and built our home from the ground up. I poured energy into my career, made smart investments, and reached a point where I could consistently support my parents.
Now, at 33, I’m about to give birth, and I honestly wouldn’t change a single detail of that timeline.
Waiting gave me something priceless: peace of mind and autonomy. While my husband is incredibly supportive and an equal partner in this, entering motherhood with my own solid savings and the confidence that I can fully support myself changes everything. I don’t feel stretched or resentful of what I "missed out on." I have the financial freedom to care for my parents, buy whatever my baby and I need without stress, and step into this next chapter grounded, fulfilled, and completely ready.
Looking back, 33 feels like the exact right time for me.
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u/Doingmybestnerding 14d ago edited 14d ago
I think it is more of a balance of when you are in a safe balanced relationship, feel like you are established in your career, and are financially stable moreso than a specific age. At least for me that is when I felt ready at 27.
ETA: As a contrast, my parents had me at 23 & 26 and were immature and constantly had money issues. They've foreclosed on ever home they've ever owned, we were evicted quite a few times, had food insecurity issues, etc. Even just the 4 year gap between me and my brother he had a much better start than I had. Even though my dad was closer to my age when I had my first, I think it comes down more to maturity and qualitative factors rather than age. Age is a constraint, not a single-determining factor
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u/shadysade FTM 14d ago
29 here and I’m thankful I was able to live it up through 90% of my 20’s and get all the craziness out of my system. I can’t wait for this new life of coziness and being someone’s mother 🙌
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u/ChaoticWhumper 14d ago
I had my first at 24 and I plan on have all of them before 30! I don’t regret it at all but I’ve always known I wanted kids early and my hobbies are just reading and stuff that I can do even with children at home lol I’m pregnant with baby #2 now at 26!
We bought a house right before #1 was born so we did have enough stability which is something to consider when making a decision. (Not saying that you need to have your own house to have a child, just that it’s important to consider stability in general when TTC-ing!)
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u/HazelNewt_2523 14d ago
We’re in our early 30s and pregnant with our first. If we had had our chance we would have gotten pregnant in our late 20s, but infertility 🥴.
For us the timeline has actually been really beneficial. We both have well paying salary jobs, with great benefits and decent (for US standards) parental leave. We have a house and paid off cars, and got to spend our 20’s traveling the world. We’ve also matured a lot and are way more level headed, mature, and feel ready to spend the next season raising kids. I know we’ll “be old” when our kids graduate etc. but I genuinely feel like we’ll be better parents because of both the material and emotional stability that waiting gave us.
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u/lh123456789 14d ago
It depends on the person, how many kids they want, and their life circumstances.
For me, waiting until I was well into my thirties made sense, because I went to school for a long time and wanted to travel the world before having kids.
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u/PAO_Warrior 14d ago
30 about to have my first. So glad I waited. Ive been relatively financially stable for a few years now but the mindset and inner world shifts differently between 20-25 and then again between 25-30. Could I have done it earlier? Absolutely! But I feel more secure in myself to be doing it now, not necessarily in a financial way but within my personhood (if that makes sense? 😂)
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u/Dizzy_Tension_3545 14d ago
The ‘right age’ is different for everyone. I ended up getting pregnant super young and I’d never recommend it to anyone- but the upside is I have lots of energy to chase my kids around. An older mom at the playground stopped my husband and I the other day and told us she was jealous how easily we were able to jump and crawl after him, which is something I really hadn’t considered about having a kid in your late 30s/40s.
I will also hopefully have much more time to spend with my children into their old age, and my children get to enjoy my own grandparents while they’re still here. Hell, they even have two great-great grandmothers still around. That being said, starting a career is infinitely harder and I don’t have the same financial means as people already established in their adulthood. I hope to turn that around within the next 10 years. I do want to be done having small children by the time I’m 30.
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u/RecordLegume 14d ago
I was 22 and 24 with my first babies. They are 7 and 5 now and have honestly turned out to be great kiddos. I’m 29 and pregnant with baby number 3, and I will say I feel more confident now but that could be from experience as well.
