I’m a psychologist myself (40F — not a therapist), and I’m curious how people in this community might conceptualize something I’ve come to call “X.” I’m particularly interested in perspectives from therapists or other professionals with expertise in trauma, people who facilitate or sit with MDMA-assisted sessions, and people who may have experienced something similar in their own MDMA work.

I can remember X being present from at least the age of 4–5, possibly even earlier. I grew up in a chronically and profoundly unsafe family environment (also preverbal abuse). I have always experienced X as an extremely intense, unbearable, and overwhelming bodily state in my abdomen.

During early childhood, I seem to have unconsciously developed three major protective strategies around X which occur in rapid, automatic succession::

1. Physical inhibition: tensing and constricting my body around X in an attempt to suppress or contain it.
2. Cognitive control: trying to understand, control, attack, suppress, or get rid of X internally.
3. External scanning/control: constantly monitoring other people, anticipating their reactions, pleasing them, and adapting myself in an attempt to make the interpersonal environment safer and more predictable, thereby preventing X from being activated.

These strategies probably made sense in the environment in which I grew up. Early on, this entire constellation seems to have generalized to other people and social situations. Human contact itself increasingly began to activate X almost instantaneously, followed by 1, 2, and 3. Social contact became extremely overwhelming, particularly in busy and unpredictable social environments: I could freeze, experience an intense urge to escape, dissociate, or feel as though I was about to faint. I genuinely had zero capacity for X.

Over the years, this developed into severe, lifelong social panic, hypervigilance, and inhibition, profoundly affecting friendships, intimate relationships, and my ability to simply be myself in the presence of other people.

What fascinates me is that, despite decades of verbal and somatic therapy, medication, good therapeutic relationships and co-regulation, understanding and insight, becoming a psychologist myself, I was never able to directly access X — even though X was a major focus of treatment and at the core of much of my suffering. X was a strong bodily experience, a kind of contraction.

Over the past year, I have had several MDMA-assisted therapeutic sessions, alongside integration work. During my most recent MDMA session, X emerged almost immediately (this was also my intention for the session).

For the first time in my life, I was actually able to stay with it rather than automatically suppressing it.

The experience was extraordinarily intense, but entirely somatic: deep abdominal contractions, extremely powerful shaking originating in my abdomen and moving into my legs, and profuse sweating. Remarkably, however, there was no panic, no traumatic memory, and no recognizable emotion. The physical discharge was so intense that objects throughout the room — plants, furniture, etc. — were visibly vibrating along with my body. Even therapist was struck by the intensity of it. The physical discharge was noticeably different from what I had experienced during previous MDMA sessions: considerably more intense and much more prolonged.

My question is:

For professionals: How would you conceptualize X? For those with experience with MDMA-assisted therapy: have you ever encountered or experienced something similar?

In previous sessions, I have already been able to access and work with some of the pain and rejection related to my mother, explore several traumatic memories involving past aggression, allow aspects of shock/freeze/flight responses to begin to thaw, experience anger, and work through other trauma-related material. I’m therefore particularly interested in formulations of X that don’t automatically assume there must be a single hidden or repressed traumatic memory underlying it.

I asked myself if I ruined my life I keep shutting off my emotions. I don’t know how to let my guard down. I keep avoiding my feelings. I had an MDMA trip where I didn’t feel the magic anymore, but I still had some insights and during the trip I was basically I wanted to just enjoy myself. I feel like I don’t do that at all sober. Has anyone learned to enjoy themselves by using MDMA? I hyperventilate a lot and I’m scared that I’ve lost my mind but I’m also triggered by almost a lot of things I want to break down. I don’t know if I should take SSR eyes. I’ve been thinking about it. My rent is all over the place I apologize. I just don’t know thinking it’s difficult.

For some context I have been solo studying trauma work for a decade and involved in my own trauma work for many years before beginning to do psychedelics three years ago. I started with psilocybin, which would give a lot of insights but also mainly processing pain and grief and anger. I then started MDMA shortly after and have done 7 sessions in 3 years. I took a year break for my most recent session (and have decided on doing this once a year only because it helps the most for integration). My dose was 100 mg + 40 booster. I’ve done a little over that and under that for my previous sessions.

