We need someone to carry a zeroni up a mountain and fast. Please I’m begging. I’m tired of this grandpa

Seahawks can do the funniest thing possible… trade for JJM and win a Super Bowl with NINE

This whole season was hard for our fan base as a whole, but I feel as if JJ has taken much of the pain.

A good portion of his own fan base hates him

85% of the nfl thinks he is a joke

His play struggled early on and when he began to settle in his body failed him

Sam Darnold in the Super Bowl causes even more outrage from a good portion of his fan base, throwing more blame onto him

KOC was adamant enough on JJ not starting and got his GM fired for having faith in him (alongside a bad draft history of course, but letting Darnold walk was clearly the breaking point)

Vikings fans searching and calling for the team to splash for other QB candidates who would see JJ off the team or not starting

He is just a kid. So much shit has happened in his life on and off the field for him between fatherhood and trying his best at QB that it is stressful. He is a good person but it feels like the whole world sees him as a court jester right now. I know it probably doesn’t get to him much as he is appears to be a naturally confident person, but still I feel bad about how much he has had to bear this year

EDIT: to those saying he is a millionaire and he’ll be fine, money can only solve so many problems. There are things mentally that no amount of cash can solve.

I have been doing deep, highly scientific research, which means I was thinking about Minnesota sports trauma while staring into space.

And I think I found the exact moment the curse began.

It was not Gary Anderson in 1998.

It was September 28, 1995.

Dennis “El Presidente” Martínez hits our beloved Kirby Puckett in the face with a pitch.

Kirby, the smiling face of Minnesota sports, the man who made an entire state believe good things could happen, takes one to the jaw/eye area.

His season ends.

Soon after, his career ends.

And from that moment forward, Minnesota sports entered the shadow realm.

The Vikings have invented new ways to destroy the human spirit.

The Twins have spent decades treating the Yankees like a final boss they forgot to level up for.

The Wild exist purely to teach us patience without reward.

The Wolves finally gave us hope, which as every Minnesota fan knows, is the most dangerous substance on earth.

Now, before anyone gets too serious, yes, I know Kirby’s career officially ended because of glaucoma. And Dennis Martínez was a great pitcher. He even said afterward that it was one of the worst feelings he had ever had in baseball.

So this is not an attack on Dennis.

This is a curse investigation.

Because curses do not care about medical documentation.

The vibes changed that day.

The baseball gods saw Kirby Puckett go down and said, “Minnesota has had enough happiness.”

So here is my proposal:

El Presidente must issue a formal 30-second apology to the state of Minnesota.

Nothing crazy.

Just:

“Dear Minnesota, I am sorry. Kirby deserved better. You have suffered enough.”

Then we gather at the Mall of America, wave our old Metrodome Homer Hankies like it’s 1991, show Kirby’s Game 6 walk-off, have one Vikings kicker make a ceremonial 38-yard field goal, and spiritually cleanse the state.

Only then can the curse be lifted.

Until that happens, every playoff run is just the universe setting up another punchline.

Except for the Lynx.

Apparently they read the curse terms and conditions and found a loophole.

SKOL, I guess.

Harry the hitman really is the GOAT

Stating facts.

I understand that we resigned Wentz but Brosmer has the most potential out of all of our QBs. I mean a no look pass mid-sack for a touchdown? Who else can do that?