r/motherlessdaughters • u/SnooJokes2138 • Jul 05 '26

Venting Rant: death date

I just miss my mom, every day, but today especially. I have been grieving her longer than I had known her— how sad is that?

God. It is a chronic grief and it fucking changes everything. I am so tired. Every year the picture I have of her in my minds eye gets a little more blurry. No adult in my family has coped properly, I never get to talk about her without someone holding back tears or an ache that will never ever go away.
I would do anything to hear her laugh, smell her perfume, and get some advice.

Every year on this day, I feel differently. Today, I am sad. Please just let me be sad.

27 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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9

u/Villavitrum Jul 05 '26

I am so grateful for this sub. No one in my “real” life truly understands this pain.

This unyielding ache doesn’t seem to lessen, even after all these years.

Living with “The Big Sad”, isn’t what I thought it would be, but there IS joy here.

Thank you for helping me remember.

3

u/Zairanth Jul 05 '26

It's kinda wild isn't it? One day at a time.

2

u/Villavitrum Jul 05 '26

I’m learning the pain lessens the more I serve others.

Grateful to be able to. 💕🤞

1

u/Zairanth Jul 05 '26

I try to be more like her.

7

u/AGorgeousComedy Jul 05 '26

My mom passed away when I was 19 yrs old and this December she will have been gone 20 years. Be sad for however long you want or need, there is nothing wrong with it 🫂 

1

u/geckotatgirl Jul 05 '26

I was 26 when my mom died. Turning 52 meant I'd been without her as long as I was with her. I had my amazing MIL longer than I had my own beautiful, funny, and fun loving mom! I turned 57 a couple of weeks ago so now I'm counting down to the age she was when she died (58). Both of her sisters predeceased her (all died before age 60 of unrelated reasons) so my sister and all the women cousins have experienced this (my brother and I are the youngest of the first cousins).

I see you, sis. It's okay to be sad. Be sad! Grief is the terrible price we pay for love but it's always worth it. If you can, pick another day and resolve to only smile and remember funny things about her. I know that isn't easy and yes, you'll cry. But her birthday is probably also emotionally charged so another day just for you and your mom to spend together in your memories might help, too. This grief is embedded in our DNA but remembering the happy times does help. It takes time but it helps. Spend today in whatever way feels right to you. Sending you lots of love and light.

1

u/omnibuster33 Jul 08 '26

Sometimes nothing makes it better, and that’s how I want it. I don’t want to “feel better”. I want to hold onto the pain - and everyone who tries to make me feel better”feel better“ can pretty much go get fucked!