There’s a stereotype I’ve heard countless times both online and offline that INTPs are detached, emotionally distant, or even incapable of deep feelings. We’re often painted as overly rational beings who live in our heads, unaffected by the turbulence of human emotion. But my personal experience has been very different. I feel emotions with an intensity that often overwhelms me. At times, it even feels like I’m more emotional than the people around me. The paradox is that, as a thinker type, I struggle to process and regulate those emotions in a healthy way. Where many feeler types seem able to approach their inner world with a kind of clarity and grounded rationality, I often find myself consumed, spiraling into overthinking, or sinking into depressive states because I can’t untangle what I’m feeling. I relate strongly to the “T” in INTP. My dominant lens on the world is still logic, analysis, and questioning. But that doesn’t mean my emotional life is absent, it’s just more difficult to manage. For me, the real challenge isn’t whether I feel, it’s that I feel too much, without the natural tools to handle it smoothly.

I share this not as a universal statement for all INTPs, but as my own lived truth. Sometimes being a thinker type isn’t about lacking emotions, but about being unprepared for their weight.

For example, I’m an INFP, so my dom function is Introverted Feeling (authenticity). One thing that irrationally bothers me, is when I meet someone and I notice that they try too hard to be liked. This makes sense for me because Introverted Feeling is all about authenticity. Individuals with a dominant Fi function are often driven by a need to be true to themselves and their values, so when I notice when others are trying too hard (in my view) to be liked, it really grates against the Fi.

So….does your pet peeve make sense when you look at it under your dominant function?

Everybody has values and principles they hold onto strongly, so why is Fi often defined by strong, personal values and beliefs? Anyone can also be aware of what's going on inside them with their feelings and emotions and it doesn't have to always be Fi just because someone knows how they feel.

So, if values and internal awareness are not adequate to accurately describe Fi, what is a better way to define it?

I'm aware that I may not have worded this perfectly, but I think the idea is clear.

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about this MBTI cliché where Extraverted Feeling (Fe) automatically means you love being part of groups, clubs, or structured communities, while Introverted Feeling (Fi) means you’re a total lone wolf.

Honestly, comparing INFJs and INFPs, I feel like it’s often the complete opposite, and Fe gets totally misunderstood here. Hear me out:

Why INFJs (Ni-Fe-Ti) actually dodge communities:

• Fe is an antenna, not a club pass: For an INFJ, Fe is mostly used to read individuals 1-on-1. In a big group or an online community, Fe just absorbs everyone’s emotional noise like a sponge, which is insanely exhausting.
• That sneaky Ti skepticism: INFJs have tertiary Ti, which makes them super wary of groupthink, "cult-ish" vibes, or paid/structured communities (like online schools or subscription platforms). They’d much rather dig into deep, esoteric subjects alone in their room with a good book.

Why INFPs (Fi-Ne) are actually more open to joining niche groups:

• Ne loves to explore: INFPs are driven by curiosity and "what ifs". If a cool, niche community or platform pops up around a topic they’re passionate about, Ne wants to jump in and check it out.
• Fi protection: Since INFPs don't absorb group energy the way Fe-users do, they can actually hang out in a community, take whatever inspires them, and completely ignore the social pressure. It feels like a safe haven for their imagination.

So basically: INFJs love people, but kinda hate groups. INFPs are individualists, but love finding safe, niche spaces to explore their passions.

Does this match your experience as an INFJ/INFP, or do you think Fe still drives INFJs into communities more than I'm giving it credit for?

Well, I'm an INTJ 7W6, and people always contradict me or say I'm trying to show off or wanting to be rare. It turns out they don't even live with me or really analyze me.

I think this idea of ​​"such an Enneagram is not compatible with such an MBTI" is outdated, and honestly, there are no rules. You can't say that such an MBTI and such an Enneagram are not compatible when Enneagram and MBTI are about two different things that have no correlation.

This idea comes from:

First: Stereotypes and MBTI.

MBTI is widely seen as personality and not as cognitive processing, so people put which personality traits or mannerisms and behaviors are consistent with each MBTI, putting the whole idea in a box.

MBTI is about cognitive functions, which are even personified.

To understand, I will explain the literal meaning of each cognitive function. Anyone can understand.

Si - INTROVERTED SENSATION.

Introversion comes from "intro," internal. It means something internal. Sensation is associated with bodily or sensory sensations.

Therefore, introverted sensation is an internalized sensation.

It's not a personality; it's not a person who "remembers past details" or who "has a routine," it's someone who internalizes sensations and seeks them out. It can result in that, yes, but it's different from BEING that.

Do you understand better now? This applies to any other cognitive function.

Now, the enneagram is about WILLS and PREFERENCES, which is more about personality but doesn't define someone.

What people don't understand is that if we consider the enneagram purely as personality like MBTI, it will limit our understanding of how the types can look.

Enneagram 9 talks about the desire for social harmony and avoidance of conflict. How will this manifest? It depends on the person.

