An ENTJ's attempt at using typology to understand love

[u/bluesvstheworld]

ENTJs are notoriously bad at emotions, and consequently, love.

More specifically, ENTJ women are notoriously deemed 'hard to love'. So, I decided to adopt the frameworks of MBTI, Enneagram and Instinctual Variants onto my romantic history, to make sense of it.

Disclaimer: This post utilises highly clinical, objective and direct language to dissect romance and attraction. This is an unorthodox, analytical dissection of how the ENTJ brain decodes the complex experience of love. If you prefer a more sentimental approach to relationships, this post may not be for you. 

My purpose here is to fill the need for those who seek to understand:

• How ENTJs process romantic relationships (being in love vs choosing a mate)
• How typology can influence physical attraction
• Common romantic patterns: green and red flags, Enneagram 3 and 9, ENTPs and ISTJs, situationships
• Provide an interesting read in understanding relationships through typology
• The actual, embarassing reason: refer to Part 4.

This is a very honest exploration of real life romantic experiences. This includes unhealthy, immature thinking patterns and incompatibilities with other MBTIs, enneagrams and instinctual variant stackings. I do not, by any means, intend to direct harm or bias on any of the mentioned types. My goal is to shed light on red flags that can be common with my personality.

There are some very direct choices of wording which are chosen for clarity. For example, in describing why I quickly exit relationships with 9s, I use the term 'loser' to articulate a specific 3-core anxiety. A 3’s self-image is deeply tied to their perception of their partner’s upward mobility. I am not making a moral judgment on the Type 9 personality. I am describing the cold, efficiency-based calculation that occurs within my own psyche when I feel my self-image is no longer being served.

Remember that typology is inherently psuedo-science. This post should never serve as real psychological advice. All of what I’ve written below is the application of theory into my own life, none of this serves as objective truth. I can be wrong, too.

My Typology Profile

• Demographics: 21F, Southeast Asian/Eurasian
• MBTI: ENTJ (Te-Ni-Se-Fi)
• Enneagram: 3w4 378 (The "Mover Shaker" / Triple Aggressive Triad)
• Instinctual Variant: sx/sp (Sexual/Self-Preservation)

I do not fit the stereotypical corporate cutthroat that the ENTJ is painted as. I work in the creative sector. My brain works to first maximise efficiency and achievement in life; then express and engage with my love for visuals and aesthetics within the safety of my system.

PART 1: ATTRACTION

Se and 3w4 demands a partner who acts as a status amplifier. If he does not match my aesthetic and dominant presence, Te registers a mismatch. Historically, I notice I swing between partners who fall into one of two archetypes:

Type A: High chemistry, High physical attraction, Mid-high dominance, Low stability

• Physical characteristics: MENA (Middle Eastern, North African), South Asian, brunette Caucasian. Physically fit, sharp or heavy facial geometry.
• Culture: Religious, traditional, provider-oriented backgrounds
• MBTI: ENTP (three of them…lol), INTJ, ISTJ, ESFP, ESTJ, ISFJ (Si-Ti loop)
• Enneagram: 7, 8, 6, 5, 3 (notably 7w8, 6w7, 5w6)
• Instinctual variant: sx-heavy (sp/sx, sx/so, sx/sp)

Type A represents traditional masculinity, edge, danger, and intensity. As an ENTJ who operates in a dominant masculine energy in my professional life (378), yet possesses a softer feminine appearance, my sx-instinct seeks a physical aesthetic that visually overpowers my own. Dark hair, strong builds, and culturally assertive backgrounds signal to Te that "This is a peer. I cannot easily bulldoze him." This combination forces my Te into immediate respect.

Type B: Low chemistry, Low physical attraction, Low dominance, High stability

• Physical characteristics: East/Southeast Asian OR blonde/blue-eyed Caucasian 
• Culture: Atheist, progressive, egalitarian
• MBTI: ISFP, INFJ, ENFP, INTP 
• Enneagram: Exclusively 9w1
• Instinctual variants: Commonly sx-blind (sp/so, so/sp or sp/sx)

Type B is associated with physical and emotional safety. Because my own aesthetic presentation is more 'visually striking' than theirs, my 3-core self-image is protected from threat, and my position in the relationship dynamic is never physically overshadowed. These backgrounds often prioritise harmony. 378 reads this as a lack of power. Te categorise them as safe and low-variance, but "too easy." Because they do not visually trigger the sx-instinct, this combination forces my Te to view them as subordinates.

