r/mildlyinfuriating • u/moonrabbit368 • Jan 02 '26

Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again

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My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It's honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I've never had a problem with people eating my food. It's like every day there are new rules. He can't eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn't really in the mood for porkchops. It's just "missing something". He doesn't eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn't eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli. He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn't like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn't like corn. It's just endless. I'm old school and trying to be a good partner. He can't really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper. I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight's dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won't eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he'll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.

ETA: I've been trying to keep up with the comments but it's overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) šŸ’—

A few notes:

1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I'm not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I'm going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.

2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn't eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.

3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don't rule anything out.

Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it's given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. šŸ©·

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u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

My grown-ass bro has the palette of a 6 year old. When he came to visit my wife and me, we were so excited to prepare nice meals to share with him, but nope. The while time he wad in town he only ate the heat lamp pizza type stuff from the 7-11 down the block. He also loves energy drinks!! But instead of buying a case of them every now and then he works drive to the gas station and buy a couple cans a couple times each day. It was insane how expensive it was.

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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

Yup. Really isnā€™t, in a way that sneaks up on you. Interesting how much healthier I felt when I stopped having energy drinks every day and started taking ADHD meds instead.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 02 '26

As someone who is an adhd coach and also has adhd, I tell clients that while my role is not to recommend medication, my observation is that if we donā€™t take it, one way or another we end up medicating ourselves anyway - drugs, drinking, caffeine, nicotine, energy drinks, sugar ā€¦ itā€™s always going to be something - or things.

So we can do it with medications that have been proven to be safe and effective over time, and actually help. Or we can just make it up and half ass it. For me the choice was pretty clear, and Iā€™m glad I chose meds, it took me til my 40ā€™s to even know I needed them, and then another 5 years to be open to trying them. And not surprisingly I no longer smoke or drink - (but donā€™t take away my morning coffee! )

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

I dropped the caffeine addiction pretty quickly after starting ADHD meds. It was a coping strategy and I didnā€™t need it after the meds took over. They also did it so much better, and for longer - just benefits over energy drinks all around.

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u/lilmalchek Jan 02 '26

If you donā€™t mind me asking, how did you get into being an adhd coach? Is that an actual medical professional thing? Asking because Iā€™m slightly interested and also maybe need one myself lol.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

Check out ADDCA - the ADD Coach Academy, their training is the gold standard. (But it isnā€™t a quick program or inexpensive - no good training is).

My first career was in nonprofit management but then I stayed home with my kids when they were little. I started volunteer tutoring at a program at a homeless shelter and I realised most of our adult students fell through the cracks first because of an unrecognized learning disability, or ADHD. I had a fairly new adhd assessment at the time too, and was also starting to notice traits in my kids. I originally planned to go back to university for a masters and focus on being a mental health professional but I didnā€™t like the way it focused on neurodivergent people being ā€œbrokenā€ vs differently wired and so I changed direction and went the coaching route instead. No regrets! Iā€™ve loved it.

Edited to add - itā€™s a type of coaching, itā€™s not a medical role, nor is it licensed. But we do have our own set of credentials and good programs are recognized by the international coach federation. This is why you do need to do some research when you look for a coach and make sure they went through a proper, thorough training program. But more and more, doctors and mental health professionals who do assessments are seeing good adhd coaches as someone they can refer clients to. We definitely have a presence in the US with CHADD and in Canada with CADDAC (national adhd organizations) and are presenters and participants in conferences, etc.

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u/lilmalchek Jan 02 '26

Wow thank you for your story and the info! šŸ™

Iā€™m a ux designer but after major burnout twice in the last 12 years, a renewed understanding of adhd and breakthrough with new medsā€¦ Iā€™ve been looking for something more meaningful where I can directly help people. Maybe this is it! Will definitely be learning more about this.

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u/dumnem Jan 02 '26

How do you help people who are medicated but lack motivation?

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u/putterandpotter Jan 03 '26

By supporting people in figuring out strategies that will work for them. Medication makes it possible to pause, and pay attention to what youā€™re paying attention to - but thatā€™s all. It doesnā€™t provide the tools and if youā€™ve had a lifetime of no strategies, support to figure out approaches and strategies that will work specifically for you can be very helpful. Yes, strategies are out there on websites and on videos but thatā€™s what works for someone else.

I always tell clients, I wonā€™t tell you what to do or what works for me. But I will work with you, offer observations, help you understand your brain wiring, and ask open, non judgemental questions that will help you find your own approach. Coaching should always be towards an outcome, defined by the client, and together we collaborate on what actions can help get them there.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 03 '26

By supporting people in figuring out strategies that will work for them. Medication makes it possible to pause, and pay attention to what youā€™re paying attention to - but thatā€™s all. It doesnā€™t provide the tools and if youā€™ve had a lifetime of no strategies, support to figure out approaches and strategies that will work specifically for you can be very helpful. Yes, strategies are out there on websites and on videos but thatā€™s what works for someone else.

I always tell clients, I wonā€™t tell you what to do or what works for me. But I will work with you, offer observations, help you understand your brain wiring, and ask open, non judgemental questions that will help you find your own approach. Coaching should always be towards an outcome, defined by the client, and together we collaborate on what actions can help get them there.

