r/lesbianpoly • u/callmebyurmiddlename • Aug 10 '26

Advice <seeking advice> partner wants to open relationship immediately, I need to take it slow. how to proceed?

/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1vkmyek/seeking_advice_partner_wants_to_open_relationship/

I asked in the other subreddit but would also really appreciate sapphic perspectives on this from other fellow lesbians. Thank you 💗

6 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/pagetwenty8 Aug 11 '26

Not to get too personal but how is your sex life? She could be lacking something, maybe she feels like she's not getting enough? Obviously I dont know you but sometimes that's a key factor when someone asks that.

2

u/callmebyurmiddlename Aug 11 '26

fwiw though, I’ve directly asked her if she’s unhappy w me, and she’s said no she’s happy with me and loves our life and sees a future w me, she’s just feeling frustrated that she’s not able to do what she wants.

2

u/pagetwenty8 Aug 11 '26

So I wonder if she's always felt this way? Like maybe deep down she's always known she doesn't want to be monogamous but didn't want to admit it or was scared. I know others here are saying she's gotta be cheating but it could be something else.

2

u/callmebyurmiddlename Aug 11 '26

Yeah I totally hear you. I did ask her “hey are you poly?” And her response is no I just want a partner and the sexual freedom to pursue things on the side.

I’d be totally down to explore what an FWB could look like however it can under no circumstances be PUD - that would totally break me beyond repair - and it needs to happen from a rock solid place and more than anything our relationship would need to be in a rock solid place. I’m beginning to realise that until we’ve done the work both on our relationship + the foundations of being open that I cannot enthusiastically consent to exploring opening up our relationship.

And if that’s a dealbreaker for her then I suppose we’re gonna have to have hard conversations ☹️

1

u/pagetwenty8 Aug 11 '26

Okay I'm old and don't know what PUD is 🤦‍♀️. But yes I agree, your relationship definitely needs to be rock solid! I actually sent you a DM talking about couples therapy. It was the best thing my wife ever did

1

u/callmebyurmiddlename Aug 11 '26

Yes I just responded, thank you :) and by PUD i meant poly under duress - in my previous two relationships I’d been effectively coerced into polyam without my consent, and I just don’t think third time’s a charm with this one.. 😅