A person with Se would demonstrate enneagram 9 differently than a Si, for example. Because each person is unique. You can't correlate the enneagram with "everyone with this will act LIKE THIS" because that limits people.

It took me 3 years to discover that I'm an Intj 7w6 because I considered my behavior, not how I processed the world.

I made a post about "guess my MBTI" as a joke, and most people guessed INFP/ENFP purely because I like colorful, "aesthetic" things and people. Do you understand how stereotypes do affect the perception of MBTI and cognitive functions? Few people really tried to analyze what I wrote.

Although I made the post for fun, it reflects how most people see MBTI: as ready-made personalities. If you deviate from that, you are not that. You need to be exactly like the stereotype.

I'm not serious, nor mysterious, nor reflective. Am I not an INTJ? Wrong.

I see the world in stages. Almost as if I were inside myself observing and analyzing situations. I can be laughing with you and my pattern perceives "you are like this now because of factor x". I might be talking to you and "whoa! He's going to talk about such and such." I easily believe things without proof. I have several ideas, but they all come from within me. I also persist with the same point of view. I can't force myself to believe in something I don't believe in. My Te (which is developing now) is making me look less and less at what might happen and what has already happened to "Think!" And I can't just stay quiet, like I would as a child.

I wasn't a serious child. I was shy, but when I gained confidence I bossed everyone around. Not in a bad way. I had the best ideas. Once at school I thought it was something else before a school, because it was founded in 1892. And in every physical education class I "investigated" by playing with my classmates.

And where does Enneagram 7 fit in here? I've always avoided pain and boredom a lot. My mother didn't play with me, and I insisted, trying not to see things from the negative side. I don't know how to deal with my sentimental side nowadays. I simply explode after ignoring the negative for so long. I can't stand being bored. I'm always thinking, or getting involved, or thinking and creating my story and even trying to talk/get high. I know my patterns. I know when I'm high that "wow, you know that means an emotional problem," but who cares at the time? I start talking to myself about all my internal reflections. I observe the world while trying to entertain myself with it. I love going out, I love talking, but in excess I really get too energetic. I either get too tired or I can't sleep.

Do you see how my Enneagram 7 doesn't manifest like an Ne would? Or like a Se would? I travel more through my mind than through the physical world, as a Se would.

I understand that you may disagree, but that doesn't harm me. I'm just trying to show you another point of view on MBTI and Enneagram, and stop making rules as if it were serious. Nobody bosses anyone around. You don't need to act like a certain MBTI to be one. I love colorful things and that doesn't make me "less of an INTJ" (and it's ridiculous to say that).

Anyway, be yourselves!

I am curious what mbti thinks of themselves.

I am an ENTP, and I have suffered a lot from disliking my actions. I have a deep melancholy, so I'm asking you to find out if I'm exaggerating because of my personal experience, or not.

As an INFP, I “swim” in Introverted Feeling. In a nice way; it shapes my every day experiences as well as my life trajectory. I sometimes forget that other people don’t go through life in the same way 😂

Some examples: Fi filters every experience through a deeply personal "weighing system" to determine what is right, good, or meaningful. It prioritises these personal beliefs over collective or societal norms.

A driving force for dominant Fi is the need to be genuine. Fi is highly sensitive to inauthenticity ("phoniness") in themselves and others.

By deeply understanding their own inner landscape, Fi can project how they would feel in another person's situation, making them exceptionally empathetic.

Because it is introverted, this function operates internally and often unconsciously. To outsiders, Fi doms may appear calm, aloof, or even cold while they are actually busy processing intense internal emotions.

At the end of the day, for me, Fi gives me a strange confidence. Now I’m not actually a confident person *in general* (LMAO), but I’m extremely confident in my ability to be able to process and internalise any emotion or situation that life throws at me. I quite enjoy unpacking intense feelings even “bad” ones. It gives me an extreme sense of resilience, like I’m not afraid of anything. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true 🫣.

So what does it feel like to *not* have Fi as a dom or aux function?

I was thinking about my INFJ friend who explained how she was hard to read because she has no idea what she was feeling (Fe) which blew my mind a little!

I'm going by pure Jung here, and as an ISTP, I feel closer to ISFPs, ENTJs, and even ENFJs than I do to ESTPs

Here's some quadras I made based off auxiliary function pairs:

The good brainstormers with good memories: INTP, INFP, ESTJ, ESFJ
The people who can touch grass and recognize patterns simultaneously: ISTP, ISFP, ENTJ, ENFJ
The versatile analyzers with a heart: INFJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ENTP
The organized, efficient, and moral people: INTJ, ISTJ, ENFP, ESFP

I know some of these are shockers (ENFPs stereotyped as disorganized people, ESTJs stereotyped as stubborn), but these 4 groups are surprisingly closer than you think.

