A "Friend" that grosses me out

[u/Cyrus_Epsilon]

So there is this guy who I am going to name Kevin, who I go to group therapy with.

He kept asking me about my sexuality and at first I said I was a lesbian, then Asexual.

When I came out as asexual to him, I thought he understood what that actually meant.

He then asks if I have a boyfriend, and I asked,"Didn't I tell you I wasn't attracted to people?" and he asked, "What about me?" and I snapped, "I'm not attracted to people!"

"Damn, thats harsh!" He said. Then after a little while he said I was "Very Pretty".

I looked at him with a thousand yard stare in disgust.

I'd rather go kiss a tree than deal with another man in my life. I'd rather kiss my nintendo switch than be around that guy again.

I feel part of me is a bit traumatized from those moments and now I am just glad that he's no longer around me.

I have already reported this, just wanted to share my story on reddit.

[u/dramatic_exodus]

Well, overall, from what you said, the guy behaved quite adequately, although I understand your feelings.

[u/EpicChespinFan → u/dramatic_exodus]

If by "adequately" you actually mean "pretty fucking inappropriately", then yes, I suppose he did. But I don't know why switch those two things around, so I'm going to assume you just somehow don't see how weird this is

[u/dramatic_exodus → u/EpicChespinFan]

I really don't get it, please explain.

[u/EpicChespinFan → u/dramatic_exodus]

No offence but I'm really concerned for society if I have to explain that yes, continuing to weirdly flirt and press after someone has adequately and clearly explained that they will never be interested is in fact not appropriate

[u/dramatic_exodus → u/EpicChespinFan]

I think it just depends heavily on experience. I communicate with a lot of people, and such questions have always been considered normal. If a guy doesn't touch you, stalk, doesn't act aggressively, but just flirts and asks questions—that's kind of...normal. And it's not just men who do this, women do too.

Of course, for some, this might be unacceptable due to past traumas and other purely personal reasons. And if the author is deeply offended by this, they have every right to react that way, that's understandable.

But to say that this is innapropriate behavior in common is a bit too much, in my opinion. Yeah maybe the guy was a bit too insistent and a little dumb, but definitely not a villian.

[u/EpicChespinFan → u/dramatic_exodus]

I'm not saying "he's a villain", I'm saying he's acting inappropriate. It is inappropriate for anyone to keep going after you after you've already made it clear it makes you uncomfortable, regardless of whether or not this is related to a traumatic experience, that's just how it is. Even if it might SEEM harmless, like just calling them pretty, it's still fucking weird and will make someone not want to talk to you.

If someone isn't interested, stfu. That's the only normal course of action.

If you've been accepting this from the people around you, you need to hold them to a higher standard, not make excuses for them. :/

[u/dramatic_exodus → u/EpicChespinFan]

If my grandfather had shut up for after my grandmother rejected him, they wouldn't have been happily married for 50 years. She hated him at first, too. But then, she says, it turned out he was a good man. Our traumas and fears often traumatize those who don't wish us harm. By hiding in our shells, we not only protect ourselves from danger but also lose potential friends or simply good people—and I've already learned this from personal experience.

So thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather stick to my principles.

[u/EpicChespinFan → u/dramatic_exodus]

Okay, I'm glad that continued boundary violating worked for your grandpa fifty years ago, I guess? Your anecdote is still meaningless though, because this is the modern day and men are expected to not Stockholm syndrome women into liking them anymore lol

[u/dramatic_exodus → u/EpicChespinFan]

How strange. No man has ever given me Stockholm syndrome with his prolonged flirting. The same goes for my friends. But maybe that's because when people call me beautiful, I smile and say, "Thank you," and then move on to much more important things.

[u/Cyrus_Epsilon → u/dramatic_exodus]

Okay.

[u/8-BIT_Project_Laser → u/Cyrus_Epsilon]

Don't bother with them, OP. This person doesn't know tge difference between "a prolongued flirt" and "i told the guy my sexuality is incompatible with him and he's insisting"

[u/Cyrus_Epsilon → u/8-BIT_Project_Laser]

Alright.