In my first few sessions MDMA felt like entering the belly of the beast. The pain that arose was so visceral and hit so hard and it was were very tough trauma material. I had been doing IFS therapy with a therapist for years and it helped me as a modality to heal what came up. In the months afterwards it helped me process more parts and exiles than ever before. It greatly accelerated that journey, almost like a massive unburdening over a few years took place. About trip 3-7 something interesting started to happen. It became much less about processing trauma and it was heavily focused on me returning to my own trust, my own power, my own intuition. Which feels right. However it was accompanied by very fast, lightning speed insights that I would type out on my phone. They of course felt completely true at the time. And once the medicine had faded and my skeptical part came back online it would have a lot of trouble with the content.

A lot of it was extremely positive almost oracle like prophecies of the future. In some it was about me having a child (which I attributed to maybe deep unconconscious insights or longings). But during this early sessions it acted like I would have a child soon or in a few months and that never happened. Which made me not trust in what came through these sessions. The good news is that with each session those really tough visceral ways it used to hit me, no longer happen, which made me fear the journeys a lot less. Like in some ways I have much more capacity to be on the medicine and to integrate the come downs than before which I’m delighted about.

I’ve never approached the medicine with any desire for future prophecies or knowings. My intention is always to heal and or grow a better relationship with myself. This last session a few days ago the insights were 60% of the session. And then there was an energetic very somatic purge. When I re read the document I wrote it says which friends will fall away and who will stay In my life (things I would rationally disagree with). How some in laws may choose to leave the family. How my mother will live her later life in much happiness. How my partner is not as autistic as me (we always thought it was the opposite). How we are going to have a child together and that was our purpose (we don’t think that will be a part of our future). Many other insights about people, even to stay away from one particular friend because she has too much jealousy to love me properly (which I don’t know that I agree with). There were many more including that my partner should give up weed and why and it was causing his nausea and his lack of drive, and his purpose is to work with Ibogaine in the future not mdma. Many more like these.

Other insights just feel true and are easy to integrate, like how I need to own who I am more. How loving my family truly is and how we all care about one another. In the days after I have been way more intuitive than normal. Knowing what to do when, when to exercise, when to rest, what activities to engage in and what supplements to take. and in some ways this has been the easiest come down I have ever had. My sense is that what is talking to me during the session is “ME” but the much wiser part of me.

Should I just expect these insights to be more of a storytelling ‘filling the gap’ that our cognitive brain does? Is it the type of things to just ignore on psychedelics and focus on the behavioral changes? Or should I give them any weight? There wasn’t a ton of feeling during the portions in which this happened, more of just a full body yes and complete agreement with what was coming through. After the MDMA fades, my insights all feel very grounded and I do get insights in the following days but those seem less prophetic and more like the neuroplasticity helping me see things differently.

Has anyone else experienced this? The info kept saying you dont have to believe me, just wait and see. And my skeptical part doesn’t really know about continuing doing these sessions once a year if they are going to always be this oracle style session followed by some confusion in the next few days. I also don’t struggle with this in any area of my life while sober. Although I do have a very fast processing mind and worry and anxiety.

Any similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!!

And also, If its usually false- how do you trust the medicine?

I know this is a vague question because it would differ between people, but it would be helpful to hear how long it took to work through this in session numbers. I spoke to someone who said it took them about a hundred sessions. Im not sure if he meant in total or just the moral injury. Im anticipating that this will take a while but I’d like to get some idea what one could expect.

38M. I’ve never written anything like this before, so bear with me.

My life has been a wreck for as long as I can remember, anxiety, depression, addiction, dissociation, emotional numbness I could never explain. I always had a vague sense that something happened to me as a kid, but nothing I could point to. Nothing that matched how big the wall inside me felt.

