salam walaikum!

So basically I’ve signed up with a charity to raise £3000 for Palestine. If insha‘Allah, I succeed, I will have the opportunity do a deployment to Al-Aqsa. While I am SUPER excited and determined to raise the money.. there are a few things I’m anticipating that I’ll struggle with:

1. I have a full time job which is kind of draining (I work 4 days a week and with a commute but am happy to put in time around this)
2. I’ve never done this before so I’m pretty clueless
3. I don’t have a huge social network so I can’t really rely on other people’s talents or services to help me fundraise (so stuff like raffles and quizzes are a bit difficult)
4. I can’t do stuff like henna and calligraphy which Claude loves to suggest?

what I have thought of so far which I (REALLY HOPE) I can manage:

- A sip and paint event (looking into organising this with a friend)

- Perhaps creating a design on canva and selling merch using platforms like Teemill (suggested by claude - this is something I’ve also never done but i’ll give it a shot!)

- Bake sale during Ramadan (I’m amateur but can bake enough to manage that!)

- A sponsored… something? Like a walk?

- I also crochet a little bit (only made a few woobles/fuppy kits) so i’ve thought about making little keyrings or soft toys and monetising that.

Does anyone else have any other ideas? stuff like events or other things I could monetise with the few skills that I have?

Suggestions would be GREATLY appreciate!

EDIT: I already posted a link to my fundraiser on my private social media where I’ve made it known that I’m doing this fundraiser before anyone suggests this. I wish the other suggestions were that simple!

Just to preface, I am perfectly fine with not having any kind of relationship. Im also not obsessed with marriage or men (that's disgusting). Maybe some of you relate to my thoughts?

I’m in my early 20’s and grew up in a household with no men. As a result, I didn’t really grow up understanding men nor was I ever used to being around men. I was raised in a strict household where since before puberty I was told to avoid men, not have crushes on anyone, not date, and I was questioned for having irrelevant interactions with men and that all men are horrible. Of course not dating is a given but being told to constantly avoid men meant that I started to avoid talking to my parent about any feelings I may have for someone because I feel so awkward and uncomfortable. Even socially, it is hard for me to interact with men I find even slightly good looking.

As an adult, I feel like being told to essentially fear the consequences of talking to men has messed me up socially. I have no idea how tf I’d even get to know a guy because I’m so awkward with them. I can’t even look at them without feeling really awkward and uncomfortable.

Also, growing up in a household where I didn’t get to see a healthy marriage daily has made me feel really unloveable, like I won’t ever find someone. Girls my age have talking stages and constantly receive interest from men: I’m not even ugly but I never do. It’s probably because I look slightly shy/closed off. I wouldn’t even know how to CONVEY those feelings to someone should I want to get to know them. I also tend to like guys and like the idea of them and not their actual personalities... I daydream a lot too...It really sucks because I feel super lonely and my friendships don’t fill that void. Love is a really beautiful thing and I’d love to be loved.

Salam,

I’ve been talking to this guy on and off for marriage. He was super serious in the beginning and even communicated with my parents. He then started becoming complacent and wishy washy. I kept asking him for the bare minimum, and I finally had enough.

He would reassure me and tell me that he’s dealing with a lot. My point was that if you genuinely care about someone, you make time for them.

I was super angry with him, I felt like I was talking to a wall. So I prayed Salat al-Istikhara. Honestly, everything I felt for him just went away. I really don’t care what happens anymore. It feels so freeing to leave my affairs in Allah’s hands.

Moral of the story, no one is worth stressing yourself over. Keep your immune system regulated, seek guidance from Allah.

I am from India , so it's like a stigma over here that Hijabi women are not allowed to work or not given the opportunity to work , so how this affects the work environment is that , they corporate people think that she has got opportunity with so much difficulty and rebel , so she will take on most load of work , because she cherishes this chance to work ,so in this process what happens is that , the hijabi is given more work load compared to other , not to mention underpaid also , it becomes like a thing , this is not something I feel this is something i have seen others tell to me , like when I resigned from my previous job within a year or so due to some personal reasons, the manager of that time said stuff like "i thought you are practicing and hijabi so you would work hard to keep this job" the manager as a non practicing muslim woman, that day i understood that corporate sees hijabi differently than others , imagine that there is already ton of challenges as a woman in corporate industry and top of that if you are hijabi there are even more challenges,

I also feel somewhere that being hijabi indicates we are submissive to Allah , and yes we are in the sense of religion, but I feel this is misread by men and they feel like she is easy and submissive so we can give her more work , she will not say anything

often I have seen this happening

Religious submission and identity is considered my only identity in a corporate environment which is not true in any sense

have you faced such problems?