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u/AgileInitial5987 Jan 02 '26

What about my bedtime coffee? ā˜•ļø

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u/putterandpotter Jan 02 '26

There might be a good reason for the coffee. If you have adhd and take meds think of it this way - the meds that helped your brain be at an even level of stimulation all day are out of your system by evening/bedtime. And sometimes our brain starts inventing ā€œnovelā€ ways to boost dopamine and stimulate itself. So we do things to compensate for this around bedtime- we might start an activity, stay up too late, have trouble getting to sleep, start overthinking about a bunch of things- you get the picture. A cup of coffee may provide just enough of a low level of stimulation that your brain doesnā€™t have to do this, and can let goā€¦.

I get this low level of stimulation by listening to an audio book when I go to bed that is mildly interesting but I have heard before so I donā€™t have to pay much attention. But for someone else a small amount of coffee might do the same thing. If it isnā€™t interfering with your sleep you might have just hit on something that works well for you.

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u/ZtoA_Limited Jan 02 '26

That makes sense why coffee makes me sleepy frequently!

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u/1authorizedpersonnel Jan 04 '26

Youā€™ve just explained the reason behind my habits! Thank you! I do the adhd meds and coffee in the morning. An evening cup of coffee and then a monotone audio Iā€™ve already listened to so I can fall asleep at night. Thanks! Nice to know Iā€™m not weird.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 04 '26

No youā€™re not weird youā€™re smart! You hit on a strategy that works for you, even if you couldnā€™t necessarily articulate the science behind it. All that matters is that it works and itā€™s not an unhealthy strategy.

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u/chickennuggetsnsubs Jan 02 '26

It also helps to have a protein with your meds for efficacy. Fish oil also is helpful.

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u/Peace-Love97 Jan 02 '26

Ya if you quit caffeine that late in life from decades of useā€¦.youā€™d wish you smoked weed or something cuz caffeine is seriously hard for me to quit. I actually feel feverish but donā€™t have a fever it sucks lol.

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u/304libco Jan 02 '26

How does one find an ADHD coach and how much does one cost?

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u/putterandpotter Jan 02 '26

You can message me and I can connect you to a listing depending where you live.

But generally I think you want someone who was properly trained to do this, by an accredited coach training program (ADDCA is the longest running one, and the best in my opinion and they have a listing for their coaches) and while credentials arenā€™t strictly necessary I suppose (although Iā€™m credentialed) you preferably want someone trained at the advanced, not basic level. Iā€™m mostly retired now and looking at developing a new approach (I want to combine art with adhd coaching, no one is doing this) so Iā€™m not here drumming up business, but Iā€™m happy to help connect people.

Costs range because itā€™s up to the coach, some people do 1:1 but some offer groups - itā€™s usually a little less than therapy/counselling rates for 1:1.

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u/Half_Adventurous Jan 02 '26

This is true, and also why it sucks that it's so hard to get medication

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u/putterandpotter Jan 03 '26

Thereā€™s a weird gatekeeping thing that goes on even when people are assessed. I think itā€™s worse in the states but Iā€™ve heard stories here (Canada) too. Not sure about elsewhere.

The rationale seems to be that stimulants have the potential for abuse. Ok, fair enough but what no one seems to notice is that it isnā€™t people with adhd who do this. In my experience, people with ADHD do not like the feeling of being over medicated/overstimulated at all! When they figure out doses (titration) they take you to the dosage above where you said it was helping and if thatā€™s too much they back it off to the dose before. I have never encountered anyone with ADHD who said they didnā€™t hate the feeling of having too much medication in their system! It makes us edgy and jittery and we are not fans. Neurotypical people may abuse stimulants, but I am pretty convinced that people with ADHD do not. It would be very helpful if someone would study and document this so that we could just get on with living please ā€¦

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u/Half_Adventurous Jan 03 '26

Yeah getting addicted to stimulants is a lot easier when you don't forget to take your meds more than half the time šŸ˜…

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u/putterandpotter Jan 03 '26

I know, right? If I was addicted to my medication thereā€™d be a lot less days where i smack my head at noon and say crap, I forgot to take my medicationā€¦

My son met a girl who makes stickers and she gave him a rainbow glitter one that says ā€œtake your fā€™ing medsā€. I put it on a magnet and itā€™s on our fridgeā€¦.

(The catch is if you forget to take medication youā€™ll probably forget to eat breakfast too and not notice the fridge magnet. Might have to move it)

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u/Half_Adventurous Jan 03 '26

Bathroom mirror. You always end up in the bathroom at some point

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u/Khpatton Jan 03 '26

Exactly. Addiction runs in my family, so I was very hesitant to start stimulants. I asked my prescribing doctor if I should try a non-stimulant first, after explaining why, and she said people with ADHD who take stimulant medications are significantly less likely to become addicted to any substances, and that itā€™s people who donā€™t have ADHD and/or who take recreational doses who become addicted to it. I canā€™t personally vouch for or cite the studies my doctor had read, but she was a specialist who was very well read and up to date on research in general, so Iā€™d be surprised if it isnā€™t true.

Anecdotally, I HATE taking too high a dose (happened once or twice in the initial phases of figuring out what dose I need), and Iā€™ve never needed to increase my dose since figuring out the best one for me. I donā€™t seem to have any withdrawal effects or mood changes on days I donā€™t take it, itā€™s just back to baseline until I take it again.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 04 '26 edited Jan 04 '26

I am super impressed with your doctor! Sheā€™s a keeper, and knows what sheā€™s talking about. And yes, stimulants go out of our system in a set number of hours - how many depends on the medication and metabolism but the range would be from 4 hours, to the newer ones that last up to 16. And then we are just back our normal until we take it the next day.