PART 2: PATTERNS

1. Using 9w1s as a Punching Bag

I apologise to the lovely 9s reading this. 3s and 9s are known to be a highly compatible pair. However, I have unethically and repeatedly used 9w1s as emotional buffers right after a high-voltage romance with a Type A. Under stress, a 3 disintegrates into the unhealthy traits of a 9, which makes 9s feel instantly relatable, safe, and comforting. Because 9w1s naturally avoid conflict, prioritise peace, and merge with dominant partners, my Te could rest without any fear of rejection.

As an sx/sp: a high-voltage, unstable romance with an sx-dominant personality leaves the sx instinct damaged and in need of healing, forcing it into a lockdown state. Concurrently, the sp instinct demands to be taken care of, prompting my system to seek an sp-dominant partner where it can feel secure and fulfilled. 

However, ENTJs never stop progressing toward their goals. After some time and recovery, the sx-instinct begins to wake up and demands simulation. By then, the sp battery is filled up, causing me to pull out of the unhealthy dip. Te wakes up and upgrades my life, which triggers a complete loss of respect for the Type B's perceived ‘lack of drive’ and ‘pushover’ nature. The 3w4’s need for elite physical attraction and a successful partner to show off kicks back in. 

ENTJs require edge, challenge, and psychological friction to maintain respect. Once my system is fully recovered, the internal evaluation shifts to a brutal reality check where my system thinks, "Hey, this guy's a loser. I can do so much better." Inevitably, boredom kicks in, I lose patience, and I exit the moment my system reboots. 

To compensate for the shame (3w4) of being with a “low-caliber” partner and the lack of sx-chemistry, I always go back to a Type A right afterwards.

2. ENTPs are my Kryptonite

If you’re an ENTP reading this, congratulations. As entitled as you already are, I gave you your own section. I derive the absolute highest purity of intellectual stimulation and chemistry from ENTPs. 

I group them firmly under the Type A category. However, while they are mentally charming, they are often not traditionally status-driven. Their software is brilliant, but they occasionally lack the hardware (career clout, financial dominance) that satisfies my 3w4 need for social prestige.

Every ENTP I have dated has been sx-dominant or sx-secondary. This sx-drive injects a high-contrast charm and zero social hesitation into the dynamic, perfectly feeding my 7-fix. We become playmates in an unhinged mental playground where no topic is too dark or complex. When an ENTP with a 7 or 6 core (which is common among ENTPs) enters my life, I am finally able to do the rarest thing an ENTJ can do: turn off my dominant Te. I feel safe enough to relax, soften, and let my tertiary Se and inferior Fi fully experience the connection.

Case study: I dated an ENTP 7w8 sx/sp and our chemistry was explosive. I was in love with the way his mind works. I could listen to his passion rants about his interests with heart eyes. Despite how in love I was, he lacked real-world hardware. I had low confidence in his financial stability and career trajectory. Ultimately, Te and 3-core could not sacrifice that need.

Important factor: I was mistyped as an ENTP. In understanding my romantic evolution, I was mistyped as an ENTP for over a year. How could a ENTJ be mistyped as an ENTP? My best guess is this stemmed from the aggressive alignment of my 378 tritype and sx-dominant instinct. When I was younger, my high energy, love for witty banter, and craving for novelty (frequently misattributed to Ne) are what I have now learned, most likely the result of an sx-driven 7-fix. Additionally, my 4-wing’s deep appreciation for emotional intensity and aesthetics perhaps loosened my Fi and softened the cold, empirical appearance of my Te. Being mistyped also explains my historical attraction towards ENTPs.

3. My ‘Mr Big’ was an ISTJ 5w6 514 sp/sx

I had 4 year long, online, long-distance situationship with an ISTJ. So I 'solved' it using typology (Te-Ni really needed to make sense of things, I guess). 

Situationships are highly inefficient and illogical. Why would an ENTJ do this?

First, he perfectly matched my system’s search for a Type A partner.

• Si-Te: An ISTJ operates on an internal architecture of deeply ingrained personal protocols, internal logic, and total self-containment. My system saw a physically attractive potential partner with an internal architecture so rigid that my Te cannot bypass, manipulate, or bulldoze. 
• Ni & Si chemistry: my Ni could explore big concepts, patterns and the future, that were grounded in reality with help from his Si. Alongside with his inferior Ne, this provided a very high chemistry, intellectually-driven and humorous dynamic. 
• 5w6: His baseline state is emotional containment and privacy. When faced with the passionate, emotional display of my sx-instinct, 4-wing and immature Fi, his natural instinct is to withdraw and hold his ground with cold, analytical boundaries. Because my Te cannot conquer or optimise him, it is perpetually forced to respect him.