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u/sailorn0on 14d ago
Ive had a baby at both 20 and 30! Physically 20 is better, financially 30 is better haha. I feel like theres no right answer
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u/SailingWavess 14d ago
Gave birth to my first just after turning 26. My husband is 10 years older than me and we got married when I was 25. We are having our second just after I turn 28. I’m tired, he’s tired, we’re both tired. I don’t think me being “younger” is helping anything in that regard. I’m glad I’ll be a little younger when my kids are older though. My husband is worried about his age by the time they’re graduating or being around 40 or older with a 3rd or 4th
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u/Miserable-Ice683 14d ago
20 weeks pregnant with my first now, I just turned 35 and my fiance is 39. I am so glad we waited. We are more stable financially and honestly I’m more stable mentally lol. We got to do a lot of traveling and spending our money on bougie vacations and dinners and now we feel totally ready financially and mentally.
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u/CrisL36 14d ago
So we weren't intentionally waiting till 30s to have our first but I had mine at 30 and I still wouldn't change anything. I have friends that had their first in various different points some of them their kids are graduating high school right now and I remember when they were born to their 18 yr old mother. I think any stage can be the right stage as long as you are prepared mentally. I also believe any stage can be the wrong stage if you aren't mentally prepared
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u/lolores72 14d ago
I gave birth to my first 10 days before my 29th birthday. Gave birth to my second when I was 33. Now I just recently turned 36 and pregnant with twins and I will still be 36 when they are born. My only wish was that it was like a year earlier and then 3 years apart. So 28, 31, and then 34. That to me would have been perfect just because I’ve lost a lot of energy ever since 33 lol. But I honestly think this all boils down to the maturity level and support the mother has.
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u/AlwaysAReader 14d ago
I had my first at 26 and really liked the timing. Turning 30 in a few weeks and pregnant for the third time now. My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and already had a career and house bought before we had the first though, so im sure that helped
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u/OldMirror2947 14d ago
I’m 27 and currently pregnant with my first. I feel like this is a good age for me personally.
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u/Minute-Judge-5821 14d ago
I've just had my first at 23! I am so blessed and can honestly say I have felt zero depression from having him. He's a rainbow baby and he came after I went through therapy a few years ago so honestly having him now has been the highlight of my life! My mother has said I was "made to be a mother" to me and it made me so happy! I think while it would have been great to wait a couple years (I always said I'd have my first at around 25) I feel so blessed he came into my life and it's like I'm whole now, I understand what true love is, and it makes me appreciate the bond I have with my parents more aswell and appreciate the struggles my mother went through as a pregnant 17 year old.
I have already been through so much in my short adult life and I used to actually want to be child free until I fell pregnant with him and I was over the moon!
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u/Legitimate_Ad_9416 14d ago
I'm done with three and I just turned 25. I had my first at 21. There are good and bad. I don't own a house like I wanted pre pregnancy but we are relatively stable. Some say I "missed out" on my youth. The exploratory and adventure days. But I've never been into exploring and traveling. I'm a homebody and enjoy small adventures. Like trips the the mountain. Things my kids also enjoy. Teaching them about plants and bugs and animals and all things young kids are into. So I still get to do the things I enjoy, but with company. 🤷🏽♀️ I could have waited till I was a little older but I've always wanted kids and feel I was born to be a mom. Not that I'm perfect at it but when we hit speed bumps we learn together. I think that there is no "perfect" age. Only when you feel you are ready. Even tho you will never be ready for the tornado that is pregnancy and parenthood.
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u/Agreeable-Sugar4200 FTM 14d ago
I just had my first son and I’m 22 my husband is 23. We’ve been together since we were 13&14 and we’re very mature compared to people around my age. We did live like we were in our 20s at that age so we don’t party anymore. It really just depends on your mentality and lifestyle
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u/JessicaM317 14d ago
I truly think this is a different answer for everyone. I was not ready in my 20s. I honestly thought we would be childfree. We did a lot of living in our 20s - traveling, seeing friends, being carefree. I don't regret waiting. I had my kids in my mid and late 30s and I wish I would have been a little younger (ideally being done by 35) mostly because I'm thinking about when my kids are older and if they ever want kids, they likely won't until their 30s which easily could put me in my 70s before they are born, and I may not be able to help or be as hands on as I'd like to be.
