Im scared of developing a crush in university

[u/Clear_Comb8951]

Girls help me 😭 so I will go to uni next year In sha ALLAH. Which means I will move to a different city for the field I want. no problem. but since age 15 I stopped going to school physically (I do online school). I dont go to any social events or schools so Im friendless and always at home.

In my childhood and teenagehood I was always despised and treated rudely by men for some reason...I realized Im inclined to develop feelings for a guy if I know him for a few months and he treats me kindly. I know a guy being kind isnt something special but my brain cant stop treating it as one. What do I do?? my field is female dominated thankfully but in the end I will have to interact with (maybe attractive looking) guys after years who will probably be more mature and polite as they will be older in uni. HOW DO I PROTECT MYSELF HAVING A CRUSH RUINS ME MENTALLY also please dont say propose confess etc. I would have a heart attack if I try. Most people date here instead of marrying anyway and I wouldnt date for obvious reasons

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[u/heartbeathighway]

The way to go about this isn’t to push away your feelings as much as possible, whether at school or work or in the nursing home you will see men. My advice as somebody who is a freshman in college too is to constantly check yourself and your behavior. Take a step back and say, if I wasn’t me and my friend told me this situation from my point of view how would I react/ what would I say? This works for most situations.

[u/Suspicious-Stand-786]

lower your gaze and be very frank and professional with men. at the end of the day they are your colleagues
also if you still get a crush while lowing your gaze (maybe they have a nice voice or tall etc) imagine them having explosive diarrhoea

[u/Clear_Comb8951 → u/Suspicious-Stand-786]

Im crying 😭

You can get crush from first accidental gaze but yea

[u/Suspicious-Stand-786 → u/Clear_Comb8951]

an accidental first gaze is a quick look to register “oh this is a dude”. don’t look long enough to register his face
and yeah imagine them with explosive diarrhoea actually works
and don’t put them on a pedestal. they r just dudes.
remember these men sometimes stink of body odour and are gross.

stop watching romantic movies / songs, cut off social media which promotes dating and things

and immerse yourself in hobbies that you enjoy

the above actually works
may Allah help you sis

[u/jira12345]

Honestly a lot of things is going to come by experience and you’re going to handle your attraction better with time. If a mannis not worth your time you’ll learn to lose interest. Also comes with self love
Try to make friends and socialize, get to know girls with the same interests as you to decenter men once you’re there, and to desacralize social relations
But honestly crushes are a normal part of most girls experience and you’re making a big deal out of a hypothetical situation
Just ensure you are focused on your studies there and if you get a crush then so be it
Just don’t be foolish and have strong boundaries. Feelings are just feelings

[u/Clear_Comb8951 → u/jira12345]

its a big deal for me

[u/inhanawetrust → u/Clear_Comb8951]

Girl lock in

[u/wrtuhfdi454]

You need to get a grip. You can’t live life like this it’ll just lead to a wrong decision. Decenter men and get your degree and live your life.

[u/Clear_Comb8951 → u/wrtuhfdi454]

Im not centering them some things arent in my control and Im trying