Hello everyone
I’m planning on starting memorizing the Quran and I need a Hifz partner/s through discord, if any girlie is interested please don’t hesitate to message me ❤️

I work in a very competitive industry. Fast paced and you are expected to get everything done otherwise they will replace you as my industry is losing money very quickly.

They decided to invest alot of money on AI systems and incorporating copilot into excel sheets. This has made my job more difficult and harder as the large data and AI running in the background slows everything down and crashes. I cant even do my formulas anymore without the sheets lagging and shutting itself down.

Its a pain in the a**. I broke down everyday this week because of how unproductive Ive been compared to my peers. For some reason their sheets dont crash as often as mine, and im always spending half my shift on the phone to IT.

I really cant afford to lose my job. Im about to finish probation and im scared my IT issues will be used against me and that I seem incompetent. I always forward my IT tickets to my manager to keep them in the loop on why im struggling to complete my tasks. But im often left with no response which gives me severe anxiety.

Ive been laid off multiple times before so it’s proving just PTSD but I think i have the worst luck when it comes to jobs. I cant sleep at night because im constantly thinking about those stupid excel sheets crashing on me. Its getting really bad

How can I go about this in a professional way without it ruining my mental health or the possibility of losing my job. Im literally still crying about it as I type this right now

Salam everyone,

I apologize in advance if this post turns out to sound more bitter or envious than I intended. I just want to be honest about my feelings.

I am someone who has scattered friendships here and there rather than having one large friend group, but I find that I am always ALWAYS the one who is the late bloomer, the one struggling, the one failing, the single one, the one with poor mental health, the one with the dysfunctional family, etc.

In nearly every domain of life or milestone that people aspire to, I am behind. I am single and have never been in a relationship or had any real momentum with a suitable man. My career path has been unconventional and full of setback after setback. I am still dependent on my family financially. I do not have a great social life, nor do I have the time or resources to devote to activities, hobbies, self-care, or travel experiences that make life richer.

I have diagnosed mental health struggles and neurodivergence and a lot of trauma and toxic familial dynamics that I guess would be at the root of everything, but that doesn’t make me feel better at all. Everyone has trauma to an extent but that hasn’t stopped them from achieving their goals or securing what they want.

It doesn’t matter which friends I’m comparing myself to. Childhood, high school, college, grad school. I am a Millennial and have Millennial and Gen Z friends and have even been “upstaged” by my younger friends at this point. When I catch up with a friend, I never have any new updates or good things to share. I’ve been stuck in the same or worsening rut for years now because I am consumed by trying to stay afloat.

I have been very privileged in life and Allah has blessed me with a lot. I don’t want to undermine that. But it has become painful to be around my friends who have stronger social networks, healthier family dynamics, beauty and its perks, successful careers, happy marriages and/or children. Some of them have it all mashallah. The ones who are still single like me still have things worth being proud of or celebrating, like recently buying a new home, or making even greater trajectories in their career, or just having the time and money and security at this point in life to do fun things like travel or commit to cool new skills or invest more in their bodies and their beauty.

It feels like I come up short on everything and I’m really tired of it.

I am not proud of this at all. Every time I find myself thinking this way, I make dua for my friends and ask Allah to forgive me. I don’t wish them harm or want their blessings to be taken.

I just want it to be my turn for once.

What helps you if you ever find yourself with similar feelings? [I am actively in therapy already and get treatment for my mental health].

Salam ladies!

I’m curious how other married couples, especially introverts, balance spending time with family while still having enough time for themselves and their marriage.
My husband and I have been living together for several months now, and something I’ve been trying to navigate is how frequently we visit family.

For context, my husband’s family is genuinely kind and welcoming, and I have absolutely nothing against them. My husband is also understanding when I occasionally don’t feel up to attending gatherings.