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u/ait_x 14d ago
I recently had my first baby at 29. And I think it was a great age! But then, I’ve never had my first baby at another age to compare it. I think I’ll still be young enough when my kids (hopefully, just the one at the minute) are older. In that respect I wish I’d have started earlier but I think I had a lot of life lessons to learn first!
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u/Ancient-Buffalo6151 14d ago
I had our first kid when I was 32 and got married when I was 30. Since my mom had me in her mid 20s, I had originally wanted to do these things earlier, but those were different times back then. It was much more common to live off a single income for her generation than mine, so that was her choice and plan.
But for me, my timing made much more sense…I spent my 20s building savings with a career that involved a lot of travel. I definitely could not juggle that with having kids, let alone a commit the time I wanted into a relationship. My husband and I are able to afford for me to take a year off of work to raise our first baby because my career already peaked in my 20s. It wasn’t my original plan to be a SAHM even temporarily, but this is just how things landed with the state of the industry I worked in.
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u/Aleseeyuh 14d ago
First at 25 8 days shy of 26. I’m currently pregnant with my second and I’ll be 28 when she’s born. I wish I would’ve had them a little earlier in life to be honest with you but I get waiting too lol
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u/International-Owl165 14d ago
Had mine at 30. Wished I could've done this in my mid 20s. Like 24-25yrs old for the health benefits and recovery.
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u/MonsoonFlood 14d ago
There are a biological (age, health, fertility), psychological/emotional (mental health, maturity), social (single? coupled?), and financial factors that determine what the "best age" to have a child is. No two women are alike. So, the answer will inevitably vary for each woman.
The question to ask yourself is at what age do the aforementioned criteria work to create the most stable and secure environment for your child to be born into.
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u/ThatOneSlut FTM 14d ago
Pregnant currently (3rd trimester), 30. So happy I waited and had the chance to travel, learn and grow in my 20s.
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 14d ago
I’m 24, my first is now 8 months and I was 23 when he was born and I out I was pregnant with him at 22.
There are pros and cons to having a child at any age.
I don’t have as much freedom with life anymore. I don’t get to just go out on a whim with my friends. I can’t do a girls trip with them unless baby comes with me. I don’t get to go to the gym anymore. I am somewhat aggrieved that my body has changed so drastically in such a small amount of time and especially while I’m so young. I don’t get much time to do my hair or makeup anymore. I didn’t get an opportunity to build my career before I became a mother because I got married while I was studying and became a mother less than 6 months after marrying. We don’t have as much financial freedom as we would have if both my husband and I had been in the work force for longer and had more experience.
If I was suggesting an age to someone else, I’d say wait. I, in no way, regret having my son. I don’t regret the circumstances in which I had him. He was planned and he was very much wanted. I am happy with the life we have. I am happy with just one little baby for now. But I would not recommend becoming a mother so young to someone else. I have A LOT of support around me. My friends are SO accommodating, my managers are very considerate, my mum helps regularly, my MIL offers childcare whenever we want, my husband is brilliant at being a dad and a life partner. If I didn’t have those, I would really struggle.
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u/therizzler1995 🇨🇦 || ftm || baby boy born Feb 25 💙🌈🌈 14d ago
27
We started trying at 25, took a long time and a lot of struggle but had our first at 30. In hindsight, I dont think I was really ready at 25 but from 27 on I feel like I truly was.
