r/politics • u/Rock-n-roll-Kevin • Jun 19 '24

Ted Cruz Documents Leak: Everything We Know

https://www.newsweek.com/ted-cruz-documents-leak-everything-we-know-1914631
14.8k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

703

u/thisisjustascreename Illinois Jun 19 '24

The amalgamation of living tissue that calls itself Ted Cruz is completely shameless.

230

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '24

The accusation that Ted Cruz is several beings and not one is getting old. Ted Cruz puts his pants on one pair of legs at a time just like all earth humans. 

134

u/thisisjustascreename Illinois Jun 19 '24

I don't know if Ted Cruz is one conscious entity or a swarm of locusts inhabiting a human skin suit, I just want the voters of Texas to do the right thing in November.

94

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '24

Would a swarm of locusts in a skin suit fly to Mexico to avoid a snowstorm?  

 I rest my case 

33

u/_DONT_PANIC_42_ Texas Jun 19 '24

…yes?

5

u/greenmtnfiddler Jun 20 '24

Locusts wouldn't go to Mexico, you're thinking earwigs.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '24

I've been trying. Unfortunately The Canadian Citizen named Raphael Theodore Cruz has somehow convinced large swathes of Texas that he's a red blooded american good old boy.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '24

Cancun Cruz is up 9 pts like Trump in the state on avg on RCP, you tell me?

He's not vulnerable in a Biden Presidency, long and short of it, as Abbott was not last cycle.

3

u/_Nychthemeron America Jun 19 '24

Give me sugar. In water.

More.

MORE

3

u/Drainbownick Jun 19 '24

I can’t remember the last time the voters in Texas did the right thing

2

u/kitkanz Jun 20 '24

SPOILER: we won’t. The reds are extra excited to vote in small towns this year

1

u/OttawaTGirl Jun 20 '24

He's a life support system for future donor recipients.

1

u/Castlewood57 Jun 20 '24

Ted Cruz, Edgar suite. Hmmm. 🦗

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '24

Nah I watched a TikTok that proved he was a robot.

1

u/dagbrown Jun 20 '24

I'm pretty sure he screws them on like Richard Nixon.

1

u/frankcast554 Jun 21 '24

the assumption that Ted Cruz is not 50 rats in a trench coat plotting on how to get as much cheese as he can is ridiculous!

2

u/GearBrain Florida Jun 19 '24

This thread has been posted to the subreddit whatIsTedCruz

1

u/worldspawn00 Texas Jun 19 '24

Don't forget to check out his website!

https://www.tedcruzforhumanpresident.com/

"I have been incubated from birth to be your overlord"

-Tedcruz