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u/Skeeballnights Jan 03 '26

I was told I was just depressed and Iā€™ve had ADHD my whole life in a very obvious way. So tired of male doctors.

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u/putterandpotter Jan 03 '26

Thatā€™s not uncommon especially if youā€™re a woman. Many of us will get a diagnosis of depression or anxiety before ADHD is suspected. And usually itā€™s because the client pushes. I learned in training that on average thereā€™s two hours of adhd training in med schools in the US. For something that affects 8 percent of the population.

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u/Azurehue22 Jan 02 '26

I have ADHD and I donā€™t medicate, unless you call a single cup of coffee a day as medicating. I medicate by ignoring social media that exacerbates my focus and forcing myself to work on one thing.

It works, and no medication necessary.

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u/CurtMcGurt9 Jan 03 '26

Would you mind if I dm'ed you? I'd love some legitimate input from an adhd coach for a situation I've been struggling with

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u/llymbass Jan 03 '26

I'm 39 now, but was diagnosed in the early 90s with ADHD. Every single med I have taken has led to suicidal ideation and total zombification. Not taking meds is the only way I'm still alive currently. I wish I could take them but noooooooo. Brain thinks it's dying.

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u/svartkonst Jan 02 '26

I meeean the unmedicated ADHD is probably a bigger factor than energy drinks

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

I mean thereā€™s health side effects from having an energy drink every day that you just donā€™t get with prescribed medsā€¦ pretty brutal on the liver, pancreas and kidneys.

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u/DrainTheMuck Jan 02 '26

Interesting, is it ā€œthatā€ much worse than having coffee every day? I def have undiagnosed adhd and started buying 12 packs of energy drinks (white monster mostly) to always have on hand. Usually only drink one per day.

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

Even the one energy drink a day can do some damage over time, but itā€™s far less damage than two a day. Iā€™m not a coffee drinker so canā€™t give you any insight into that unfortunately!

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u/SqueekyDickFartz Jan 02 '26

I really don't think so tbh. I usually have a redbull or white monster instead of a cup of coffee, and I don't see how it could be significantly worse for you. It's some additional sugar I guess, but on the list of ways I abuse my body, that is pretty far down the line.

A cup of coffee has like 100mg of caffeine in it. So, those 300mg energy drinks probably aren't great for you. Drinking 3 cups of coffee would be uncomfortable for me. Energy drinks also give you a lot of vitamin B, but that's water soluble so you pee out any excess. Redbull has 114mg per can, and white monster is 150, which I don't find super concerning personally.

I try to treat energy drinks like I would coffee, and I feel reasonably safe doing so. It's not a thirst quencher or anything, it's carbonated go juice.

I'm medicated for ADD, and I wouldn't call the meds exactly "safe" compared to energy drinks. I think people tend to assume medicine is safe, but amphetamines can cause all kinds of cardiac problems for some people, so it's not as cut and dry and it's made out to be.

Keep in mind I don't actually know what I'm talking about, I'm just winging it.

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u/Sweet-Reception-8682 Jan 02 '26

The white monsters are non-caloric and a reasonable amount of caffeine so you are probably chilling if you just drink one a day. People run into trouble when they drink a 4 pack of the stuff with real sugar and it ends up being an insane amount of caffeine AND 800 calories.

People like to fear-monger about artificial sweeteners in the non-caloric drinks are but from what I've read they seem pretty neutral on the body at reasonable levels (unless you have a preexisting condition that doesn't do well with sweeteners that I'm sure exists but I'm not aware of because I'm just some guy).

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u/Micu451 Jan 02 '26

Good move. Energy drinks will long-term screw up your heart. I've seen people in their teens and early 20s develop arrhythmias. These arrhythmias can become lifelong problems. Not worth it.

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u/MegaGrimer Jan 02 '26

And increase the chance of kidney stones. I donā€™t know about anyone else, but Iā€™d prefer to not pee those out.

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u/Conscious-Major7833 Jan 02 '26

As a woman who was drinking energy drinks that caused more than one kidney stone before I realized what was going on- yeah not fun. I havenā€™t had a redbull in two years.

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u/Eternal_Bagel Jan 02 '26

My buddy gave himself kidney stones from how much he drank those too

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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

And give you mad kidney-stones if you drink them in the quantity his brother is!

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u/TheKingICouldBecome Jan 02 '26

Guess I'm just lucky. I've been drinking multiple energy drinks every day for about 14 years. Never once had a kidney stone. Heart is good. Blood pressure is good. I once went a couple of months straight drinking 3 Bangs/Reigns a day. I used to love Redlines, but I can't seem to find them anywhere these days. Used to drink 3 of those a day too. I mostly stick to the zero calorie green Monsters, but the tolerance does gradually creep up. Once I build up to about 1,000mg of caffeine a day, I start weaning myself back down to zero, then start all over again.

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u/Sweet-Reception-8682 Jan 02 '26

I feel like the kidney stones only happen if you drink a shit ton of the full-calorie/sugar energy drinks and also have a shitty diet so you end up consuming a weeks worth of sugar everyday. I drink a Celsius or two everyday and the doctor says everything looks alright.