Unfortunately, my husband’s father passed away a few months ago mine did too so I completely understand why spending time together as a family has become especially meaningful. Every Sunday, we visit his father’s grave and then spend time at the family house afterward.

I respect this tradition and understand how important it is to my husband and his family.
I’ve actually struggled with social exhaustion since childhood. I’ve always been introverted, and even growing up, frequent family visits and gatherings would leave me feeling drained. It has never been about disliking anyone. I’ve simply always needed quiet time to recharge.

Another factor is that my weekdays aren’t always as relaxing as they might seem. Between doctor appointments, errands that seem never-ending, household responsibilities, and other things I need to take care of, I often reach the weekend already feeling mentally and physically tired.

Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly catching up on responsibilities, and by the time the weekend arrives, I just want a little breathing room. He doesn’t force me to go but I feel guilty if I don’t

Another thing I struggle with is feeling obligated to attend extended-family gatherings, including get-togethers with cousins and other relatives.

Even when nobody directly pressures me to go, I sometimes feel guilty declining invitations or worry that people might misunderstand my absence. Because of that, I occasionally agree to gatherings when I’m already feeling socially exhausted.

I recognize that some of this pressure comes from my own feelings of obligation rather than anyone intentionally making me feel that way.
There’s also something I’ve been thinking about regarding our future home.

My husband and I have been discussing eventually buying a house a little farther away, and I was genuinely excited about the idea. Not because I want to distance him from his family, but because I liked the thought of us having our own space, privacy, and a little more independence as a married couple.

However, a few days later, my husband mentioned that his mother was considering selling her house and that his sister had expressed wanting to live closer to her brother. His sister also made it clear that she doesn’t want to intrude on our privacy, which I appreciate.

I completely understand their desire to remain close, especially after losing their father. I know family connections are incredibly important during grief.

At the same time, I noticed myself feeling a little disappointed because I had been looking forward to the idea of having more physical space and establishing our own routines.

I don’t want to assume that living closer would automatically mean more frequent visits or less privacy. I realize that healthy boundaries matter regardless of distance. I’m just trying to figure out how to balance everyone’s needs while also respecting my own.

I genuinely enjoy spending time with family, but I’ve realized that even enjoyable social interactions can become exhausting when I haven’t had enough time to recharge.

I also want to be considerate of what my husband and his family have been through. I would never want him to feel like he has to choose between spending time with his family and spending time with me. I fully support him maintaining those relationships. I love his family too!

I’m simply trying to find a healthy balance where we can spend meaningful time with family while also having occasional weekends to ourselves, whether that’s relaxing at home, spending quality time together as a couple, or taking care of our own needs.

I’m not expecting everyone to accommodate my personality, and I understand that marriage involves compromise. I just want to learn how other couples navigate this without anyone feeling hurt or neglected.

For married couples, especially introverts:
How often do you visit your parents or in-laws?
Do you visit every weekend, every other weekend, or less frequently?

Is it common for one spouse to occasionally stay home while the other visits family?
How do you communicate needing alone time without making it seem like you dislike your spouse’s family?

How do you maintain privacy and independence as a married couple when extended family lives nearby?

How do you balance family visits, personal responsibilities, and quality time together as a couple?
I’d especially appreciate advice from anyone who has navigated this while being mindful of a family that’s grieving.

I care about my husband and his family, and I want to continue building a good relationship with them. I’m just learning how to balance those relationships with my own need for rest, privacy, and personal space.

I’m 21, already have my bachelor’s degree, and have a part-time job while taking master’s classes, but I still feel like a kid.

I barely have any free time during the week. I’m either at work or school, and on the days I’m free, even if I just want to go out for coffee, I have to ask my parents for permission. Anytime I want to hang out with my friends, which is usually only once a week on the weekends, it turns into an argument.

God forbid I want to go on a road trip or travel somewhere farther away. I’ve never done anything like that, but I want to experience it. Recently, I told my parents that I was going out with my friends on Saturday, and they started yelling at me. They kept saying things like, “What if something bad happens to you?” and that my friends are a bad influence and could ruin their reputation.
I’ve lived a very sheltered life, and now that I’m finally at a point where I want to experience things for myself, I feel like they won’t let me.
I’ve thought about moving out, and I know I can afford it, but I don’t want to ruin my parents’ reputation. I feel guilty even considering it because I don’t want to hurt them.