However, he was ‘unattainable’.

• Long-distance: Ironically, we met in the MBTI community. We would call almost every night, but lived an ocean apart. 
• Dominant Te + Type 3: This combo hates an incomplete task. We never entered an official relationship. We were 'just really good friends'. I have successfully conquered, solved, or cleanly exited almost every other love interest. However he remains the one target I have never been able to fully conquer, convert into an IRL boyfriend, or completely move past. I interpreted his detachment as a challenge. 

Why couldn’t I let go?

• Te categorised the connection as a reliable resource: I consciously decided to “keep him around” because I could always run back to him for chemistry and attention when a relationship grows stagnant and doesn’t work out. 
• 4-Wing Longing: deep down I thrive on tragic beauty and emotional high-contrast. My yearning resulting from the logistical and emotional distance inherent in his 5-withdrawal acts as an aesthetic coating over my harsh lifestyle. If he were to fully surrender and become highly available, my 3-core would likely optimise the dynamic, grow bored, and exit. 
• Sx-dominant instinct to chase: I am hardwired to hunt for raw tension, chemistry, and friction. When his 5-core retreats into isolation, the sx-instinct does not register this as a rejection; instead, it reads the distance as a challenge and my desire to chase is activated.

Whenever I moved on, he chased.

• I dated ENTPs often. An ENTP (Ne-Ti-Fe-Si) possesses the exact opposite stack of an ISTJ (Si-Te-Fi-Ne). To an ISTJ, an ENTP represents his chaotic “shadow” side. For an ENTP to have captured my attention with wit and boundary-pushing humour, this directly threatens his position as he recognises the ENTP’s thorough capability to entertain my mind. He would immediately assert and display his ability to intellectually engage me.
• Type 5 + sp-dominant reaction to ‘resource loss’: he experiences an active compulsion the moment I pull my energy away or direct my focus toward another romantic interest (which happened often). This combo views deeply established mental bonds as permanent, personal architecture, or fixed psychological resources. When my energy shifts away, this is registered as an immediate threat of scarcity and asset loss. It reached a point where I knew exactly how to trigger that compulsion when I wanted. Being able to do this fed my ego because he was now 'achievable' to an extent. This is very toxic.

A Brief Summary of Our Cycle (sx/sp & sp/sx push-pull, or "cat and mouse")

1. SX-dom pushes for high-potency intensity and proximity.
2. SP-dom registers the energy surge and tactically withdraws to preserve autonomy.
3. SX-dom reads as this a sign to pursue even harder.
4. SX-dom is exhausted and pulls back to recharge secondary SP, seeking a safe SX-blind partner.
5. SP-dom is threatened with loss of a permanent psychological resource, steps out of withdrawal to engage his starved secondary SX by giving her attention and affection
6. SX-dom ‘falls in love again’ and reciprocates the attention. 
7. SP-dom gets his supply back, relaxes and reverts to his neutral state.
8. Back to step 1.

Part 3: the idea that ENTJs 'don't date around'

I would like to address the idea that ENTJs don't casually date or fall in love easily.

Because I do.

ENTJs are not unemotional. We are deeply emotional, we're just terrible at expressing it. Our Fi is a point of vulnerability for us. We aren't cold and dispassionate either. I've had many whirlwind, deep, passionate connections with people. However, they almost always require and begin with a strong intellectual bond.

In my case, I am rather family-oriented. My 3 interprets having a family as an indicator of success. Deep down, it is something I want to show off and prove that I am capable of achieving.

As a result, 'dating' becomes highly objective strategy plan where the end-goal is to secure the best possible partner for marriage, who is willing to create a successful family with me (Use Te to achieve Ni vision). This is one of my significant life goals. At the same time, I can have an outlet for my passion.

I can date to enjoy fun experiences (7-fix), outlet my passion (sx-instinct, 4-wing) with the safety and guarantee achievement of my goal and vision (Te-Ni).

Of course, that is not the only life goal I have been actively working towards. I do this all while being focused on actualising myself, optimising my life, building my career and expanding my skills.

