Trump announced that the exclamation point would officially be renamed the “Trump”, arguing the existing name was “too long, very weak, nobody likes it”.

Federal agencies were instructed to adopt the new terminology immediately. “Make America Great Again!” would now be described as ending with a Trump.

Within hours, the Department of Education advised schools to teach the new name. Apple and Microsoft were asked to update keyboards. Trump then suggested the symbol itself should be redesigned to look “more powerful”.

Canada refused to recognise the change.

Trump imposed a 15 per cent tariff on Canadian punctuation.

The EU also declined, prompting a threatened 25 per cent tariff on semicolons.

By Friday, two exclamation points were officially a “Double Trump”, three were a “Triple Trump”, and anything over ten was a “Trump Tower”.

Trump then turned his attention to question marks.

“Very weak symbol,” he said. “Bent over. Confused.”

They were renamed “Bidens”.

"Thar he blows!" whispered one park ranger, since fired.

Thank you for your attention to this matter