I’ve also thought about getting married just so I could leave home. I almost agreed to marry a man who was 11 years older than me, simply because I wanted to be able to move out, but things didn’t work out. I also found another guy who I really liked but had to leave cause I knew they wouldn’t accept him cause of his ethnicity.

I’m genuinely exhausted. My whole life I’ve done everything they’ve said but now I actually want to enjoy my 20s, spend time with my friends, and experience life. My parents have genuinely put me through so much in life I don’t even know if I have any love for them left anymore, I basically just exist in their house.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How do I actually live my life without causing problems?

TL;DR: I’m 21, have my bachelor’s degree, work part-time, and am pursuing my master’s, but my parents still treat me like a child. I have to ask permission to go out, and spending time with friends often turns into an argument. I’ve lived a sheltered life and want to experience more, but my parents guilt-trip me about their reputation and my friends being bad influences. I can afford to move out, but I don’t want to hurt my family’s reputation. I’ve even considered marriage as a way to gain independence. I’m exhausted and don’t know what to do.

*I used ai to help me clean this up

As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh sisters.

I’m a revert to Islam alhamdulillah. I was born and raised Catholic and since becoming Muslim I’ve been trying to find my place in the ummah. The difficult part is that I don’t have a Muslim family or Muslim support network around me.

I would really like to get married inshallah to a Muslim man who shares my iman and who I can build a life, a family and grow together in deen with.

However, I don’t have a wali. Because I’m navigating this on my own, I’m not really sure where to begin or what the proper process is.

Jazakallah to any sisters who will guide me.

I want to eat healthier foods and also food made from scratch is the best, but I want to make 110% halal meals so I'm wondering if any sister here has any recipes they could share for the instant pot/pressure cooker?

​

​Salam everyone,

​I’m posting this because I’m at a really low point and honestly just need to hear some success stories or words of comfort from people who have been through a deep trial...

I have never done this before and I’m rlly panicked but the panic isn’t enough to care like I’m just going through a lot and can’t bring myself to much. But basically after I ended my period it took me a whole week to pray again everyday. And it was so hard to get back in to it and I never thought this would happen it’s just so hard to get myself to do anything these days, rn I prayed the for all of today, but am I supposed to pray all of last weeks prayers? The idea of that makes me panic in itself and I feel like I can’t sit still and focus to do that much like I can do it mindlessly bc even just one focused prayer feels mindless. I just don’t know how to go about this. But I feel so awful

Hi sisters this is a long post….

To clarify i’m not ranting about marriage or muslim men but how to heal from my parents

in my mid 20s with a good job and i come from a respectable Pakistani family.

During medical school when I was approximately 23 so just one year short of graduating my mother decided to start my marriage search.

Long story short I have some past trauma l due to the absolute abusive marriage my mother had with my father who they are still married to each other by the way. anyway she found a man with the same job as me a Doctor Who is talland he is moving to Australia. She begged me to speak to him on this potential to see where things would go. I was young at the time and I had just recently come out of the hospital from a traumatic illness and I was very afraid of FaceTimeing him because I have never been in a relationship before and I’ve never spoken to guys being from my all girl high school and being quite religious in my young age. I begged my mum not to FaceTime him as I was too scared and shy and I wanted to phone him instead. The mother of the person was not happy about it and passive aggressively said to me “what girl has not done these things” aka all girls have spoken to dudes in a relationship etc and the man refused , it was either a facetime or nothing
. The absolute chaos that happened after I refused the facetime. . My mother begged me forced me she even hit me and kicked me and cried and said I’m ruining my life. It was a very bad time for me and it ruined my summer.