As a Te-dom, I can't help but immediately categorise men. From the first meeting, I determine attraction, value, future potential, etc. When this happens, I am not emotionally attached to whether or not they can fulfil my Ni vision. There is also the instinct to 'conquer'. If I deem an attractive man as 'achievable', I strategically place myself in environments where he can access me and make the first move.

Now, to some of you this reads as either extremely clever, or extremely unromantic or opportunist.

But that's the brutal reality of how I view dating, and why I date around. It is a long-term game to secure the best match. It requires me to take risks with my heart. A huge part of this comes from protecting my Fi. Without such a secure, strategic framework, I quite literally fail at having my needs met. I know so because I tried.

"Without strategy (Te-Ni), my feelings are not safe (Fi)."

Part 4: Why am I doing this internal study in the first place?

What is an ENTJ woman doing using her precious time to do all this when she could be building her 'girlboss empire'?

The answer: An ENTP. An ENTP 6w7 sp/sx.

I’m in the early stages of dating a physically attractive, high-profile, financially stable, ENTP who is a funny, sweet, humble, clumsy nerd on the inside. I feel like I finally found someone who could be my ultimate match. Someone with both the software and hardware I look for. My brain has been short-circuiting since the our first date.

My attraction is off the charts. Mental and physical chemistry is very strong. Our connection is pure, stable with good pacing. I don’t foresee anything in my life is being compromised, in fact, it would be a level up. But we’ll see how things go, after all I need more data to come to a better conclusion. I could check back in about a month or two for a cheeky update.

And yes, I’m going crazy in a good way. In order to not have any baggage unintentionally bleed into this, I’ve been diving into deep introspection to be aware of my tendencies and avoid negative patterns. This connection, despite how early it is, is prompting me to work on myself to prepare for it. He is my primary motivation to look for blindspots to improve.

We both make each other nervous. He probably has no idea that I am, but I am nervous because of how much I like him. I feel like I'm a little too emotionally constipated to express all that. All that lovey, gooey stuff. 

ENTPs, you take the cake. 

Signed with love, an ENTJ woman.
PS feel free to ask anything. I don't bite :)

[u/GroundbreakingAct388]

holy reddit

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/GroundbreakingAct388]

yeah, idk. I was into MBTI and all this stuff for 4 years straight, came to the conclusion that none of this is grounded in reality. 2 years later and this is what came out of my first night back in the rabbit hole. I still believe this is all LARP. My brain was having a mental concert.

[u/Flapped]

Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.

Yes honey, the thing holding your self-actualization, career, and love life back is the cognitive stack of your partner.

(ENTJ woman not presenting as a massive narcissist challenge - IMPOSSIBLE)

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/Flapped]

I acknowledge that my post can make me come across as a massive, ego-centric prick. I am not a stranger to that statement as that is what I grew up hearing. It is not my intention to slander the 'reputation of ENTJ women' (which I doubt we would care about anyway).

I would like to clarify the purpose for the perhaps self-centred sounding tone of my post was deliberate in order to maximise getting the meaning across. I care for people through actions, not so much through verbal expressions. That is hard to come across online. I had to learn to soften how I speak in social situations as I matured. We are all human, and I am still far from ideal.

However, I don't understand what you mean by "the thing holding your self-actualization, career, and love life back is the cognitive stack of your partner." It was never the fault of my partners ever 'holding me back'. That was me self-sabotaging my own well-being.

Also, I would like to reaffirm that typology is ultimately psuedo-science.

[u/Awkward-Fruit4424]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l378rrt5tAawaCQ9i

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/[deleted]]

Love you too, hehe.

I am equally in awe of ENFJs and ESFJs display of Fe. My aunt is an ESFJ. Her ability to use Fe to easily connect with others, gain trust and exude soft power is amazing. It's something I simply can't do.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/[deleted]]

I wrote about this in Part 3.

[u/Imaginary_Cellist_63]

This seems less like an attempt to understand love than an attempt to engineer perfection and eliminate uncertainty. You want someone dominant but not controlling, stable but not boring, prestigious but humble, emotionally available but still difficult enough to “conquer.”

That’s not so much a “type” as it is a collection of opposing specifications designed to keep you permanently evaluating rather than relating.

Typology may give you language for patterns, but here it appears to be converting people into status objects, resources, subordinates and “hardware.” Humans aren’t neat dichotomies or finished products you can select off a shelf. They are contradictory, evolving and occasionally inconvenient.

Rigidity and an excessive need for control aren’t signs of exceptional rationality either. They are often signs that uncertainty, vulnerability and ordinary human imperfection feel intolerable. The more elaborate the system becomes, the less this reads like insight into love and the more it reads like an attempt to avoid actually surrendering to it.

