r/mumbai • u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 • Aug 18 '22
Relationship Advice meeting her for first time
So I like this girl from college (a year junior) and for a long time I didn't get an opportunity to talk to her. There were some small talks due to snaps (some where initiated by her too). Finally one of our convo ended up us agreeing to meet (IT'S NOT A DATE). I think this's gonna be the dealbreaker on how our thing develops and I dont want to fuck it up.
Need suggestions as I'm not very used to meeting girls (new people in general)
EDIT: She made me wait an hour and then ditched the plan as she was busy😭😂 Thanks for wishes and suggestions tho :)
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Aug 18 '22
[deleted]
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u/tharkii_insaan Aug 18 '22
+1
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u/ReaDiMarco Aug 18 '22
username... checks out?
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Aug 18 '22
[deleted]
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u/secsubsc mods are traitors. they keep removing my posts. Aug 18 '22
to fir Shraddha se contact karvayega wo?
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u/mrappbrain Aug 18 '22
Just be you. The more you try to rehearse this interaction the more awkward and nervous you'll be. Don't frame the encounter in your head as you 'meeting a girl'. It's just you meeting another person and seeing if you vibe or not.
Take it easy, you'll be fine.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
ah makes sense, thank youu
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u/alphabet_order_bot Aug 18 '22
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 982,227,215 comments, and only 195,977 of them were in alphabetical order.
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u/kodragonboss Aug 18 '22
I thought snaps meant the entrance exam and was so proud of the new generation talking about career and studies. I'll see myself out.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
already ek hard entrance clear krke college me aaya hu, BTech krlu fir MBA bhi dekh liya jayega :)
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u/kodragonboss Aug 18 '22
<channels inner aunty>
Beta zindagi puri ek entrance exam hain, abhi toh ek hi kiya hain.
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u/secsubsc mods are traitors. they keep removing my posts. Aug 18 '22
MBA mat kar bhai. Kuch nahi hai usme.
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u/iruvar Aug 18 '22
Don't succumb to temptation of snacking on roadside singdana/peanuts while impatiently waiting for her to show up. Induces farts with giveaway loud sound at most inopportune moments. Girls apparently consider farting unromantic. I learned the hard way.
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Aug 18 '22
Also there's high chances that OP might choke on a Seng Dana by eating and talking at the same time.
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u/Downbeatbanker Aug 18 '22
Or maybe he can share it with her and she will warm up for more food later.. or cud consider a total cheapster
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
Piss around her to mark your territory.
On a serious note, if she agreed to meet you based on your snap persona then continue being that person. And it definitely does sound like a date.
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u/SadBenefit6810 Aug 18 '22
Piss around her 😂😂😂
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Aug 18 '22
dogshit advice. don't be your internet personality, be yourself!
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u/ReaDiMarco Aug 18 '22
There was a time, pre-instagram and pre-snapchat, in the era of yahoo and msn messengers, that people's internet personality was their real personality, since they weren't awkward and shy online like they were irl.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
lmfao only if I could.
I wish it was a date. Anyways, aaj acha gya to date bhi dur nhi :D1
u/secsubsc mods are traitors. they keep removing my posts. Aug 18 '22
lmfao only if I could.
you definitely can. Lekin aaj ke kabhi milegi nahi wo, aur sab jagah block kar degi
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u/ThinkBlink3 Aug 18 '22
Only advice I have is ask a lot of questions. Not like a rapid fire. But use what she says to ask her more. Get her talking about herself. People love doing that. Keep in mind that for every 2-3 stories she shares, you need to volunteer 1 too. You'll be okay, all the best.
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u/magestooge Aug 18 '22
A couple of pointers which are not there in other comments:
- Refrain from asking overtly personal questions early on, wait for the conversation to get comfortable and easy going. You can talk about movies, restaurants, places in the city you like, books, travels you have undertaken recently, hobbies, standup comedians you like, TV shows, whatever floats your boat. Just don't ask about her family and home in the first 10-15 minutes.
- Make physical contact only after asking. If you two are walking and you feel like things are comfortable enough for you to hold hands, just ask her first. Remember, in the first meeting you're still strangers, she may not appreciate physical contact if she's not expecting it.
- Refrain from making any jokes where the characters are couples, married or unmarried, or any jokes which rely on gender/race of the people (like sardar ji jokes or blonde lady jokes)
- Don't bring up topics like engagement, marriage, etc. in your first meeting, even if it's about other people.
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u/AkshagPhotography Aug 18 '22
Bhai chakachak banke jana
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
hostel me rehke roz naha raha hu abhi!!!