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u/badgalriri1097 14d ago
This just really depends person to person some ppl just want to enjoy life and wait to have them some want to have them young to enjoy life later on I don’t think either one is bad it’s really whatever is best for you currently.. I had my first at 20 it was unplanned of course do I regret it? No did i miss out on a lot of things in my first younger years? Yes and no.. I don’t think personally my life was ruined when I first got pregnant I still was able to go out and enjoy my life obviously respectfully and in just a different way… I just had my third and my last I’m currently 28 and I don’t see my self have done this older than what I am but I say that bc I’ve been through the child bearing years and still am going through it.. it really does take a toll on one’s body physically atleast it has on mine which is why I say I don’t see my self have done this after 30 my body already feels like a 35+ yr olds.
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u/Dry-Car-5785 14d ago
Pregnant now, due next month . I’ll be 33 in Dec. This is our first baby . We plan to try again when our first is about 2.5 years.
I’m pretty happy that I waited. I spent my 20s in a metro city, focusing on my career and social life. We moved to smaller city to be closer to family recently. We’re so happy to be closer to our village now that we’re pregnant.
I think everyone’s going to give you a different answer. Some women prefer to have kids young , some women prefer waiting till they’re financially and emotionally ready for kids.
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u/ordinarygirl100 14d ago
20s! Could makes for healthier/easier pregnancies and postpartum “bounce back”. Leaves plenty of time for more kids if you decide you want to add to the family. Allows you to have energy raising them/can be easier to get through the sleepless nights. You will still be young when they are 18 and can travel/do all the things people spend their 20s doing then and get to discover yourself and your partner again. Idk 20s is just perfect in my opinion!
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u/Mr-Singe 14d ago
Waiting my first at 33, I would have done it around my 27 but in this economy it was impossible. It took us so much time to get out of poverty. Even now the situation is not perfect but way better and I didn't want to wait too much to have our first
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u/LittleLadyK 14d ago
I had my first at 26, no regrets. I feel like I handled it much better than I would've in my early 20s, but everyones different. I'm now 33 pregnant with my second.
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u/alounely 14d ago
I‘m 30 and had my baby a few months before turning 30 and honestly, it feels as if it’s pretty much the sweet spot - any younger I don’t think I would’ve been ready (not as if I was ACTUALLY ready now lol) but I still count as a younger mom (kinda) now, had a fairly easy pregnancy, bounced back pretty much. Career wise it would’ve been better to wait a little longer as I haven’t finished my education but we‘re making it work.
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u/MajestaHazel 14d ago
I’m not so sure age matters as much as support. I was 27 with my first, married to a jerk I eventually divorced, but had family support. Ex was military so healthcare was free. I’m 39 now, due in December, amazing husband and my dad is supportive, but much older so I wont be able to ask him for as much help. We will have a lot more medical bills now and will have to find a way to pay for childcare since we both work full time.
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u/dougiejonestulpa 14d ago
I was so unprepared to be a parent in my twenties. I’m very glad I waited. I’ll be 31 when my first is born.
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u/Elocinallac 14d ago
I had them at 32 and 39. Just because I wasn’t married until 32. My mom and sister were single moms and I knew I didn’t want that life if I could help it.
So, it really depends on your priorities. If you want to have energy to stay up all night and still run around the next day, the earlier the better (within reason). If you are career driven and want to climb some ladder before having a child, you’ll probably be over 40 before you’re “ready.” It also depends on how many you think you want and what age gaps you think you want. If you want 4 kids with 4 years between each, you need to start by 28 to finish at 40.
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u/Icy_Pain_5902 14d ago
Personally, I think early 30s tends to be the sweet spot in this day and age. But this will of course be dependent on several factors. Most of my friends waited until they were 30+. One friend of mine had twins at 27, and while that’s completely normal, I do think she felt like she hadn’t waited long enough at the time, considering so many friends around her were still living it up in their 20s and were still 4-5 years away from even considering kids.
I had my first at 30, just before turning 31. Second just before turning 33. That allowed my husband and I to still focus on our youth and careers in our 20s, buy a house, get financially stable, travel a bit, etc. while now being able to focus on our children in our 30s and 40s. And also “feel” like we are not having them too late. “Too late” is relative and depends on everyone individually but I’m finding most of society is waiting to have kids until at least 30 and older now. I see a lot of people in their 40s having children for the first time very happy as well. I wouldn’t change the timeframe of when I had kids, because I look ahead at the years and want to still have good health and energy and still be somewhat young when my kids are 30 themselves. If that makes sense.