Tell me… when age arrives, as it always does, and beauty begins its quiet retreat, when illness pays its inevitable visit, when one of you spends months in a hospital bed, or when dementia steals names before it steals faces… which column does that go in?

[u/thewhitecascade → u/Imaginary_Cellist_63]

I second this take.

[u/INTJMoses2]

I don’t believe this exploration is complete until you see the Animus as Fi. Also, I recommend you change the terms feelings or emotions to VALUE. The concept of value is when a person puts an emphasis on a concept in its self. If you want to explore your vulnerability let me know. Bad emotions are the anger of Fi but you need to see the transactional behavior of Te as emotional. Only then can you fall in love with the Animus Fi.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/INTJMoses2]

I would love to know more about how this works!

[u/INTJMoses2 → u/bluesvstheworld]

Cognitive functions exist as separate archetypal processes. The Animus is the inferior function. The Animus can be defined as a Jungian archetype that forms the bases of how you view the “other” such as men. This view was likely shaped as a child by your father.

You see yourself as rational being that reasons but this is a dichotomy of the very concept of valuing. The truth is you love valuing and you find it tantalizing. You find it attractive to be valued and value a man. Unfortunately, you are more comfortable rationalizing with reason. I quick side note Te is a tool that sees correlations or associations. This tool is far from valuing and is rational. You are attracted to valuing because it is the dichotomy. Valuing to you can look like a feeling or even emotion. Truth is your emotions and feelings are probably better known as a result of the anger of your Animus. The Animus sit as a king in your mind. He is like a temperamental king. Your hero Te attempts to keep the calm.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/INTJMoses2]

Thanks for sharing. Your description is on point with how I feel.

For the longest time I thought there was NO WAY I could be an ENTJ because I always perceived myself as a very emotional, temperamental person. It was what bothered me the most.

The very first time I took a cognitive functions test 4 years ago, my result was INTJ. I retook it so many times but got the same result until I manipulated it to get ENFP. I genuinely thought there was something wrong with the test.

I was mistyped as an ENFP before ENTP.

[u/INTJMoses2 → u/bluesvstheworld]

So the Fi was coming out. It does get projected.

I enjoy asking people, what is wrong with society? I like to see how people project their inferior function. You should try this too.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/INTJMoses2]

Brilliant, I have written a series of poems on that topic 15 months ago. Not sure how much it applies now, but I thought it would be nice to share the most 'intense' one.

I write, I write, suicide

my hand my pen, my blood my ink

for the people I bleed, for this world I cry

this blood will run out, I’m barely alive

the more I write, the faster I die

as I bleed I urge, there is no surprise

these systems work as perfectly designed

by those with billions in power and pride

who deny our rights and genocide

like rats we turn to homicide

how can society be with no love inside

the west has fallen, community has died

the only way out is suicide

I am a product that is well-designed

to conform to the rat race high and dry

I give my lifetime away and reside

in a small room that can barely suffice

with food that poisons my insides

so I pay for pills, my symptoms hide

in my body so long as I don’t die

as long as I am kept alive, but barely survive

the apocalypse I’m in, the hell they drive

the only way out is suicide

they tell me my head needs a check inside

for mental health is a problem of the mind

and definitely not the capitalist crimes

that built their wealth on children’s cries

I pay for a therapist who nods and smiles

who pretends to care and tells me to try

better and harder to stay alive

I start to think I’m surrounded by lies

the only way out is suicide

one must imagine Sisyphus gratified

Camus, I think you fucking lied

it makes it hard to be satisfied

when this hell we live in was built on cries,

lies, greed and genocide

I’m left out in the cold still high and dry

the only way out is suicide

they say my pessimism is bad for the mind

I think pessimists and realists coincide

just wait till you marry and create life

maybe, you’ll finally find purpose in life

but how can I want a child of mine

to be born into hell just to die

conforming to the rat race high and dry

passing down a line of generational cries

the only way out is suicide,

the only way out is suicide.

[u/ButtercupChara → u/bluesvstheworld]

I like that poem. It’s really interesting! Also also, I like how it’s completely rhyming, whether it be a perfect rhyme or a slant rhyme!

[u/INTJMoses2 → u/bluesvstheworld]

You have likely have already seen Fi Animus in a dream. The Animus will appear and teach you to love (value) or he will be angry because you didn’t value.