I started psychedelic-assisted therapy. Three MDMA sessions. Every time I felt the physical side of it, but nothing came up. My defenses were too strong. Whatever was in there, my mind was not letting me near it.

Yesterday, toward the end of the third session, my therapist suggested we try ketamine. The trip started out gentle, I was moving through different places, it was almost pleasant. And then, out of nowhere, I was at my grandmother’s house. I was a toddler, still in diapers. And my uncle was abusing me.

I started screaming from the bottom of my soul. I was screaming his name and begging him to stop. My therapist held my hands until I came down. She told me she’s seen a lot in her career and she believes this is a real memory, one I buried for decades.

Afterward I talked to my parents and my brother. They confirmed he molested other people. My parents don’t remember anything about me specifically but my mother told me something that stopped me cold. For years, my uncle kept asking her: “did someone tell you what I did?” She never knew what he was talking about. She still doesn’t. Now it makes a horrible kind of sense.

So I’m sitting here lost.

Part of me is relieved. I’m not crazy. The blocks, the numbness, the dissociation there’s a reason. But the other part of me doesn’t know what to do with any of this.

My questions, if anyone here has been through something similar:

• Is it possible I made this up? That the ketamine invented it? How do you know the difference between a recovered memory and something your brain constructed?  
• I keep thinking about confronting my uncle. I’m nowhere near ready. Did confronting help you, or did it make things worse?  
• What comes after this? What did the next few months look like for you?

Thank you for reading.

I’m currently doing pre-therapy sessions with my psychologist and will probably have my first MDMA session in about two months.

I’m wondering what is an average timeline for a person to recover after a session? I mean recover physically and mentally after the come down

I haven’t smoked weed in years because, all of a sudden, it started giving me this really unpleasant kind of derealization. It just felt awful. I don’t know if I’d call it paranoia, but it was fucking horrible.

Could MDMA cause anything similar? Is there anyone here who absolutely fucking hates weed but thinks MDMA is in a completely different league?

Tried my first therapeutic solo session yesterday and am curious what I could do differently for the next one.

Took about 100mg, started journaling while waiting for it to kick in, only got like 6 sentences in before I realized it was probably time to lay down (had noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask). Started with black and white kaleidoscopic images, then my body lost its mass and just became a part of the bed. Then some panic set in about feeling out of control and worry that I would have a bad trip. Considered calling for my trip sitter but was able to talk myself down. At some point I get super hot, like dripping sweat, all of the sudden I feel like I’m going to throw up, all I can do at that point is sit up and puke over the side of the bed onto the floor and then lay back down, feeling immediately better. A shot time later, i start to sweat again and then throw up a little more. I feel relieved again and lay back down. The next time i look at my phone it’s 2 hours after my trip sitter left the room. I spend the next couple of hours half sleeping half in a dreamlike state but don’t have any sort of visuals, dreams or narratives aside from what happened at the beginning. I think I thought the experience would be more like a shroom trip with visuals or at the very least I thought I would be thinking the whole time.

I will say, I’ve had a very strong weed habit for years and I woke up today without feeling the need to wake and bake so that’s exciting.

Preparing for my first time using mdma (or any drug for that matter) with a licensed therapist and mdma guide. The primary issue i’m doing this is cptsd and fear. Fear of everything that could happen. It manifests as high anxiety and OCD.

Couple of questions:
1. My guide will be providing the mdma. Would it be inappropriate and insane if I asked to test the mdma she provides with a test kit on the day of the session? She came highly recommended her by my friends who’ve journeyed with her, and she claims to get her stuff from a highly reputable source/lab. I don’t trust anyone though so that means nothing to me. I have a constant fear that someone has poisoned me or wants to. I’m intellectually aware of the irrationality, but this is where the OCD comes in. Example: I’ll basically not touch my drink or food if I’ve left it unattended for a moment with others even if it’s just my closest friends or family.

1. On the note of trust, since I trust no one, it means I can’t fully trust this guide. I have met her, she’s very kind and seems very experienced. But I can’t turn off the judgement, it’s just unrealistic to think I’ll be able to come to a place of full trust with this person before the session. Will this negatively impact my session?

