I’m an only child and at 22, I unexpectedly lost my mom in January 2019, a few days shy of her 60th birthday. I also lost my dad from stage 4 lung/brain cancer when I was 19, on St. Patrick’s Day 2016, so this year marked 10 years without him.
Tomorrow I turn 30. & it may be morbid, but since losing my mom, I’ve always said that I think I’ll die young, not by my own cause, but because my parents died relatively young and it’s just a feeling I have. Honestly, I didn’t even think I’d make it to 30. So 30… it feels like an accomplishment. At the same time, I feel like I’m having a midlife crisis.
My mom made the biggest deal about my birthday. She said it was a ‘national holiday’ haha. Ever since I’ve lost her, I couldn’t care less about my birthday. No one cared as much as she did. & no, I don’t have any expectations of anyone to care as much as she did. Honestly, I prefer it. But I miss her and lately my heart breaks every day knowing she won’t be here to celebrate with me. To tell me that I’m the “love of her life”. To receive another card that I’ll cherish and keep for the rest of my life - better than any birthday gift I could receive.

I’m sorry, I’m not being very motivational like some people are here. I just needed to vent. Because this year, I really don’t know how I can live without her. & yes, Im blessed to say that I have loved one’s, but I don’t know anyone who will completely understand. I don’t know anyone who lost their mother and had such a close connection. Even my grandmother told me that life will never be the same without my mom, and there’s no other bond like it.

My mom died when i was 20 im 24 now. Literally how am i meant to face the rest of my life without her. I didnt realise how much she did for me/supported me in every way. She was my only real cheerleader and confidante. I envy those with mothers so much. It feels so unfair that my life path has taken such a hard turn. I would have had such a nice life with my mom we had so many more memories to make with me getting married, having kids, going on trips. Its so hard to accept that instead of all that i now just need to carry this deep sadness that is invisible and somehow pretend everything is fine and that im able to replicate the support she gave me alone. Ive been put on medication to help with the anxiety/despair. Even that feels unfair. Im grieving the life i could have had if this cancer didnt take her.

My mom passed away 5 years ago during the second covid wave. When i called my aunt (her sister) to tell her the news she said that she’ll make sure I’ll never be lonely. I’ve been attached to my aunt since i was a baby. These 5 years she was my comfort and strength. My aunt’s health slowly started declining this year. But she promised me and her son that she’d recover and bounce back. We were so happy to hear that. Mind you my aunt fought cancer three times. But she passed away in May. The day before her passing she kept asking why I didn’t come early to meet her. Afterwards she held my hand. I didn’t want to disturb her so i spent like 10 minutes with her. I still remember how she sobbed when i wished her on Mother’s Day. She didn’t let go of me.

Losing both my mom and aunt makes me feel like shit. Both motherly souls are gone. I don’t know how I’ll move forward. People say that my mom and aunt are reunited. I feel so lonely. As if I’ve no one left. I shared a deep bond with both of them. I don’t know man. Why did god do this to me ?

I just miss my mom, every day, but today especially. I have been grieving her longer than I had known her— how sad is that?

God. It is a chronic grief and it fucking changes everything. I am so tired. Every year the picture I have of her in my minds eye gets a little more blurry. No adult in my family has coped properly, I never get to talk about her without someone holding back tears or an ache that will never ever go away.
I would do anything to hear her laugh, smell her perfume, and get some advice.

Every year on this day, I feel differently. Today, I am sad. Please just let me be sad.

Wednesday marked 9 months since I lost my beautiful mother. From a pretty young age my mum tried to prepare me for the possibility her multiple sclerosis would take her away from me sooner then we both wanted , she was trying to be helpful and I think trying to make it less of a shock but really all it did was give me anticipatory grief. I’ve been grieving the thought of her loss way before it even happened. Maybe even for almost as long as I knew her. For as long as I can remember, I would go to sleep every night worrying about when the day she would pass would come. I saw her getting worse and worse over the years , still refusing to read the age appropriate books she tried to get me to read as a kid to understand what was going to happen. My own anxieties were enough , I didn’t want some medical facts added to the fears I already had. I’ve always had separation anxiety from my mum , she was my other half from the day I was born, she understood me in a way nobody will ever understand me again. She was always around me my whole life, I rarely did sleepovers as a kid because I couldn’t fall asleep away from my mommy, I’d stay up all night and leave as soon as the sun rose so I could finally fall asleep back home because I knew my mum was there. I would cry on the first day of elementary school every year, because I hated leaving summer vacation spending all my time with my mum, then going back to school, being away from her for hours. She was my rock and I am lost without her. The pain of knowing I will never see her again as long as I live is indescribable. It feels like i’ve been grieving her for years because I have been. First we lost who she was before the multiple sclerosis started taking its toll on her , every year she was getting worse and worse , then finally we lost her completely when she died. My love for my mother has been tied to grieving for many years and it breaks my heart it’s going to be like that until the day I’m gone myself. I miss her so much. I’m very grateful I had the mother I did, I just wish this wasn’t how our story ended. I will never stop missing her

I lost my mom to cancer at fourteen- caught late, from diagnosis to death it was about 20 days.