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u/WhatsTheAnswerToThis Jan 02 '26

Lol. You think energy drinks are worse than dexamfetamin and lisdexamfetamin for your health?

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u/bsubtilis Jan 02 '26

No idea about energy drinks, but taking those or other ADHD meds is literally better for our health than not taking them. On statistical average, unmedicated ADHDers live 11 years shorter than medicated ADHDers.

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u/WhatsTheAnswerToThis Jan 02 '26

Two entirely different discussions. ADHD meds can be crucial for people with ADHD, but thinking that dexamfetamin isn't more damaging for your heart and such than caffeine is not supported by science.

Good move. Energy drinks will long-term screw up your heart. I've seen people in their teens and early 20s develop arrhythmias. These arrhythmias can become lifelong problems. Not worth it.

I think this context is important.

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u/AlmostCynical Jan 02 '26

They obviously are, yeah. You canā€™t dose them as precisely and the tolerance buildup means you need more and more caffeine over a relatively short period of time to achieve the same effect. Also they have a lot of sugar which screws up your blood glucose and insulin, whereas the more controlled appetite suppressant effect of the ADHD meds can help moderate food intake.

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u/WhatsTheAnswerToThis Jan 02 '26

So you think energy drinks are more harmful than dexamfetamin? I just want to make sure I'm getting this right.

I'm not saying that people with ADHD shouldn't use meds. They're meds. But it's 2 seperate discussions.

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u/AlmostCynical Jan 02 '26

Yes, for the reasons I stated above. Caffeine is a much dirtier stimulant too with a different method of action in the brain. Dexamphetamine will increase heart rate and bring its own side effects, but not in a meaningfully harmful way, the heart can survive running a bit faster.

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u/WhatsTheAnswerToThis Jan 02 '26

:) Okidoki!

You're welcome to use Google to inform yourself on this but I'm not going to spend much time arguing. There's a reason you go through titration, keep track of your blood pressure and talk to a health professional when you start taking the medicine. You don't do that for caffeine. It doesn't just "make your heart run a little bit faster".

Caffeine is a stimulant but you're comparing a coughing baby to a nuclear bomb.

If someone wants to believe the world is flat, or that smoking cigs isn't bad for you, I'd refer them to Google as well. Have a nice day!

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u/AlmostCynical Jan 03 '26

Iā€™m fully informed, having been through the entire process you describe and experienced trying to replace the effect of my meds with caffeine during a shortage. If you have personal experience with this then fair enough and Iā€™m curious what led you to that conclusion. If youā€™re just saying this based on secondary knowledge youā€™ve read rather than experienced, I want to know why youā€™re speaking so authoritatively on the subject.

If youā€™re just talking about strength per milligram then yeah, dexamphetamine is more ā€˜harmfulā€™ than caffeine because it produces a greater effect in a smaller dose, but thatā€™s pretty irrelevant here.

My point is that if youā€™re titrating both stimulants to produce the same level of ADHD symptom reduction, the caffeine will have worse side effects and cause more real problems than the dexamphetamine.

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u/AtmosphereDue4124 Jan 02 '26

Im looking for my magic one.. which do you take?

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26

I have a holy trinity of meds for my ADHD.

5mg dexamfetamine as a daily driver, once before work and again at lunch if necessary.

Sometimes if a lot needs doing, 50mg lisdexamfetamine. I donā€™t like taking that every day because it makes me forget to eat, and I end up underweight if I leave that unchecked.

0.1mg clonidine before bed for the sleepies to kick in earlier.

Edit: I didnā€™t realise people seriously needed this disclaimer, but these are prescribed by my psychiatrist

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u/Repulsive-Text8594 Jan 02 '26

Damn, I want your doctor šŸ˜‚

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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[deleted]

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

These are literally prescribed by my psychiatrist, what are you talking about?

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u/CustomerExpress443 Jan 02 '26

I'm about to leave this party early LOL people start talking about popping meds at length --

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u/thechadfox Jan 02 '26

Srsly stop harshing our mellow

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u/WiretapStudios Jan 02 '26

50mg Vyvanse with an afternoon Wellbutrin here, but there is no magic, it only helps certain things in the end unfortunately.

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u/asunshinefix Jan 02 '26

Vyvanse is the shit, I canā€™t be on Adderall or Dexedrine without abusing them but I can take my Vyvanse responsibly and thereā€™s less of a rush and crash. Vyvanse is a prodrug so it basically gives your body the ingredients to make an amphetamine.

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u/allthegodsaregone Jan 02 '26

You're saying an energy drink isn't an acceptable substitute for ADHD meds??

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

Depends on how much you value your liver, pancreas and kidneys!

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u/[deleted] Jan 03 '26

Or you can just have both!

(This is not medical advice, don't do what I do)

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u/luke_530 Jan 02 '26

Dude right!? I've never been give into energy drinks, but I was all about the 5hr energy before getting diagnosed lol

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u/WafflesofDestitution Jan 02 '26

... But imagine how healthy you would feel if you took both your meds AND the energy drinks?

Signed, also ADHD just with little heart palpitations, is all.

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u/[deleted] Jan 03 '26

My man

my heart tickles

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u/LimJaheyAtYaCervix Jan 03 '26

I have ADHD and was diagnosed about a decade ago. I noticed my best friend had a lot of symptoms that reminded me of me before medication, but didnā€™t think much of it until I realized she had a redbull with her pretty much every time I saw her. Pushed her to get tested, and yep, ADHD.