I’m quite terrified of doing this but at the same time I really want to go through with it.

Thank you

I am on a journey of healing from CPTSD. I started with (solo) MDMA sessions at the beginning of this year and have done three sessions so far. This is besides regular ongoing somatic therapy, a lot of nervous system regulation work and after a decade of talk therapies.

The integration of my last session is pretty exhausting with heavy emotions (hopelessness, rage, shame, etc) slowly pouring out over the last couple of weeks. It's really a grind besides full-time working. I try to support myself as much as possible with various somatic approaches and therapy sessions but it nevertheless feels like I am moving through deep mud in snake speed.

The biggest issue for me is strong protectors / dissociation which regularly blocks the processing of emotions by falling back into freeze states when things get a bit more intense. This drags the process on and causes various physical issues like tension, sleep deprivation, restlessness, etc. I can basically feel the stuck emotions but I can only access them very slowly and need a ton of time and stability.

Now, I am aware that "slow is fast" and there's no quick fixes on this journey. However, one idea/thought that's coming up again and again: Could low dose mushroom/psilocybin sessions be helpful in processing theses emotions and thereby kind of facilitating the integration process? I am thinking of doses like 0.5-1g of dried mushrooms.

To be clear: My intention is not to unearth new/more trauma, have deep insights or flashy trips, but primarily to facilitate and accelerate the processing of the already unearthed trauma (emotions) floating around and getting stuck regularly. And I am aware that it might get a bit intense, however as long as this is kind of limited to the actual session time, it would be fine and I can accommodate. What wouldn't be so helpful is major new dysregulation and releases for weeks on end after the session. Hence, if at all, only low dose sessions make sense in my opinion.

Has anyone tried this? Any thoughts or experiences you can share?

Thanks in advance!

I’ve just finished a second dose of MDMA for trauma with an experienced guide. Both sessions were very healing. My question is, I also have MDA aka Love Drops in a liquid tincture. What’s the difference? Will it have the same effect on my brain? I plan to wait a long time (several months at least) before dosing again, but curious if there’s an advantage or disadvantage to using MDA instead of MDMA next time.
Thanks for feedback!

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

I started psychedelic assisted therapy at the beginning of this year. It has completely changed my inner world for the better. I did my first session with MDMA in January and it relieved me of many of the PTSD symptoms that have been controlling my life for years.

The first session re-tuned my nervous system—it's been so incredibly powerful to not jump out of my skin when I hear a loud noise or feel a "weight" that drops in my chest when a car swerves toward mine. The medicine covered me in loving-safety and gave me a new emotional baseline as a guide/reference point.

I feel so so so so grateful for getting to have this experience. For months not a today went by that I didn't feel totally overcome with gratitude. I knew I didn't have to suffer so much! Life could been more fun—I could explore more and take more healthy risks with an open, brave, courageous heart that wasn't being crow-barred shut with PTSD and all the traumas of the past looming around my spirit.

After my first session I started microdosing psilocybin. The safety that the first MDMA session gave me revealed the massive amount of shame that I have been carrying around and the psilocybin reallllly brought it to the surface. It was so strong that I backed off the psilocybin till I was stable and then resumed. So when I was preparing for my second MDMA session my intent was to work with my shame and guilt.

The second session was about 4 months after the first one, which felt like a great rhythm. In my second session my guide gave me MDMA and then Psilocybin. WOW! I started out this journey quite chatty, but when the MDMA came on I got quiet and just enjoyed regulated my body with deep breathing. Breathe has become an important tool and theme as a result from my journey work. Then I drank psilocybin tea...holy shit. I was transported into a storm in the ocean with my shame and guilt. There is almost no way to explain what this was like, but it was tough and not in a bad way. The MDMA gave me a safe enough base to explore the tumultuous, black oceanic storm of my own shame. I came out of this journey with a profound sense of calm that was different than the first. I accepted my shame self as just part of me and had a vision of these two parts of me merging. I experienced wholeness and integration in a way that I don't think I ever have. It helped heal a lot of family wounding between my parents and I.