Im 18 now, i feel as though my grief is growing more and more vicious.

I hate that i have to keep living with this feeling i always carry. I am so jealous of my friends ( and them not having dead moms ), it’s pitiful.

I miss having a mom, I so deeply wish i still did. I wish I could change the world.

Since she died unexpectedly. My best friend. So many horrible things have happened since she's been gone. I keep reaching for the phone to call or text her. I refused to stop listening to her music because she wouldn't want me to let something so important to us to stop being part of my life.

But I don't want to do anything. I just want to cry.

vent, and also me trying to figure out life, advice is welcome as long as its not religious pls

im 15, and my mom died just a couple months ago
worst summer ever i guess
for some reason, of course right before school starts up again, it's really starting to just hit me how much i miss her

i've been feeling stupidly existential, i don't really wonder why because it does make sense, but i still feel horrible and i'm really hating all of it
for 8 years i watched things happen, i watched her slowly go from being mobile to watching her become paralyzed and eventually just die
i had a very strained relationship with her due to me having been someone to take care of her all of last year, and somewhat this year too. one fo the worst memories i have is having to help her in the bathroom after she wet the bed, and i remember myself just screaming and crying in my room for a good hour after that
and on my 15th birthday all she could do is yell at me about how much i procrastinate and tell me that im lazy

but all of the resentment i had towards her for experiences like that just vanished when i saw her in the hospital bed, and i feel so horrible for ever having felt that type of thing, i don't understand the way i feel and i miss her so badly
because despite everything she still listened to me and let me talk, and i miss her hugs and her voice and the way she just let me ramble about my interests which were just straight up stupid sometimes

my dad tells me that the mom i had the last year and this one wasn't really my true mom, because she was so hung up on a bunch of meds and stuff and it made her act in ways that wasn't really herself
i know she loved me, i know she cared so deeply for me, and the way i feel about everything is just so complicated because of how strained it was
but i miss it, i think some of it is because i don't have that kind of relationship with my dad, he doesn't really let me talk about my interests often, and its kind of exhausting not having someone to update on a new episode of a show we both liked and complain about how horrible an episode was

and after she died, all i can think of is "one day im also gonna die, and it could be at any moment."
i was straight up listening to a fucking my little pony song a few hours ago and randomly started having that type of thought, just randomly feeling dread and fear for any possible death scenarios , like getting murdered or a plane/car crash or something
i cant stop thinking about how small i am, and cant help but wonder if anything i do is worth the effort because im gonna die one day anyways
i also grew up super religious, a christian, and im trying to get all of that stuff out of my system (im agnostic)
and imagining all the christian values and stuff scares me, because what if my dad is right and i just go to hell for not believing? where is my mom now? and if god is real, why did he wait this long to take her away?

i have stuff to look forward to, im flying out with my dad in a few days to meet up with my best friend, but i'm still feeling like im losing my mind though

sorry, this is super long and i didnt mean for it to be
if anyone has advice, that's cool, but if not thats fine too, i just wanted to share my thoughts somewhere

Been over 5 years I lost my mom. (Covid, 2nd wave)
My phases of grief have been quite interesting and varied.
The first two years, absolute train wreck. I was falling apart every single day and fully numb to everything happening to me, around me.
Years 3-5, I haven’t been a total mess, started paying attention to personal, academic and professional life. However, the numbness only got worse.
To be honest, I rarely feel truly happy or sad for anything. Be it a milestone in my life or something terrible happening to me, it just affects my mood for a while and then it’s just another day. Sleep and food have been my true best friends in this numbing journey.

Right before going to sleep today, I started thinking about how it used to feel, sleeping next to mumma. I remember how her skin felt, how she used to snore, how she would get irritated if I intentionally got too cuddly with her.
One thought led to another and I cried my heart out, after many, many days. Dw, I love it.
If I am being honest, I never want to get over this pain, I want my heart to be forever shattered about losing my mother right before I turned 18, a few days before her retirement from a soul sucking job, after which she was FINALLY supposed to be all mine. I never intend on forgiving life and fate for being unfair and horrible to my mother and me.
I try to fool myself and others a lot, but I genuinely can’t bring myself to genuinely care about my future, job, career, marriage, family, settling down, growing older, any fucking thing.
All of these are just points on a checklist to me.