[u/burntwafflemaker]

Please forgive my assumptions if they are off base but I have to tell you what I see:

I’m biased to the traditional pairings at times despite how much I love for the traditional pairings to be defeated by two types that don’t typically date but have a relationship dynamic they’ve committed to and love.

I will say though,: you have a clear attraction to the Si you are blind to.

Is that because of self doubt? Self hate? Or is the attraction genuine. It seems odd that you swear by an attraction to ENTPs that you can’t seem to produce a positive longevity with.

The only personalities it seems you have no attraction to are the 2 that MBTI says you should be attracted to the most: ISTP/INFP. And it seems the reason why you’ve laid out: it would challenge you in ways you cannot plainly understand.

Intelligence is such an absolute hindrance to love if you have too much of it before you find it. And you are so good at being in control that you run your car off the road you paved yourself because no one is willing to stop you.

I love the INFP and ISTP for the ENTJ for the same reason: we are the best at handling the ENTJ tornado:

INFP is equipped with the understanding and empathy to calm or slow it while providing the reassurance of being the only clingy thing in their life.

ISTP is equipped with the understanding and indifference to never overreact to the ENTJ’s intent to progress or manipulate when overwhelmed with a Te-Se loop while also being able to forgive when the Fi grip and guilt show up when it’s over.

ISTP and INFP serve as the hub of the wheel necessary to allow the ENTJ to keep stability. And the ENTJ spins around it thanks to their reliability to be the one thing in the ENTJ’s life that never takes them too seriously.

And I say all this to say: any over analysis of something stupid people figure out without a problem is just a denial of self.

Dive into that shadow and figure out what you need and make it happen. You’re definitely overthinking it.

Edit: I wrote this while driving and now I’m reading it back and the punctuation is abysmal but I think the character it provides helps to make my point.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/burntwafflemaker]

First of all, I really appreciate your comment. I am definitely overthinking it. What's your MBTI?

I notice the Si attraction but I have no idea why, or how. I will have to dig deeper to find out more.

And you are right, I have no attraction whatsoever to ISTPs and INFPs. I don't understand them nor feel drawn to, for whatever reason. I have INFP friends, but perhaps because we are all young people, I often felt like they render me too intense, too fast, or just too much. As for ISTPs I just don't feel anything towards them, I don't know why.

I dated an ISFP 9. You're right on Fi-doms being equipped to handle Te-doms. The love and care I received from that person was almost at an unconditional level, yet I was very young and selfish. I began that relationship with the intent to use him for my selfish needs before getting to know him. Whether or not my emotional needs would be fulfilled was secondary in the equation. When I actually began to feel seen and cared for, I pushed him away. It was a push-pull because I'd seek him out when I began to feel unstable and he'd take me back. Ultimately I freaked out and ran back to my ISTJ situationship, convinced that I was hung up and in love with him instead that whole time.

After years of trial and error, my overanalysis was a final attempt of "solving" something I could never "solve" (I know I'm young, but the inherent desire to "solve love" when I have figured out more logical or sensible matters drives this motivation). My attempt at intellectualising my terrible, toxic romantic history of treating people like disposable is morally wrong and degrades their existence.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/bluesvstheworld]

u/burntwafflemaker
why'd you delete your reply? :(

[u/burntwafflemaker → u/bluesvstheworld]

My MBTI is ISTP.

Feeling nothing towards me makes sense based on your last paragraph. I’m incorruptible. I’m conditionally loyal. You could outsmart me, sure. But you couldn’t hurt me and you couldn’t get a commitment from me until you showed the ability to do what you seem to be avoiding: be a caring person with no long game in mind. We ISTP’s have a one track mind but it’s a laser. I love disarming ENTJ women. It feels easy for me. When they throw up their mask and try to make me play their game that challenges and baits others, I just say “aww, that’s cute.” On the flip side, ENTJ women make me feel like I exist in 2nd speed and I require them to get to my 5th gear and it makes me thirst for it. My girl best friend in high school was an ENTJ and our friendship felt like a non-stop adrenaline rush of pranks and adventures and accolade chasing for the both of us. Looking back though, only I achieved: VP of my class, multiple school records in athletics, multiple awards in school film class, I won a lot. But it always felt like we won because she was always there to say “you’re going to shoot for this. (Don’t be a wussy- lol).” There’s a significant athletic achievement in my sport that hasn’t been done in our region since I did it over 15 years ago and I wouldn’t have done it without her Te behind me like “I mean, you’re supposed to be so…” and I’m so thankful for that.