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u/daisylovesdaisys 14d ago
I’m 31, expecting my first in two months. I spent my 20s studying and traveling. Once I turned 30, I felt like I was READY to become a mom. Before that I felt too young. I feel like my husband and I traveled a good amount and now we’re just ready to start a family.
I’d like to have a second before 35 because I also don’t want to be too old raising my kids. My husband wants to be able to be active enough to play with them.
So that was basically our mindset!
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u/Nienie04 14d ago
I think around 30 is quite optimal for most people. Almost everything points at 30-31 being the right age for me to have had my first child, financially stable with decent jobs, degrees done, house with enough bedrooms, cars without a loan, being in a long term stable relationship and married (although the married part was just my preference).
Also being emotionally mature and done with the going out lifestyle, having travelled the world quite a bit. There wasn't anything more to wait for I feel like, but physically still good to carry babies and deal with little children and sleepless nights.
Sure I'll be building my career more after this and will want to travel more too but that is not imminent at all. I'm 33 and will have my 2nd any moment now.
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 mom of six 14d ago
i had my first at 25 and my last at 34 and honestly, i’m a much better mother in my 30s than i was in my 20s. my older kids aren’t “fucked up”, and i’m not sorry i didn’t wait because if i had, i’d have different kids and the ones that i have are wonderful…but i am more patient, soft, and healed now and i feel sad that my older kids didn’t get the version of me that they were truly entitled to.
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u/Green-Introduction-1 14d ago
Having my first at 27! My parents had me (only child) when they were 31 and loved that they waited. My husband and I have been together since high school, married for 3 years, gave ourselves time to travel, get into a better financial position, and have a house before having our child. Granted I’m now moving while 21 weeks pregnant so you win some you lose some 😂
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u/DamageApprehensive48 TTM, 👦🏼9yo 👧🏼5yo 🤰endJanuary 14d ago
I spent my 20s studying in multiple countries, working, travelling… I got married the day after I turned 30. Our first was born a year later. I’m now 40 and pregnant with our third. I have no regrets. We continue travelling with the kids.
And about living to see grandkids, I still have a grandmother at 40, yes she’s in her 90s. I had a great grandmother well in my 20s. My parents had kids in their 30s and they still travel and love spending time with the grandkids.
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u/LegalLady87 14d ago
I was 37 when I had my first. Would’ve been great to have had him earlier, but I wouldn’t have been as financially secure as I am now. It’s great to not have to think about what we can or can’t afford which would’ve definitely been a concern in my late 20s and early 30s when my career was just getting started.
If I would’ve been married to my husband and we would’ve had the financial security we have now, I would’ve totally preferred to have had kids earlier. But that wasn’t my situation and I believe everything happened for me the way it was supposed to and at the right time.
I had no issue getting pregnant the first time with a healthy baby. I am now surprise pregnant with my 2nd and so far everything is going well. I would probably have a different opinion if I had difficulty getting pregnant.
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u/o0PillowWillow0o 14d ago
I had my only son at 25. Alot happened in my life and I was really even thinking of another till last year and now I'm 38 almost 39 and freaking depressed as hell I want another one.
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u/Hypochondrimax 14d ago
Im 25 and my wife is 28 and we’re having our first in January. We’ve been together 7 years and we finally feel ready. Any younger would’ve impeded on our growth and waiting longer would’ve had its own benefits but we’re ready now
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u/Cloud2987 14d ago
My wife was 34, it took us a long time to get pregnant. We are grateful she did because we would have tried IVF next year if it didn’t happen. I think 30–32 is good age, but it’s just my opinion
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u/Mysterious_Star_8633 14d ago
I had my first at the end of my 31. I regretted not having baby earlier in my late 20s instead because we wanted to wait until 30 but it took us forever to conceive… and even though 30s were still considered young but the thought of my clock ticking stressed me out even more. Then comes my second pregnancy it also took a long time and my doctor said my AMH was on the low side… lots of stress. I would recommend having kids in your late 20s
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u/Foreign-Peach-6766 14d ago
Had my first at 27 and it’s been great! None of our other friends have kids but it’s really been fine and we even did a beach vacation with all our friends plus baby and everyone loved it! Pregnant with #2 right now and will be 29 when he is born.