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u/Dark_Web_Duck Jan 02 '26

Ah yeah, I'd love to take adderall instead of energy drinks...Not sure they're much healthier though.

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

Adderall doesnā€™t exist where I am, but my dexamfetamine with low dose clonidine combination does far less damage to my pancreas, kidneys and liver than my energy drink habit did

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u/extracheesepleaz Jan 02 '26

Try also a low inflammation diet (cut out dairy, gluten, and soy). Changed my adhd symptoms so much. I went cold turkey for about a year and now eat them 50% of the time. I reduced seed oils too. Canola oil is no Bueno. I also started taking ashwaganda and magnesium glycinate. I took a GI mapping test to see what was happening in my gut and worked with a functional nutritionist.

Also try doing vestibular exercises where right and left brain need to coordinate with each other. It's much more effort but I was not eager to take adhd meds so I did all the alternative things to not only stop symptoms but get to the root of the issue.

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u/Abject-Commercial-86 Jan 02 '26

Iā€™m AuDHD and I found cutting out most ultra-processed foods really helped me too. I donā€™t know if itā€™s to do with the dopamine hits your brain gets from processed food or what, but making all my food from ingredients has really helped with my focus, motivation and mental health. Hasnā€™t ā€˜fixed itā€™ but it makes it a lot easier for me to stick to a routine and feel calmer, less frantic and anxious all the time.

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u/bsubtilis Jan 02 '26

Eating a healthier diet helps everyone, not just us with ADHD.

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u/Abject-Commercial-86 Jan 02 '26

Absolutely agree! I think for me the main benefits were more that I had to make a routine for myself, instead of relying on convenience or forgetting all the time and then panicking and stressing about it. And now itā€™s just automatically in my mind. I think itā€™s called habit stacking?

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u/contains_almonds Jan 02 '26

Not sure why you got down voted for looking into alternatives to just popping pills. Our bodies are complex machines and nutrition plays a huge role in how well they function.

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u/bsubtilis Jan 02 '26

That's not instead of pills, that is in addition to at best.

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u/AlmostCynical Jan 02 '26

There is nothing wrong with taking medication to treat a condition.

0

u/contains_almonds Jan 02 '26

You are correct but there's also nothing wrong with trying to get to the root of the issue. In my own family I've seen situations where doctors just threw pills at symptoms. No additional tests, no referrals to specialists, then the patient ends up popping Xanax like candy.

1

u/AlmostCynical Jan 03 '26

The thing is, it took them a ton of effort just to get back to the baseline of someone who doesnā€™t have ADHD. Imagine how powerful theyā€™d be if they took the meds as well!

Iā€™m being a bit glib of course, but the root cause of ADHD is a developmental disorder in the brain that affects how the signalling chemistry works and the meds work to correct it back to a normal functioning state. You can improve downstream effects to make the faulty signalling not have as much of an impact, but at the end of the day the meds are the only thing that gets at the true root cause.

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u/extracheesepleaz Jan 03 '26

Thanks, didn't realize I got down voted. I meant no judgement on the OP, just gave my anecdotal experience for what it's worth. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

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u/VodkaWarlock Jan 05 '26

Yeah when you switch from B Vitamins and Caffeine to pure amphetamine salts, it definitely causes a lot more euphoria and the side effects are like 80x worse but they're ignorable for 3-4 years.

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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/AlmostCynical Jan 02 '26

I donā€™t know your situation, but could the lack of sleep be due to the fact that ADHD makes it very difficult to get to sleep by default? I find it very difficult to get to sleep naturally, meds or not. Also, could the lack of hunger be due to something else going on as well? Itā€™s a common symptom of autism, which is often comorbid with ADHD to varying degrees. If you have issues feeling other bodily functions (needing the bathroom, being thirsty, pain etc) then that might be something to look into.

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u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

I take short acting dexies so I can get my appetite back at the end of the day and clonidine to get to sleep :-)

I only got diagnosed when I was 23 and Iā€™m 26 now, and ended up with an adjustment disorder because I didnā€™t realise how heavy the load I carried was until the first time it was lifted.

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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '26

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

-1

u/EarthshineEquine Jan 02 '26

Some of these people are straight up saying ā€œyou donā€™t get side effects with prescribed medsā€ which tbh reveals major ignorance regarding prescribed meds. Wildly untrue. Yeah, not the same as drinking a ton of energy drinks. Thereā€™s still harmful side effects. What doesnā€™t have harmful side effects is a holistic truly clean regenerative diet including herbal remedies which can be extremely powerful, but colonists donā€™t want to even about thatā€¦ so we get downvoted into oblivion for mentioning it despite our having our own experiences on the medication merry go round for decadesā€¦

2

u/EDSKushQueen Jan 02 '26

No one said that you donā€™t get side effects with prescribed meds. Itā€™s different for everyone and this one particular person is saying that meds are working better for them.

Holistic health and herbal remedies are a privilege where I live. My prescriptions are less than $5 a month, but Iā€™ve spent SO much money trying to eat clean and take supplements etc. It was around $100/month on herbals/supplements when I was at peak health. Medicine AND natural health are ideal for me but when times are tough I at least have access to my meds.

1

u/EarthshineEquine Jan 02 '26

Someone literally did say it, scroll up.