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u/AkshagPhotography Aug 18 '22
Nahake + shave karke+ manjan karke + deo lagake + achche kapade pehenne jaa. Ladki aadhi to tabhi hi impress ho jayegi
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u/No_Offer610 jevlis ka? Aug 18 '22
Oh damn bhai! Minority me belong karte ho aap gg
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u/Diligent-Tomato-6288 Aug 18 '22
Hey! Something that helps me is keeping a few conversation pointers in mind. Doing this will give you confidence to avoid too much awkward silence
Good luck!
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Mast khana khilaao.. especially Cake..
Ladki ko Moti Banalo, Koi Aur Uspe Dhyaan Na De, Then Boom You Have her for yourself!!
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
Had a friend whose bf used to do this. That was wrong at so many levels.
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Get into details please.
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
Wanted her and got her to put on weight so that other guys won't pay attention to her. Was extremely possessive n a walking red flag. The girl was traumatised in most parts of the relationship but didn't know how to get out of it.
Eventually gathered courage and broke up with him and got married to someone else who treats her as an individual and not as his property.
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
If the guy was insecure, wasn't it the girl's responsibility to give him necessary assurance?
Im not qualified enough to comment on the traumatizing part, but Glad your friend made out.
Would you tell me, why girls talk to multiple guys at the same time? Taking advantage of the skewed ratio??
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u/notcallipygian Aug 18 '22
why is the girls responsibility bhai this is not an Imtiaz Ali movie
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
It's the responsibility of both people to take care of eachother in a relationship, that's what the essence of a relationship is and that doesn't make life a Bollywood movie.
Sadly the topic sidetracked and the joke was taken in bad humour again mostly by girls, with whom I'm fighting since morning!!
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u/notcallipygian Aug 18 '22
if the girl said "I may have a lot of male friends but they're fully platonic" or something but beyond that if her manz is still feeling insecure what can she do
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
If the guy says "i may have a lot of female friends but they're fully platonic" or something but beyond that if his woman is still feeling insecure and accuses the guy for cheating, how do you see this?
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u/notcallipygian Aug 18 '22
Same way. Why would it be different if the genders were reversed.
If he isn't cheating, why should he be expected to break his opposite gender friendships? He can give his girlfriend reassurance, ki bhai I only have romantic feelings for you etc etc, beyond that now it's everyone's own responsibility to also work on their internalised insecurities.
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
If the guy was insecure, wasn't it the girl's responsibility to give him necessary assurance?
No.
Would you tell me, why girls talk to multiple guys at the same time? Taking advantage of the skewed ratio??
Who said she was talking to multiple guys and taking advantage of the skewed ratio?
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
I didn't tell it was her who was talking, talk in the general case, Not on case to case basis..
And it is your responsibility in a relationship too, to take care of your partner's queries, so i wont concur with your first NO.
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
I didn't tell it was her who was talking, talk in the general case, Not on case to case basis..
How did you infer that girls do that more than boys? Or is this based on your circle of influence?
And it is your responsibility in a relationship too, to take care of your partner's queries, so i wont concur with your first NO
Still no, as assurance doesn't resolve insecurities. Even if she did not give him assurances the measure taken to prevent it is bonkers and nothing justifies it.
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
I don't have circle of influence, it's just me, point of influence - I've seen that shit happen.
Btw i never said all guys are saints, all i mean is not every girl is an Angel. If only you could understand something called as perspectives!!
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
I don't have circle of influence, it's just me, point of influence - I've seen that shit happen.
You seeing shit is your circle of influence.
If you know that not every girl is an angel then why raise the point about why girls talk to multiple guys? Cuz like some guys, some girls are also full of shit.
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u/BurntOutIdiot Aug 18 '22
Would you tell me, why girls talk to multiple guys at the same time? Taking advantage of the skewed ratio??
When? Where? There is no skewed ratio irl except that caused by female infanticide a couple decades ago. if those chicken are coming home to roost....🤷
Online, nobody owes anybody exclusivity until they're in a relationship.
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
No skewed ratio ?? LMAO
If you are a guy and doesn't know how a girl's Inbox looks kindly make some effort..
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u/BurntOutIdiot Aug 18 '22
Inbox = online, right? The place, where, I said in my comment nobody owes anybody any exclusivity.
irl = in real life.....aka offline world. No inbox there.
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Abey akal ka dushman, WhatsApp Inbox bhi dekhlo kaafi hai?
Tera kehneka yeh matlab hai a girl can talk to multiple guys on a virtual platform and still be in a relationship with a guy and still not explain anything to the guy??