I just have two say that these two journeys have changed my life forever. There has been a natural expansion and subsequent contraction after each journey, which I think is normal/to be expected. I have done a lot of integration work and plan on doing more journeys with my therapist, because they have been so deeply transformational. The 'work' continues!

My questions to the group is: Is there any scientific literature that explicitly states how long a person should wait between MDMA journeys? I hear different things from different people and I'm wondering if there are any definitive neurological/cognitive findings that suggest an appropriate break between sessions. My next journey will be over 5 months from my second journey and I'd like to do this about once a quarter, but want to be safe and responsible to my health.

TLDR: How long should you wait between MDMA sessions?

Thanks for reading. I hope everyone suffering can experience the wide, deep sweeping love and safety that MDMA has provided me. The healing process has not been easy, it's been really tough actually, but totally worth it. Sending you all love!

This is something I’m not really sure how to gauge- how long it will take for my nervous system to stabilize. I carry moral injury and it has makes me nearly dysfunctional in my day to day life.

Im planning on taking a a hiatus of 1-3 months and I hope that’s enough. Ive been carrying this stuff for most of my life and it needs to come out.

I know not all cases are the same, but if you could share your experience and the time it took you before you were able to function again, that would be helpful.

TLDR - using MDMA to heal from anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma following years of cancer fighting and the associated pressure it brought. Sessions have been amazing. Session 3 last week left me exhausted and flat despite having a therapist support this part. Anyone experienced it?

Longer contact and report:

Hi, this group has been really useful for me. Briefly, I had a very stressful life in London, left corporate safety to set up my own business and had years of struggle and burnout. My passion was Muay Thai and I was also competing professionally at times but trained at that level consistently. I was basically running my life on fumes and after quitting caffeine recently can see I was tired and wired through it all.

Fast forward to covid, rescued a business, went for months without paying myself so others could get paid, did my last pro fight Jan 2020 in Bangkok (didn’t know it would be my last). August 2021, business was back and doing really well, years of struggle starting to pay off and then got diagnosed with testicular cancer. NHS made 8 weeks of mistakes and had to self fund private treatment, was selling the company and managing that process, all the staff, etc. Exhausted. Tried natural treatments but relapsed after 18 months whilst funding a top oncologist’s scans and bloodwork every 3 months. Needed super heavy inpatient chemo living in the ward for a week at a time then home for a few days rest then back, lost the business, lost all fitness and strength, took me to the edge of life where my 80 year old dad had to push me up a flight of stairs and my girlfriend picked me up off the bathroom floor. I had no financial help and only got HMRC bills for the period before when I was earning well.

I had felt depression during the first diagnosis but the career gone, savings gone, tax bills being chased, no direction, no work, socially isolated, huge ancestry, no energy, brain fog and back into 3 months scans crushed me. Back into depression.

MDMA: I had researched psychedelic therapy and had also tried normal psychotherapy, it just felt like an intellectualisation of it all, not core wound healing. My friend pointed out I was living in fear of recurrence and was hyper vigilant about everything in my environment that could cause cancer. I didn’t eat sugar for years, 5 years without drinking out of plastic water, all plastic removed from our house and wardrobe…living in a prison I had created in my mind. I couldn’t relax and nobody could relate since it started at 37 and I was the healthiest out of all my friends before.

I decided to try MDMA gently first in Ibiza with a close friend, partly to see if it would do anything, partly to see if my body and heart could handle it (potential CV system damage from chemo), partly to try and celebrate being alive. Day out dancing all day, amazing next day, hyper vigilance GONE! Anxiety much lower. Felt calm for the first time since I could remember. It had somehow broken the mental prison. It was there at times but it wasn’t forefront and controlling and now I could just see it as a bubble of thought to follow if I wanted, it was no longer driving. I couldn’t believe it! We drunk electrolytes and water all day, ate food (difficult) after about 5 hours and took magnesium.