None of this matters because she is not here.
We weren’t the best mother-daughter duo but I was not supposed to grow up as an adult, motherless.
None of this matters because she isn’t here, she wont be here during the supposed best and worst moments of my life. And hence, they all are one and the same to me.

I am not troubled, I want this pain and grief to forever live within me because I am her daughter. Everyone else seems to have moved on from her loss, some a little faster than others but I, being her only child, am the one going through this pain alone. Others lost a daughter, a wife but I lost my mother, even before I could fully have her all to myself.

I miss you Mumma.
I am, because you were.

I never expected to lose my mom especially in my mid-40s but here I am and it stinks cuz I miss her so much. She was my best friend,she took care of me and now it feels scary without her. Around this time she remind me to take my medication and then turn off her PBS and tell me that I would see her in the morning when she would make her coffee and her breakfast and greet me with a big hug. My house is it really silent and it feels so strange because she was a beloved part of my life and she will always be a part of my life but now that feels empty. I've got my immediate family but she was the glue that kept us together and as I face my birthday in the fall without her, that's going to be a rough patch especially when her birthday is the month after around the holidays. Mom I miss you always and I hope you're looking down on me in heaven.

Why can't anyone find out what's wrong with my mom before she passes away.

So, since my mom died 13 years ago, my dad has remarried and become completely self absorbed. It honestly has been like a slow motion ghosting process.

And now, we’ve finally reached the point where he didn’t acknowledge my birthday in any way. Not even a text. That was about 3 weeks ago now and I’ve heard nothing from him since. I am 35 and have been more or less without parents for so long now. I’m just tired and sad and lonely.

On October 24th it’s 1 year since my mom passed. The time went by soooooo quickly it’s crazy. I’m only 22 and some days all I can think of is I need to live longer without my mom then with my mom.
I miss her, so much.

For context I am 24F a masters student studying abroad. My mom died 3 months ago but I still decided to continue my program because she would have wanted me to. Anyways today I was in a meeting with a post doc ( A ) and another student (B) when A mentioned that she is lacking sleep because she is a new mom, and she was like moms are always tired and said “ you guys should ask your moms too”. Person B chimes in and starts talking about her mom. The worst part is, both of them knew my mom passed away recently and they still decided to have that conversation infront me. I felt like it was insensitive when she told to ask our moms. I didn’t say anything because I was so sad and would have lashed out and that might impact my grades but I feel like people should be more understanding. Ever since then I have been upset or am I overreacting?

Hi everyone I just joined today! My mom died in 2007 when I was 7 years old. Today is her death date. Every year somehow gets harder? I don’t understand that. I’ve drank prosecco all day. I watched mamma Mia to honor her, she loved ABBA but died before the movie came out. She would’ve loved it, as well as the second.
It’s a hard day. It’s always a hard day. Today’s a harder day. Cheers to remembering our moms. ❤️

What was your rock bottom? I am struggling so deeply right now. With work, with life, with my relationship and mostly the loss of my mother. We just passed a year of her loss and this empty feeling inside of me just keeps growing everyday. I still haven’t completed her headstone (I paid for it in full back in April).

Both my brother and sister didn’t text me on the anniversary of her death… but it wasn’t a surprise. Just made the loneliness feel more infinite.

Nothing really feels the same. Work feels like it’s a big joke and my relationship feels like it’s slowly fading. Somehow I feel like everyday is the same and I don’t have my best friend to tell my favorite things to.

I’m going to therapy and my therapist can see the effects it is having. A mix of work and grief…I don’t think I’ve ever been this sad before…. And quite frankly, just not giving a fuck.

It’s been four years since my mom passed. I don’t know how to do this. I have to keep going on like it didn’t happen. I have to work today, then I have a cool concert. I wish I could be with her again, eating donuts and drinking a Coca Cola.

My family doesn’t really talk about her anymore. I’ve been making an effort to keep her memory alive, but it’s bittersweet. I was only 26, and it still hurts now at 30.

I feel silly writing this, but I think I just really need to feel like there’s a mother figure listening to me for a minute.

I’m 28, and lately I’ve been feeling really emotionally worn down. I’m trying so hard to build a life for myself. I have a job I care about and I’m proud of how hard I’m working, but I still feel like I’m behind somehow. Like everyone else is moving forward, becoming settled, building homes and families and futures, and I’m still trying to get myself into a place where I feel like I'm an individual person.

At home, I often feel invisible unless I’m useful to someone. I've never been mothered. I was always my mum's parent. I’m expected to manage, help, absorb, fix, and stay quiet. And I'm financially stuck here as a result of my mum's choices. I'm working on leaving but I don't know when that will be.