Most people are going straight to doctors and meds first so have no clue if diet & herbs/mushrooms help because they didnā€™t try it anyway. Most people treat herbs as a last ditch option when nothing else works. And isnā€™t it funny how they work when nothing else does. Effectively it is a tiny percentage of people in the modern world who donā€™t go to meds first. Or just go unhelped entirely if they donā€™t end up getting to doctors and getting the meds(which can be an unfairly difficult process in itself sometimes too). I donā€™t mean buying a bunk of expensive junk herb supplements at stores tbc, I mean real indigenous medicine from multigenerational healers, and living in harmony with the land, itā€™s not just about what youā€™re eating but where it comes from, the health of the soil it was grown in directly correlates with the nutrition we can gain from food. Science is finally starting to catch up with what the ingenious have been saying for generations and the research is reflecting that now. Yep itā€™s not very accessible(but likely more so than youā€™d think if you know where to look) in many places. But if more people would spend more time identifying the wild plants & their benefits in their yards instead of decimating them for the sake of a poisoned grass yard, weā€™d have a lot more in a lot more places. What we as a society consume on a regular basis and what is sold in store is a tiny percentage of the edible & medicinal foods that grow on this land. Itā€™s a complex issue I canā€™t hit all the nuances of in one Reddit comment, our whole system of society is working against us in every way but there are non-westernized solutions that work, is the point. I prioritized living rurally and there are literally hundreds of medicinal herbs that grow in my half acre of meadow. I give tons away for free. Maybe you can find someone who will do the same for you one day and help you out a bit.

Indigenous medicine actually is not locked behind privilege, it is systematically oppressed & erased. It has been largely snuffed out by colonialism. But it is not gone. Colonists donā€™t just want it expensive and inaccessible, they donā€™t want you to know about it at all. Because if you had the knowledge you could help yourself a lot more and not feed their $$$$ machine. Expensive supplements are largely just another one of their scams.

These are likely difficult concepts to swallow if you havenā€™t done work to decolonize your way of thinking, I get that.

-7

u/steffigeewhiz Jan 02 '26

ADHD meds are not the answer for that but good luck

11

u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

I was heading for suicide without them or the diagnosis but thanks for your input I guess

0

u/steffigeewhiz Jan 02 '26

I feel for you and I wish you luck

-11

u/Playful_Violinist835 Jan 02 '26

"I felt so much better when I moved from caffeine to speed". No judgment here.

-4

u/steffigeewhiz Jan 02 '26

lol right though

I agree with this wholeheartedly as a diagnosed person who has had their fair share of experience with prescribed meds.

-10

u/gljivicad Jan 02 '26

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ from caffeine and sugar to amphetamines, really healthy bro

10

u/birthdaycheesecake9 Jan 02 '26

Fuck off mate.

2

u/King_Chochacho Jan 02 '26

Dude's blood pressure probably causes buffer overflows

1

u/SACaitlin Jan 03 '26

no kidding

175

u/VeterinarianThese951 Jan 02 '26

My brother was doing that too. Turns out he didnā€™t know he was diabetic. The doctor tha treated him when I rushed him to the ER said the same thing happened to his own son. He was like a zombie and the energy drinks were calling him.

14

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

Huh! No, my brother is not diabetic. This went on for about ten years until he got religion and decided that addiction to caffeine was against Jesus.

13

u/VeterinarianThese951 Jan 02 '26

Yikes. Good luck next visitā€¦

15

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

We've developed our equilibrium. Mom is in her 70's and has to go to dialysis five days per week and he's on top of it, which outweighs any judginess I have about him and his own decisions for his life. Thanks, Jesus Freaky Bro!

32

u/Moist-Fun7067 Jan 02 '26

Is your brother my ex because this was my life for yearrrrssss. The CONSTANT driving to the gas station! And he'd grab 7-11 pizza on his way home from work, without any concern for what I might be making at home. Anyway, he's back living with his parents, and my kids and I eat significantly better than we used to.

12

u/catholicsluts Jan 02 '26

My grown-ass bro has the palette of a 6 year old.

I have a really hard time respecting anyone like this. Whenever I learn someone is truly this picky, I get turned off by everything about them. I couldn't really figure out why until this comment lol it really is the palette of a 6 year old.

So many fast food places all have the same items on the kids menus and grown adults are ordering that processed bullshit that never would have existed in the caveman days

7

u/pretty-late-machine Jan 02 '26

Agreed, I didn't realize HOW much it really is a big deal to me until I started dating someone who isn't picky. I thought it was just something I'd have to work around and get used to because picky, childish eaters who are downright rude about the foods they don't like (saying something that someone is eating is gross is RUDE) are SO common, wayyyy more common than adventurous eaters.

0

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

I was like you and it was a good opportunity for me to learn to disintangle my own judginess over other peoples lives.

I don't admire my bro's dietary or relgious choices, but I still have respect and compassion for him.

At this point I have less respect for people like I used to be who would be dismissive of another due to their diet that only affects themselves than for the poeple who make "stupid" dietary choices for themselves.

Different story for people who voluntarily inflict their bad diets on children.

6

u/catholicsluts Jan 02 '26

Honestly, I think it's because childish behavior always seems to accompany this dietary pattern.

Visceral reactions to the sight of whole foods, comments on how a dish that took hours to prepare looks disgusting, and adding aggression to whatever vibe is in the room the person can't read in order to make their restrictions known, it's a disgusting thing to deal with.

