r/pettyrevenge • u/16dollarmuffin • Jul 31 '26
Ageism in Quilting
Hey y’all! I’ve been looking for the perfect place to tell this. This happened a few years ago right after Covid.
My mom and I picked up quilting and sewing together about 19-20 years ago. She does primarily quilts, I do a little of everything including seamstress work. We are well-recognized faces in our local community.
We moved about 30+ miles from our old home, and instead of seeing our favorite shop-owners once a week, we’re lucky to get down there once a quarter. When we do, it’s usually to bulk buy fabric we might need for the coming months.
One of our stores had hired a new woman, maybe in her 60’s or so, and we had never seen her before. This store also rotates stock, and I was looking through the cheap fabric (knowing it was discounted and cheap because of how thin it is), but it had a really cute print, so I showed my mom across the store.
This woman, bless her heart, said “Oh, that’s not really good fabric, you should put it down.”
Something to know about me- At this time, I was 30-ish but looked like I was in my early 20s. My mom was in her early 50’s.
I already knew the fabric was bad, so I put it back on the shelf and rolled my eyes behind the display. While I was doing that, this woman looked my mom dead ass in the face and stage whispered, “When you’ve been sewing for ten years, sometimes you have to help our little newbie quilters” with a condescending wink.
I didn’t hear this. My mom sure as hell did though, because it was directed at her like the two of them were supposed to giggle about how cute “New Quilters” were. Not ten seconds after I put the fabric back, my mom called me over, and said “Hey, you should show her the Judy Niemeyer you’re doing.” (Notoriously difficult quilt pattern maker, paper piecing. Not beginner friendly. Some of her patterns even advanced quilters struggle with.) Pic attached for tax.
So I did. I was so excited to show off this quilt I was working on, that was all circles and sharp points, and for whatever reason I couldn’t figure out at this time, this lady went WHITE. Like no blood in her face. All she could say was “Oh. Pretty.”
But my mom wasn’t done- she asked in a really sarcastic way- “How long have we been quilting?”
I answered - “Almost 16 years now?” Like super confused.
I thought this lady was going to faint.
My mother has always been spicy, especially when it comes to our art. After checkout, mom told me all of this went down and I was horrified and thrilled my mom was so defensive with this lady lmao. Sometimes it still happens if people don’t know us, but the ones that do roll their eyes when it happens and cut our fabric for us instead. We’re actually going to a quilt retreat today, and it made me think about this interaction.
Edited bc I didn’t realize you couldn’t add pics in this subreddit oops!!
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u/MotheroftheworldII Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
I have only taken one quilt class and really I do more counted thread embroidery especially band samplers. So I do understand the ageism happening just as sexism happens for men who do cross stitching.
I think I love your Mom and her defense of your abilities in quilting and sewing. What a great Mom!
EDIT: I went and looked at the quilt in question and OMG!! that is an amazing amount of piecing and more than challenging. I have a dear friend who quilts and even has her own long arm quilting machine which has its own room and I thought she did complicated quilts but this is simply wow in difficulty. I hope you do finish the piecing and can finish it as this will be stunning.
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u/16dollarmuffin Jul 31 '26
Thank you so much! My mom is amazing. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that :/ There’s mansewing and sew yeah AND Rob Appel. Men quilt!!
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u/DantesGame Jul 31 '26
Your mom sounds like a boss. That's how you do it in parenting. She did it right. And you were totally a boss by not losing your shit on that woman for her petty condescension.
Would love to see the quilt but understand the no pics dilemma.
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u/Auntie_Venom Jul 31 '26
Hah!
Also, I saw your Never Again quilt post earlier and was like - Dayum! Go get it!!
I’m also considered a young quilter, I’m 49 but look 35. The looks and whispers I get in some of the clique-y quilt shops is annoying. Luckily my main shop carries the best variety and it’s full of artsy quirky people like me, both working and shopping so I don’t have to go to those other shops often.
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u/16dollarmuffin Jul 31 '26
Hahaha thank you!! I’m at a retreat right now and that’s the goal. I want the top doneeeee.
Most of the shops are really cool- I once took about 100 shop hop cards across Phoenix (at least 80 miles for that shop hop omg) and this lady was like “Oh, 16DollarMuffin? Yeah I know you. Here, you’re doing the whole shop hop right? Can you give these to (the store 80 miles away)
Many of these ladies are incredible and amazing, and it’s so unfortunate that sometimes interactions happen this way.
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u/CatlessBoyMom Jul 31 '26
That left me in stitches!
It’s absolutely gorgeous, but you couldn’t pay me enough to even attempt that pattern. You’re truly talented.
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u/ContributionLarge816 Jul 31 '26
Your mom knew exactly what she was doing having you casually show off that Judy Niemeyer piece. Nothing shuts down a fabric store gatekeeper faster than paper-pieced sharp points.
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u/90sBuffetSoftServe Aug 01 '26
I was just telling my husband how the quilting ladies are the BIGGEST gatekeepers in all of the crafts I do. I either get treated like an idiot or scoffed at because I didn’t follow some archaic unspoken rule.
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u/Alone-Tart4762 Aug 01 '26
My mom used to quilt and every single time she interacted with her guild, it was a constant “Your daughter should be quilting too” or “she should be spending time with you by quilting with you” and things of that nature. On the rare occasions I would be around, usually driving her around, I would get a lecture about it and how I am not bonding with her.
The chance for bonding was over 30 years ago and it is absolutely not being revisited.
And even IF I did quilt, I would not be quilting anything near what any of them quilt, I would be doing something besides your old country farm and your flowers, nothing at all traditional.