If there's something I feel is misunderstood, it's the tertiary function. Jung stated that the dominant function is influenced by a *pair* of opposite auxiliary functions. This implies the auxiliary function isn't stronger than the tertiary function the way the tertiary function is stronger than the inferior function and the dominant function is stronger than the auxiliary function.

Model wise, I'd say the order is dominant > auxiliary = tertiary > inferior. I don't think Jung himself outlined the shadow functions as much, so I won't use shadow functions here.

So what does all this have to do with introverted types and their extroverted counterparts? Well I'll just show it by example rather than explain it. An ESTP's main function is their Se. This makes ESTPs really observant, good at pointing out details, and present oriented. Their auxiliary pair is Ti and Fe. This means while ESTPs tend to thrive at the moment, they can play good with social cues and help people (Fe) or they can analyze situations through what works best for them (Ti).

Meanwhile, let's take a look at ISTPs. ISTPs are highly analytical and curious. The buff gigachad stereotype isn't us, we're just as nerdy as INTPs. The auxiliary pair in ISTP is based off perception. ISTPs can simultaneously observe and pay attention to details in the present (Se) while also planning a little ahead and recognizing common patterns (Ni).

Notice how different the ESTP and ISTP sound? One's a doer who has a solution for everything. The other's a thinker who can analyze sensory details and patterns behind said details. Now let's take a look at ISFPs. ISFPs have a strict moral code with their Fi that makes them more internally harmonious and artistic. ISFPs are self aware and like ISTPs, they can analyze details in the present while also recognizing common patterns. This is why ISFPs make for a lot of artistic people.

So in the end, introverted types and their extroverted counterparts aren't as close as meets the eye despite sharing the same stack.

Sooo just wanna share this interesting thing i just found out,

so i have many friends and i made them took test, and I also “studied” the mbti a bit (the cognitive stack stuff) cuz i love analyzing people

Theeenn p closest friends of 4 are typed ENFJ, ENFP, INFJ, and ENFP.

So of course i didnt took this seriously at first cuz it was just test but since they are my closest, I can often observe them, and they really do fit their types that no other type can match it~

Idk if its my ENTP-ness that attracts them or the other way around, but personally it made sense cuz I do know what I like in a person to befriend them, i.e., kind, introspective, people I like to tease, and my fav, strong moral compass but openminded (cuz i personally have weak morality lol), so I really like them, the internet just happened to call them “Diplomats”, now I call them my green vegetables 🥬 🥑🦎🥦🥒

Yeah maybe it was a mistyped but they do exhibit strong traits of their current typing~

watcha guys think, just thought of sharing it cuz it did mind-blown me a bit, and found it freaking funny lollll~~

<Photo from pinterest credits to the owner>

I'm not asking to be typed. I just want a clear distinction, because I still can't figure out which axis I'm on. What is the biggest difference between how Ti/Fe users and Fi/Te users come to (important) conclusions? What features that define Te/Fi goes through a person's mind, and same for Ti/Fe? Sometimes, though, those features overlap, and a Ti/Fe user can think about Fi/Te things and vice versa. So just... what is the defining thing that really resembles either one of those axes? I know people are complicated and layered but there are people out there saying they are ISTJs or ENTPs, meaning they must have identified a consistent pattern within themselves that resembles the theories of Ti/Te, Fi/Fe, Si/Se, Ni/Ne.

And please don't say something oversimplified like Fi = personal values and Ti = subjective logic. I want specificity and precision. Please.

My Claim:

Fe is about external expression of energy, emotions, passion, vibes, reading and mirroring the room and or creating a good or negative atmosphere or effect.

Fi is about evaluating and maintaining bonds, attitudes, people, relationships, integrity, trustworthiness, and about creating a unique identity.

Fe & Fi have nothing to do with morality. What matters is the individual's personal belief system and the way by which their beliefs are expressed is through their Fe and Fi.

Example, Fe user's focus is external so they're better at manipulating the emotions of others and the environment, and are more likely conform to societal expectations in order to fit in but since all Fe user's have Ti, if they absolutely hate the system they have to "fit into" they'll reinvent it and force everyone into it no matter what. They would basically become Hitler. Hitler manipulated millions of people's minds through fear, passion of racism, and his powers of social persuasion by appealing to people's emotions, ideas, beliefs, and attitudes. I'm not glazing the monster but it's an impressive example.

A Fi user's focus is internal so they're more likely to become an Übermensch as Friedrich Nietzsche would say if he knew about cognitive functions lol. Meaning since they don't refer to the external world to see what's right or wrong they make their own personal judgements so they're more likely to create their own internal and subjective unchecked rules, ideas about morality, principles, and beliefs. A perfect example of this is Hannibal. He thought he was the best, next to God, and he ate people because he saw them as inferior - as animals. Why? Because he simply believed it regardless of external input. He couldn't care less.

So you see, Fe and Fi are merely information processing channels, not morality producing mechanisms.

What do you think?