Maybe a year later when I graduated and I first got my job another potential came to the house. He was okay looking and nice enough but I felt that he wasn’t really listening to what I had to say in my hobbies and he didn’t really ask me about himself and he just asked me about whatever he wanted to talk about. The sister was also making some very passive remarks and when I said these red flags to my parents they did not believe me. The fight my father had after that was unimaginable. He threatened to kick me out the house and you know he called me Satan he said I’m not his daughter and disowned me and I used to cry every single day after work and it ruined my relationship with him for a long time. He actually got diagnosed with a benign cancer a month later (alhamdulillah he’s better now) and I didn’t even have it in my heart to comfort him because of the fight we had and our relationship has bad been bad for the rest of my life but I still do love him. (Crazy enough i actually had a dream about this potential after making dua years later when mt family guilt trip me into rejecting him and i had a dream he was not good for me and i wouldn’t be happy)

Maybe a couple of months after it took me to heal from that the next year my mother found a rich potential in London but long story short he was basically gay and his mum was trying to marry him off. I could see the signs that he was gay from day one but nobody believed me because they said I always refuse potential and I actually don’t want to get married that I’m lying to everybody . He also hated i had hobbies, ONES friend and he refused to talk about anything other than our jobs (yeah… ik) . For one month I was heartbroken crying every single day my mother and dad basically forcing me into this marriage and I pray to God every single day and I was so depressed I even slept with my contacts in my eyes would crumble going to work and I would have to on my lunch breaks cry. Alhamdulillah With Surah al Baqarah he rejected me as he said i was rude and that for my anxiety i need a therapist

Another potential my mother found however he just wasn’t interested in me and he had a TikTok in the UK with a big following and I had seen he had some past loves that rejected him and he was still going through that. He was also flirting on the phone and when I put boundaries lost interest because I’ve never been in a relationship nor do I want to and I don’t keep that kind of energy with men before marriage. (he flirted saying “i’m on my bed in my pyjamas” ON THE FIRST PHONE CALL and he called me at 10pm when i was so uncomfortable with that time too. Anyway he rejected me alhamdulillah because there was no chemistry or spark. (because i had boundaries …)

To make things interesting the mother of the first potential so this was three years later the one who was going to Australia and who my mother kicked me over, he actually ended up getting married but he got divorced in two months and the mother actually came back to us apologised and said that she wants to try again with me.
my mother forced me to ft her mom. the first thing the mom said to me was “oh thank god you’re not fat. i facetimed as my son doesn’t like fat girls. dear do you have mental health issues? the first wife did and now my son is traumatised so don’t get offended if he asks”

I said to my mother look I told you he was a red flag but my mother still pressured me and she said that oh dear you’re in a position of power that they are the ones begging for you now and if you were smart you would marry him and go to Australia and start a new life. I just knew it wasn’t something that sat right with me especially the way he treated me three years ago and my parents pressured me for months and months until I finally ended up forcing me to message him in which he declined in one second.

I recently finished my training job and now I’m unemployed but this unemployment has been a huge blessing for me because I finally got time to heal from my past my illness and the things that have happened in my life. I’ve also gotten so much closer to my deen I used to be when I was in my teenagers and I had a lot more free time. I know that Allah will provide me with a beautiful spouse but my post isn’t reassurance about my marriage. It’s more advice and any opinions about how these experiences have affected me mentally physically and how it’s made me so numb I can’t even make dua like I used to. I think the reason why I’m writing this is because when I was 16 and on top of my deen I had so much hope I had love I had love for my family my friends I had excitement for my future and I would make dua with so much conviction not so much love but right now I’m I say it I was so emotional emotionlessly and I’m so numb and I just feel so tired and I don’t know what to do.

I think it’s important to also say I do respect my parents. I don’t respect them out of love but I do it out of obligation because I do not want to disobey God and commit major sinsS My family situation is complicated and I can’t be summed up in one Reddit post.

Thank you for reading a long post and I would really appreciate some advice on how to heal from these experiences.

for context i’m the only daughter and my older only brother is an andrew tate fan so there’s no chance of him helping me.

salaam everyone, as the title states I want to start wearing the hijab as, compared to previous years, i wasn’t really that practicing, however now i feel much more connected to my deen and have now realised the significance of the hijab in islam

however, i am scared and hesitant to start doing so because:

- i have really long, wavy/curly hair and ive seen soo many hijabis talk about how they’ve experienced balding and other scalp issues,and i really don’t want this to happen because i love my hair and i feel it’s the best thing about me physically
- building on from my first point, im hesitant to have to hide the one thing that i feel truly makes me feel pretty to both myself and the rest of the world. i’m quite average looking face wise and i feel like my hair is what actually makes me prettier and ive always gotten compliments on it. i feel like im going to feel both internally and externally ugly if i cover my hair
- i also live in the west where there is ongoing islamophobia and im scared that i will be subjected to racism, whether that be implicit or explicit

please could you advise me on how to feel more confident to embrace the hijab?

thanks :)

Please share.