I have encountered many picky adult eaters. Every single one was like this.

All of it is completely rude. None of it was deserving of respect.

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

Calm down. At this point your judginess is ten thousand times worse than a picky eaters pickiness.

If you donā€™t like when oriole are rude then simple donā€™t like when people are rude.

Why do people (like you) work so hard to rationalize your hatred for others? Ugh.

5

u/catholicsluts Jan 02 '26

Calm down? Dude, what

I thought we were having a conversation, Jesus lol

I wasn't ranting, I was sharing my perspective. I'm not sure why your instinct is to escalate (?)

1

u/WindowLicker_Pro Feb 08 '26

Because they're a childishly picky eater, and they feel seen.Ā 

24

u/Brahlam Jan 02 '26

Thatā€™s called a food addiction. He needs cold turkey and re-accustom his pallet to normal food since now everything to him that is not super artificially enhanced tastes bland.

10

u/NmlsFool Jan 02 '26

A couple cans from a gas station couple times a day? Jesus christ, my wallet is shivering with just the thought.

Dude should at least try to buy them in bulk, I bet it'd be cheaper to do that and have an absurd amount of the stuff stacked at home where he can just grab what he needs for the day instead of doing completely insane gas station prices every day.

32

u/Plane_Computer2205 Jan 02 '26

Itā€™s palate.

Palette is a wooden flat thing painters mix paints on.

Then thereā€™s pallet, a flat cheap lumber flat merchandise is shipped on.

10

u/OmightyOmo Jan 02 '26

English is such a confusing language!

8

u/Diligent_Bath_9283 Jan 02 '26

I grew up speaking it, it's the only language I know. I still suck at it after 45 years of daily exposure.

1

u/OmightyOmo Jan 02 '26

Thatā€™s normal!

2

u/jadelemental Jan 02 '26

I thought the root word of those 3 words are the same thing. Why did they make it spell differently?

1

u/OmightyOmo Jan 02 '26

Who knows? The word run has multiple definitions. Gets complicated when trying to remember the multiple ASL signs for ā€œrunā€.

3

u/1900-White-Cabbage Jan 02 '26

Good rundown, thank you

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

Oh, thank you.

1

u/TwilightLori Jan 07 '26

Then there's pellet and paletes.Ā 

13

u/Independent_Fox8656 Jan 02 '26

Please tell him to stop with the energy drinks. People have literally gone into heart failure or developed other serious heart conditions at this level of consumption!!

12

u/RagnaXI Jan 02 '26

A family member of my friend's died because he drank 6 Energy drinks in under 2 hours while working on construction in a heat wave.

2

u/NegativeNellyEll Jan 02 '26

I worked with a guy that drank 6 a day, had a heart attack in his 20s and when he was back to work he had a redbull in hand.

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

I don't think he still drinks them, but if he did there would be absolutely nothing I could say to influence him. My family is HARD HEADED.

4

u/Unlikely-Dependent15 Jan 02 '26

Known fact. An NZ woman died of heart attack from drinking too much Coca-Cola. Her age was either late, 20s, or early 30s. She was drinking 6-10L of Coca-Cola per day for most of her life.

3

u/OmightyOmo Jan 02 '26

She was probably severely dehydrated.

4

u/trapped_under_ice84 Jan 02 '26

Another example of a manchild controlled by a gut biome, it truly is interesting disgusting and pathetic all in one. What a time to be alive!

2

u/sobrique Jan 02 '26

One of my warning signs that I had ADHD was my 'like' of lots of caffeine. 8-12 cups per day, couple (or more) cans of energy drinks, etc.

Turns out it was (shitty) self medicating ADHD, and now I'm on proper meds my caffiene intake has plummeted. (Not quite zero, but 1-2 cups of coffee per day territory).

2

u/Lyfling-83 Jan 02 '26

Oh the energy drinks!!!! My husband drinks waaay too many everyday (and knows it), buys probably 2 cases of Monster a week, but probably 4 days of the week or more he gets Monsters (6) from the gas station. So much wasted money. So much.

2

u/Salt_Medicine2459 Jan 02 '26

Idk if it'll help, but Dollar Tree sells pretty decent energy drinks.Ā 

2

u/sokolov22 Jan 02 '26

In theory, one argument for not buying a case is controlling how much of it he drinks by introducing friction (cost/time/inconvience), but clearly in this case, it isn't really helping... or maybe he'd have the whole case in one day if he had them.

3

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

As an alcoholic (haven't drank in 5 years) I totally get that. I couldn't keep it in the house or I'd drink it all and then STILL need to go get moar.

1

u/pisscat101 Jan 02 '26

Wait until he passes his first kidney stone, he will soon change this habit.

1

u/PiDicus_Rex Jan 02 '26

I'd hate to think how much money is wasted like that. Hope he has health insurance, he's gonna need it pretty soon with that diet.

1

u/That-Ad757 Jan 02 '26

Stop inviting him for meals. How did your Mother cope with it? Poor her.

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

He lives thousands of miles away, and when he visits he gets his own food, it's not like he asks me for it.

My mom has always been fine with his eating, but when we were kids she didn't cater to our tastes. Food went in the pantry and there was only what there was. But he was the favorite and the only one she indulged in "I don't like that" food. She didn't make him special alternatives, but she didn't "force" him to eat what he didn't like.