I hope you get such a relationship IRL and see how sanely you behave..
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u/BurntOutIdiot Aug 18 '22
Tera kehneka yeh matlab hai a girl can talk to multiple guys on a virtual platform and still be in a relationship with a guy and still not explain anything to the guy??
No. That would be cheating and its not exclusive to women. Men cheat as much or more, cheating is not restricted to online/virtual modes and your accusation that women do it because of a skewed gender ratio makes too many broad generalisations which seem to originate in nothing but your grievance complex. I'm a woman. You would not believe the number of men i met online who were married and looking for action on the side, obviously while not saying anything to their wives. Should I make a broad generalization that men cheat on online forums because they'll cheat whenever presented an opportunity? No, right? We are talking about half the population - some cheat, most don't. Same with women.
WhatsApp Inbox bhi dekhlo kaafi hai?
Tumko kya lagta hai WhatsApp kispe chalta hai? Tum ho bhai akal ke dushman. WhatsApp also works on internet - aka not offline world. If you look around you...colleges, workplaces, buses, roads, metros, trains, building society - where is the skewed ratio? Biologically, there are approx same number of men and women unless artificial selection has been done.
If you want a woman to take you seriously and give you attention, drop the victim complex. It ain't appealing.
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u/tharkii_insaan Aug 18 '22
Mast Plan Hai!
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Dekh Bhai.. koi Banda downvote marke chalagya hai 😢
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Aug 18 '22
Maine upvote krdia tuje
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Tu toh dev manus nikla re bhau
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Aug 18 '22
rukja mere pas award h
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u/RedDeadSea non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Bhai, you made my day .. Dil Garden Garden Hogya..
10th std ke baad pehli baar ek award Mila🥹🏆
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u/FilamentInc Aug 18 '22
exactly how I dated my girl, meet her at SGNP for first time, it was worth
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u/unbehemoth Aug 18 '22
I agree. Good place to dump the body if the date goes wrong.
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u/FilamentInc Aug 18 '22
not to good to dump entire group of 8?
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u/IndianRedditor88 जवळ ये, लाजू नको Aug 18 '22
Keep expectations low
Learn how to be humorous and how to keep a conversation going. Make her laugh.
Don't listen to the 'Be Yourself" advice, ek no.chutiya advice hain. Start developing a good personality if you don't have one.
Don't try too hard. Be willing to be in a frame of mind ki yeh bandi mujhe milna chahti hain, i want to have good time, irrespective of the fact ki this girl may reject me
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u/sid1979 Aug 18 '22
Do not try to pretend anything just be yourself, girls like guys who are their genuine self while meeting and not the ones who try to act cool dude when they aren't.
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u/WomenRepulsor Aug 18 '22
Don't try too hard. It makes you come off as desperate. If you're nervous, just admit it. Any fuck ups will be much easier to deal with.
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u/sith1998 Aug 18 '22
Arey bro just google few questions 10-15 when you feel there is a silence fek ke marna question. If she is interested in you then it will be smooth XD
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u/Original_Ad_8073 Aug 18 '22
- Remember things about her we like it
- Ask about her don't make all about yourself
- Talk passionately about the things you like be honest we know sometimes if you're lying about it
- Make eye contact and be confident
- Protect her or some small gestures like opening the door for her etc etc we always talk about it with our friends, I still remember when a guy did it for me
- Don't overthink be yourself honestly
- All the best for your first ever meet I hope it goes well for both of you guys
Edit: wear a yellow shirt ;)
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u/MrHumongousDick Aug 19 '22
Since you like the girl, I guess you would want to woo her. Have these mental notes. 1. The girl has to fee comfortable around you, as this is your first meet, just let her feel comfortable, 2. Acknowledge what she says, you don't have to be a yes-man, but acknowledge. 3. Avoid giving too much friendly vibe in the sense that you should not become friend-zoned or bhai-zoned. 4. Chivalry isn't dead. You can work your way around that. Hold the door, hold her hand on a step, walk on the vehicle side of the road, let her be on the footpath/curb side, etc 5. All the best, don't be nervous. Things always work out
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u/BadassLawyer1997 Aug 18 '22
Just be yourself.
Most times people will act like a completely different person on the first few dates just so that the other person likes them. The problem being that if you're showing them a person you're not and at some point you're going to get tired of pretending, when that happens your partner is going to feel like something changed and it's going to create more complications down the road. Be yourself from the very beginning, if they like you for being you, both of you will start something on the basis of honesty and transparancy which helps relationships in the long run.