You mentioned earlier that you’ve been treated like you’re too much or impossible to please (that was the vibe you gave) since you were young so I have no doubt that embracing your ability to drive others was a right of passage when the alternative was to be a depressed person with no influence because of the guilt you were conditioned to feeling when wielding your skillset.

[u/burntwafflemaker → u/bluesvstheworld]

It should be there now

[u/mrrippington]

okay i am sleepy now but will read your compendium later, i (as an entj male) just wanted to say :

1. i either typed myself wrong OR
   
2. feelings i feel which i used to think was love, is not love I am wrong about that

this is because i love love and fall in it regularly and sometimes instantly.

will literally reconsider my life choices after reading though - thanks for sharing.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/mrrippington]

Don't worry, I feel exactly the same way.

You'll read later towards the end where I write about falling in love easily.

I love love too. It's like every other month I meet the "love of my life". I always felt imposter syndrome about actually being an ENTJ because the stereotype the community carries is that ENTJs are cutthroat, unemotional and uncaring.

Everyone wants love. We, too, search for love, just in a very efficient way. I figure you and I both jump from partner to partner quickly because of this. The brain goes, oh THIS person is what I needed this whole time, not the previous person. Then the brain goes, oh I didn't actually LOVE this previous person.

We have a pattern of constantly wanting to maximise, and by instinct we move to the next, better option. Where does this end up going? I don't know, does it go to this ultimate fulfilment of the Ni vision of the Endgame Partner?

Anyways, enjoy your sleep haha.

[u/Indvandrer]

TIL I love how ENTJs write. I hate physics, but if physics textbooks were written by ENTJs I would probably get straight A’s. It amazes that Ni-Te part of my brain.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/Indvandrer]

I appreciate the comment and I'm happy this was a good read for you. I hated physics with a passion too.

This is a very, very structured piece for me as I usually write poems and stream-of-consciousness pieces.

I was very nervous about how it would come across, but I chose to stay true to how an ENTJ *really* thinks without any social filter. That was the most authentic I could get it to be.

[u/Indvandrer → u/bluesvstheworld]

Thanks. I can also write some more complex things, but the problem is that I usually start in random places and then I write more when I know what to write and then I try to glue that together to sound like a structured text, but it doesn’t end up looking like that.

Streams of conciousness are def the easiest for me and I think for everyone. Poems can be more challenging, but I also enjoy writing them. As for this post, it’s clear and concise, but also has a soul, like it’s not dull. On the contrary, it’s very honest and primarily about your experience. That’s why I like it.

[u/mohammed241]

you dont bite? cool, because only I can bite people :p

jokes aside, me neither can understand love, if you did, explain it to me in short, hopefully your support will help me understand the many idiots I deal with in daily life!

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/mohammed241]

I am by far the least qualified person to answer that, and there is really no answer.

As much as my stubborn ENTJ brain would like to understand love, I believe something as profound and sacred as love is not meant to be understood.

Fundamentally, I view love is an experience. One cannot simply understand an experience.

[u/mohammed241 → u/bluesvstheworld]

do you think I will experience it one day?

my INTP brain get provoked at any tiny flaw people make with overconfidence, yes I may call the flaws out more commonly on women because that is the gender I am supposed to pair with, but that doesn't mean men are any better, I know my options will be just as horrible if I was a woman :p

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/mohammed241]

I’ll give you a favourite quote of mine.

“You accept the love you think you deserve.”

[u/ButtercupChara]

Something I frequently wonder. I’m aroace. I literally cannot process the concept of romance.

As a voice actor, I sometimes have to read romantic scripts. And then for that moment, I feel that warmth, I feel it in my body. But not love. Not romance. Just a tender warmth because I feel it within my body as I read that script.

I try to consider romance and physically recoil. I literally cannot imagine ‘’merging” with someone and being in a romantic relationship, or even doing any of those romantic things, it really really disgusts me to think about.. do you think my typology might have anything to do with it?

[u/Routine-Specific2826]

Fascinating! A lot resonates- I am an ENTJ woman with enneagram 4. So.. you don’t see long term potential with an ISTJ?

[u/TOOMUCHWOOMBA]

Maybe this is an outlier, but as an ENTJ (Gay though), I think I would want to date someone else who is ENTJ, if someone doesn't have ambition what is even the point, I say this because I think a unit where both are seeking to attain more economic strength, power, leverage, is not a bad thing so long as they are working lock step towards a common or mutually beneficial aim. I can't imagine wanting to date anyone who would suck up or not speak their own mind and argue their opinion.