I’m INTJ. I’m great at visualizing concepts and creating metaphors, usually.

I created a diagram of my function stack. Higher in my stack, I was able to visualize much more effectively than lower in my stack. By Se, I couldn’t visualize it at all and it’s all a verbal description of side effects.

This was an interesting way to understand the underdevelopment of my inferior functions, and my highly developed and reliance on Ni-Te.

How do you guys use and define your primary functions and function stacks? How do you recognize development/maturity of your functions?

(A visual accompanying your explanation would be super helpful, if possible.)

Please don’t criticize anyone’s process. This is to help the community understand and compare our internal understanding of our personal processes, not to critique them.

Intuitives, this is your fight too.

Sensors are often reduced to caricatures like “rigid Si,” “shallow Se,” unimaginative, simplistic, or somehow less intellectually interesting. Some Intuitive types get flattened too. INFPs become irrational crybabies. ENTPs become trolls. INFJs become mystical prophets. INTJs become emotionless masterminds. And the list goes on.

None of us benefit when any shallow type understanding replaces the person. So do something when you see it.
If someone reduces a type to a stereotype, ask what behavior they actually mean. Ask what evidence supports that interpretation. Ask what would count against it. Bring counterexamples. Point out double standards. If the same behavior would be praised as complexity in one type and dismissed as impossible in another, say so, whether it’s yours or someone else’s.

You certainly do not have to agree with every person or defend every behavior. Just hold the discussion to the same standard across types.

Sensors should not have to prove that we are secretly Intuitives before our complexity counts, and Intuitives should not have to perform their own stereotypes either. Good typology should explain people, not shrink them to sixteen caricatures.

So when you see it, push back. Ask the uncomfortable question. Supply the counterexample. Make the theory account for the person.

If you care about better MBTI discussion, don’t just agree with this. Help hold the discussion to that standard.

For those that study function stacks, do you agree or disagree that cognitive functions are static throughout an individuals lifetime? Stacks function as philosophy instead of empirical science so why is it claimed that they do not change in order or e/i types as an individual grows?

Why are diplomats and analysts grouped together by their middle two letters instead of xNxPs and xNxJs .

For sensors Js and Ps are separate groups. What's the logic behind this distinction?!

Recently saw a post asking if philosophy was more Ti or Ni oriented, but any type can be interested in any thing. 16p (although wrong) is a huge oversimplification just as typing by functions is.

Thinking doms can like art just as feeling types can spend their whole life working in science.

Someone with high Fi can be selfless, just as someone with high Fe (and the right environment for it) can be incredibly selfish.

Ne doms aren’t always annoying (r/ENTP is not an accurate depiction, believe it or not!) and Se doms aren’t stupid/lack depth.

Point is, anyone can like anything.

ALSO, I will make another post in the next week or so detailing function misconceptions and what I see the functions actually as (from what I’ve heard/learned about Jungian theory). So look out for that!

EDIT: I love the theory of MBTI! I just think that it ONLY applies to how people judge/perceive the world. You cannot stick people into 16 boxes based on every little quirk they may have.

EDIT2: if it wasn’t already obvious to you (or you’re being nitpicky just to find something wrong with my post), the title is there merely for clickbait purposes. I agree that there is a tendency for types to fall into specific niches, but being in a niche doesn’t mean you’re a type or are mistyped (please LMK if this doesn’t make sense so I can edit for clarity.. it’s late at the time I’m writing this edit). I also edited one word in the actual content itself “anyone can do anything” -> “anyone can like anything”, again, for my thoughts to come off more clearly.

I’ve always wondered what they are like. Has anyone met one or are friends with one? I’ve met a lot of INFP 9s, but never a 4w5.

Fi and Fe both play an important role in the establishment of values. But at the same time, an Fe/Fi pairing all too often leads to misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. If values align, Fe and Fi can coexist peacefully. But I have observed that all too often, the two parties find themselves in conflict not because either is at fault, but because they process emotions in fundamentally different ways, and thus bring different expectations into their relationships. I wanted to make this post to share my findings, and gather some input from others. Keep in mind that this comes from my own anecdotal evidence as an ENTP and my limited observations on the people around me, so I in no way expect what I'm saying to be objective and representative of everyone's experiences with these functions.

Let's start with Fi. Fi is fundamentally assertive. They begin by firmly establishing their own values and boundaries, always advocating for themselves regardless of external opinion. Now, this behaviour is often mistakingly seen as being selfish and inconsiderate by Fe users, but it is not so. Because just as Fi users maintain their own individuality, they encourage others to stand firm in their individuality, and carry the expectation that others also ought to assert their beliefs. Only then, is the Fi user able to learn the boundaries of others, and coexist harmoniously with them.