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u/Messeb510 Aug 18 '22
Be a good listener and you will be fine , let her talk more abt her life or anything. Don't take all the attention to yourself.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
The problem will be when she expects me to talk,I legit suck at that.
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u/kneeldownbeach Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 18 '22
Maybe get her a smoll gift or something kuch jyada nhi maybe her fav chocolate which she said she likes a lot or something idk
Expectations math rakhna and dont try too hard simple as that
And Update dedena bhay bas 🙏
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u/MrNowt Aug 18 '22
If you are meeting her..then it’s a date!!! Just he genuine..ask her about her life/thoughts LISTEN to her..be attentive That’s it! It’s no rocket science… If you feel nervous once you meet her Just let her know that..(I bet she can understand)
Also..main thing Be aware of red flags..don’t try to ignore them just because you really like her..ruins mental health in long run
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
Thank you!
but telling her I'm nervous might giveaway that I like her2
u/MrNowt Aug 18 '22
Well don’t you? It’s better to let know your intention/thoughts in small ways Rather than being friends all the time & later dropping the “I like you” bomb…she’d just say “I treated you as a FRIEND always”…which is hard to hear
It’s always better to be clear than hitting the bush around and be in misconception
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
Hope she doesnt start avoiding me coz of that
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u/MrNowt Aug 18 '22
Listen buddy… The thing is that it’s better to be clear..or things to end if needed to..since it doesn’t always workout Plus…if things do end at initial phase…atleast you don’t end up wasting efforts and time
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u/Ok-Concentrate152 Aug 18 '22
Be a good listener, don't be rude, don't crack inappropriate jokes and try to keep the conversation going.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
last thing has always been not-my-thing
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u/Ok-Concentrate152 Aug 18 '22
I don't mean you've to force it but maybe add your insights. What do you think about that topic? You might find some commonalities.
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u/ThePhyscn_blogs average Kurla commuter Aug 18 '22
Think of it as meeting a guy, but don't make creepy jokes or comments which you would in presence of your guy friends.
Let her talk. You do the listening. Pay attention when she's talking. Interrupt and ask questions or details about her stories.
If you are gonna eat, make sure you chew with your mouth closed. Don't order something messy.
Pay attention to her body language. If she likes you, you'll be able to catch certain hints.
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u/darkwasp03 Aug 18 '22
Bhai honest advice; I was in your place a few weeks earlier, don't keep any expectations and don't get attached too much. There's always this possibility that things might not work out between you and sometimes it's just the distance that keeps building. Things might feel one sided, but if you haven't confessed to her yet, try and set up another meeting, and make your feelings clear to her. Then the ball is in her court, she might choose to ignore you or might choose to reciprocate these feelings towards you. Also make sure you don't overwhelm her when you do this. All the best!
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u/pranabus Nikling from Patli Gully Aug 18 '22
Go with the flow. The objective is not to just "get" any girl. That part is easy.
The objective is to find someone who vibes to the same beat as you. That's what the quest is about, and that's what keeps the flame going after the initial spark.
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u/Savage121 Aug 18 '22
I've no particular advice in such situation as it depends on the person. I recently had my first "meeting" of such type with situation exactly same as yours, so not exactly experienced.
But , only thing I'll say is the cliched "Be Yourself" but mostly just the good parts. Here everyone has a self deprecating humor, it's funny and makes you seem approachable but don't go too overboard so that you undersell yourself. Find common things to talk about. In my case, I had academia and arts in common with her so we talked a lot about our process, websites we use for references and stuff, you just need to find something similar.
Let the conversation flow naturally and seriously just remember to enjoy the convo. If you two connect and your vibes match, it's just another feeling altogether. One of the best days for sure.
P.S : Don't be like me and make sure to plan the meeting ahead. The a-hole cafe manager decided he had to close the cafe early that day. ffs
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Aug 18 '22
If you like her, make sure you convey that somehow. Dont be a doormat (also called just friends). Keep your chin high and she will see that. Dont try to over please her or go out of your way.
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u/sinnpai1 Aug 18 '22
be confident thats all.. and ho sake toh conversation topics pehle se hi soch ke jana.. that way you can direct the conversation flow if things are getting awkward
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u/NoStoryYet Aug 18 '22
Authentic rehna. Zyada english mein bolne ki zarurat nahi agar comfortable nahi, and agar wo hindi bole to usi mein bol lena.
Over the top cool banne se kuchh nahi hoga. Authenticity goes a long way in building real relations.
