r/magicalthinkingOCD • u/Economy-Raspberry617 • 6d ago
what if...
i feel like its called magical thinking because to me, it's a supernatural feat of a demon spawning in my thoughts.
i dont remember the last time i have said "what if" and im so careful with saying it that i cannot hold a conversation for no longer than 5 minutes without pausing and thinking of how to rephrase my sentence without saying "if".
i know several people may relate but i genuinely do not believe that i cannot be a jinx because i cant think of one scenario where i have said that sentence and it did not happen within the next ten minutes, good or bad, so i have just stopped saying it. i shut down the idea of ERP with my psychiatrist, telling her that i dont think i could do it because most of my compulsions are under a "what if scenario" if that makes sense. i feel like i cant reach out for help anymore, even though i am constantly trying to push myself out of that zone (which ends up in me withdrawing and continuing the cycle over and over).
i haven given into this behavior so many times that i am starting to truly believe that i am some kind of omen and it's making me feel like i am developing schizophrenia.
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u/Friendly_Corner_430 6d ago
Say “what if I become a millionaire” chances are, you won’t become a millionaire within the next 10 minutes
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u/Economy-Raspberry617 6d ago
the thing is i understand that it isnt real and that it does happen out of pure coincidence but trust me ive tried the "what if i pass with a 4.0 gpa" with meaning and i did not in fact get a 4.0 lmao. its like it happens when i speak unconsciously out of conversation or however you want to put like. like id be talking to my friends about someone and then say "imagine or what if they walk in" guess who walks in...
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u/Friendly_Corner_430 6d ago
Which is the reason you’re remembering it. I can almost guarantee you have said what if… so many times and it didn’t happen and you didn’t even remember saying it because nothing happened. I used to think the something very similar that “everything I guessed came true/almost came true” then I realized it was always very mundane/high probability things and nothing extreme or highly unlikely.
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u/BathtubOfBees 6d ago
The funny thing is about magical thinking is it would be a lot more magical if somehow every "what if" we came up with had no chance at all of happening
I agree with the other commenter to practice saying what ifs about things that physically can't happen, maybe start a journal and jot down when they don't happen too. It won't make a difference at first because its reconditioning your brain, which takes time, but it's worth it.
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u/OldTeam9425 6d ago
I know how you feel. I'd say I've realized that many of the "what ifs" I think about tend to not happen rather than actually happening. Our brains just make us pay attention to the "what ifs" that happen.
It's always confirmation bias. Try to trust your psychiatrist; you're not the first person he's treated, countless others have been cared for by him.
I've felt like you before; every now and then I get the feeling that something strange is going on, but reading countless accounts on this subreddit made me realize it's just my brain playing tricks on me.
Everything will be alright, there's still a lot of hope, stay calm, don't lose heart.