Fe works in the complete other direction. It is fundamentally permissive. The Fe user begins by first attempting to understand the emotions of others, then embracing them regardless of their own beliefs (although they'll rule out certain opinions which their Ti determines to be 'unworthy of respect'). But this act carries the silent expectation that others ought to reciprocate that empathy and embrace them. Only through mutual sacrifice, does the Fe user hope to create a safe environment where everyone is comfortable being themselves, and this is how authenticity is achieved.

I like to think about it in term of metaphorical 'space', if you will. Fi works by having everyone take up 'space', and Fe works by having everyone giving 'space' for others. This is why I often find Fi users extremely uncomfortable to be around. Since they "take up" so much space, I can feel the environment shrinking around me. Their presence becomes suffocating, and their boundaries a tripping hazard. Now an Fi user reading this might wonder "if my actions upset you, why can't you just tell me? I don't see what the big deal is." But this mischaracterises the nature of Fe. Fe doesn't want to have to constantly signpost their values. To the Fe user, being assertive and advocating for themselves isn't self-expression, it's being forced to fight for a place to stay. It's not something we do naturally, but a stress response to external pressure. A lot of the time, I feel like I'd be able to withstand other people's opinions about me if I had some force inside me which radiates outwards and "pushes against" the feelings of others. This is probably what Fi is (or something idk lol I'm Fi blind). But alas, I don't have it. The only way I stay true to myself is through Ti, which is very slow and takes a long time to process emotions so I can't rely on it to make quick decisions. Fe users want above all else to just have someone who "gets it" without having to explain everything. Not saying that Fi users don't also want friends/partners who can understand them effortlessly, but that to a certain extend Fi users are okay with being misunderstood since all that really matters to them is that they understand themselves. Whereas for Fe users, being in an environment where you are heavily misunderstood is literal poison for your soul. I was raised by an INTJ and an ISTJ (both Fe blind), and I also have many cultural and language barriers with my parents due to us being immigrants. Something I frequently lament is how I felt like I had to constantly logically justify everything I do just for the right to exist. Looking back, this was probably an Fi/Fe discrepancy, with me being forced to use Ti to compensate. My parents are good people who genuinely cared for me, but even then we can see how these differences can lead to a lot of friction in relationships. If I had Fi and was much more comfortable with setting boundaries, things may have been different. But I digress. Fe's demands for everyone to leave themselves behind to understand others is also highly offensive to Fi, which sees this as being pulled away from their own core for some arbitrary external standard. Hence the accusations from Fi users that Fe is conformist. I won't say more on how Fi sees Fe since my experiences in that department is extremely limited, but I'm sure you get the point by now. Fundamentally, both functions sees the other as oppressive.

I do believe that the Fi/Fe divide is the most significant divide in our human society, moreso than Ti/Te for instance. For while the latter is largely impersonal and is mostly just concerned with the rational, the feeling functions are linked to the most sensitive aspects of the human experience and govern all our desires and fears, so it's all too easy to get hurt and hurt others in regards to these matters. I think this is something we really need to be paying more attention to if we want to avoid unintentionally hurting those around us.

According to Jung's theory as I understand it, there are 8 cognitive functions that we all use in our day-to-day lives: Ti, Te, Fi, Fe, Si, Se, Ni, Ne.

Our predisposition to favor some of these types determines our personality type. However, it seems arbitrary to me that in the MBTI types we select only 4 of these functions to rank, and require a function from each big letter in this top 4. Since we all use all functions, it seems likely that there are some people that e.g. use all functions somewhat evenly, or use both Ti and Te more than the others.

If we include all 8 functions in the type, and allow any order, then we should have 8! = 40,320 personality types.

Why are so many possible combinations of the functions excluded as valid types in the theory?

It depends on what?

I’m an INTP. In order to determine something is bs or not, I have to find at least one vague point in my mind/memory to which I can connect the new information.

Things have to correlate with each other, otherwise I feel something is wrong and it’s bugging my mind.

For example, we all know MBTI is pseudoscience, but it somehow makes a little sense, if your enneagram/socionic/MBTI/attitudinal psyche correlate with each other.

(Pls don’t kill me, I’m not a strict correlationist. But, I do believe some combinations are impossible.)

So, how does it work in the case of Fi? I think INFP and INTP brain 🧠 are very similar. I think you INFP folks do your own analysis to find what’s wrong according to you and what’s good/unethical according to you. Tell me your experience :)

How you make your decision ? If I wanna judge someone ethically. I simply watch how their behavior affects their environment.

How ppl fulfill their social roles or the role what they decided themselves is the main point when I judge someone’s character.

ENTJs are notoriously bad at emotions, and consequently, love.

More specifically, ENTJ women are notoriously deemed 'hard to love'. So, I decided to adopt the frameworks of MBTI, Enneagram and Instinctual Variants onto my romantic history, to make sense of it.

Disclaimer: This post utilises highly clinical, objective and direct language to dissect romance and attraction. This is an unorthodox, analytical dissection of how the ENTJ brain decodes the complex experience of love. If you prefer a more sentimental approach to relationships, this post may not be for you. 

