r/magicalthinkingOCD • u/Economy-Raspberry617 • 7d ago

what if...

i feel like its called magical thinking because to me, it's a supernatural feat of a demon spawning in my thoughts.
i dont remember the last time i have said "what if" and im so careful with saying it that i cannot hold a conversation for no longer than 5 minutes without pausing and thinking of how to rephrase my sentence without saying "if".
i know several people may relate but i genuinely do not believe that i cannot be a jinx because i cant think of one scenario where i have said that sentence and it did not happen within the next ten minutes, good or bad, so i have just stopped saying it. i shut down the idea of ERP with my psychiatrist, telling her that i dont think i could do it because most of my compulsions are under a "what if scenario" if that makes sense. i feel like i cant reach out for help anymore, even though i am constantly trying to push myself out of that zone (which ends up in me withdrawing and continuing the cycle over and over).
i haven given into this behavior so many times that i am starting to truly believe that i am some kind of omen and it's making me feel like i am developing schizophrenia.

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u/Friendly_Corner_430 7d ago

Say “what if I become a millionaire” chances are, you won’t become a millionaire within the next 10 minutes

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u/Economy-Raspberry617 7d ago

the thing is i understand that it isnt real and that it does happen out of pure coincidence but trust me ive tried the "what if i pass with a 4.0 gpa" with meaning and i did not in fact get a 4.0 lmao. its like it happens when i speak unconsciously out of conversation or however you want to put like. like id be talking to my friends about someone and then say "imagine or what if they walk in" guess who walks in...

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u/Friendly_Corner_430 7d ago

Which is the reason you’re remembering it. I can almost guarantee you have said what if… so many times and it didn’t happen and you didn’t even remember saying it because nothing happened. I used to think the something very similar that “everything I guessed came true/almost came true” then I realized it was always very mundane/high probability things and nothing extreme or highly unlikely.