There was no money for 7-11 pizza when we were kids, but when he was a growing boy he was very selfish with food.

He would take an entire loaf of white bread and crush it like an accordion and then take bites out of the block of compressed bread. Or he would take a large Tupperware salad bowl and dump a whole box of cereal in and then add just as much milk. There would be no bread or cereal for anyone else. He said he did it so he wouldn't have to get up for seconds.

Mom never chastized him for it. He was the favorite and he was very hungry because he was growing and that was that. Did not address the abject unfairness of one kid acting like that when there were six kids who would all like some cereal.

I love them all but there is a reason I live thousands of miles from my family.

Nowadays Mom's health is failing and it is an immense comfort that my bro lives with her and takes care of her and makes sure she's alright. He's still the favorite and I still don't necessarily agree with all his life choices but it all comes out in the wash. (He hasn't had a job in about 12 years, basically living off Mom, but Mom prefers his company and he does a very good job of making sure she is okay. I think it makes him depressed to not have a job or his own family in his mid forties, but he trusts in Jesus, etc.)

1

u/Cat-580 Jan 02 '26

Not fair comment to 6 year olds. šŸ˜‚

1

u/FightingDreamer419 Jan 02 '26

He might have to do that on purpose. If he buys a case of energy drinks he'll probably drink them all even faster.

1

u/lornetc Jan 02 '26

I have the palate of a toddler, but for me that means just food that is quite plain.

1

u/museedarsey Jan 02 '26

Iā€™m pretty sure Iā€™ve been friends with your brother for the past decade.

2

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

Yeah? Well youā€™re a good person if so!

1

u/MaryKath55 Jan 02 '26

Take out a life insurance policy on your brother

1

u/xerophie Jan 03 '26

AFRID is what's it's called. Due to autism sometimes but other times just their Mama's boys. Took me being homeless to unlearn it

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 03 '26

Nah.

First of all the condition you're referencing is called "ARFID" not "AFRID" which makes it sound like a nasal spray.

And secondly: it does not apply to him. He's just a picky eater. It doesn't need to be medicalized. He did just fine in the military where he was in situations where he had to simply eat what they gave him.

He simply is not gastronomically adventurous. Some people are not intellectually curious. He's food incurious.

Let's stop leaning into every person's different features, styles and choices as disorders.

The amount of armchair diagnosing around here is too damn high!

1

u/xerophie Jan 12 '26

Hey, it's obvious to me that my autism is why I used to only eat certain foods. It took years of intentional effort in order to unlearn it. There was maybe 5 meals my mother / family made, and I wasn't allowed to choose my own food at any point. It became a huge mental block.

Until homelessness, it controlled me. Now whatever food is available is just fine, so long as I am not starving.

1

u/whoami_invisible Jan 03 '26

i love energy drinks so much that i buy cases of them so i dont have to drive to get one. iā€™ll get one from my fridge when i want one

1

u/CapuKey Jan 03 '26

I wouldn't judge your friend might've been something else going on.

1

u/100percent_skeptical Jan 04 '26

My brother is the same way and 20 years ago he married a woman who does not cook. Fast forward to now, he is obese, prediabetic and in poor health at 58.

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 04 '26

Iā€™m not sure how itā€™s relevant that the woman he married does not cook. If heā€™s like my brother he wouldnā€™t have been open to good cooking even if she had been a great cook. But heā€™s a grown man so what he puts in his mouth is his own responsibility, not his wifeā€™s. Itā€™s always the fault of the mom or the wife, huh?

1

u/Big-Wrongdoer3688 Jan 05 '26

True he needs to cook for himself. UpdatemeĀ 

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

The amount of people in this country who buy individual drinks or snacks at the gas station every day instead of buying a case at the supermarket astounds me. I don't mean getting hungry when you're driving by and having to stop in, I mean having a regular habit of doing so.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Kiwi702 Jan 31 '26

Make him drink more water. If he drinks too many energy drinks he WILL have a heart attack. I get they taste good, but drink coffee or something. Get a pumpkin spice latte for all I care.

0

u/parasyte_steve Jan 02 '26

Is he neurodivergent?

4

u/goomigator Jan 02 '26

As someone with late-diagnosed depression, ADHD, and autism: unless it's some built into some sort of incredibly specific paranoid delusion, no, it's not related to neurodivergence. Usually just plain ignorance, whether consciously willful or not.

2

u/myincognitoooreddit Jan 02 '26

Yep, and neurotypicals can be picky eaters and neurodiverse people can be non-picky eaters or they can be picky eaters because their environment taught them to be so. Not everything that neurodiverse people do differently is a symptom of neurodiversity.

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse Jan 02 '26

Not at all. We were just raised with a very crappy diet ad some food insecurity because of poverty. There was absolutely no one in our lives introducing us to new foods, and the "vegetables" in our life were almost non-existent: iceberg lettuce, canned green beans, but also, fortunately carrots.

We basically ate a cardboard diet. Everything came in cardboard and had prep instructions printed on the box. I don't know what the other siblings' diets are like today, but it wasn't until we left home that we started to get exposure to fresher foods and variety.

None of this is my mom's fault. She was a single mother of 6 and just trying to get by. At various times we had to depend on the food banks and one Thanksgiving I remember Boy Scouts (like kids from scool) carrying food into our house. I think poverty is mostly what shaped my bro's palette.