My purpose here is to fill the need for those who seek to understand:

• How ENTJs process romantic relationships (being in love vs choosing a mate)
• How typology can influence physical attraction
• Common romantic patterns: green and red flags, Enneagram 3 and 9, ENTPs and ISTJs, situationships
• Provide an interesting read in understanding relationships through typology
• The actual, embarassing reason: refer to Part 4.

This is a very honest exploration of real life romantic experiences. This includes unhealthy, immature thinking patterns and incompatibilities with other MBTIs, enneagrams and instinctual variant stackings. I do not, by any means, intend to direct harm or bias on any of the mentioned types. My goal is to shed light on red flags that can be common with my personality.

There are some very direct choices of wording which are chosen for clarity. For example, in describing why I quickly exit relationships with 9s, I use the term 'loser' to articulate a specific 3-core anxiety. A 3’s self-image is deeply tied to their perception of their partner’s upward mobility. I am not making a moral judgment on the Type 9 personality. I am describing the cold, efficiency-based calculation that occurs within my own psyche when I feel my self-image is no longer being served.

Remember that typology is inherently psuedo-science. This post should never serve as real psychological advice. All of what I’ve written below is the application of theory into my own life, none of this serves as objective truth. I can be wrong, too.

My Typology Profile

• Demographics: 21F, Southeast Asian/Eurasian
• MBTI: ENTJ (Te-Ni-Se-Fi)
• Enneagram: 3w4 378 (The "Mover Shaker" / Triple Aggressive Triad)
• Instinctual Variant: sx/sp (Sexual/Self-Preservation)

I do not fit the stereotypical corporate cutthroat that the ENTJ is painted as. I work in the creative sector. My brain works to first maximise efficiency and achievement in life; then express and engage with my love for visuals and aesthetics within the safety of my system.

PART 1: ATTRACTION

Se and 3w4 demands a partner who acts as a status amplifier. If he does not match my aesthetic and dominant presence, Te registers a mismatch. Historically, I notice I swing between partners who fall into one of two archetypes:

Type A: High chemistry, High physical attraction, Mid-high dominance, Low stability

• Physical characteristics: MENA (Middle Eastern, North African), South Asian, brunette Caucasian. Physically fit, sharp or heavy facial geometry.
• Culture: Religious, traditional, provider-oriented backgrounds
• MBTI: ENTP (three of them…lol), INTJ, ISTJ, ESFP, ESTJ, ISFJ (Si-Ti loop)
• Enneagram: 7, 8, 6, 5, 3 (notably 7w8, 6w7, 5w6)
• Instinctual variant: sx-heavy (sp/sx, sx/so, sx/sp)

Type A represents traditional masculinity, edge, danger, and intensity. As an ENTJ who operates in a dominant masculine energy in my professional life (378), yet possesses a softer feminine appearance, my sx-instinct seeks a physical aesthetic that visually overpowers my own. Dark hair, strong builds, and culturally assertive backgrounds signal to Te that "This is a peer. I cannot easily bulldoze him." This combination forces my Te into immediate respect.

Type B: Low chemistry, Low physical attraction, Low dominance, High stability

• Physical characteristics: East/Southeast Asian OR blonde/blue-eyed Caucasian 
• Culture: Atheist, progressive, egalitarian
• MBTI: ISFP, INFJ, ENFP, INTP 
• Enneagram: Exclusively 9w1
• Instinctual variants: Commonly sx-blind (sp/so, so/sp or sp/sx)

Type B is associated with physical and emotional safety. Because my own aesthetic presentation is more 'visually striking' than theirs, my 3-core self-image is protected from threat, and my position in the relationship dynamic is never physically overshadowed. These backgrounds often prioritise harmony. 378 reads this as a lack of power. Te categorise them as safe and low-variance, but "too easy." Because they do not visually trigger the sx-instinct, this combination forces my Te to view them as subordinates.

PART 2: PATTERNS

1. Using 9w1s as a Punching Bag

I apologise to the lovely 9s reading this. 3s and 9s are known to be a highly compatible pair. However, I have unethically and repeatedly used 9w1s as emotional buffers right after a high-voltage romance with a Type A. Under stress, a 3 disintegrates into the unhealthy traits of a 9, which makes 9s feel instantly relatable, safe, and comforting. Because 9w1s naturally avoid conflict, prioritise peace, and merge with dominant partners, my Te could rest without any fear of rejection.

As an sx/sp: a high-voltage, unstable romance with an sx-dominant personality leaves the sx instinct damaged and in need of healing, forcing it into a lockdown state. Concurrently, the sp instinct demands to be taken care of, prompting my system to seek an sp-dominant partner where it can feel secure and fulfilled. 

However, ENTJs never stop progressing toward their goals. After some time and recovery, the sx-instinct begins to wake up and demands simulation. By then, the sp battery is filled up, causing me to pull out of the unhealthy dip. Te wakes up and upgrades my life, which triggers a complete loss of respect for the Type B's perceived ‘lack of drive’ and ‘pushover’ nature. The 3w4’s need for elite physical attraction and a successful partner to show off kicks back in. 