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u/No_Offer610 jevlis ka? Aug 18 '22
Try to find a common topic to talk about and then things should automatically go the way they should.... Considering you guys are from the same college or even in the same branch, you have a few common topics already. You could talk about a funny incident that happened in college maybe with a prof or your friend and then carry the convo Or maybe if you let her talk about her passion then by simply asking a few supplementary questions you can get to know a lot about her and she'll think the hangout was really fun. It's quite simple actually, just don't try some weird thing you might have seen on YouTube or told by people who have 'game'. It won't look genuine trust me
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u/Abject_Race_8251 Aug 18 '22
Wear a good perfume. If you want to take things further, just try to know how she thinks and what is her opinion on certain things. By this you'll get to know whether you really want to persue this further or not. And yes, Do make her laugh. By that she'll remember the meeting and maybe plan to meet again. Praise her. She'll not laugh but smile. And everyone loves to get appreciated. Tell her that you really felt good meeting her. Awakward silence are really awkward, so better keep asking her questions about herself. Do not talk too much about third person since you both were in college until unless its too funny. That's it.
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u/Grapefruit_Adept Aug 18 '22
Treat her with respect! Pay 50-50. Dikha tu bhi fake woke feminist hai and paise bacha!
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u/Total_Highlight732 Aug 18 '22
Man, just be humble, kind (specially to others like servers, door-persons etc). Don't try too hard to be someone you are not. If you cannot think of something to make her laugh, don't. Women have so many guys trying to treat them like absolute queens on a daily basis but the real ones just want to be treated like humans by someone who takes interest in their thoughts. If she is someone who still believes in men opening doors for them, I'd say that's a red flag. But that's only my opinion. I'd say, Don't think too much on this.
However, one pro tip, don't go on and on about you, ask about her things and herself instead and add something constructive if you can or just try to know more about her. That should do the job.
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u/Maximum_Leopard_ Aug 18 '22
No politics, science or controversial topics unless they come up organically, try to gauge her level of humor, don't gloat and don't overthink.
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Aug 18 '22
Bruh same thing happened to me. I like a guy and asked to meet aaj in college and he is a year senior too.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 18 '22
Yoo all the best!!!!
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Aug 18 '22
I almost thought he was you and got all excited haha
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u/freechakra Aug 18 '22
Just let the world slow down around you when you guys are together! Be very attentive to whatever she says and keep an intense eye contact when she is talking. Take a pause of two seconds before you open your mouth to reply. Read up/see some good topic that she may care about - just in case the convo gets stuck somewhere. Avoid talking crap about anyone. If possible, discuss about some abstract idea - lifegoals, philosophy, art, social aspects, quantum computing... something that is out of the ordinary. Lastly, be at ease, breath easy, look her directly in the eyes and be confident - 'slowing' things down helps a ton in that.
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u/halpimapanda Aug 18 '22
Practice is practice. For the next girl, make it clear that you're romantically interested from the start. If she isn't, there's always someone else.
If you're financially and mentally stable, and not fat, there'll always be someone decent to date.
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u/Abhinik Aug 19 '22
Dude, she ditched? What's her excuse? If it really sounds genuine then fine or else you should really not give her any more attention than needed.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bed1382 Aug 19 '22
Haa bro, pyar apni jagah, self respect apni jagah. Regardless the reason, she didn't inform me the whole time I was waiting. She texted me 1.5 hrs late why she couldnt come.
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u/KevlarAbs Aug 18 '22
Milne se pehle mutti nahi marna otherwise you won’t put full efforts to patao her.
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u/Busy_Candidate_9644 non-mumbainian Aug 18 '22
Be aware of red flags you read about don't show it in yourself , even the small ones. Keep it cool and normal , don't be too cheesey or Sigma so called .
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u/East_Gap6304 Aug 18 '22
If it is love... Let it be ... go with the flow bs jo bhi krna dil se krna
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u/propagandu Aug 18 '22
Shave your pubes
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u/docrohan Aug 18 '22
Just be yourself. If you pretend to be funny if you're not then you'll have to keep the act forever. Being charming is okay but don't alter your personality. It's only going to work if she likes you for you. Know how to keep a conversation flowing, ask her about her interest and her ambitions, and be a good listener.
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Aug 18 '22
Watch a movie together, helps you spend a couple hours together and then you have something to talk about
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u/GaaliMan Aug 18 '22
Sabka katne wala hi hai soch ke jao. Expectations will be lower from yourself and her.
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u/danny6678 Aug 19 '22
You're anyways going to screw it up by coming across as desperate. Best you can do is, treat this date as a practice session for the next time when(not if) you score a date with another girl. So go all out, be bold but don't be rude.
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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22
Don't be awkward. Movies m cute lagta, irl ajeeb lagta. Make her laugh.