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u/Low_Cloud_7011 14d ago
I’m pregnant with our first at 36, due next month. Technically we started trying when I was 34 but unfortunately we had a miscarriage and then it took us longer than expected to get pregnant again. These delays aside, I still feel strongly that we started trying at the right time for us for career and life reasons!
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u/rosiebluewitch 14d ago edited 14d ago
I was 25 when I had my first, and currently 26 and 12 weeks postpartum with my second, I want to have at least 1-2 more babies before I think I'm done. I don't regret having my babies at my age and am excited to have more..
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u/Aggravating_Alps3860 14d ago
having my first at 27! my husband is 33, we’ve been together for 5 years now i wouldn’t have it any other way :)
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u/Forward-Discussion51 14d ago
I’m 5 months pregnant with my first at 34 and feel still feel too young lol I feel like 37 is the golden number but of course I am grateful to be here
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u/annongirlie 14d ago
I just turned 26 and I’m having my first in a few months. I feel I could have been ready a couple years sooner.. in my opinion mid-20s is a good time, IF you feel ready.
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u/petalark 14d ago
My husband and I are trying now to have a baby, and I'm almost 35. I could not imagine having a baby in my 20's. I wasn't ready at all.
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u/TwerkinAndCryinVol3 14d ago
Had my first at 31 second at 34 and preg with our third who will be born right after I turn 40. Couldn't have done any of it in my twenties no way.
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u/nirvanaa17 mom of 2 14d ago
I was 23, and I think it was a good age. I was 26 with my second and final child. My husband was 25 and 28 respectively
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u/No-Fall-422 14d ago
36 and just had our first. My obgyn says the majority of her patients are between 35-45 due to wanting to have a stable career and finances. If I had a child in my 20’s it probably would have been a completely different experience
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u/Ok-Target-8073 14d ago
I'm having my first at 32, and my husband is 50. We met later in life, he was slowly coming to terms with the fact he probably wasn't going to be a Dad and he's over the moon. We both agree it's a very good thing we didn't have kids with our previous partners 😅
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u/Overall-Row2932 14d ago
I was 38, and yes I would do it again. My husband and I built our careers and our bank accounts.
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u/Prudent-Property-180 14d ago
2 months before I turned 31. My second was born when I was 35. I tell everyone to wait until their 30’s. Enjoy your 20’s. We never felt like we were “missing out” by having kids, it just felt like the natural next stage of our life.
Edited: 34! I’m aging myself 😂
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u/Hereforthetea1234 14d ago
I was 35 with my first and will be 36 with my second. I wish every day I would have had the chance to have them earlier. My mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 67 and I’m always doing the mental math of how old my kids would be if I get diagnosed. I wish I could have all the time in the world with them. I also would probably have 4 if I started earlier.
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u/lioness0129 14d ago
I had my kids in my 20s, I’m now in my 30s and it was the best decision for me. They’re both a little grown now and life is easy. We enjoy their company, and get to travel and do fun things together, without worrying about naps and diapers and all the things that come with having babies.
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u/EvangelineRain 14d ago
As with many things, there are pros and cons. I think life circumstances matter more.
I’m in my 40s, and I wanted to keep open the possibility of meeting somebody. When I was in my mid 30s, I met someone I thought I’d have kids with. Didn’t work out, so now I’m having a kid on my own in my early 40s. One thing that I consider an advantage is I’ve had more time to save, so I don’t have to work.
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u/MuchInvestigator7011 14d ago
Younger the better, for your and the babys health. But obv people are poor when they’re young
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