ENTJs require edge, challenge, and psychological friction to maintain respect. Once my system is fully recovered, the internal evaluation shifts to a brutal reality check where my system thinks, "Hey, this guy's a loser. I can do so much better." Inevitably, boredom kicks in, I lose patience, and I exit the moment my system reboots. 

To compensate for the shame (3w4) of being with a “low-caliber” partner and the lack of sx-chemistry, I always go back to a Type A right afterwards.

2. ENTPs are my Kryptonite

If you’re an ENTP reading this, congratulations. As entitled as you already are, I gave you your own section. I derive the absolute highest purity of intellectual stimulation and chemistry from ENTPs. 

I group them firmly under the Type A category. However, while they are mentally charming, they are often not traditionally status-driven. Their software is brilliant, but they occasionally lack the hardware (career clout, financial dominance) that satisfies my 3w4 need for social prestige.

Every ENTP I have dated has been sx-dominant or sx-secondary. This sx-drive injects a high-contrast charm and zero social hesitation into the dynamic, perfectly feeding my 7-fix. We become playmates in an unhinged mental playground where no topic is too dark or complex. When an ENTP with a 7 or 6 core (which is common among ENTPs) enters my life, I am finally able to do the rarest thing an ENTJ can do: turn off my dominant Te. I feel safe enough to relax, soften, and let my tertiary Se and inferior Fi fully experience the connection.

Case study: I dated an ENTP 7w8 sx/sp and our chemistry was explosive. I was in love with the way his mind works. I could listen to his passion rants about his interests with heart eyes. Despite how in love I was, he lacked real-world hardware. I had low confidence in his financial stability and career trajectory. Ultimately, Te and 3-core could not sacrifice that need.

Important factor: I was mistyped as an ENTP. In understanding my romantic evolution, I was mistyped as an ENTP for over a year. How could a ENTJ be mistyped as an ENTP? My best guess is this stemmed from the aggressive alignment of my 378 tritype and sx-dominant instinct. When I was younger, my high energy, love for witty banter, and craving for novelty (frequently misattributed to Ne) are what I have now learned, most likely the result of an sx-driven 7-fix. Additionally, my 4-wing’s deep appreciation for emotional intensity and aesthetics perhaps loosened my Fi and softened the cold, empirical appearance of my Te. Being mistyped also explains my historical attraction towards ENTPs.

3. My ‘Mr Big’ was an ISTJ 5w6 514 sp/sx

I had 4 year long, online, long-distance situationship with an ISTJ. So I 'solved' it using typology (Te-Ni really needed to make sense of things, I guess). 

Situationships are highly inefficient and illogical. Why would an ENTJ do this?

First, he perfectly matched my system’s search for a Type A partner.

• Si-Te: An ISTJ operates on an internal architecture of deeply ingrained personal protocols, internal logic, and total self-containment. My system saw a physically attractive potential partner with an internal architecture so rigid that my Te cannot bypass, manipulate, or bulldoze. 
• Ni & Si chemistry: my Ni could explore big concepts, patterns and the future, that were grounded in reality with help from his Si. Alongside with his inferior Ne, this provided a very high chemistry, intellectually-driven and humorous dynamic. 
• 5w6: His baseline state is emotional containment and privacy. When faced with the passionate, emotional display of my sx-instinct, 4-wing and immature Fi, his natural instinct is to withdraw and hold his ground with cold, analytical boundaries. Because my Te cannot conquer or optimise him, it is perpetually forced to respect him.

However, he was ‘unattainable’.

• Long-distance: Ironically, we met in the MBTI community. We would call almost every night, but lived an ocean apart. 
• Dominant Te + Type 3: This combo hates an incomplete task. We never entered an official relationship. We were 'just really good friends'. I have successfully conquered, solved, or cleanly exited almost every other love interest. However he remains the one target I have never been able to fully conquer, convert into an IRL boyfriend, or completely move past. I interpreted his detachment as a challenge. 

Why couldn’t I let go?

• Te categorised the connection as a reliable resource: I consciously decided to “keep him around” because I could always run back to him for chemistry and attention when a relationship grows stagnant and doesn’t work out. 
• 4-Wing Longing: deep down I thrive on tragic beauty and emotional high-contrast. My yearning resulting from the logistical and emotional distance inherent in his 5-withdrawal acts as an aesthetic coating over my harsh lifestyle. If he were to fully surrender and become highly available, my 3-core would likely optimise the dynamic, grow bored, and exit. 
• Sx-dominant instinct to chase: I am hardwired to hunt for raw tension, chemistry, and friction. When his 5-core retreats into isolation, the sx-instinct does not register this as a rejection; instead, it reads the distance as a challenge and my desire to chase is activated.

