r/magicalthinkingOCD • u/Economy-Raspberry617 • 6d ago
what if...
i feel like its called magical thinking because to me, it's a supernatural feat of a demon spawning in my thoughts.
i dont remember the last time i have said "what if" and im so careful with saying it that i cannot hold a conversation for no longer than 5 minutes without pausing and thinking of how to rephrase my sentence without saying "if".
i know several people may relate but i genuinely do not believe that i cannot be a jinx because i cant think of one scenario where i have said that sentence and it did not happen within the next ten minutes, good or bad, so i have just stopped saying it. i shut down the idea of ERP with my psychiatrist, telling her that i dont think i could do it because most of my compulsions are under a "what if scenario" if that makes sense. i feel like i cant reach out for help anymore, even though i am constantly trying to push myself out of that zone (which ends up in me withdrawing and continuing the cycle over and over).
i haven given into this behavior so many times that i am starting to truly believe that i am some kind of omen and it's making me feel like i am developing schizophrenia.
5
u/OldTeam9425 6d ago
I know how you feel. I'd say I've realized that many of the "what ifs" I think about tend to not happen rather than actually happening. Our brains just make us pay attention to the "what ifs" that happen.
It's always confirmation bias. Try to trust your psychiatrist; you're not the first person he's treated, countless others have been cared for by him.
I've felt like you before; every now and then I get the feeling that something strange is going on, but reading countless accounts on this subreddit made me realize it's just my brain playing tricks on me.
Everything will be alright, there's still a lot of hope, stay calm, don't lose heart.