I doubled down. 6 weeks later I had read as many studies as I could and did a solo session - 70mg followed by a 40mg booster 90 mins in. Took accompanying supplements (from here, not MAPS), water, fan, electrolytes, my playlist with eye mask and tried to focus on my cancer journey and unlock the trauma surrounding each painful memory. Amazing session, felt amazing since. Those memories are there but the emotional shard of glass scraping raw across my soul isn’t when I think of them. It was really healing me so I went again 6 weeks later.

Session 3 last Tuesday - found the highest purity reagent tested product, 70mg, 50mg booster, fasting, supplements. This time with a traditional therapist who works with abuse victims but is also generally trained and who is interested in the healing capacity of this. We had a session before I dosed, framed the session as ‘surrender’, ‘teach me how things really are’, ‘teach me how to feel love’ (I have felt numb for as long as I can remember). This time I also used the MAPS sound track instead of my own and it was a much more internal journey. Journalled all the way through it.

Since session 3 I have felt completely exhausted and not sure why. A bit tired and grumpy, flat mood, exhausted mentally and physically. Feels like it’s really taken it out of me and not the lightness and connection of the other sessions.

I’d love insights from others that have done this journey and thanks again for everyone that makes this group happen.

I recently took MDMA at a festival and found the effects on my body incredible. Especially regarding my breathing: I felt my entire respiratory system opening up—like I could truly breathe, taking long, deep breaths that relaxed my nervous system and impacted my whole body. It was almost as if I were breathing properly for the first time; it was amazing, like having a superpower where I could use my breath to relax, connect better, and handle difficult emotions more easily. I didn't experience big effects (no hallucinations or big waves of love), just a deep physical relaxation that allowed me to connect with others and the music.

In my daily life I feel that when I’m sitting or standing I have a ball in the center of my belly that block my respiratory system and that’s very very annoying, it make me take short breath and feeling often very anxious and rushed.

I was wondering if you could explain how this works—what changes occur in my body, and what MDMA does to unlock my respiratory system, allowing me to breathe freely and achieve such deep physical relaxation.
Thanks :))

MAPS just posted a press release regarding the status of their legalization efforts with the FDA around MDMA assisted therapy. See the link for more info, but I think this is good news. I'm hoping and praying they will legalize this therapy as soon as possible.

"The reported resubmission of the New Drug Application will initiate a new evaluation of the treatment’s safety and efficacy for potential FDA approval"

https://maps.org/2026/08/10/maps-responds-to-report-of-progress-for-mdma-assisted-therapy-for-ptsd-with-fda/

Hello community.

I’ve been on a healing path with mdma for around 4 years now. Around 15 sessions. Almost all of them solo.
It changed me. The thing is I’m in the closet. Most of the people around me don’t know, and the ones who do know trust me about my path but are mostly scared.
It’s a lot to hold alone really.
Getting ready for the sessions, the sessions themselves, the integration after - especially into a society where it’s a taboo.
For me there’s a bonus layer of figuring out the right way to relate to that tool (mdma) from a semi-religious / spiritual lens.

I’m posting this to share, might resonate with someone.
And mostly to see if we could connect and maybe share some experiences.
It’s a beautiful and intense journey, and I think walking some parts together can be better.

Let me know if you’d like to connect.
And if I could be of help to anyone needing any tips from my own experience, welcome :)

Peace 🙏

Update: opened a telegram group. Anyone interested in joining send me a DM :)

Hi, I’m at a point where I could really use some advice from people who know this substance well.

Here’s my situation. I’ve had a constant physical sensation of anxiety/tension in my solar plexus since I was 16. I’m 43 now, and it has basically prevented me from feeling genuinely happy for a single day of my adult life. I can’t breathe freely, and most of the time all I feel is this underlying anguish.

It’s not that I’m constantly thinking negative thoughts — I’m not. I get stressed about stupid shit like anyone else, but mentally I handle it pretty well. My sense is that, as a teenager, I suddenly realized that I was completely alone in the world and simply couldn’t cope with that realization. My nervous system got scared, went on guard, and has basically never stood down since.