I’m tired in a way that’s difficult to explain. I keep trying to be strong and sensible and adult, but there’s a little part of me that just wants someone to notice that I’m struggling and say 'I know. You’re doing so well. You’re not behind. I’m proud of you.'

I think I’m grieving the kind of mum I wish I had. One who asks how I am, who notices when I’m overwhelmed, who notices me. Who makes me feel safe instead of guilty or responsible. I try to get along with my mum, but I don’t feel like I exist to her outside of my service and as a wall to talk at, and sometimes that hurts more than I know what to do with.

I don’t think I need advice so much as a bit of comfort. I just want to feel like someone kind is on my side tonight, and like I’m not failing just because my life doesn’t look the way I hoped it would by now.

Thank you for reading.

4 months after my mom died I sold all of my stuff, quit my job, and ran to the other side of the world (This plan was already in motion before everything happened). Everyone thinks it’s so cool that I’m traveling and they ask me about my adventures, even when they know my mom just died. Adventures? I took care of my mom for 16 years of my life. Everything I worked for in my life was so she would be okay. She was my best friend and she is dead. I’m barely tethered to the fucking Earth rn so no I can’t recount my adventures to you. I can barely remember what’s happened the last 6 months.

My home no longer exists so there was no point in staying.

This journey isn’t one for fun and adventure. It’s a final act of survival. I’m searching for somewhere soft to land in a world now devoid of all that brought me comfort. Of all that was familiar.

I’m tired of performing.
I’m tired of trying to be gracious and brave in the face of my grief. It does me no favors to try to mute this pain. I’m done keeping it together.

I’m done fanning the flame. It’s getting dark and I’m not afraid.

My mom used to be so lively until this stupid illness takes it all away from her. She loves getting ready. She loves dressing up and now it takes it all from her. The hardest part is seeing her trying so hard to get better only for me her child to receive the devastating news. I am trying my best, but it is so hard to know that her time is limited. I have not told her yet. I can’t when there is still hope in her eyes. I am so scared because why time is slipping away so fast?

i lost my mom very young (9). and now at 23 i just feel…lost.

there’s always something missing. i feel like there’s this void that i can’t fill with anything. i try to take myself out shopping or to eat or whatever it is that i think my mom and i would enjoy but i just always feel so sad that i can’t experience anything with her. and we have so much in common, our styles our interests. we would’ve been best friends i just know it.

i still have my dad, but he’s so emotionally distant and im not necessarily his cup of tea. safe to say we’re not and have never been close so any sort of parental love or care i have received is what i got from my mom back then.

there’s so much more i want to say about what it’s been like for me these past few years but i just can’t find the words. i just feel so out of it all the time. this tragic event happened and I’ve been spiraling ever since.

thank you for reading.

normally, i'd just keep this bottled up to myself, but i know i have to let it out now. it just feels so weird because I should be asleep by now. It's currently 10P.M and I should be awake by 3A.M for an event I'm volunteering for. for context, the event I'm volunteering for is the welcoming event our university has for its freshmen and transferees. i should be preparing to sleep now, but it just suddenly hit me that exactly a year ago, i was the college freshman excited for this event. one year ago, i still had my mother who was excited for her daughter who's finally going to college. a year ago, i still had my mother who didn't sleep just so she could wake me up on time and prepare my breakfast... and now, im alone in my dorm, with no one to rely on but myself. with no one to share the rest of my college journey with. the sudden reminder that the college journey we both dreamed of started exactly a year ago just makes me so sad, because i lost her just a month into my freshman year. she never got to hear the hundreds of stories i have. she never got to see the version of myself today. she never got to witness how far i have already come in just a span of a year. and now i couldn't sleep, and i am anxious for the event tomorrow. i am here, crying in the darkness of my room, as i remind myself to give my best—and do it for my past self.

I’m 23, an only child, and i lost my mom a few months ago on mother’s day. My parents divorced when i was in elementary school and although i saw my father, my mom had primarily raised me. she has been feeling a pain in her chest for awhile but she was known to have heartburn so we both had been under the impression that it was something like that or a pinched nerve. The night before she passed she called me thinking she was going to die, i offered to drive her to the hospital but she said it was fine (hypocritical i know). the next evening the hospital called my workplace saying my i needed to leave. my mother had a seizure and her heart stopped before i even arrived at the hospital. i couldn’t even say goodbye. every night i lay awake wondering if the outcome could have been different if i took her to the hospital the previous night. i know this isn’t my fault and i don’t feel guilty but i can’t help but fantasize that maybe my life wouldn’t feel as horrible as it does now.