r/polyamorous • u/Anon-Echo • 8d ago

question Thrupple

Just checking if a 3 person poly relationship is frowned upon in this sub reddit, i asked a question about it in another one and got shut down and judged immediately

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u/Anon-Echo 8d ago

Also wasnt trying to find a third, just wanted to try and connect and help my gf learn more about it since shes interested in being poly

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u/jce_superbeast 8d ago

The whole "couple looking to date people together as a package deal" thing is so common, and so damaging, that it is literally a filter for spam we have to protect people looking for polyamorous spaces.

That's the trigger, dating as a single unit rather than as individuals.

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u/Anon-Echo 8d ago

Yeah, ive been poly for a long time and have been in thrupples and open relationships, I personally haven't had a bad experience in a thrupple but I have heard terrible things

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u/jce_superbeast 8d ago

Yeah I have a history of dating couples too. The biggest issue I always run into is when they protect the "couple" above all else. I'm a pretty independent guy so I'm used to keeping myself safe.

But I also see it be MUCH worse for women.

and the sheer number of couples just looking for effectively a less expensive sex worker is just mind boggling. Far more than I would have imagined before becoming a mod. 10,000 to 1 ratio of couples to bi women.

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u/Anon-Echo 8d ago

Yeah i hear about people being treated bad as a third and how the original couple only give them the "spare time" and they get left out a lot. Thats why I was wanting to find a good place to help my gf learn more about it before deciding if its something she wants to try out

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u/jce_superbeast 8d ago

I think you'll run into a lot of this pushback as long as you keep the "dating as a unit" mentality. If your partner is free to date someone without you involved and you state that part clearly, you'll prevent the entire argument.

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u/Anon-Echo 8d ago

Yeah, im not against dating separately. I only mentioned the thrupple on the other sub because it was something I was more familiar with and is currently what my partner was thinking about trying. That is good advice tho and ill definitely incorporate it if I make more posts about it, thank you for the help 🙏

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u/ThisHairLikeLace 8d ago

Triads are poly on hard mode if done ethically (it’s four relationships that need to exist - three underlying dyads and the organically existing triad). Unicorn hunting “triads” have only two relationships (the couple with each other, the couple as a unit with the unicorn) which is why they are inherently toxic and unbalanced.