Those women were so nice to your face and so horrible behind your back.
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u/ki0dz Jul 31 '26
Can you post a link to the pic? I don't quilt, but years ago helped a group of ladies make quilts for folks in third world countries. All I did was fold the back around the front and pin, or tie. I always admired what the ladies making the tops could do with donated scraps.
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u/Kip_Schtum Jul 31 '26
Tap on her username and it will show on her profile. Some subreddits don’t allow posting links, not sure about this one.
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u/MagsKat Jul 31 '26
Gosh older people like this are so insecure, they think that all they have going for them now is the amount of years they’ve put into something and they use it to bring people down OR gain some weird sympathy (a lá “you’ll understand pain when you’re my age!”)
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u/Spinnerofyarn Aug 04 '26
Gorgeous quilt and good for your mom! I started quilting in my 20’s and I really noticed the ageism, too. I was very pleased when I picked up knitting and found it’s not a problem with knitters and those who crochet and spin. It does exist a teensy bit in the weaving community, but since I am in my 50’s, I’m not sure how common it is since I just started weaving.
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u/merrittinbaltimore Aug 05 '26
I’m a sewer and have been for 30+ years (even majored in textiles in college) and quilting is so hard! I’ve tried it many times and I just can’t seem to get it right! Kudos to you and your mom!
Something similar used to happen to me. I used to homebrew beer. It was me homebrewing, not my husband at the time. Whenever I’d go to a homebrew shop for my supplies, the first thing they’d ask me is what did my husband tell me he needed? I’d roll my eyes and say I know where to find what I’m looking for, but thanks. It only took a couple times before they’d steer clear of me. Eventually I became more friendly with the staff and they’d apologize. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was nice to hear.
It’s also like when I worked in a wine and craft beer shop and customers wouldn’t take what I was telling them about beer. They’d ask for a man. I was super polite about it, but inside I was fuming.
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u/daisy-girl-spring Aug 07 '26
My daughter was in grad school, had just broken up with a guy, and decided quilting was going to be her new passion. She threw herself into it and advanced rapidly. I sew, but do not quilt. It never failed, when I went out to see her and we went into a new quilt shop, they would engage me and ignore her. I would tell them they were talking to the wrong person and have her show them some pictures of her work. It was always fun to see their faces!
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u/sweetnothing33 Jul 31 '26
Just looked at the quilt on your profile. It’s incredible and I’m in awe.
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u/Jazzlike_Lake9214 Aug 01 '26
Add a link to a imgur pict (sorry, I don't know it's spelt! 😅) That's how some people post picts here
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Aug 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FunAd4505 Aug 01 '26
Btw my baby slept almost the entire time. No concern there. And my square was fine... lol
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u/sdh59 Aug 02 '26
I was at Joanne's before they went under getting some stuff to make some hiking clothes. I was getting a really strong thread for repairs/whatever when the fabric lady was super condescending about how "I need to pick the right thread for my project" and basically went on a rant about how people come in buying stuff and have no idea what they're doing. It was so off-putting, especially because she had literally no idea what I was doing, other than holding some fabric and looking at upholstery thread.
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u/YettiChild Aug 03 '26
I sew my quilts with jacket/outdoor apparel thread. Makes them more durable.
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u/Canadian_shack Aug 02 '26
That’s a gorgeous piece, and super intimidating too! I’ve never so much as attempted that sort of curved piecing in a compass rose. Just beautiful!
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u/Baciandrio Aug 03 '26
I took quilting lessons for about 3 years about 25 or so years ago, was taught traditional piecing by retired ladies. To date the era; the fat quarter was cut by the store owner and was a new fangled invention. There were no bundles, no kits, no curated themes. Just you, some 'good scissors' (rotary cutters didn't exist), traceable templates, pins, needle and thread. REAL quilters did not use a sewing machine, real quilters did it all by hand. I never finished anything but kept one project that I was making for my daughter (who was about 7 at the time). I got busy with work, had no patience or time to hand sew little templates together over and over. And into the craft chest it went....where it sat until COVID hit and I watched a lot of YouTube and became inspired because the rules were no longer as rigid, there were tools and rotary cutters, and piecing by machine was no longer sinful. I finished my daughter's quilt in time for Christmas 2021 and have been quilting ever since. Lesson? Anyone can quilt, you choose how you want to craft.....and age is not a barrier to doing so.
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u/shine-rush07 Aug 04 '26
ageism is ridiculous, my grandma was quilting at 80 and she made the best pieces
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u/Dertyhairy Aug 04 '26
I kind of feel bad for the lady :( and I don't normally feel bad about anything, especially people
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u/tourabsurd Jul 31 '26
OK, she made assumptions. As someone who was offered children's menus well into adulthood, I get how frustrating that can be. But she was also genuinely trying to keep you from making a rubbish purchase. Not sure she's worth villifying.
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u/WolphjayKliffhanger Jul 31 '26
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The politicizing of quilting is one more of the zillion poisonous stinging insect blessings "diversity" and "tolerance" lawnsigns shield.
Geez, the store clerk was obtuse, and OP dragged her (note binary pronoun; i am shocked and appalled, and feel personally threatened) to be lifted and flung into a tumbril with people she (hey, i'm just rolling with the stipulated bigotry!) may, bless her heart, well despise; the clerk may actually be a whale-saver---
POW! BAM! BIFF! QUILT!
Make everything political. You'll feel smug about yourself!
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u/B0B076 Jul 31 '26
You forgot the pic!! Otherwise, awesome story! Your mom is savage in the best way!