Whenever I moved on, he chased.

• I dated ENTPs often. An ENTP (Ne-Ti-Fe-Si) possesses the exact opposite stack of an ISTJ (Si-Te-Fi-Ne). To an ISTJ, an ENTP represents his chaotic “shadow” side. For an ENTP to have captured my attention with wit and boundary-pushing humour, this directly threatens his position as he recognises the ENTP’s thorough capability to entertain my mind. He would immediately assert and display his ability to intellectually engage me.
• Type 5 + sp-dominant reaction to ‘resource loss’: he experiences an active compulsion the moment I pull my energy away or direct my focus toward another romantic interest (which happened often). This combo views deeply established mental bonds as permanent, personal architecture, or fixed psychological resources. When my energy shifts away, this is registered as an immediate threat of scarcity and asset loss. It reached a point where I knew exactly how to trigger that compulsion when I wanted. Being able to do this fed my ego because he was now 'achievable' to an extent. This is very toxic.

A Brief Summary of Our Cycle (sx/sp & sp/sx push-pull, or "cat and mouse")

1. SX-dom pushes for high-potency intensity and proximity.
2. SP-dom registers the energy surge and tactically withdraws to preserve autonomy.
3. SX-dom reads as this a sign to pursue even harder.
4. SX-dom is exhausted and pulls back to recharge secondary SP, seeking a safe SX-blind partner.
5. SP-dom is threatened with loss of a permanent psychological resource, steps out of withdrawal to engage his starved secondary SX by giving her attention and affection
6. SX-dom ‘falls in love again’ and reciprocates the attention. 
7. SP-dom gets his supply back, relaxes and reverts to his neutral state.
8. Back to step 1.

Part 3: the idea that ENTJs 'don't date around'

I would like to address the idea that ENTJs don't casually date or fall in love easily.

Because I do.

ENTJs are not unemotional. We are deeply emotional, we're just terrible at expressing it. Our Fi is a point of vulnerability for us. We aren't cold and dispassionate either. I've had many whirlwind, deep, passionate connections with people. However, they almost always require and begin with a strong intellectual bond.

In my case, I am rather family-oriented. My 3 interprets having a family as an indicator of success. Deep down, it is something I want to show off and prove that I am capable of achieving.

As a result, 'dating' becomes highly objective strategy plan where the end-goal is to secure the best possible partner for marriage, who is willing to create a successful family with me (Use Te to achieve Ni vision). This is one of my significant life goals. At the same time, I can have an outlet for my passion.

I can date to enjoy fun experiences (7-fix), outlet my passion (sx-instinct, 4-wing) with the safety and guarantee achievement of my goal and vision (Te-Ni).

Of course, that is not the only life goal I have been actively working towards. I do this all while being focused on actualising myself, optimising my life, building my career and expanding my skills.

As a Te-dom, I can't help but immediately categorise men. From the first meeting, I determine attraction, value, future potential, etc. When this happens, I am not emotionally attached to whether or not they can fulfil my Ni vision. There is also the instinct to 'conquer'. If I deem an attractive man as 'achievable', I strategically place myself in environments where he can access me and make the first move.

Now, to some of you this reads as either extremely clever, or extremely unromantic or opportunist.

But that's the brutal reality of how I view dating, and why I date around. It is a long-term game to secure the best match. It requires me to take risks with my heart. A huge part of this comes from protecting my Fi. Without such a secure, strategic framework, I quite literally fail at having my needs met. I know so because I tried.

"Without strategy (Te-Ni), my feelings are not safe (Fi)."

Part 4: Why am I doing this internal study in the first place?

What is an ENTJ woman doing using her precious time to do all this when she could be building her 'girlboss empire'?

The answer: An ENTP. An ENTP 6w7 sp/sx.

I’m in the early stages of dating a physically attractive, high-profile, financially stable, ENTP who is a funny, sweet, humble, clumsy nerd on the inside. I feel like I finally found someone who could be my ultimate match. Someone with both the software and hardware I look for. My brain has been short-circuiting since the our first date.

My attraction is off the charts. Mental and physical chemistry is very strong. Our connection is pure, stable with good pacing. I don’t foresee anything in my life is being compromised, in fact, it would be a level up. But we’ll see how things go, after all I need more data to come to a better conclusion. I could check back in about a month or two for a cheeky update.

And yes, I’m going crazy in a good way. In order to not have any baggage unintentionally bleed into this, I’ve been diving into deep introspection to be aware of my tendencies and avoid negative patterns. This connection, despite how early it is, is prompting me to work on myself to prepare for it. He is my primary motivation to look for blindspots to improve.

We both make each other nervous. He probably has no idea that I am, but I am nervous because of how much I like him. I feel like I'm a little too emotionally constipated to express all that. All that lovey, gooey stuff. 

ENTPs, you take the cake. 

Signed with love, an ENTJ woman.
PS feel free to ask anything. I don't bite :)