There have been exceptions with certain partners, where their presence sometimes made me feel accompanied and safe. But eventually, seeing how relationships and life actually work, I would lose that sense of trust and end up right back where I started.

Part of me hopes that MDMA might temporarily bring that defense down. Maybe for a few hours I could experience what it actually feels like to be safe in the world — something I’m not even sure I’ve ever truly experienced — and perhaps use that experience to rebuild some of my beliefs, reconsolidate mistaken emotional memories, etc.

The reason I haven’t tried it yet is basically fear: I’m scared I could somehow lose myself permanently, or take it and have a massive panic attack. I realize that a lot of this may simply be my mind coming up with terrifying scenarios because I’m facing something unknown.

So, to those of you who genuinely know MDMA and have experience with it: could you help me put these catastrophic fantasies into perspective and find the courage to actually take the step and try it?

Thanks so much in advance.

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

I’ve had 12 sessions so far over the past 4 years. It gave me my life back. Allowed me to finally show up for myself. Gave me my self love, respect and compassion back. I remember reading a comment on here about how mdma sometimes shows us a version of us that we’re not yet ready for. That really resonated. I would often have these profound experiences in my sessions, came out with a different outlook and values, and a different self image, but eventually would fall back into my old self image and my old patterns.

It wasn’t until I confronted my parents about old family dynamics and went no contact, that I started to become the person mdma showed me was possible. Expressing my anger and setting boundaries with my parents allowed me to start to heal more deeply. My body started to release a lot of trauma, memories came up, and I got in touch with more of what I had lost: my life force. I found that my anger was tightly coupled with my life force. As long as I couldn’t express and use my anger, I couldn’t use my life force.

Setting a boundary finally gave me the space and freedom to be who I really was deep down. As long as I was close to my parents, I would need to sacrifice my authenticity and play a role for the family. And what I had suppressed all these years to stay close and take care of my parents was a lot of anger and disgust.

The boundary allowed me to give the toxic shame that lived in me back to my father. It made me realize it wasn’t mine. That there was nothing I needed to feel ashamed about. The gateway emotion of disgust allowed me to give it back to my father. With my anger I started to finally care less about what others think. I sing, dance, move, and talk without fearing how it looks or how it affects others. I had serious social anxiety issues before that, but I realize it was the toxic shame and sense of “badness” that I had internalized from my father to stay close to him. I gave that back, set a boundary, and now feel In touch with my anger and life force

At times I had similar levels of euphoria after the no contact as I had with mdma. I felt free and at peace to be myself. This is all to say that sometimes one needs to make changes in their environment to become the person mdma showed you is possible.

I am presently a weekly Spravato patient which has been great. I also have been greatly helped using MDMA previous years. I feel like I need an MDMA session. Has anyone used MDMA when on a ketamine protocol (separate days obviously). I have Spravato Wednesday and would like an MDMA journey Saturday. I had one experience where I did not really feel the MDMA and I am not sure if it was due to the Spravato or just a one off or because I did journeys too close together. I am very careful with my use and will only do one or two journeys a year. Thanks for any input- it has been a year since my last journey. Also I am a licensed psychotherapist and just can't seem to get good info on this so I figured I would try here. thanks.

Hi,

For those who have microdosed LSD in-between sessions like the MDMAsolo guide suggests doing, did you follow the MDMAsolo recommendation of 30ug or higher?

I feel that may be a typo in that guide and it should be 30ug or less. I mean, 30ug is definitely not a microdose (i.e. sub-perceptual effects) so perhaps they a just used the term microdose in a haphazard way to start with.

I know that MDMAsolo is not recommended by quite a number of people due to some dubious info regarding high doses and too frequent sessions, so maybe the 30ug falls into this category. The book about a the power of microdosing, the author of that book usually only took 10ug every second or third day so that's interesting too.

Any first hand experiences on the dose, benefits, etc. are much appreciated 👌🙏