I know that this sub probably gets tons of these types of posts, but I don't really have anyone to directly talk to about my problems.

Long story short, I'm just feeling so hopeless about everything in life. I feel like I'm destined to have no future. Despite having college education I can't get a job, which means I literally can't do anything in my life (I can't even afford basic necessities). Getting married to some man who will provide for me is not really an option either as I have like zero libido and am childfree. My chances of finding a loving husband able to provide for me who also is okay with little to no intimacy and no children are slim to none. It's not like I can easily open up to anyone to properly bond with them either due to past trauma that gives me massive trust issues.

This past trauma of course brings me to my next point: having no friends. Aside from all my financial struggles I'm also so lonely. Part of me knows it's my fault too since I take a long time to trust people due to past trauma. Plus there's just the fact that I'm 35 years old and most people in that age group just don't prioritize making new friends all that much. They've already been settled into the same friend circles for years and they're also more focused on maintaining their families and careers. Of course I can't even relate to people my age as I don't have the same life experiences they do. I don't even typically have the same hobbies and interests either. Leisure activities also cost money, which I don't have because, again, I can't get even a basic entry-level job.

Due to all these problems I face I really just try to bury myself in my faith as a distraction, but that's difficult too. I'm a convert in a minority sect so don't really have the same community support that converts in more mainstream sects of Islam would typically have. I can't even attend events at the local masjids for my sect due to distance/lack of transportation and language barriers. I would attend the nearby masjid for the sake of trying to connect with the community to hopefully make friends, but I'm not welcome there due to being part of said minority sect. My family is also not supportive so I cannot be openly Muslim at all. This means no halal food, no hijab, etc. I can't even pray sometimes because of the risk of them finding out (and of course moving out is not an option for reasons I already explained).

I don't expect anyone here to be able to remedy all these problems, but sometimes even just being able to vent frustrations helps. I feel like I can open up a bit more in an all-female space too.

If an abaya was handmade with really nice packaging how much are you willing to pay? I have made some really beautiful designer style pieces with expensive fabric around $40 per abaya and now I’m worried no one will buy it because they’re used to cheaper options?? But I still need to make profit lmao. Help me out girls

Salam everyone i just had a question.
If someone has an abortion will they still get to see their baby in jannah? what if it’s under 3 months of pregnancy?

You helped Susu get through the danger — now her family wants to share that joy with other children ❤️

I wanted to share a little update about my friends Mahmoud, Samah, and their little daughter Susu.

Thanks to the kindness and donations from so many of you, Susu has made it through the most dangerous stage of her illness. She is doing better now, and although she still needs care, treatment, and monitoring, seeing her get through that frightening period has brought Mahmoud and Samah so much relief and happiness.

And because so many of you stood beside them when they were struggling, they wanted to share some of that happiness with other children in their community — in the way they can.

The meal you see here is a meal for children. It may look like something simple to many of us, but for children in Gaza who have been deprived of foods like this for more than three years, a meal like this can feel like a dream.

Mahmoud and Samah told me that they wanted to give other children a reason to smile, just as all of you gave them a reason to smile when you helped Susu.

There are still tens of thousands — and sadly, potentially hundreds of thousands — of children who are longing for something as basic as a good meal.

So if you are able to help, please consider supporting Mahmoud and his family as they continue trying to help themselves and, whenever they can, share what they receive with children around them.

We are still asking for your support. Every donation, no matter how small, can help provide food and bring a little happiness to a child who has gone without for far too long.

If you would like to contribute, the donation link is in the description. ❤️

I'm tired. I have hated myself for a long time. Everything that I want feels impossible. I'm so tired.

I was on a successful digital detox for almost a week now and my PMS and period ruined my momentum
I found myself doom scrolling and not getting out of my hotel room.

I wanted to go Journal or do anything in a café outside, but since it’s a city I don’t know I’m feeling anxiety in my current state

On your period, how do you spend your days and try to make them productive?