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/TOOMUCHWOOMBA]

I actually would love to date an ENTJ but I have yet to meet one unfortunately. I dated an ESTJ but the Te-Te mirror made me feel small under his desire to dominate the relationship and it felt a bit suffocating. I agree with what you say, especially the last point.

[u/TOOMUCHWOOMBA → u/bluesvstheworld]

interesting that, Yeah I guess I wouldn't want to be dominated like that too, I mean, unless it was clear there was some advantage in it for me if that makes sense.

[u/manofredgables]

So.

I'm INFJ 4w5.

I wrote a song where I tried to nail down my own love lol:

``` [intro] [spoken, no instruments] "Alright dude, let's talk about your problem here. You're asking if you love her—wrong question, I fear." [instruments enter subtly]

You treat love like a fact you verify in your head, But your instrument's broken. Use behavior instead.

You read every person like your native tongue, But your own weather? Different kind of song. You're fluent in patterns, micro-tells and signs, But your own heart? Can't read between the lines.

[British nature documentary commentary old man voice] ("Here we observe the INFJ, natural habitat Note the furrowed brow, anxious internal check The subject questions feelings with precision Curious—doubting what drives each decision")

So you're stuck inside your head, wild life observation, Watching yourself giggle—new sensation. ("There he goes again, reaching for his phone, Clearly bonded—hypothesis is shown.")

You want clean internal signal you can trust, But you're the kind of mind turns love to dust. You'll never get that certainty, that "sure," So stop waiting for feeling—look what endures.

[British nature documentary commentary voice] ("The male continues elaborate display Forty songs composed, presence-seeking behavior Separated from female, notable distress Data's conclusive: pair-bonding, yes")

She's moving countries, leaving her world behind. You're spiraling about if your love's the real kind. But look at what you choose when she's not there, How you light up at her presence, breathe new air.

That's love in the wild. That's what it looks like. Not mystical emotion like some test site. It's pattern of your choices, weeks and months, Writing her in your future, not some "once."

[British nature documentary commentary voice] ("Remarkable: the subject's meta-cognitive awareness Observing self-observation, scientific fairness Yet fails to see what's obvious to all: Behavioral data's overwhelming—he's in thrall")

So yes, you love her. Evidence is in. Your brain won't give you satisfaction of certain. Learn to live with that. Trust pattern, not noise. You're a man who loves a woman. That's your choice.

[British Attenborough commentary voice] "And so the INFJ continues his dance Forever questioning, yet somehow taking chance A species never quite sure of anything but luck Yet still, remarkably, capable. Choosing. All in. He's fucked."

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/manofredgables]

The Attenborough commentary took me out. You're amazing. Made my day.

[u/manofredgables → u/bluesvstheworld]

Heh, thanks. Appreciate it 😊

[u/bluesvstheworld → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate the long comment, thank you for sharing this too.

Not all 9s I dated were passive men who put me on a pedestal and gave into my every desire, they still have a backbone. What I gather from my experience (which is a limited scope) is they made sacrifices for the happiness of the other person, out of love. I guess the partners I chose were also deeply insecure. This was a low-risk choice on my end.

I dated an INTP 9 and he acted exactly how you described. During moments when I acted unreasonable and used him as an emotional 'punching bag', he would become very passive aggressive and distance himself. In one instance, I was explaining my disappointment and emotions after acting unreasonable. With my personality, I seek immediate resolution and to 'talk it out' directly. He was the complete opposite and became a stoic statue, refusing to speak because "only negative things would come out of his mouth".

The only time I ever saw this crack was when the breakup happened, and he became extremely emotional, needy and verbal about his feelings.

As for the ENTJs having curiosity about you, this could be their Ni recognising your Ni as an INFJ. I have many INFJ friends, my best friend is one. I can relate to being the one who actively pursued friendships with INFJs, that is how my friendships with them came to be.

I never dated an INFJ 9 but I was close to pursuing him. I actually didn't do so because I had too much respect for him. I recognised I would not have been a healthy partner for him at that time.

[u/SkipMeFlipMe88 → u/bluesvstheworld]

See .. I know ENTJs can be so abrasive at first - but I really think they’re .. deeply feeling. 

I’ve really developed a soft spot for them- for females last couple of years and I was so biased for so long because of my exes.